I Know How You Feel

We drove up to the school and I tried to work on tuning out my mom’s thoughts. There are some things you just don’t want to know. Not that I wouldn’t find out soon enough it’s just being in someone’s head feels like you’re invading their privacy even if that someone is my mom. I finally managed to push myself out of her mind by the time we got through the carpool line.

“Bye, Mom,” I said pushing open the door and grabbing my stuff.

“Bye, Honey, I love you.”

“I love you too Mom,” I said. I closed the door and she drove away. I relaxed and was suddenly barraged by hundreds of thoughts. Ow.

Fuck school Shit I didn’t do my homework Damn that girl is hot I only have a few more weeks to get caught up. I can’t fail this year everyone’s counting on me. Oh fuck, everyone’s count-Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Whooaa the walls are sooooo beautiful Damn hangover.

Everyone glowed with a different color that matched the feelings in their thoughts. It was like I was wearing rainbow glasses. All of it was giving me a headache.

I gritted my teeth and pushed the thoughts away. It took awhile and lots of concentration but I did it. Meanwhile, I was walking through the hallways not exactly looking where I was going.

“Hey Freshm-,” I walked right into Richard. “Jeez, walk much?” He teased.

“Sorry Rich,” I mumbled through a clenched jaw.

I wasn’t mad at him, I was just worried if I relaxed the thoughts would come pouring in again. I definitely did not want to hear Richard’s thoughts.

“Hey,” he said his tone more serious. I looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, me?” I relaxed and surprisingly the thoughts just became a murmur. I began walking through the hall again and he followed. “Yeah, I’m cool. Just a headache.”

A light pink haze was all around Richard and I couldn’t understand it. Maybe pink was… friendly? I was starting to think the color thing was going to be hard to figure out without reading people’s thoughts and feelings. Reading was such a weird word for it. It was more like listening. But then with the feeling, I could feel them but I knew they weren’t my feelings. I guess you could say I was touching their feelings. Maybe not. I still am not sure how to explain it.

I realized after about five minutes we were walking in silence but he didn’t seem to mind. Then I realized something.

“We’ve been walking five minutes and a girl hasn’t attacked you and asked if you had plans. Why’s that?”

“Oh, I told them to lay off,” he said casually.

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Maybe Richard was cleaning up a little bit. Or his mom caught him again. I figured the second one.

“Oh,” I said looking down at my feet.

The mysteriousness of the pink glow was bugging me. I stopped when I reached my classroom and walked in.

“Hey, Mr. Riddleton,” I said to him as I put down my stuff.

He was sporting a light blue hue that kind of reminded me of the ocean. Maybe calm?

“Hi Olivia,” he said. Suddenly the color turned to red. “Richard.”

I didn’t need the color to know that Mr. Riddleton hated Richard; his change in tone covered that.

“Mr. R,” Richard nodded totally ignoring—or unaware of—the hate. He sat on a desk and looked around.

“You guys doing the cooking unit?” Richard asked.

I nodded and wondered why he was hanging out with me. Usually he went to hang out with his friends and smoke before school at this abandoned grocery store across the street.

“We’re learning the recipes and kitchen safety today and we’ll cook next week,” I answered.

“Fun,” he said.

I smirked and walked out of the classroom. I walked over to the lunchroom where Sam and some of her friends from Drama were. Sam was the makeup artist. It was funny though because you’d never expect it. Sam always wore natural tones with makeup but made the whole department of Drama look like ghosts for a student play last winter.

I walked up behind her and poked her on the shoulder. Her color--I still hadn’t figured out what to call it--turned from a dull yellow to a light purple.

“You scared me,” she grumbled.

“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled.

I waited for her to ask me about last night but instead she looked over my shoulder and then looked away.

“Hey, Richard,” Sam mumbled looking at her shoes.

“Hey, Sam,” Richard replied cheerily.

I really wanted to smack him. He seriously had no idea. Hopefully Romeo would help Sam get over the arrogant, insolent, annoyance that my mother’s friend had to given birth to. I turned again and plastered on a fake smile.

“See you in Algebra II, Rich,” I said.

“Oh, okay. See ya,” he smiled. I grabbed Sam’s arm and lightly tugged her out of the library and back to my first class.

“Why was he--”

“I have no idea,” I answered before she finished. “I ran into him earlier and he just kind of followed me.”

“Oh,” Sam said, “So how did last night go?”

“Oh, my, God,” I sighed.

“What?” Sam said looking where I was looking.

“No, no, I mean, ‘Oh my God’,” I paused and changed my voice to a whisper, “I woke up this morning and I heard my mom’s thoughts. Then when I got here I heard everyone’s thoughts,” I rubbed my temples and returned to my normal voice. “Talk about a headache.”

“Wait so you can read minds too?” Sam asked.

I put my finger to my lips. “It’s not really reading it’s more like listening to their thoughts. Reading sounds like I’m reading words on their foreheads or something.”

Sam stood there with a dull look on her face and a gray color swirled around her.

“Yes, I can read minds,” I said after realizing gray meant confused.

“That’s so cool. Can you read mine now?” she asked looking straight at me.

“No, I’m tuning other people’s thoughts out,” I said forgetting to whisper. Luckily nobody was in the room that cared to listen.

“Aww, why?” Sam asked.

“Because having over two-thousand thoughts assault my brain at once is not something I really like all that much,” I groaned.

“Oh, well maybe I can come over to your house and—wait, I have a doctor’s appointment today,” she said, “Dang.”

I didn’t need telepathy to know what she was going to ask next.

“Maybe you could try just for like five minutes,” Sam asked with pleading eyes. I rolled mine and waited for the chorus of pleases.

“Come on, Olivia, it will help you practice doing whatever and I’m still not sure if I believe you,” Sam said folding her arms.

I narrowed my eyebrows. I let all the bonds go and let the thoughts pour in. It wasn’t as painful the second time but it was really loud.

Where the hell are my friends? Fuck that Move your ass The square root of a hundred is ten right? God, all these kids give me migraines why can’t they fucking cooperate. Oh I’ve got to take my homework to- WAS THAT KID STARING AT ME? Damn I could just—wait what was I saying earlier? There is no way Olivia can read minds that’s like not possible. I wonder why Richard was following her around this morning…

I found Sam’s voice and began to tune out everyone else’s thoughts but hers.

“That weird face he had on. It was like he was way too happy for his own good.”

The face appeared in Sam’s head and I started to laugh. The last time I saw that face was when I let Rich burn my Barbie dolls back in fourth grade. I’m pretty sure he lost some--if not all—of his brain cells from those fumes.

“What?” Sam asked cocking her head.

“Did his face really look like that?” I asked trying not to be too loud. The noise in my head didn’t exactly help me hear.

“Yeah,” she said frowning. It took her a few seconds for her eyes to go wide in realization. “Holy---Oh my g—just wow!” Sam stuttered.

“Maybe next time you’ll believe me?” I whispered giving her a death glare.

“Yeah, yes, definitely,” she said continuing to stutter in shock. The warning bell rang and I began to try and tune out the thoughts again. It was easier this time but I was still starting to get a headache.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” I said.

“Right,” she got up and hurried to her class.

As soon as she did I let out a breath and contemplated what I just did. Why was I so calm about this? I should have been freaking out right? But nothing was really making me get too freaked out after I understood it all. The only thing I couldn’t figure out was how and why. It was easy to not think about that though. Instead, I waited for the students to come in.

As they did the colors of each one of them distracted me. Was it possible to get those to go away to? I concentrated harder but to no avail. Instead I decided to close my eyes and put my head on my desk. Before long I found myself wondering what else I could do. Was there a book on this sort of stuff? Even if it were all fake, a book would still give me an idea. Maybe I could look in the library during my lunch break. Maybe I could even read a comic book. The last sentence made me chuckle inwardly.

“Ms. Knoes, could you please pay attention?” Mr. Riddleton grumbled.

I looked up and my face got hot. “Sorry Mr. Riddleton,” I muttered.

Class ended and on came Algebra II. I really got bored in that class. I always tended to zone out anyway but since I was solving problems so easily I probably could have slept in that class and still completed my homework. So, instead of listening to the teachers droning on and on I tried to figure out why Richard was acting so weird.

Every time I looked over at him that annoying smile appeared on his face and the pink light around him grew stronger. The feeling of wanting to punch him grew stronger. If only I knew what he was thinking, I thought. Wait, I did! I could just listen to his thoughts. I started to tune in when my math teacher called out my name.

“Olivia, Can you give me the answer?” she asked, pointing to the board.

I looked at the problem and computed it quickly in my head.

“Is it two hundred and thirty-four?” I asked, trying to sound uncertain but I knew it was right.

“Yes,” she said, smiling.

What was with teachers picking on me these days? I looked over my shoulder and saw Richard with an even bigger grin. I rolled my eyes at him and looked up front again. Boys are so weird.

Algebra ended and I was about to walk to lunch when my teacher stopped me.

“Olivia,” she called.

I turned around and waited for yet another lecture from a teacher.

“Good job today. Keep up the hard work,” she said, smiling.

My eyes went wide and I thanked her. I walked down to the arts center chuckling to myself. I never thought I’d be surprised again.

I opened the double doors of the choir room and set down my stuff. I was earlier than usual and decided to mess around on the piano while everyone was on break. After playing a few chords I realized how long it had been since I actually played it. The guitar was my primary instrument next to my voice; if you count that as an instrument. I started to play the melody of some song I heard on the radio and soon found the chords. I hummed along and started singing along until the warning bell scared me.

I looked up to see Mr. Harson and a guilty expression appeared on my face. Maybe I should just keep the thoughts on all the time because apparently if I tune it out, I tune it all out.

“Hey, Mr. Harson, Sorry I should have asked first,” I mumbled and got up.

“Did you play that by ear?” he asked, his voice tinged with amazement.

“The song? Yes, I did.”

“How long have you been playing piano?”

“About three years or so.”

“Wow. You’ve definitely got a talent in music, Ms. Knoes,” he said in complete sincerity.

“Thanks,” I said, feeling myself blush.

Mr. Harson never really gave out those kind of compliments. I really felt awesome.

“Hey girl!” Wyatt yelled across the room as other people came in the door.

“Wyatt?”

Wyatt was a bright yellow like the sun. It figures. He’s happy all the time and extremely hyper. Yellow fits him.

“Are you ready?” he whispered excitedly.

“Ready for what?” I said laughing.

“What do you mean for what? Today we’re gonna learn who got solos!” he whispered back.

“Oh.”

I couldn’t believe I forgot! Stupid thought reading thing, it’s not convenient at all.

“Or is it?”

The little devil of a thought popped into my head but I pushed it away. I could not read Mr. Harson thoughts. He’s a nice teacher. I’d never be able to look at him the same way again if I heard all sorts of dirty stuff like probably I would have with Richard if I had read his thoughts. What was with Richard anyway?

“Oh and girl, I’ve gotta tell you something,” Wyatt said his tone getting suddenly serious.

“What?”

“I think you’ve got the part. The Queen one,” he sang.

“Oh, and how do you know?”

“I saw your name on his music!” he squeaked.

My heart skipped a beat and I smiled. I actually was going to sing by myself in front of a bunch of strangers who could possibly have video cameras and I could be online singing and people from a music school like Berklee could see it and want me to do a scholarship. The thoughts ran through my head like rapid fire.

“Okay, okay,” Mr. Harson called over the increasing noise, “settle down. I’m going to take a vote now. Raise your hand if you want to do sight reading,” he paused and waited, “Ok now, raise your hand if you want me to tell you the solos parts,” he said excitedly.

Everyone raised their hand and a few of the boys cheered.

“That’s what I thought.”

He pulled a piece of paper off his podium and started reading names off. Most of the names were the talented seniors and juniors.

“For Queen, Madeline Ricci,” Mr. Harson said quickly, and my shoulders slumped.

I looked over at Wyatt and he had a look of confusion on his face. When he finished Madeline raised her hand.

“Yes Madeline?”

“I, um, didn’t try out for Somebody to Love, Mr. Harson,” she said meekly. I suddenly understood Wyatt’s confusion.

“Really?” He looked at his paper again and snapped his fingers, “You know what? I put three people on Splish Splash. I wondered why there was an extra person on the bottom. Okay, so Madeline gets Splish Splash and Queen goes to Olivia Knoes. Sorry, about the confusion guys.”

My heart skipped a beat and a big grin appeared on my face. Similar to Richard’s, except I had a logical reason that I was willing to share with everyone! If I had a color it would be even brighter yellow than Wyatt’s, especially when Mr. Harson called me up to sing my part. Though I’d get sick of the song after awhile, I’d never get sick of the solo. It was my first solo of my high school experience. And I wasn’t about to keep it a secret.

“Sam,” I yelled across the lunch line, “I got the solo!”

“Oh, cool!” she yelled back, “Wait, I thought you said he only gave it to upper class people.”

“Well, I guess I changed his mind,” I beamed.

“Awesome! I came up with the designs for our dresses and I got the fabric. You think your mom could let me use her sewing machine?” she said walking over towards me.

“I think so,” I said, grabbing a tray.

“Cool. Your dress is so pretty!”

I smiled even larger. Quickly putting food on my tray, I walked through the checkout line and told the lunch lady to have a nice day. I skipped to our table and sat down seeing Romeo waiting for Sam. I gave him a small, excited wave and sat down.

“You look very happy today. It is a nice change,” he said.

“Thanks…I guess,” I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that. His color was a light yellow.

“Well you have been very sad lately. Even Samantha say something about it,” he explained seeing that I was confused.

“Yeah, I have,” I said in a dark tone. “But things are getting better now.”

“Well, that is good. Samantha told me you and Tyler are not… together anymore. I am very sorry.”

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat and nodded; my eyes looking down to the floor. With all of this going on, I still hadn’t really talked to Tyler about what happened. I guess we were broken up. It had been a month since the incident and whenever I saw him a shot of pure adrenaline ran through me and I looked away. So talking to him wouldn’t work.

Sam walked up next to me and leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Can you read Romeo’s thoughts for me?”

“No,” I grumbled.

“Please,” she asked while taking her place next to Romeo.

“No,” I stated loudly.

“Please for me?” she whined. Romeo stood there looking out of the loop.

“Fine, but only if you shut up,” I growled.

“Thank you,” she sang in her out of tune way.

I frowned and let all the thoughts wash over me. A headache ensued worse than the one before. I quickly found Romeo’s voice but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. I quickly pushed the thoughts back behind a wall and opened my eyes. Then it hit me.

“I’m so idiotic! He’s Italian!” I thought.

I ate my food and let Sam hang in suspense. She began to talk to Romeo about her math class and I was left alone in my thoughts. That was, of course, until Wyatt came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my head.

“You sounded amazing up there. Mr. Harson definitely made the right choice,” he sang. He pulled his arms away and sat down next to me.

“And you are so amazingly biased,” I retorted.

“Hey, I’m not the only one,” he argued, “there was a bunch of people talking about you at my lunch table. That, and the fact that Mr. Harson’s hair is totally fake.”

“Yay! I’m up there with Mr. Harson’s toupe rumor!” I cheered with mock excitement.

“Will you quit bagging on yourself, Olivia? I mean seriously, you’re like a musical prodigy with a self-confidence issue,” Wyatt grumbled his color turning dull.

“Hey, it’s better than being an overconfident snob,” I said.

“Ouch,” Wyatt frowned. He got up and started to walk away.

“Wyatt, I didn’t mean you!” I called into the crowd, but Wyatt still walked on. “Ugh,” I groaned. “See you after school,” I said to Sam.

Getting up, I chased after Wyatt. We were nearly to the Arts Building by the time I caught up with him. It didn’t help that everyone was in my way.

“Wyatt!” I squeaked, trying to catch my breath.

“What Olivia?” he snapped.

“I’m sorry.” My voice was lower than intended.

“You don’t have to be sorry, okay? It’s just all your negativity is really starting to bug me. I mean you’re an amazing singer and you have a lot of talent. Why else would you be in here?” he asked.

I searched my mind for a response but couldn’t find one.

“Exactly. You’ve got talent. Your stage presence is a little on the stiff side but that’s because you don’t believe in yourself. You wanted this solo and now you got it. Now start showing the audience that you love singing. You do love singing right?” he asked.

I nodded my head but he gave an unsatisfied look.

“Yes,” I stated firmly.

“Alright. Now the next time you sing the song I want you to sing it like you’ve got confidence! Like you’re proud you got it!” he said.

“Okay, okay. I will!” I said.

“Use the gift that God gave you!” He insisted.

“I will,” I faded off and something clicked in my head.

“Alright, see you in class,” he said and walking into the arts building.

That something turned into a thought. I needed to use all my gifts. I can read minds. That’s a fact. So wouldn’t it be considered a gift? I shouldn’t feel bad or guilty about it. Maybe I wasn’t the only one. If so, I wasn’t going to find out by tuning out everyone’s thoughts. I shouldn’t pretend like it never happened and move on. This was something big. Something I couldn’t ignore. For all I know, it could go away, so I might as well use it.

I let the barriers down that I put up and walked into the Arts Building. It was weird how my head didn’t hurt now. I could still think too.

“I must be getting better,” I thought.