I am Wolf

SASHA

My eyes slowly flutter open; they feel heavy, and the sudden weight of my body being weighed down has pain searing up and down my arms. My legs are limp, but this only has my legs pushing my body up to stand with even more determination as I push up on the tips of my toes.

Where am I?

What happened?

The moment the pain in my arms feels alleviated, I groan as pins and needles explode up my arms; everything feels so heavy I feel like I’ve been drugged.

I keep hearing the constant echo of Wolf’s voice shouting in my head; it’s getting louder and louder the more alert I become.

It’s becoming so loud, in fact, and being driven by such a commanding force behind it that I’m forced to respond, even though words feel lost to me. My tongue feels too heavy even to form coherent words, so I’m lucky when I mind-link him, and it doesn’t come out all jumbled in my head as well.

“I’m here; please stop shouting.” I moan internally. My head is spinning, and every time he shouts, it feels like it will explode. I’ve never felt this out of it; what’s wrong with me?

“Sasha! Thank fuck, what the hell happened? You were just gone for hours. What’s going on? Are you alright?

Wolf’s rambling like a madman in my head; the panic in his voice has me instantly feeling nauseous when I grumble,

“Slow down, too many questions...”

Silence.

“Are you okay?” His question comes through far less chaotic and more gently this time,

“I think so,” I respond as I continue to hold myself up against my legs,

“Okay, what happened?” Again, his voice is gentler, and I know he’s doing it all for my benefit because his wolf must be going crazy inside his body.

Trying to think back from when I was in his bedroom to now, I could remember Lisbon stepping toward me and whispering something as she touched my forehead; after that, everything went dark.

“Lisbon, she touched my forehead, and everything fell into darkness...”

“Are you still in my room?”

“No,” I mumble, shaking my head,

“Can you try and explain your surroundings, baby, please? Try and tell me where you are?”

Lifting my head to the side, my eyes trail up my arm until they land on a shackle tied around my wrist.

My brows furrow when I realize I’m bound.

Okay, this isn’t good.

Turning my head to my other arm, I’m also bound there.

At least now I know why my arms had been aching.

I’m strung up and bound from pillar to post, my feet barely able to touch the ground unless I push myself up against my tippy toes.

What’s going on?

“Sasha, answer me. Can you tell me what you see?” Wolf’s voice comes through far less calming this time, having me frown as I continue to look around, but there’s nothing, just dim lights in the distance around me and then darkness.

“There’s nothing around me, a bit of light but not much; it’s dark and smells damp and moldy,” I replied in disgust as I wrinkled my nose; the smell alone made me want to be sick.

“Damp and moldy?” He repeated. “That sounds like the west wing; it’s an old abandoned part of the mine shaft. Caius said he didn’t want to do anything with that area, said it was unstable, would cost too much to fix up, and could collapse at any time. Fuck, Sasha, why are you there?”

The panic and agitation in his voice as his wolf growls through the link only have me feeling annoyed and irritable. I pull against my restraints and scoff,

“Maybe you should ask Mason,”

“Mason, why? Is she there with you?”

“No, but bringing me down here was her idea.”

“What do you mean it was her idea?” He growls irritably, and it all comes back to me; before Lisbon knocked me out with her witchy magic, she told me Mason would watch over me until the full moon.

“Lisbon thinks I need a babysitter, and Mason promised Lisbon to take good care of me.”

“Fuck. Sasha, you can’t trust Mason; she’s fucking crazy; she’s lost her mind,” He growls through the mind link, and it’s so loud that I cringe in response before rolling my eyes,

“That’s an understatement; the girl is obsessed with you, Wolf.”

“That’s exactly why you need to get out of there; I’m fucking locked up in this cage; I can’t get out to get to you. Now, is there any way you can get out?”

Raising my eyes to the shackling binding me tightly to the walls, I pull at them in annoyance when I grumble,

“No, I’m tied up. And I think I’ve been given something; my head feels strange, heavy.”

“Wolf’s bane?!” He asks as his voice comes through in a higher octave of concern than before,

“I don’t know, maybe,” I mumble,

“Why would Lisbon allow Mason to take you down there?” And I swear it feels like I’m the one meant to keep him calm at this point; it’s as if mentioning Mason’s name sent his panic levels sky-high.

“I was trying to break the stone’s hold on me, and she saw, and...”

“Sasha, I don’t want you to keep doing that; it’s not working; it’s only harming us both.”

“Well, I can’t just do nothing and sit here, waiting for her to kill us, Wolf.” I’m suddenly feeling agitated as I pull hard at my bindings, having them cut into my wrists as I grit my teeth,

“I didn’t say do nothing, but what you’re doing hurts us both.”

Swallowing back the sudden onset of tears, the lump in my throat, however, won’t die down that easily when I croak out,

“I’m so sorry, Wolf...” I don’t want to hurt him; I’m just trying to figure out a way out of this and coming up short every time.

It’s so frustrating.

Within an instant, I feel his comforting energy come through the mind link, almost like a warm blanket wrapping around me. As the first tear rolls down my cheek, I want to be in his arms, bury my face against his warm chest, and feel safe, loved, and protected like I always do around him.

“Hey-hey, baby, you have nothing to say sorry for; none of this is your fault...”

“Yes, I do, and yes, it is,” I whimper in response, “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here; you would be free, out there without any pain I’ve brought you.”

I think back to that moment at Erebus when I wanted to lead Wolf out through the back gate so he could run away and be free. Remembering how he wouldn’t leave makes the tears flow even harder.

“You should have left, Wolf, when I tried to lead you out of Erebus, you should have taken your freedom and run from me; why didn’t you? Why did you stay?”

“Sasha, meeting you was the best thing ever to me. I was nothing before we met; I was empty inside, living each day with no true purpose other than just surviving. You gave my life a purpose and true meaning, and if it wasn’t for you... I may never have found out about my parents and the pack I came from; you saved me, baby, in more ways than you could understand right now.”

Sniffing back tears, his confession only makes me want to cry more because, as much as I tried to set him free that day before at Erebus, I felt our connection the moment we walked past each other near that diner in Sitka. Maybe it was that I’m half a witch; maybe it’s something more, who knows. I know you shouldn’t be able to feel the mate bond kick in until the full moon. Still, I knew the moment I felt his energy flow through me and connect with mine that he was mine, and I had never been so happy in all my life.

“Hey, Sasha, tell me about your abilities; when did you first realize you had them?” Smirking, I furrowed my brows between more sniffs in response to his obvious method of keeping me talking to him.

“Um, I think I was two years old; why?”

“Well, tell me about that; what happened?” His voice immediately relaxes me as it draws me in; he’s calm, and that instantly calms me, too.

“Well, I levitated above the ground for a few seconds.”

“What?!” He exclaims, “Are you serious?” Smirking, I nod as a small smile creeps up at the corners of my mouth at his response,

“Don saw me; he ran off screaming to my Dad, who rushed into my room and grabbed me out of the air. He was frightened and told me never to do something like that again.”

“Was that the only time you ever did something like that?” He responds keenly interested,

“No.” I link back, “When I turned five, Don stole my favorite doll; he was just being Don; he hid it for three days and wouldn’t return it. My Dad wasn’t there. He was away on pack business; I remember getting so mad at him that this uncontrollable energy force burst through my veins like fire, and...” I gulp, the memory of that moment hurting deep in my chest.

“What happened next, Princess?” Wolf links me with concern lazed in his voice. And thinking back to that moment, I still remember it and what followed.

“Telekenesis happened,”

“Tele... what now?” He links back in confusion,

“Um, I picked him up with my mind and launched him across the air, not realizing there was a big tree in the way; it was so horrible, Wolf. I still feel sick when I think about it; he nearly died. He broke a few ribs, fractured his spleen, and cracked his skull. I remember rushing over to his body as he lay unconscious; I cried so hard, I promised him I would never use my abilities again if he lived.”

“Sasha, you were just a little girl; you didn’t do it because you wanted to hurt him,” Wolf’s voice comes through so supportive and comforting, accepting of my strange ability without judgment, that it has my chest constricting with emotions when I link back,

“It didn’t matter, least of all to my father. When he got home the next day, he discovered what had happened and Lui, my mo... I mean Don’s mother, he wasn’t exactly understanding,”

“Why did you stop short of calling her your mother?” And it shouldn’t surprise me that he picked up on that so quickly; Wolf is very observant,

“She wasn’t really my mother, so I can’t call her that,”

“She raised you, Sasha; you still get to call her your mother if you want to...”

“Everyone lied to me, Wolf. My Dad, my- Lui, I wonder if Don knew,” I cut him off as I grit my teeth angrily at feeling like such a fool believing a woman to be my mother who never was. “Have I just always been lied to my entire life? My father told me that my abilities were some genetic abnormality in me. He forbid me from using something I had been born with; he said the thing inside me was trouble and would only cause death and destruction, that’s what he called it, a thing, as if I had some disease or something,” I scoff in annoyance,

“You mean he knew exactly what you were and never told you?”

“No, he never did,” I link back, “He told me that because of my abilities, it wasn’t safe for me to venture too far from the pack house. Don came looking for me that day in Sitka when I was having lunch with you. I had a habit of sneaking away from Erebus; it used to upset my father. I guess I just got fed up with feeling so trapped in that place that I tried to break out any chance I got, if even to go and sit in that diner and have lunch like a normal person, you know.”

“Not really,” He smirks, “Normal isn’t really something our kind is accustomed to, baby, but tell me what happened after the incident with Don; what did Fenris do?”

“My Dad got Edith in; she was a wolf from another pack, I don’t know from where; he never told me, and she never told me either. Edith knew about the abilities I was battling with, so she helped me suppress them; pretty soon, I was really good at not feeling any urges for them to come to the surface at all.”

“So you never used them again until now?” Wolf asks,

“No, I got so good at suppressing my abilities that they never resurfaced. Then the accident happened, and my Dad blamed me for not using my abilities to save Lui,”

“What do you mean he blamed you?” Wolf grumbles,

“We didn’t have any of the big walls in Erebus then; it was all just open and so beautiful and free. It was my birthday, and Lui wanted me to pick little wildflowers to decorate my cake with. I was having so much fun, laughing and running around that Lui never saw the rogue come out of nowhere, he must have been watching us from the forest for a while... it happened so quickly, at first I thought he was coming to challenge the alpha, but he wasn’t there for that. I knew who he was when I looked into Caius’s eyes; I recognized him. I could never forget those eyes. I knew he was the rogue who attacked us that day and tried to take me. Lui got in the way, and he killed her.” I’ve spent eight years trying to lay the guilt I carried within me to rest, and I just couldn’t; I still can’t.

“Baby... That wasn’t your fault,” Wolf’s voice comes through supportive again, and I have to swallow hard at the lump in my throat when I link back,

“I held her against me as she choked on her own blood; I kept my eyes closed the entire time, too afraid to look at her as she died. The moment I felt her body go limp, I knew she was gone; the rogue had fled as well, and that was how my father and Don found me, clutching onto her and sobbing uncontrollably. I was covered in her blood, and it didn’t matter how many times I showered after that, how many times I scrubbed myself clean; her blood was still on my hands. At least that’s how it felt. I was the reason she died, and my father hated me for it.”

“That’s not true, Sasha,”

“Yes, it is, Wolf.” I sobbed, “My father told me he blamed me for her death; he said, what good is your ability if you couldn’t even use it to save someone we loved? That’s why I have to get this hold of the enchantment off; I have to get us out of this alive, Wolf. I can’t lose you; I don’t want to watch you die because of what I am.”

My heart felt so heavy, like it was being ripped apart, opening up and exposing a raw and gut-wrenching reality about myself I’ve lived with all my life; it seemed anyone who came into contact with me wound up dead sooner or later. And Wolf is my heart and soul; I wouldn’t survive losing him.

“You won’t lose me, princess. I promise.”

“How can you make a promise like that? How can you...”

“Because I don’t plan on breaking my promise, baby; I intend on spending a long and happy life making crazy mad love to you every day for the rest of our lives,”

A faint smile instantly lifted at the corners of my mouth when I linked back.

“I’ll be holding you to that, Wolf.”

Suddenly, the energy shifted, and I knew someone was nearby; I picked up her scent before she even came into my view, instantly breaking the mind link as my wolf began to growl through my chest as it traveled threateningly up my throat.

Mason repulsed my wolf; the moment she stepped out from the shadows, I narrowed my eyes and stared her down.

“So feisty for someone who’s all tied up now, aren’t we?” She scoffed menacingly.

“Untie these, and I’ll show you just how feisty I can be,” I growled.

“Intriguing offer,” She said, tapping her chin with her finger as she pretended to think it over. “And under normal circumstances, I would relish in kicking your ass. Killing you slowly and watching you bleed out, the life draining from your eyes as you take your last breath. But unfortunately, I don’t have time on my side, so... we’ll have to make this quick.”

Clenching my jaw, I scowled at her,

“Lisbon won’t be pleased if you kill me before the full moon.”

Letting out a sinister chuckle, she smirked,

“I could care less what that bitch wants; right now, you and she are the only ones standing in my way of getting what I want.”

“Wolf?” I grumble, raising a dubious brow at her,

“Exactly.”

“Wolf will never be with you; he sees you for what you are, a backstabbing, disloyal bitch,” I snap at her.

Sniggering, she forces a pout as her brows furrow in response,

“Yes, he’ll be pissed off for a while, but in time, I’ll help him forget all about you, just like I always do when he needs to forget about his troubles.”

“You’re delusional,” I snarl,

“Am I really? Wolf and I have history,” She sniggers,

“Yeah, and that’s all it will ever be, history,” I retort, scoffing as I roll my eyes at her. Narrowing her eyes, she snarled at me,

“You know nothing about what Wolf and I have; he was the only guy who ever treated me like I meant something.”

“And yet, you treated him like he meant nothing,” I snap at her,

“Fuck you; who do you think you are?”

“His fated mate.” I retorted; that was pretty self-explanatory.

“Oh please,” She said, rolling her eyes, “I just found out that I’m fated to Damien.”

Narrowing my eyes, I suddenly give her a questioning look,

“Your cousin?”

“Yeah, imagine that. The moon goddess really fucked up with this one, huh?” Blinking, I shrugged; when I smirked,

“Maybe you’re not really related?”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter either way because mate bond or not, I don’t want him; I want Wolf.”

“You would break a fated mate bond for someone who doesn’t even belong with you; why?”

“I love Wolf; I’ve loved him ever since I rescued him when he was just a kid, stuck in a cage and about to be shipped off as a wolf slave. I didn’t know how to tell him how I felt, so I treated him like shit, taught him how to fuck, and sent him on his way. I always thought he would come back to me, tell me to hell with how I was treating him, that he wanted me, and that he would claim me, not giving a shit whether or not I wanted him to.”

A shy grin crept up at the corners of her lips as a memory of something must have passed through her mind then,

“The first time we fucked, it was perfect. He was so innocent, only fifteen, and he didn’t know anything...”

Scoffing, I shook my head,

“And you did?” I scowled,

Narrowing her eyes, she glared at me,

“Not by choice; my mother’s boyfriends were... pigs.” I could see the disgust in her eyes as she said it, and it suddenly occurred to me that Mason had been assaulted as a young girl.

Mason, I’m so sorry...”

Her eyes instantly hardened as she snapped at me,

“Whatever, make no mistake in thinking I care about you; when you die, I win, so save you’re fucking fake pitty.”

“That’s not what I meant...” I start to say, but she cuts me off again, her eyes shooting daggers at me,

“Wolf is mine, always has been. And once you’re out of the way, he’ll realize that. He made a promise to me after the first time we were together; he said, I’ll always take care of you.” Smirking, she cocked her head as she stared at me with such malice intent, “And Wolf,” She drawled out, “Never breaks a promise.”