I Know How You Feel

We had some options the next morning and I decided to go swimming and hang around the hotel while the others woke up early to see the sunrise and walk around downtown with parent chaperones. I wasn’t really up for anything shopping-related at the moment; the pool would help me relax. I sat down in a chair and let the sun bathe my skin. I closed my eyes and just let the noise in my head run through me. Nothing was going to disturb me. Romeo decided begrudgingly to go with the early birds so I had really nothing to do. I was finally getting my first feel of being a loner and it didn’t feel that bad.

“We are family, all my brothers, sisters and me,” a phone sang.

It took me a while to realize it was my phone. I opened one eye and saw that it was my mom. Picking it up, I pressed the talk button. I guess wasn’t alone after all.

“Hullo?”

“Hi, honey! How’s your trip so far?” my mom asked in a cheerful voice. I blinked a few times to get used to the sunlight again and sat up.

“Oh, fine. I was just relaxing by the pool. It’s really nice out today,” I said.

“I bet it is. Honey, I’ve got to tell you something,” my mom said in a serious but still happy tone.

I frowned at the fact that I couldn’t hear her thoughts over the phone.

“What is it Mom?” I asked curiously, hiding any of my annoyance.

“A few people from a boarding school for talented children came over about an hour ago and invited you to attend next year. I said we would think about it but it looks like a really nice place and since it’s only your freshman year I figured I’d pose the question of transferring to you,” she explained in a hurried voice.

“I’m not that smart Mom,” I argued.

“Honey, your report card came back and you have all A’s and being in high classes like you are, that’s pretty hard to achieve,” she reasoned.

I hesitated. All A’s; I had always wanted to do that. Now after all of the things distracting me, I didn’t realize I had all A’s. A spark of hope rose up and I thought that maybe things would get better.

“Olivia?”

“Yes, mom?”

“So what will it be? Do you want to go?” she asked.

“I don’t know. It sounds awesome. The classes this year were boring but…I don’t know. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. We can talk more about it when you get home. Oh, and honey?”

“Yes, mom?”

She took a deep breath, “Stay safe, ’kay?”

“Okay Mom. I love you,” I said.

“I love you, too,” she replied.

I hung up the phone and put it in my towel. Then, without thinking, I jumped into the pool.

After the people got back from the tour of downtown, we got ready for another concert outside of the Martin Luther King Library. I took a shower and changed really quickly. I curled my hair and put on a little bit of makeup before they called us out of our rooms and to the bus. I had butterflies in my stomach and my hands were shaky. This would be my first time singing a solo to an audience besides people at school and their families. These people I didn’t know would be watching me, judging me, and maybe even videotaping me. I couldn’t find Romeo in the crowd so I had to deal with the nerves on my own. I took deep breaths and drank water. The bus started up and I saw Romeo walk on the wrong bus. I was about to yell out the window, but the bus began to move and we headed towards the library. I hummed to myself and texted my mom

Me:

4:30 PM: im nervous

Mom:

4:33 PM: you will do great. remember your talented and a SUPERSTAR!

Me:

4:34 PM: haha thanks mom i miss you!

Mom:

4:35 PM: i miss you too baby. good luck! knock em dead.

I chuckled darkly and contemplated the possibility of that happening. After realizing how morbid that was, I snapped out of it and started humming again.

We arrived and they quickly began to set up. I spotted Romeo and called him over. He had a thoughtful look on his face as he came over. His thoughts were buzzing around in his head arrhythmically. His color seemed to be a dull grey. He walked over to me and smiled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Samantha was very rude to me,” he explained his tone grave. “She told her friends that you pull me under a spell and that you were an ugly witch with poofy hair. So I said that I was under your spell and that you were beautiful and then she bit her knuckle at me after I had told her that was an insult to me a while back.”

My face turned hot but I calmed down. I couldn’t get too angry. I thought about the reasoning for this and knew only one person at fault.

Me.

But why would she bring Romeo into it?

“He was in it all along,” the little pessimist said.

“I’m sorry Romeo. We got into a fight and she’s mad at me. I didn’t want to bring you into it but it seems like she did,” I confessed.

“It is okay,” he said solemnly. “You get ready and I will see you.”

I nodded my head and pushed the issue to the back of my mind. I had a solo to sing.

We warmed up with the band and I did my best not to look at Sam. I knew if I did, it would be a glare and I didn’t want to get into that again. As I warmed up, my nerves started to subside. We went on and first sang Empty Sky together. The crowd slowly but surely got bigger and by the time we sang Somebody to Love there were at least a hundred or more people watching. I stood up in the front of the choir and sang the solo the loudest I could. The band wasn’t as loud as they were warming up, so my voice carried pretty well. I didn’t close my eyes or imagine because, as far as I was concerned, standing in front of those people could be considered a dream.

It was an amazing feeling when they all cheered and clapped. I looked around to see even more people crowded around the library. We finished singing and the band did a few instrumental pieces before we packed up and went walking around to look at the museums. I heard Romeo’s flute before I saw his face. He played a little tune to get my attention and then smiled when I turned around placing the flute back in it’s case.

“You did magnifico!” Romeo shouted picking me up and spinning me around.

I kissed him on the cheek and said, “Grazi!”

We walked around to the museums and once we were out of sight of the teachers he grabbed my hand.

“Your voice reminded me of when I was up in heaven and the choir of angels were singing,” he said.

I blushed and smacked his arm.

“Only you would call me singing Queen angelic,” I teased.

“In truth, you were fantastic on the solo,” he said, “They say you could sing, but to hear it was an experience.” He sighed and I giggled.

“You’re silly. Haven’t you heard me sing before?” I asked trying to think of a time in the music room that I sang.

“No, not ever,” he exclaimed. And he was right. I never sang in that room. I just played Mr. Johnston’s beautiful guitars.

“You’re right,” I mumbled. “You know what? I’ll be sure to sing for you whenever you want!” I yelled out.

He smiled and stopped for a second, distracted by the window of a shop. “Oh, Yes! This is perfecto.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Oh, I see something I could get for mia madre, my mother! I’ll be back in a minute!”

My shoulders slumped and I looked around.

I was a loner once again. I decided my feet were getting tired so I started walking towards the nearest bench. I wasn’t really watching where I was going because of my exhaustion. If I had none of the following would have happened.

I heard him a split second before we slammed into each other.

“I must stay hidden. Don’t draw attention. Just a beggar on the str—“

And then our bodies connected.

My first reaction was to recoil. The man was tall and older looking with hand-stitched clothing. I could only tell because it was badly done. Maybe he did it himself.

My second reaction was to listen. His thoughts raced wildly but were firmly planted in my mind.

“And we will rid the world of all things famous from vanity and falsified beauty. For the only real beauty is in nature. Beauty does not come from products made by human hands but by the hands of God. We all in a way are beautiful but we do not in this, for there are far more important things than vanity.”

“Hollywood, where vanity is served on a silver platter. It makes me sick to see clothing and makeup defining fame. Fame is not meant for the self-absorbed, it is meant for the people who better mankind, like MLK or Rosa Parks.”

“We strike and warn the world that we are here and ready. Ready to fight for our belief.”

“Everything’s ready, go see John at the Washington Memorial.”

“No innocents will be killed. Only those who are too far along to be helped.”

I snapped out of it enough to hear the man curse at me and walk away. Those words and more still played in my head. They were all different voices. All strong and passionate. All of them sounding like they would never give up and refuse to give in until their goal was complete.

What was their goal exactly?

“Eradicate the celebrities. Death to all who stand in our way.”

They were going to kill all of my role models! Anyone whoever showed up in a Tigerbeat or People magazine was going to die. And they had a plan for it too. A well thought out plan. More so, a plot; a plot to destroy Hollywood.

They wanted all the celebrities dead and they wouldn’t stop until they were. These people were murderers. Cold blooded killers.

“We are the PAV, People Against Vanity, and this is our time. Everyone go to your stations. Godspeed.”

I felt my early dinner bubble up in my stomach. I felt like I was going to be sick.

What do I do? I thought.

What could I do?

I walked over to the bench and sat down.

I could tell somebody! Yes! Then I thought this over. I couldn’t. How would I have found out? Everyone would be asking questions. Demanding answers, and not stopping until they get them. Could I tell them? Could I tell the world about my curse?

All those people could die. And I would feel the guilty. Because I knew about it and I didn’t tell anybody.

But maybe this was my chance to make up for what I did. It was my chance to give back to the world and balance the scales. It couldn’t fix what I did but I could try and make up for it.

Those people, those Extremists, the PAV, they were bad. I decided. They couldn’t do something so violent just because it was their opinion. I hated homework but I wasn’t going to kill all the teachers in the world so that it would stop.

I walked back to the bus and waited. When we finally got moving Romeo was sitting across from me with a big bag in his hand. He seemed as tired as me. We drove back to the hotel and I spotted a public-use computer in the lobby and pounced on it once Mr. Harson let us free.

I typed for an hour. Then another one. I looked up at what I had written and grumbled to myself. I typed some more and found a map of Hollywood online. I pasted it into the document and moved on. The word count on the bottom of the screen slowly counted higher and higher but I wasn’t even halfway finished.

“Stupid keyboard!” I hissed as the computer lagged, “type faster!”

I began to type some more but my brain was way ahead of my fingers. Words began to appear on the screen without me typing them. I controlled the computer with my mind, using telekinesis to press the keys. I concentrated harder and within the hour, I had all of what I somehow absorbed from the tall, haggard man onto thirty pages. I made the font really small and managed to make it fifteen. I printed out the papers and quickly took them upstairs. I opened the door with the key card and music came out of it.

Before I could prepare myself, Sam ran into me and the papers began to fall out of my hand. I concentrated and pulled them all together with my brain before they went everywhere.

“Jesus!” Sam exclaimed.

Her eyes were wide and she walked backwards away from me. I closed the door behind me and looked at the volume on the radio. Much too high. I made a swift movement with my hand and the radio came down. I set the papers on the bed and slipped off my shoes.

“Olivia, you can’t do that!” she hissed looking around the room.

I pulled the map out from the pile of papers and placed it on top. I grabbed a pen from the nightstand and started scribbling on it.

“You need to stop lifting things like that! People could see you. It could really freak people out,” she ranted.

I smirked.

“It looks like I already freaked somebody out.” I spoke into her mind.

She gasped and stayed silent. I started to find the places where they were hiding out and the places they planned to strike. I wrote down the dates and names of the leaders of each attack. I was too into getting every detail perfect that I didn’t notice Sam walk right up to me and grab my pen.

“Olivia,” she said anger bubbling in her voice, “Talk. To. Me.”

I looked up and grabbed the pen from her. I finished the map and set the pen back down. Before I could think of where to send it, Sam was talking again.

“Olivia, I know,” she said in a low voice.

“I know about Misty.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to,” she continued, “You just weren’t in control and you didn’t know what you were doing. You didn’t kill her. You only damaged her. Maybe a life like what she has now will be good for her. I heard her parents have been trying for another kid since she was little and never got one. Now they have a baby forever.”

As Sam rambled on and on, tears began to run down my face. She didn’t understand. You pain, the guilt, the fear. This curse was taking over me and I couldn’t stop it.

“I could hurt more people. I can’t control it sometimes. My mind just stops being sensible and imagines terrible things. It’s like a monster in the back of my head telling me what to do,” I explained. My voice was raspy and dark.

Sam looked up and frowned. “The voices.”

“I feel like one of these days there actually will be voices. I already know I’m insane but what if my mind goes completely dark and I lose all my emotion? I don’t want to be insane,” I whispered.

“You’re not insane, Olivia. You’re just scared,” she said.

She was right. Fear was driving me these days. Fear of what I am and fear of what I could become.

I wiped my face. “How could I not be scared? I’m seriously all alone.”

“You did that to yourself, Olivia. You pushed everyone away. I would have left too if I didn’t see Misty at the grocery with her mom before the trip started,” she said.

“No! You don’t understand!” I yelled, “I’m the only one! I’m one of a kind.”

Sam tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“There isn’t anyone here with me explaining what is happening and why it’s happening. I wake up every day feeling weird and wonder why. I don’t have anybody I can talk to about that. I can’t talk to people about why people’s thoughts are in my head or why I can hear yours better than anybody’s. I’m just guessing. There’s no real answer, no rules. All my questions remain unanswered. I am alone!”

Her face showed understanding and her mouth formed an O. I felt myself cry harder in realization too. I was alone. No one could sympathize with me. No one had the issues I had.

“What about Criss Angel?” she asked her eyes lighting up.

“What?”

“That guy who lifts things and makes things disappear. You should go talk to him and get his take on the lifting things with your mind life,” she suggested.

I started laughing and she smiled her face turning a dark shade of pink.

“What? It was an idea!” she pouted.

“I know,” I said calming down.

“So, are we friends again?” she asked.

I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. “Sam, I really don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Come on! I wanna be there with you when you meet Criss!” she whined. I laughed again and gave her a hug.

“Friends.”

She let go of me and picked up the papers of my bed.

“Does that say…Olivia, what is this?” she asked her voice accusing.

“I ran into a guy and I heard all of that. So I typed it up,” I explained causally.

She glanced over the first page and the group’s name stood out.

“Oh, Olive, I’ve heard about these people from my stepdad. They’re real. You’ve… you’ve got to turn this in,” she said.

“To who?” I asked pulling out the covers that were tucked into my bed.

“I don’t know—Wait! That building that Margaret and I looked at. The F. B. something. She said they were huge about fighting terrorist attacks,” she started.

She got up and paced around the room.

“The FBI?” I asked, “How am I supposed to explain to them how I got this information?”

“You don’t,” she said still pacing.

“What?”

“That place has a thousand mailboxes out in the front of it. You stick the papers in one of them and leave,” she explained.

“You mean, just walk up and walk away?” I asked.

The idea sounded too simple to actually work.

“You know those tip lines on T.V.?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“It will be like that except they can’t trace your call or anything,” she said.

“So all we have to do is find a way to get to the FBI building tomorrow?”

“Yep,” she answered. “It’s that simple.”

I hopped into my bed and pulled the covers over me. Tomorrow, we would save the day.

“Olivia! Wake up!”

“Merr?”

“Come on, they’re taking an early bird tour around the place we were last night. If you hurry up we can catch the bus in time,” Sam said.

In a matter of minutes, I was up and dressed and somewhat awake. Sam had been thoughtful enough to get an envelope and put the papers in it. Before I had any sort of coherency we were on the bus and moving towards the museums. The tour-guide was rambling on about all of the history and architecture. I had to pinch myself to stay awake.

When we got off the bus, the teachers didn’t let us roam free like we had hoped. No, we had to go with the tour-guide and look at everything and hear a long-winded history about it. I looked over at Sam and decided if we went to the very back of the line and waited until we were about to enter another room, we could get away.

Sam hold back, I said in her head.

She slowed down and ended up in the back with me. Before the tour-guide could clean her glasses, we were out of that building and fast. We ran down the steps and looked for a map. After asking directions from way too many people, we made it to the FBI building. I walked up to the mailboxes and found one that still had mail in it. I stuck the envelope in that one and walked away slowly. It all seemed too easy.

“That’s it?” I asked no one in particular.

And of course, it wasn’t.