I Know How You Feel

“Ms. Knoes!” I opened my eyes to see ugly fluorescent lights blinding me again.

A small glimmer of hope rose in me. I hoped I was back in the hospital for the seizure that they thought was from epilepsy. Sadly, when everything started to focus, the words FBI printed on the back of about thirty people were the first thing I could make out. I closed my eyes and groaned.

“I’ve got the map!” David yelled.

A crinkle of paper filled my ears and I heard the thoughts of a woman reading over the map.

“David, you know that map is useless now right?” a woman spoke sounding more upset with the fact than with David.

“As soon as you were discovered the mission was a failure,” another agent added,

“Yeah, I know that but what about the map. Isn’t there any intel we can gather from it to guess their next move?” he asked, trying hard not to sound defeated.

I groaned and slowly tried to sit up on the couch they had me on. We were in some sort of large office building. Hundreds of thoughts buzzed around in my head and I was too tired to push them all out. Two pairs of hands went to steady me and I opened my eyes again to see two agents I’d never met before and David looking put out as another agent read the map.

“Where am I?” I asked, letting the two agents sit me upright the way they saw fit. I wanted to sleep but not here. I wanted to be home. The mission was a failure. I failed. Sam almost died because of me.

“You’re at HQ in California,” David answered.

“Where’s S—?”

“Sam’s in the therapist’s office,” he said, frowning. “I think the whole chase was sort of taxing for her.”

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know, she’s not, she’s not talking. The med crew checked her out and there’s nothing physically wrong though.”

“She does that when things get rough. It’s her way of dealing with it I think.”

“They call it selective muteness. I’ll go tell White that if she hasn’t already figured it out,” on of the agents who helped me before said. It wasn’t until then did I noticed the large med kit he was holding.

“I’m fine right? Let me go see her. She’s my best friend.”

“I’m still not sure you’re good to go. Your body is exhibiting signs of severe exhaustion. You need to—“

“Let me see her,” I snapped.

And that’s how I ended up in a wheelchair being rolled into a cushy little office where a redhead woman was sitting and sipping tea with Sam doing the same. She looked calm but her color gave away deep anxiety. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and I made a weak smile. I barely had time to tell the med agent to wheel me over because she was out of her seat and in my arms hugging me with a death grip that I sadly couldn’t return even though I wanted to. I was in major need of some rest.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hugging her as tight as I could. Sam pulled away and nodded at me. Even her mind was quiet, her thoughts just whispers as if thinking too loud would make everything fall apart.

“I almost got you killed. This is all my fault,” I continued but she cover my mouth and pulled away from the hug, looking me up and down with concerned eyes.

“Who’s the one in the wheelchair?”

“I’m fine,” I said almost immediately, but I knew she could see right through it. “Okay, maybe I’m a little worn out.”

“You saved us, Olivia,” she said out loud this time, her voice scratchy and small.

“I just… I did what I had to do.”

“That basically makes you a hero.”

“If I hadn’t gotten us in this mess in the first place, maybe.”

“We all knew what we were getting into.”

“Did you really? Because the way you’re handling this tells me you didn’t,” I snapped.

Sam got quiet again, frowning. “It was a lot at once but we knew they dangerous. I’m handling this fine, okay? It was just, well, as exhausting as you look.”

I sighed and slumped in the wheelchair. “I should get some sleep I guess. Sorry, I’m just mad were didn’t really do anything accept prolong the inevitable or whatever. They’re still out there.”

“Well, we can try again right?”

“I miss my bed. I miss Nick of all people.”

“Yeah, me too. Maybe we should leave the FBI work to the adults,” Sam said, looking defeated. “They’ll let us leave right?”

“I’m sure they will, you’ve done nothing wrong,” a voice that belong to the therapist said. She smiled at me when my head snapped over to her. I knew she was there but still I was tired okay?

“I never did anything wrong,” I challenged.

“I know. We don’t agree with how the DC branch handled this situation but the higher ups call the shots,” she said, her frown believable. Even her thoughts seemed… angry but I was too tired to get a proper read on her.

“I need to sleep,” I admitted. “Is there a nice couch I can lay on somewhere?”

“We have a hotel room reserved for you and Sam nearby, my assistant already made the reservations,” the woman said, smiling once again.

“Oh, thanks Ms. White.” I tried to smile back but I could barely keep my eyes open.

“Call me Sophia. There’s a car waiting for you outside and I’ll be over to check up on both of you in the morning. Your parents will be notified after that,” she said, her mouth tightlipped again. I wondered if she’d get wrinkles doing that all day.

We said goodbye to the LA headquarters and headed down the road to a really nice hotel. Sam and I both looked at each other shocked but we both figured this was their way of apologizing.

The bed felt like heaven but I’m pretty sure concrete would have at that point.

I laid back and found myself drifting off before my head even hit the pillow.

I figured my mind would be exhausted and I wouldn’t dream but boy, was I wrong.

They were only snippets at first. A different map, the cleaning of a pistol, arguing. There was gun shots and I would wake up suddenly. I assumed they were all nightmares and talked to Sophia about it and she agreed, even having the doctors give me something to help me sleep.

Sam was ready to leave but there were issues with the Washington D.C. branch of the FBI. Sophia was frustrated each time she visited us.

“I’ve been told nearly nothing which isn’t new but you two deserve to know what’s going to happen,” she said, frowning. Sam immediately got up and left the room. I new she was going to talk to David but I had a feeling he wasn’t being told anything either.

Sophia sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Are you sleeping any better?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t wake up like I usually do but the dreams were just as bad,” I told her. “So yes and no?”

“Now you’re starting to sound like the higher ups around here. I wish I could do something more,” Sophia mumbled with a wry smile.

“Well it’s good to know at least that we have someone trying to help. Still… it’s been two days with no word,” I said, looking over at the sun going down through the parted curtains in the room. “As much as I love the view we’ve got here…”

“You want to go home.”

“Yeah. I feel like I failed and now I just need to go crawl under my rock again and go back to being a freshman or something.”

“That’s the plan but there’s complications. If I were in charge, you’d be home right now.”

I yawned, feigning sleepiness. “Yeah well, it’s whatever,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. I didn’t really want to talk anymore.

“I’ll let you get some sleep,” Sophia said, going to stand up. “I know I wasn’t there but from the files I’ve read. I don’t think you failed. You were very brave and that has to count for something.”

I tugged at my hair and shrugged again. “If you say so.”

Then she was gone, quietly closing the door behind her, her thoughts now on finding Sam.

I fell back into bed and stared at the decorative ceiling. I really felt like I failed. I tried to be a hero and messed up. At the time I really didn’t take in the fact that I’d only gotten my powers six months ago and I wasn’t a trained FBI agent just a civilian in a sting operation. Even heroes in comics got more practice than I did. Still, I wasn’t exactly feeling rational.

My mind looped around in circles trying to figure out what I could have done different, how I could have fixed it so we weren’t found out but I really couldn’t find the answer. Not only did we fail the mission but it was a failure from the start.

We wasted time. I should have known.

I threw a pillow across the room angrily and watched it flop to the ground. It remind me of this whole situation and I grumbled, pulling the blankets over myself and trying to shut out the world. I didn’t expect to sleep but eventually I did doze off, my mind finally quiet for a moment.

It was then that I had a dream, well, a nightmare really. Of the future.

I sat in the corner of a sister’s basement waiting for instruction. The elders stood in a circle under the one, sole light talking in low voices. If I listened closely, I could make out words.

“We’ve been discovered. Our map was taken. Our troops will be intercepted as soon as we go through with our plans. What are we supposed to do? We can’t fail this time,” said one of the voices in the group.

“We won’t. You think I didn’t have a plan B?” spoke another.

“Let’s have it then.”

“There’s an award ceremony happening tonight. Not many know about it but all the elitists will be there. I have someone who can get us in without suspicion. All we need to do now it cut the forces in half and double the explosives.”

“How will we leave our mark.”

“We’re going to take the place down. There were plans for this a few months ago but the elders thought the event wouldn’t be on a large enough scale. Now that we’ve lost our chance for anything better, should I contact my insider?”

A long pause and then all of them nodded their heads slowly.

“Perfect. We’ll move out in the morning. Alert the troops,” one elder said to me.

I jumped up and ran upstairs.

The nightmare then reared it’s ugly head changing to a different scene.

I was myself again, watching from the window as a pile of smoke erupted into the air. Sophia ran into the room and demanded that we leave but I couldn’t look away.

My powers honed in on the building in flames, it being close enough for me to pick up the thoughts of some of the people inside.

That’s when the screaming started. It rang loudly in my ears and I didn’t realize until someone was grabbing me that I was screaming.

Those people were in so much pain. They were dying. I could feel their last thoughts. The weight on them that could only be the remains of the building and the fading thoughts that could only be the call of death.

“We need to help them!” I screamed as I was being pulled into a car and driven even farther away from the disaster.

“We can’t, Olivia. It’s too late for us to do anything now,” Sophia said.

I jolted awake in a cold sweat, panting. It was dawn by the look of the sky. The one that would be filled with smoke by the afternoon.

I pulled on my clothes and ran down to the lobby, glad to see yet another public computer. I researched award ceremonies in the area and found an address on a gossip site. It was a long shot but the building was only about a half a mile away, easy to go and check out. I walked out of the hotel claiming I needed fresh air. (Just in case the woman at the desk got suspicious and told Sophia.) She just nodded and I walked for a few minutes before setting off into a run. I really had no idea where I was going but found a dress shop anyway.

Stealing a dress was too easy and I walked out too fast to even let myself feel guilty. Petty theft wasn’t exactly the worst of what could happen today. And I needed to change that.