I am Wolf

WOLF

Everything falls silent on the drive back to the mine shaft. Sasha is in my arms, securely held against my chest, and my wolf is basically purring, a soft, gentle rumble vibrating against her body. But I can’t fully enjoy the sensation, not after what happened back there; the heavy darkness that’s blanketing this moment of happiness in shrowded hollow ecstasy cuts like a knife to my soul.

Sasha is still out cold, and I suppose I should feel relieved because once she wakes up, everything will change.

Descending into the mine shaft after we arrive back, Mason keeps giving me this weird look, but I don’t pay her any attention. I have Sasha tightly gripped in my arms, holding her soaked form to mine like a child. Her eyes are still closed, but I know she isn’t asleep; I felt the moment she woke up when I exited the truck. Besides, I’m her mate; she can’t fool me.

The moment I get to the door of my room, I freeze in my tracks, having both Caius and Mason stop a few feet short before turning and giving me a suspiciously curious look. My beast immediately stirs; he’s alert and ready to attack anyone who comes near Sasha right now. No one is taking our mate from us.

Caius smirks when he raises an amused brow in my direction but says nothing. Mason, however, decides to test the waters when she opens her big mouth,

“There’s a cage set up for her in the hole; just drop her in there.” The protective rumbling growl that reverberates through my chest at that moment suddenly has Mason stepping back in response,

“Be careful, Mason. He might take your head off. The way he’s holding on to her, you don’t want to aggravate him right now.” The smirk on Caius’s face has me wanting to smack it right off. He looks smug with himself, like he knows some big secret.

It’s impossible he would know that Sasha and I are... My jaw clenches instantly when that realization begins to manifest itself. Have I already given too much away? Has Caius already picked it up?

I’m still lost in my thoughts when Caius suddenly shifts everything on its axes; the moment he looks down at Sasha and smiles wickedly,

“She’s quite an exquisite creature, isn’t she?” Those few words instantly have the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, prickles of irritation engulfing me when I narrow my eyes at him.

“I tell you what, you keep her in your room, heck, fuck her for all I care. I’m not interested in her for that purpose, not really; I like my woman with more experience, and this little one is neither a woman yet nor experienced; her innocence, however intriguing, isn’t what I’m after; I have enough she-wolves right here to give me more than she ever could.”

My wolf involuntarily unleashes a deep growl, which instantly has Caius raise his hands in a mocking surrender when he chuckles,

“Easy, big boy, you don’t need to puff your chest out. All I’m saying is that you can do whatever you want to with her, just so long as you don’t mark her,” and his eyes suddenly take on a dangerous threat when he continues,

“Because if you do try and mark her, I’ll kill her once I get what I want from her, and I’ll make you watch as I do it slowly.” Sasha’s body tenses in my arms, and my jaw clenches when I swallow hard. I know Caius doesn’t make threats like that lightly; if he says he will do it, he will.

“You see, that privilege is mine, and mine alone... understand?” The only thing keeping me calm right now is Sasha being so close to me. My beast wants to unleash all hell on earth on his sorry ass, but I reign my wolf back when I give him one slow, stiff nod while my eyes remain pinned on his.

The moment Mason clears her throat and blows out an exasperated breath, it breaks the death glare Caius, and I are having when she mutters,

“Excuse me, but she’s our prisoner, not a guest here. She sleeps in the cage; that’s how it will be, Wolf.”

My eyes narrow on her as my muscles ripple through my body; who the fuck does she think she is to tell me how it’s going to be? The thought alone is fucking laughable,

“Try and take her from me; I fucking dare you,” I grit out as a guttural growl shudders from my chest; it’s so deep, in fact, that it even surprises me. I expect Sasha to freak out, but she’s as calm as a lamb in my arms.

My carnal growl completely takes Caius and Mason by surprise, too. The glare I’m giving Mason instantly has her bowing her head to the side in submission, just like she did before, except this time, I’m not overanalyzing why that is; screw that; if she wants to be scared of me, then good. She should be because I’ll rip her to pieces if she even tries to come between Sasha and me.

While they keep staring warily at me, my beast, on the other hand, continues growling in my head.

MATE. OURS. PROTECT. MATE!!!

And I need to get Sasha away from them before I do something stupid; pushing my wolf back, I grit my teeth when I grumble,

“She stays with me...” I demand.

The words vibrate through me in a commanding grumble. I’m glaring between both of them as I say it because I’m not asking permission to keep her with me; I’m making damn sure that both of them know that I won’t let them take Sasha from me.

Caius grips Mason’s shoulder hard, having her whip her head back to scowl at him. When he gives her a stern look,

“Mason, sweetheart. I will throw you a bone here; our boy Wolf seems to favor her. His beast seems to have become protective of my prize, so unless you want to lose a limb or your life, I suggest you back off and leave them be for tonight.” As he starts backing away and starts pulling her along with him, Mason suddenly protests when she whines,

“What do you mean he favors her? He doesn’t even know her,” but Caius lets off a low growl, instantly having her shut her mouth and going along with him.

Caius and my eyes stay gridlocked as he continues pulling her back with him; the look in his eyes has me confused. It’s as if he’s wary of me suddenly, but why?

“Remember what I said, Wolf. You don’t get to mark her unless you want to be the reason she winds up dead.” Before I can retaliate, he suddenly swings around. He disappears with Mason toward the hole, leaving me to lower my eyes at Sasha as my throat thickens.

Now that I have her, what do I do with her?

~

Her eyes are still closed, pretending to be asleep, when I gently lay her down against the soft mattress of my bed. Our clothes are damp from the heavy rain earlier; she begins shivering the second I let go of her, and I quickly turn towards my bag on the floor to grab a clean shirt. Scrumaging through what I have, the only clean shirt is a white t-shirt I haven’t worn yet; the rest of my shirts haven’t been dropped by Caius’s human maid yet.

Blowing out a slow breath, I quickly turn to face her again; I’m startled as I gasp, “Jeez,” the moment I notice her wide awake in a seated position at the edge of the bed, sniggering, I shake my head in response when I mutter,

“I was wondering how long you would pretend to be asleep.” She doesn’t respond, and my brows furrow with concern when I hand her the t-shirt in my hand,

“Here, it’s not much, but it’s at least clean and dry,” Sasha swallows a visible lump before cautiously taking it from me without making eye contact.

Her body is tense, and my wolf wants to push me to her; he wants to console her, and so do I, but I have to take this slow; she’s been through hell tonight. I can’t even begin to imagine what she must be going through.

Turning my back on her, I give her some privacy and space; this room could be more spacious, with an oversized mattress covering most of the area. Grabbing a pair of grey trainers from my bag, I pull my damp shirt over my head before dropping it and my pants to the floor; there’s nothing worse than cold, wet clothes sticking to your skin.

Shifters aren’t exactly shy about getting naked around each other; we do it so often when shifting from our human forms to our wolves and back again that there’s no point in getting all shy. As I pull my trainers up, I turn my head to get a peak at her, but she’s already changed into a white t-shirt.

Her eyes, however, are wide and jaw slack as she stares at my ass, and I can’t help as a slight grin forms at the corners of my mouth when she realizes that I’ve just caught her checking me out. Her eyes quickly dart away from me as she lowers them to the floor, trying to hide the apparent blush forming against her cheeks. I can’t help but wonder how innocent she is when I pull my trainers up to below my Adonis belt.

The thought of her checking me out without any clothes on excites me. Still, I instantly dismiss whatever thought enters my head when I lean down to gather all my wet clothes off the floor. This is not the time, not after what happened back at Erebus.

My wolf isn’t exactly making it easy right now; he wants her, and I have to forcibly push him back down when I turn towards her, closing the gap between us in one stride.

My eyes lower to the floor before her when I notice her pile of wet clothes lying there. Fuck, I swallow hard when I see her panties amongst the rest of her clothes; a sexy little white thong is peeping at me amongst her shirt and pants, and damn, that can only mean that she’s wearing absolutely nothing under that shirt.

GULP

There’s something about seeing her in my shirt that has my wolf preening with pride, even though it looks like more of a short dress on her as it hangs over her knees.

Gathering her clothes off the floor, I bundle them with mine before tossing them towards the door. Caius has a human slave who does everyone’s laundry, and I know come morning, she’ll have quietly collected it off the floor; I’m not one for slaves, but that’s one fight I don’t intend on having with Caius, especially over a human I don’t even know.

Crouching down in front of Sasha, my entire body is vibrating beneath my skin as I slowly sweep the hair out of her face, tucking it in behind her ear. The tiny sparks tingling beneath my fingertips have her stifling a small gasp, instantly telling me she feels it just as much as I do.

I give her a faint smile, but she keeps her eyes trained on the floor to stop herself from making eye contact with me, and I really wish she would look at me if just for a second, to see how sorry I am for what happened back there.

I know I need to do something. It’s clear that she’s still in deep shock, and even though shifters view death differently than humans do, we still hurt and mourn for the ones we love. I’ve never gone through it myself at an age where I would remember, but then again, I’ve been surrounded by enough death for it not to affect me the same way as it would someone like Sasha. She’s hurting, and I wish I could take it all away, turn back the clock, and stop it from happening, but I’m just a wolf; how do I fight against a curse?

“Look, Sasha...” I’m about to ask her if she’s hungry or thirsty when she narrows her eyes as they pierce mine before gritting out,

“Let me go,” My jaw clenches in response as my brows furrow when I shake my head at her,

“I can’t do that.” Her bottom lip wobbles as tears threaten behind her eyes; when she breathes,

“Why are you doing this?” My heart shudders behind my chest, the agonizing pain in her eyes slicing right through me when I murmur,

“I didn’t want to have any part in this; you have to believe that,”

“Then why won’t you let me go?” Her voice is so tiny that I can’t help but gently cup her cheek so she’ll look me in the eye when I murmur,

“Because I can’t watch you die.” Her jaw clenches when she pulls her face away and lowers her eyes again, putting up the wall between us to keep me out. She starts shivering again, and without thinking, I scoop her up in my arms, which instantly has a small gasp escaping her lips. My first instinct is to protect her; above anything else, that instinct is the most dominant right now.

Pulling back the covers with one hand, I gently lay her down in bed with her head against the pillow when I climb beside her. She immediately tenses when her head whips back as she furrows her brows in panic,

“W-what are you doing?” I still my movements, but she’s still shivering, which has my wolf on edge when I murmur,

“You’re cold, Sasha; my wolf is losing his mind because he wants to keep you warm.” Swallowing past a lump in her throat, she nods once when she mumbles,

“Only your wolf?” Trying to hide the smile creeping up against the corners of my lips, I lower myself all the way when I pull her to my chest, snaking my arms around her waist. I hold her tightly to me before pulling the gray covers right over us and nudging my nose right up against her ear when I breathe,

“Not only my wolf, me too,” and I slowly breathe her in; her scent is so incredibly intoxicating, Jasmin and Juniper berries; the combination instantly has me involuntarily going hard.

My cock is instantly as hard as stone, and I have to shift myself so I won’t poke her. But like a total dumb ass, as I do, I accidentally poke my dick against her ass, having her gasping as her entire frame stiffens, groaning; I cringe internally; real smooth, Wolf. I silently scold myself, but it’s not my fault; I mean, not really; my body is hardwired for her; it’s a natural response to having her this close.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I grumble an apology when she murmurs,

“It’s the mate bond, I get it,” relaxing into me; a soft little sigh escapes her lips as I feel the tension instantly fade between us.

Things might not be ideal right now, and come morning, the shock would have warned off and will indeed be replaced with something completely different. Still, for now, this is the closest to heaven that I’ve ever been.

~

I don’t know what time it is when I suddenly jolt up in bed at the loss of contact with my mate; my eyes dart around the room in panic as my wolf grumbles behind my ribcage. My night light is the only source of dimmed light, and I’m still trying to focus when my eyes land on her huddled up in the corner, hugging herself tightly as she whimpers softly. Her knees are drawn up to under her chin, and her faint sobs constrict my chest so severely that I can’t breathe.

Heaving and grabbing for my chest, I immediately leap out of bed; I’m in front of her in a split second as I crouch down on my knees beside her. She’s shivering as she whimpers, and it’s then that I feel everything inside of me break.

“Sasha?” I whisper her name. I want to touch her, hold her, and keep her safe, but I’m suddenly feeling wary; what if I do and she freaks out? I’m still staring at her when I feel a strange sensation creep into my chest; it feels like her loss is also my own like I’ve just lost my family through her. A sudden flood of pain and loss for a family I can’t remember hitting me like a freight train when I groan, my entire body tensing in response.

The questions slicing through me shake my chest as I try to breathe...

What had my mom been like?

Did she love me?

Did she hold me whenever I cried as a baby?

Was my dad a good man?

Was he a firm, fair, and just wolf?

Had he cared about me at all? Or was I just something he wanted to get rid of?

Fuck.

That last one hits hard, slicing through a wound I didn’t even know was so close to the surface; I’m suddenly clenching my jaw as my body tenses, my hands are fisted by my sides as my eyes tighten, and I’m trying to remember them right now, a little memory, something, anything, but I can’t. I don’t even know what they looked like, which hurts more than the thought of them abandoning me as a pup.

Tears begin welling behind my eyes, and I can’t stop them from suddenly falling; what the… It’s such a foreign concept to me to cry because I haven’t done it in a very long time. Even my beast has completely retracted into the furthest corner of my mind, and I don’t know what to do.

I’m still lost in my inner turmoil when I feel her soft, warm hand touching my face. Gasping in response, my eyes fly open, and I’m surprised by her sad green eyes looking into mine; her cheeks are drenched in tears, but the sadness in them isn’t for her own; they’re for me right when she whispers,

“I’m sorry you can’t remember them.”

A shudder instantly shoots through my chest, my brows furrowing in response as my throat thickens when I murmur,

“How did you…?” I’m about to touch her when she blinks, instantly jerking away from my touch. I want to know what she meant by what she said, but she’s in pain. I know she needs closure over what happened, a closure she won’t get until Caius pays for his crimes against her, so my question will have to wait until later.

Gulping, my chest rises and falls hard when my mind begins racing. What can I do to show her that she can trust me, that I’m on her side?

I quickly get up and go to retrieve the cell phone from my bedside, dropping to my knees again when I hold it out to her.

“Here,” I say softly, “phone whomever you need to phone.” Turning her head towards me, she frowns as she stares at the phone in confusion,

“There has to be someone from your pack that you can call to find out…” Swallowing hard, I can’t bring myself to say it because I know it will only hurt her if I do. So the moment that she narrows her eyes and grits out,

“Why would you care? Don’t all rogues normally just leave the ones they kill to rot like they’re nothing?” Blinking, my jaw goes slack as I continue staring at her when I smirk at how spot-on she is about rogues but that she knows nothing about me. Lowering my eyes to the floor, I blow out a breath when I shrug,

“Rogues do, I don’t. I also don’t kill unless there’s no other way; when your back is against a wall, and there’s no other way out but to fight for your life, then yes, I’ll kill, but I’m not like them; I have never been.”

She gives me this questioning look before finally taking the phone from me and dialing a number. She holds the device to her ear, and my heart stops beating. Am I doing the right thing by allowing her this phone? Will she tell whomever she’s phoning where she is? Not that I think she knows; she was passed out in my arms on the way here.

Two seconds later, someone on the other side picks up; I can tell it’s an older woman by the sound of her voice. Sasha immediately has tears flowing down her cheeks as the woman says hello.

Sasha begins to speak to her, but her voice breaks when she says her name. Edith. I can hear the woman crying on the other side, almost hysterical with relief to hear from Sasha. I can tell she must be close to the woman on the other side, and I wonder what relationship she has with her.

Only once the woman confirms what I had hoped for, that the pack members had already begun cleaning up the bodies, do I slowly move away to give her a moment’s privacy. But, the second I went to get up, the woman suddenly asked Sasha where she was. All panic shoots through my veins when I quickly come up next to her and firmly grip her arm as I silently shake my head at her. I don’t need to speak; my eyes are talking right now to warn her not to say anything. She cannot tell anyone from her pack where she is; Caius would kill them, too.

Sasha reluctantly nods in understanding as she grits her teeth, telling the woman that she doesn’t know where she is but that she’s safe for now and will do all she can to get out of here, no matter what she has to do.

The moment Sasha ends the call and hands me back the phone, I look over at her, and all I can see in her eyes is anger and resentment, and it is all directed straight at me.

“They’re going to bury them all come morning; they’re cleaning up all the mess and doing a full body count of everyone who died. Apparently, the rogues also killed eleven of our pack members, including a young girl called Cecile, who was only eight years old. She was a sweet and innocent little girl who didn’t need to die like that; that’s what your actions brought my pack, Wolf. They killed an innocent child amongst everything else that was taken away from me.” Her chest rises and falls heavily as she grits out those words, narrowing her eyes as her bottom lip wobbles.

I need to make this right, but how do you fix something like this? It’s impossible. I want to tell her why I couldn’t stop it from happening in the first place, that Caius is holding that maldovite stone over my head. And that I might have known about Caius’s plan to kidnap her tonight, but I had no idea he planned to kill her family and part of her pack.

I swallow back at how it sounds in my head; ‘Who am I kidding? She’ll never buy that;’ I’m just as guilty as she’s making me out to sound. Lowering my eyes to the floor, I blow out a heavy breath as I shake my head,

“I never wanted to hurt you; I only ever wanted to keep you safe from Caius and what he’s planning. I wish I could take it all away and make it all better and bring them all back for you...” Scoffing, she shakes her head as anger and frustration start erupting from her,

“Then take it all away, Wolf. Tell me this is a nightmare, that I will wake up any second. Tell me that my dad will still be alive, that Don will tease me every morning at breakfast when he steals a bagel off my plate and pulls my hair before passing some goofy remark about my outfit.” She sniffs back tears that are threatening to fall at any second before whimpering, “My dad and I had the biggest fight this morning, and you want to know what we fought about? You. I told him I wanted to be with you, my mate, the one I’m meant to be with; he told me I was crazy, that it could never work out between us, but I wouldn’t hear it because the moon goddess would never have put us together if it wasn’t right.” I instantly feel a flutter inside my stomach when I hear her say those words. But then she suddenly hammers a nail into the coffin when she grits out, “except now I can’t even look at you.”

That last part hits harder than any amount of pain I’ve ever had to endure before, like a knife through the heart, and the worst part is I deserve it all.

“Sasha...” I breathe her name, every heartbeat feeling like it’s shattering behind my chest, but she narrows her eyes when she grits out,

“It’s Sam; you can call me Sam from now on, just like everyone else.” She leaps to her feet, moving past me in a second as she marches about a foot away before abruptly stopping and fisting her hands by her sides,

“I, Sasha Anna Morrison, of the Erebus tribe, reject you….”

Instantly pulling her to the floor, I pin her down beneath me as she gasps in response; my hand sweeps over immediately to cover her mouth to stop her from saying another word when my eyes pierce hers with a raw carnal threat as a low growl reverberates through my chest,

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence because I won’t accept your rejection, not now or ever?”

Her eyes widen as she stares at me in shock; my chest is heaving as my beast sends a convulsive shiver through my entire body. There is no way that I will let her reject me, not after all we’ve just been through. I might have thought it would be better that way in the past, but not anymore, not after everything. She is mine, and I am never letting her go.

Not ever.

We stay silent like that for a few minutes as I slowly grit out in a whisper, counting backward from one hundred, hoping it will help my wolf to calm down; it always worked for me growing up, and every time shit got out of control, and luckily it still works now. By the time I’m down to seventeen, my wolf has fully calmed down. It might have taken longer than normal, but thankfully, it worked; I can’t have him shifting, not with this dog tag around my neck.

Slowly letting out a breath, I open my eyes to look into her widened ones,

“I’m going to take my hand away now, but only if you promise not to reject me, okay?”

She slowly nods, her wolf swirling with shimmers of something so spectacular behind her eyes, and only then do I remove my hand from her mouth. The moment I do, she instantly tries to push me off of her, but I quickly pin her hands above her head as our noses touch; her breathing is laboured, and so is mine; she’s a feisty little live-wire, true alpha female; I’ll give her that.

Cocking an amused brow at her, I smirk as my breath gently fans her face,

“Don’t try and alpha dominate me, Sasha, because I swear I’ll hold you like this all night.” Narrowing her eyes at me, she sneers as she clenches her jaw,

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me,” I mutter challengingly as I tilt my head slightly, my eyes remaining on hers as I wait for her to make her move. The minute I see a shimmer of her wolf swirling around with specs of gold in her eyes, I can’t help but grin, “Does that excite you, princess?”

A sudden shiver runs through her body right at that moment. I can smell her arousal as her pelvis involuntarily pushes up against me when she stifles a moan. I instantly groan as I grit my teeth; I’m as hard as marble for her, and it’s taking every bit of self-control not to rip her clothes off and claim her right here and now.

Sasha groans in frustration when she tries to push me off, but her wolf has other ideas; she wants to play, and despite the tragedy from earlier tonight, she can’t fight her wolf, not when it comes to this. She pushes her pelvis up against my hard-on again, a little whine escaping her lips at how good it feels when she bites down against her bottom lip, closing her eyes as a low vibration of her wolf pushes all the way up her throat. I grit my teeth, hissing at how painfully my cock keeps throbbing inside the restraint of my trainers when I slowly grin,

“Face it, princess, you want me just as much as I want you.” The vibration of pleasure quickly turns into a growl of frustration when she grits out,

“No- I- don’t,” drawling out the words as she pushes hard against my chest; I willingly release her this time as I roll onto my back, chuckling to myself before scrubbing a hand over my face.

I turn my head towards her at that moment, only to watch as she climbs back into bed, pulling the covers right over herself with a disgruntled huff. I can’t help but grin with amused satisfaction to myself.

As much as she wants to fight it, she can’t, and it’s only a matter of time before the pull we’re feeling right now turns her desire to be with me into molten lava inside her soul.

Buckle up, princess; you can’t fight fate.