I am Sam

I must have cried myself to sleep, the moment Noah left all I could think about was Wolf, how badly I want to break this curse that has him bound, how desperately I want to be in his arms, and feel his strong embrace wrap itself around me, while he reassures me that it is going to be alright.

But right now all I feel is insignificant, small in a world that feels like home but isn’t. I feel like the outsider here, not belonging back at Erebus, I'm the broken wolf with a witchy side, but, I don't really feel like I belong here either, so where do I belong...

With Wolf, wherever that is, that’s where I belong, I finally tell myself. Because he is my mate, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him.

What I thought would be a day, turned into a week of waiting, I was slowly starting to lose my mind. There was one day in this week where I didn’t see anyone at all, it was the day of Kris’s funeral.

I had to stay in my room, no scratch that, I was locked in my room by orders of king Ronan himself, and even though I haven't even met Ronan, the mere thought of it has me feeling apprehensive and nervous. As large as this room is, it’s starting to suffocate me, hour by the hour.

I'm pacing up and down, trying to do some exercises to keep my mind busy and my wolf from clawing to the surface, not shifting has got her incredibly edgy and irritable. Holding the picture I took of Wolf and me up after doing a set of eighty sit ups, the ache and longing to be in his arms has a lump growing by the minute.

'I miss you.' I whisper as I slowly press my lips against the picture.

Circen suddenly pushes the door wide open as she rolls in a rack of Celtic dresses, blinking twice, I’m looking from the treasure cat grin on her face, to the large volume of lacy dresses hanging on the rack, and I'm suddenly feeling really confused.

“What’s this?” I ask questioningly.

She's been coming and spending a lot of time with me this week, and when she's busy she ends up sending either Noah or Liam to check in on me, they have all been really sweet, but nothing fills the void of being separated from Wolf.

“Ronan has finally asked for you, so let’s get you freshened up and dressed to meet with our King.” She says cheerfully. Apprehension sets in again, but I do as she says, and jump up as I head for the bathroom.

After a quick shower and trying on about five different dresses, Circen suddenly smiles in approval as she gives me a once over.

"This is the one, it brings out your eyes." Looking down at the duck egg blue long sleeved Celtic medieval dress I'm wearing, I'm suddenly feeling really irritable, it's not the dress, but more the reason for wearing it.

“Why do I have to wear this just to go and speak with Ronan?”

“Well," She begins, "When you address Ronan, remember that you are addressing a King. You have to be respectful, a lady. Plus it will probably help him thinking that you are the perfect lady considering what he thinks of wolves.”

“Well, he’s not my king, and I could care less what he thinks of me.”

“That may be, but Ronan is the one standing in your way of achieving your goals, which is going into the darkened realm to find Lisbon and break the curse she has on you. So I wouldn’t exactly go in there posing an attitude, it's not going to get you what you want.”

“Suppose you have a point.” I finally sigh in defeat before turning to look at myself in the tall mirror, biting my lower lip I instantly love the dress, I just wish I didn't have to wear it for some pompous king who thinks himself incredibly important.

~

By the time we leave the room I’m dressed up and looking like some Celtic maiden, my hair cascading down my back in waves, pinned back loosely yet elegantly. As Circen had put it, a pure vision in a dress. I had retorted with the question of ′why do I have to wear a dress and you don’t?′ To which she responded with, ‘because you’re trying to impress him enough to grant you access into the darkened realm, and I’m not.’ Fair enough, I suppose, I had mumbled as I followed behind her.

It’s been a whole entire week of waiting to meet this Ronan guy, and not once have I seen nor heard from Atlas, not even in my head. He’s been completely silent, and avoiding me. I suppose I should be great full to that, but, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to the pang of hurt and disappointment in my chest every time I think about it. I guess he's been too busy with the girl he'll soon be marrying, and there it is, putting it down to the annoying mate bond that we both share, there's this brief ping of something that resembles jealousy that instantly annoys me. I'm completely lost in my thoughts when Circen suddenly stops before two very large closed doors, turning to look at me, she sighs with an encouraging smile.

“Okay, so, when you go inside. I need you to walk straight up to Ronan, and curtsy, don’t forget to smile.” Narrowing my eyes at her, my brows suddenly furrow.

“What? Are you crazy, I’m not curtsying in front of him.”

“You will if you want him to like you.”

“I don’t care if he likes me, I just want him to point me in the direction of where I can find Lisbon, that’s it.”

“Well, you’re not going to get that if you don’t at least pretend to be respectful towards him.”

“Fine.” I groan through gritted teeth, my wolf searing to the surface through my eyes.

“Oh, and don’t do that, you better control your wolf unless you want Ronan to have you killed right on the spot.”

Nodding I lower my eyes. I basically have to stop being me in front of this Ronan guy, all so he will allow me to go after Lisbon. Great.

The moment the doors open it feels like my heart is sitting in my throat, I have to force my feet to move forward, my fingers laced together, not once looking up as I slowly begin to make my way forward. I immediately notice as my eyes drift to the left, Noah and Liam standing side by side, Circen quickly going to join them. My throat suddenly feels dry the closer I get to the front of this great empty hall.

The moment I can sense him coming into view, I slowly lift my head and look straight at him, he's an oldish looking man, fairly grey, hard features. He's sitting on an ancient sculpture of a throne, of course he would be sitting on a throne, I think as I roll my eyes internally to myself and suddenly want to smirk at the irony. His stare is hard, and his face seems as cold as ice. He almost seems bored as he looks down at me, and my eyes suddenly drift over to where Atlas is seated on the right of him, he looks... different.

He’s dressed in an attire that makes him seem like a royal, I almost don't recognize him. His eyes are trained on me when he swallows hard, it’s clear he’s affected by my presence, but still, he’s completely silent in my head.

Against my better judgment, I suddenly lower myself into a curtsy, hating every moment of lowering my head to this man, but doing it in order to get his blessing so I can continue on towards this dark place everyone keeps revering to.

The moment I look up at him, I smile respectfully. His eyes are so dark and cold, hard and unmoved by my appearance, that I wonder for a moment, what was the point of the dress if he hates wolves in any case. The way he’s looking at me is more like I’m some bug he would like to squish. Great, I think to myself.

The silence stretches on for far too long, instantly making it feel even more awkward than it is, and I suddenly notice out of my peripheral vision, to the left of me is a girl, she’s standing with her arms folded across her chest, pale complexion, dressed completely in black. She’s wearing high heeled boots, a perfect body and long pencil straight white hair, my first impression is that she's dangerous, and to avoid her at all costs. But what gets me is that she’s glaring at me like she hates me, great, another raging fan of wolves I gather. To the right of her I suddenly notice the other girl, Miera, she's Noah's sister. Her jaw is tight as she stares at me, I already know she blames me for the death of her mate Kris, and I'm suddenly feeling guilty for something I had no control over.

Ronan suddenly pulls me from my own thoughts the moment he sighs,

“You look just like your mother, beautiful and graceful. And yet, you are tainted by your father, an unpredictable wild animal. I might not kill you myself, but, I most definitely will not be apposed in any way to anyone who tries.”

His words are so cold, my body instantly tensing. And as I slowly rise and look up at him, my wolf immediately shimmers behind my eyes, I quickly divert them to the floor in order to force her back down.

“So, tell me. Why exactly are you here?” Mustering up the courage I need, the only driving force that has me feeling determined is Wolf's freedom.

“I would like to ask your permission to go on towards the darkened realm.” Scoffing he gives me curious look,

“And why would I give you permission to do that exactly?” Swallowing a lump forming in my throat I respond calmly and assertively.

“I need to track down Lisbon.” His brows suddenly raise in amusement,

“Ah, Lisbon. Didn’t she try and kill you? Pity she failed. So why are you trying to track her down little wolf?” And my wolf is instantly annoyed by Ronan's taunting nature, can't say I'm exactly pleased with it myself.

“I need her to break a curse she has on me, and on my mate.”

“Your mate," He suddenly thinks it over with a smirk, "Ah yes, of course, you are fated to a wolf, how can I forget.” Narrowing his eyes at me, I can see the utter disgust in them, and I’m doing all that I can to keep my wolf calm. “Why should I care about your curse or your mate?” And I take a moment to think it over before looking back up at him and responding,

“My wolf mate is cursed because I was born half a witch, because Lisbon was somehow jealous of my birth mother. Besides him being my mate, I have a moral obligation to free him from a curse hanging over his head, a curse he doesn't deserve. And I refuse to go back without breaking that curse, I owe him this." Smirking, Ronan cocks a brow at me,

“Touching story, maybe you should try and pitch it to the Seelie Queen, she's known to be sentimental about true love, unfortunately for you, I don't give damn about true love, unless it benefits me in some way. So, do you have anything besides being a half-breed to bring to the table. What about your powers, do you even have any? I apologize, my son has decided to remain vague on your abilities." Gulping down hard, I suddenly look over at Atlas, who's giving me a hard stern stare, and I instantly feel one word explode into my head from him, "Don't!" It's a warning, and I immediately lower my eyes to the floor in silence.

Sighing, Ronan suddenly sounds incredibly bored when he speaks,

"Your mother left this realm and decided that being mated to a wolf was far more meaningful to her life than being queen. Against my orders, my son decided to save you and bring you here, he got his first in command killed because he was negligent, I wonder, should I have him thrown into the dungeons and left to rot away until the day that he dies for his disobedience?” Is he actually asking me if I think he should throw Atlas in prison, what the actual... The words leave my lips so suddenly that I don't have time to stop them from blurting out.

“No, don't do that, please. Atlas is innocent, he didn’t want me to come, I decided to come on my own, and if his second in command's death should fall blame on anyone, it should be me, not him.” And I suddenly want to kick myself for taking the blame for Kris's death, it's like my first instinct is to protect Atlas, what is wrong with me. Ronan scoffs as he suddenly turns to look at Atlas, who is now staring at me completely dumbstruck.

“Look at how quickly she defends you Atlas, one could almost overlook the fact that she's a filthy animal," Narrowing his eyes at me he clenches his jaw, "Almost." He finally sneers. I feel like I'm losing this battle, an instant panic sets in, I suddenly find myself grasping for anything in order to get him to let me go after Lisbon.

“If you grant me access," I blurt out suddenly, "I will find Lisbon, break this curse and go back home, and I promise you, I will never come back here.” The moment I say those words Atlas’s brows crease as his jaw clenches. Scoffing, Ronan sits up straight and looks me dead in the eye,

“The answer is no, I will not allow some she-wolf half breed witch to come into my realm, and request to roam around freely into the darkened realm.” My jaw suddenly drops, instant anxiety taking over, and before I can stop myself, I suddenly snap at him.

“What!? I’m not leaving here without breaking that curse.”

“You dare appose me, how dare you come in here and tell me what you will and will not do in my kingdom." Glaring fiercely down at me, I watch the sudden tick in his eye suddenly dissipate the moment he looks down, almost like he sees something in me he recognizes, and it throws me off. "You may leave while I still feel gracious enough to allow you that privelege.”

“No, I can’t leave without breaking that curse, please, Ronan, I’ve waited a whole week to see you...” But he instantly cuts me off when he booms loudly overhead.

“Kneel!”

“W-what?” I’m suddenly caught off guard by what he said, I’m staring blankly, blinking twice as my brows come together.

“Kneel before me,” Clenching my jaw, I can suddenly taste the metal tang of blood forming in my mouth. I’m biting down so hard, anything to stop myself from saying something that might result in getting myself killed.

“I said, kneel before a King, she-wolf!” Narrowing my eyes on him, my wolf suddenly begins clawing her way to the surface, it’s physically painful shoving her back, and I can no longer hide her away as she shimmers with bright golden swirls behind my eyes. I’m the daughter of an alpha, and the words leave my lips before I can even try and stop them.

“You are no king of mine.”

Staring him dead in the eye he can see my wolf and I don’t care, who does he think he is. I did nothing to deserve his wrath, so why is he treating me like dirt.

Ronan slowly rises off his throne, an infuriated twitch in his eyes as he glares down at me. “You would dare speak to me in that way?! You disobedient half-breed.” He suddenly bellows with a booming voice. I wince, but then my wolf suddenly loses it, instantly surging up to the surface. For one brief moment my attention shoots to Atlas as his eyes widen in panic, my eyes are suddenly shimmering with electric blue as he begins shaking his head vigorously at me, he quickly rises from his seat but I’m too far gone, desperation mixed with infuriated rage suddenly has me exploding into a shift. There is no gradual bones cracking and snapping into place, the transformation is instant. It happens so fast that the moment a deep growl rumbles through my chest, my wolf is suddenly standing before Ronan, snarling and growling as she bears her canines at him.

The power blue beam begins to illuminate from my fur, almost making me translucent white with a electric blue lining. I can feel the hidden power I possess and yet have come to suppress so well, suddenly snapping away at the surface like lego blocks.

Instant gasps from elsewhere in this great hall has my head snapping towards where it came from, the blond girl and Miera are staring wide eyed at me, they're jaws dropped as they take in my appearance. But my focus is instantly back on Ronan as my canines snap at him, I didn't want this, but my wolf and I are desperate, we need to break this curse one way or another.

Ronan’s eyes suddenly widen in disbelief, all logic tells me that I'm going to die at the hands of this man, but he pushed my wolf beyond her breaking point. I don’t want anything from this elitist high and mighty arrogant man, criticizing and belittling me when he doesn’t even know me.

He suddenly steps forward, blinking as his jaw drops in astonishment to something I can't place, he’s about to move towards me when Atlas suddenly leaps in front of him and towards me first, my wolf growls fiercely at Ronan and she's about to side step and lunge at him, when Atlas suddenly shouts at me in a commanding voice,

“Sasha, shift, now!” My wolf instantly whimpers and whines, stopping her advances towards Ronan as she lowers herself to the floor immediately, her head coming to rest against her front paws, her soft whines suddenly have me wanting to lose my mind. What is she doing, why is she submitting to him, he’s not her... mate. The moment that one word registers in my mind, I'm suddenly furious with him, how dare he use some sort of alpha command on me, he has no right, no right at all!

I'm instantly and involuntarily shifting back into my human form, bones cracking and realigning into place, I’m shaking as I stare up at Atlas, my fists clenched tightly by my side as I press down against my knees, I hate that Atlas has that kind of control over my wolf, over me. My body keeps shaking as tears shimmer and fall from my eyes. I’m completely naked as I glare up at him, but I don't care. I'm too pissed to care, my long dark hair cascades down over my breasts to allow me some form of dignity, but in all honestly, all I want to do right now is gouge his eyes out.

He kneels down in front of me, his eyes stern and angered when he looks into mine, I’m about to lunge at him when he suddenly grabs my wrist with one hand.

I’m instantly startled and agitated by the sudden buzz of electricity coursing through my veins where his grip tightens, it's then that I suddenly feel something metal like clamp around my wrist, my eyes instantly widen as they shoot down to look at the black metal looking thing present there, I'm about to snap at him when he suddenly grabs for my other wrist and clamps another metal looking thing around that one as well.

Gulping hard, my eyes shoot up to him in confusion, yanking my wrist free from his hold, I'm glaring fiercely at him, his own eyes piercing mine when he grumbles, “You just had to shift, you have no one else to blame for this but yourself.”

I'm wanting to spew some nasty words at him, when he suddenly reaches past me and grabs something from someone behind me, a blanket. Before I can even stop him, he’s instantly wrapping it around me. Looking up over my shoulder I suddenly see Noah standing there, he must have handed it to him. Stepping back he lowers his eyes away from me, and the moment I look back at Atlas, I notice his whole expression is strained, he's so angry, and it seems like he's only getting angrier by the second as he continues to wrap the blanket around my body for a second time.

I feel restricted as I try and pull free, the moment he scoops me up bridal style in his arms, I want to push away from him, but he holds me tightly in place against his chest, not giving me an ounce of leeway. He suddenly begins to move towards the large doors I had moments ago walked in through, and is about to walk straight past Noah when Ronan suddenly shouts for him.

“Atlas! Son.” I instantly hear his voice hitch in his throat as his entire body freezes, he’s standing dead still with his back towards Ronan as he tightens his grip around me. Clenching his jaw his brows furrow in response. “I think we have much to discuss, let Noah take her to her room, I think there are a few things about this little she-wolf you've withheld from me.” I feel the deep rise and fall of Atlas’s chest as he clenches his jaw even tighter, swallowing hard the moment Noah steps up in front of us, Atlas stares hard at him, it's like there's this reluctance to let go of me. But then he slowly let's out a deep breath he was holding before finally handing me to Noah, the moment he does, he grumbles,

“Take her to her room, and make sure she stays there.” Nodding, Noah pulls me close to his chest before giving me an apologetic look, and then, he turns on his heel with me and leaves the hall.

Noah doesn’t say a word to me the entire way to my room, not even when he lowers me down against the large bed, resting my head against the pillow I pull myself into the fetal position, soft whimpers escaping my lips as I pull the blanket right up to under my chin. I’m still shivering as I stare out in front of me, in shock about what just happened.

Any chance I had of going into the darkened realm is now completely destroyed, Ronan will probably have me killed. I still can't believe I nearly attacked him, so stupid. And Atlas, I still can't get over how he commanded me to shift back, my wolf listening to him like it was second nature for her to do so.

Noah’s still standing beside me, I almost forgot that he was even still there when his voice suddenly strains,

“Sasha, I...”

“Please, not now Noah.” I whimper as I bury my face into the blanket around my body. Sighing, I hear the moment he walks away and closes the door behind him. I immediately lift my one wrist up to inspect it, pulling at the black iron looking thing around it, I’m suddenly feeling like I’m going to have a full on outer body experience if I don’t get it off. What the hell are these anyway? And why did Atlas put them around my wrists.

I’m suddenly pulling, tugging and yanking at them aggressively, but they won’t come off, they’re slicing into my skin the more I try and pry them off my wrists, the pain suddenly making me scream out in aggravation.

The door suddenly swings wide open and Circen’s standing there, her face portraying shock and panic as I carry on yanking at the blasted things around my wrists, she suddenly rushes over to me in a split second as she grabs hold of my arms, pinning them down by my sides. My wrists a bloody and bruised mess from me yanking at them over and over again.

“Sasha, stop! You can’t do that, you’re only going to hurt yourself, they won’t come off by pulling them.” All I can do is look up at her through my tear streaked eyes,

“W-what are they?”

“They’re called wolf cuffs.” And I instantly see her grimace the moment she says it, it’s like my mind instinctively fills in the gaps she’s leaving out as my eyes widen in horror.

“Wolf cuffs!" I'm suddenly mortified when I blurt out, "It’s to stop me from shifting isn’t it, isn’t it!?” I’m almost yelling the words in her face as panic sets in, she merely takes a deep breath when she pulls away from me and sits up. Giving me a sympathetic look she nods,

“Wolf cuffs are enchanted to stop wolves from shifting,” The panic in my chest is making it hard to breathe.

“Why would you have these if wolves aren’t even aloud in your realm in the first place?” I whimper. Shrugging she sighs,

“It wasn’t always that way, there was a time when wolves and witches actually got along pretty well.” And even though this confession does irk my interest, I’m too pissed off to care, abruptly sitting up, holding the blanket around my upper half whilst running my free hand through my dishevelled long hair, I’m clenching my jaw as I take shallow breaths.

“I can’t believe Atlas would do something like this to me,” Looking up at her as fresh tears are suddenly shimmering behind my eyes, “I knew he didn’t want me to come, but to cuff me, that’s so invasive.” I’m suddenly feeling completely violated and the thought of it only keeps manifesting into raw rage as my wolf begins pushing to the surface, leaping from the bed with the blanket still in tact, I can feel the moment my wolf wants to shift. The sudden ear piercing pain that shatters through my body instantly has me dropping to the floor as I scream out in gut wrenching pain.

Circen is instantly by my side as she pulls me up into a seated position, looking into my eyes she's suddenly pleading with me.

“Sasha, don’t try and shift. Please, you have to control your wolf.” The raw pain coursing through my body slowly begins to fade the moment I force my wolf back down, all I can see in my mind is the moment Atlas clamped these cuffs against my wrists, the moment he said that I brought this on myself, and I’m suddenly screaming out in raging anger,

“I hate him, I hate Atlas!”

Circen suddenly grips my shoulders hard, her eyes piercing mine when she speaks.

“Now you listen to me, you wanna be pissed then be pissed, but Atlas just saved your life. You shifted and growled at Ronan, you nearly attacked him. He could have had you killed for that on the spot. If Atlas didn’t trap your wolf, things could have turned out a lot worse.”

I’m shaking with rage, I’m so angry that I'm hardly listening to her.

“Take them off, take them off!” I’m suddenly pleading through tear streaked eyes, but Circen merely shakes her head, her brows pressing together apologetically.

“I can’t, only Atlas can do that. He put them on, I can’t take them off, I’m sorry.” Lowering her eyes she slowly sighs as she let’s go of my shoulders, “Atlas should have cuffed you the moment you came through that portal.” My eyes suddenly fly up to her in horror and disbelief, “Just hear me out,” She says holding her hands up apologetically, “Why didn’t you tell me that you have a white wolf?” Her question throws me a bit as my brows furrow, but I don’t respond.

Circen lowers her hands in her lap when she continues, "You have a white wolf, the rarest beast in existence, and you are a spirit element, the daughter of Yana, the rightful Queen of Aeonian. I don't know if Ronan will even allow you to leave now."

Suddenly looking into her eyes, tears are swimming behind mine as my breathing becomes labored, I’m suddenly feeling an overwhelming desperation as I croak out,

“Please help me go back home, Circen, please help me go back to Wolf.” The sympathy in her eyes as her brows knit together tells me what I already know, she can’t help me, I’m stuck here now, all because I shifted into my wolf.