I am Sam

SASHA

We’ve been walking for what feels like hours, and we haven’t seen nor heard anything yet; it’s like there’s nothing in this wilderness besides dead trees, swampy streams and stale suffocating air. There isn’t a breath of wind, and the silence is starting to drive me insane.

Asher suddenly stops and clears his throat, having both Atlas and I turn to face him in confusion,

“What’s up?” Atlas asks him questioningly,

“I think we should set up camp here and wait it out,” Furrowing my brows, I look over at Atlas in confusion,

“Wait, what out exactly?”

“I know this part of the Unseelie wilderness quite well, and just beyond this section is a place where the mud goblins like to roam,”

“Mud goblins?” I ask him dubiously,

“Yes, they’re flesh-eating monsters who live in the swamps beyond this point; I just think it will be safer if we wait it out a few days before continuing,”

“A few days!?” I suddenly squeak, “We can’t sit around here for a few days; that’s insane. We’ll...” But Atlas abruptly cuts me off as he turns to look me in the eyes with a raised brow,

“Your heat, Sasha.” I’m suddenly blinking back in surprise until it hits me; it’s the full moon, in less than two days. I’m suddenly feeling so stupid for not thinking about this sooner. My eyes fly back up to look at Atlas as worry and concern have my breathing escalating,

“What am I meant to do? We’re in the middle of nowhere; I can’t go into heat here; we must keep going. Hopefully, we make it to...” But Asher is the one who cuts me off this time,

“Have you completely lost your mind? If you go into heat while we’re travelling past the mud goblins, it will be an utter and colossal fuck up.” I’m suddenly blinking back as I look from Asher to Atlas,

“So what are you saying? What are you suggesting we do exactly?” Atlas scrubs a hand over his face as he sighs,

“Look, I know that the moment you go into heat, you’re going to start acting crazy,” Narrowing my eyes on him, I swallow down hard,

“Is that what you think, that I act crazy?”

“Ah, come on, Sasha, you know you do,” And I can’t argue with him; I know it’s true, but it still sucks having to hear him say it like that because it’s not something I can stop, not unless I give into the heat, only then will it stop. My animalistic side completely takes over, and I can only imagine it will continue getting worse.

Atlas notices that his words got to me and immediately steps over to me, wrapping his arms around me; he hugs me tightly to his chest and sighs,

“Okay, maybe using the term crazy is a bit harsh, but you have to agree that roaming around in heat is dangerous, not only to you but to us as well; it will draw attention if you start screaming and losing control. So we’re going to do the only thing we can do in this situation; I’m going to tie you to this big old tree behind you until your heat is over.” My eyes widen as I pull away from his hug; spinning around, I’m staring at the scariest looking dead tree behind me I have ever seen,

“This tree? No way, Atlas, I’m not being tied to a tree like some...”

“Wild animal,” Asher says cocking a brow at me, “Sorry to have to tell you this, but when your heat kicks in, that’s exactly what you’ll turn into.” Rolling my eyes at him, I’m suddenly feeling beyond annoyed; of all the times to have to go through this, now is the absolute worst time, and I won’t lie, it scares me.

“It’s a full moon, Sasha; like it or not, you can’t go running around the Unseelie wilderness in heat. I’m tying you to that tree and engulfing us in a force field, and that’s it.” Atlas says as a matter of fact, and by the look in his eyes, I can see there’s no negotiating with him.

We don’t waste any time collecting some wood, branches, twigs, or whatever we can find to make a small bonfire. It’s starting to get dark, and the thought alone of wandering around this place when night falls is a horrifying one, the dead tree we’ll be spending our time with; however terrifying in itself, is at least some shelter against what might be out there tonight.

Atlas quickly gets to work at starting a bonfire; we’re keeping it small, just enough so we’re not plunged into complete darkness, something about a bonfire helps to keep the aspirations up.

“So the full moon is in less than two days; what do you suggest we do while we sit around waiting?” I’m looking between Atlas and Asher as I ask the question because, let’s face it, two days of sitting around waiting for a full moon will drive me to the brink of madness.

“Do you still have that map I gave you?” Asher asks me curiously, nodding. I quickly lean down and scrummage through the backpack Atlas and I are sharing; it’s got supplies like food and water in it, a good thing I guess,

“Here,” I quickly answer him as I pull it out and hold it up to him.

“Do you have a marker pen?” He asks cocking a hopeful smile. Digging inside the backpack, I suddenly discover two marker pens, one red and one blue; holding them up, I immediately give Atlas a questioning look,

“You have marker pens inside your bag; why exactly?” Smirking, Atlas shakes his head,

“You have a map, it just made sense to have them, and I suppose lucky for you, I thought ahead, huh?” Giving me a cheeky wink, he continues with the bonfire; and I can't help smirking as I roll my eyes at him. Holding the marker pens out to Asher, he takes them from me as he stands beside me; opening the map, he quickly plonks down on the ground, and I do the same as I watch him intently.

“You see here,” He says, making a red X on the map. I furrow my brows as I concentrate. “Well, this is where we are now; this is where we’re going,” He says, tracing a line with his finger until he stops and holds his finger in place. “This is called the hidden, it’s most likely where Lisbon is hiding, now for us to get there, we have to go through the desert swamplands, the only thing is, this whole area is crawling with mud monsters, they’re not very bright, and we’ll easily be able to get past them if we're quiet, but it will take us a few days, maybe even a week providing we don’t run into any other monsters.” Nodding, my brows furrow even more when he says a week.

Looking up at me, Asher’s jaw clenches, “Sasha, we can’t take you through these swamplands in heat; it’s too dangerous; we have to wait it out until you are ready to travel.” I’m suddenly so pissed off with Aslan for keeping me drugged up on Seelie tea in his room, I mean, if we had been able to go through here almost a month ago, it would have been fine, but now I’m stuck here because of my impending heat. Great.

Taking another look at the map, I notice a blue X on the riverside on the map,

“What’s this?” I ask Asher as I look up at him,

“This is the route Aslan and the others will most likely take, and it’s going to take them even longer to get to us this way; you don’t quite understand how big the witch's realm is, do you?”

“I’m starting to get the picture,” I mumble irritably. Smirking, Asher shakes his head jokingly at me,

“Well, if we continue with our route, we’ll have gotten to the hidden and broken the curse Lisbon has on your mate, Wolf, way before Aslan even gets to us,” Giving me a wink, I can’t help but smile at Asher, he’s such an optimistic guy given everything he’s been through.

“Well, here we go,” Atlas says as he dusts his hands before getting up to stand, and the fire he’s made looks like a work of art; it’s impressive. The crackling flames have us all turning to face its heat; given where we are, this fire is the only thing giving us hope right now as we sit in silence, just watching the flames licking at the night air.

Turning his head in my direction, Atlas notices that I’m shivering, furrowing his brows; he immediately pulls me beside him as he wraps his arms around me.

“You’re shivering, Sasha.” And it’s not because I’m cold; shifters don’t feel the cold like normal humans do. I think it’s just more to do with the fact that I’m feeling anxious and scared, but I won’t tell Atlas or Asher that the closer we get to Lisbon, the more anxious I’m feeling, it's not that I'm scared of facing her her; I’m quite looking forward to that, I’m afraid of being this close, the anxieties of breaking that curse, and to finally get home to Wolf is suddenly getting to me, we’re so close, I can’t mess up by being stupid and taking unnecessary chances, and if that means waiting it out here for two or three days until my heat is over, then so be it.

Wolf is too important for me to mess this up.

~

“We’re running low on wood for tonight,” Atlas says as he considers five little branches resting against the ground beside the bonfire. It’s been two days, and we’re all tired and over waiting it out, but tonight is the night of the full moon and why we’ve been stuck here.

“Should I go gather some more wood?” Asher says, already getting up from his spot beside me, and I instantly miss his body heat beside me; he’s a wolf like me, his body is super warm like mine, and the Unseelie desert is really cold today, which makes no sense; usually, a desert is hot right, but not this one, is barren and cold. Asher says it’s because the witch’s realm will be going into winter soon, and apparently the winters here reach well bellow zero degrees.

Atlas turns to face Asher as he shakes his head at him,

“Nah, man, you stay with Sasha; you went yesterday, I won’t be long, and when I get back, we’ll place these shackles around Sasha’s wrists and tie her to that tree,” Lifting a pair of metal shackles from his backpack, Atlas gives me a sympathetic look. I swallow hard when I look down, a knot forming inside my stomach, the moment he drops the bonds down to the ground beside Asher, he sighs,

"We'll get through this, Sasha." Nodding I swallow hard, "And besides, it's still a while before the full moon anyway," And Asher nonchalantly looks up at the sky and nods,

“Yeah, we still have plenty of time before nightfall, at least three hours.” Nodding, Atlas smiles sympathetically as he looks over at me again, it's like he doesn't want to leave my side when I'm looking down like this,

“It’s going to be alright, I’ll be right here, Sasha; and we’re completely prepared for it this time.” Nodding, my jaw clenches, but I can’t help feeling anxious for tonight; I remember all too well how badly it hurts when I go into heat, it’s a pain that rips through your very soul, and you would rather die than have to go through it.

Atlas has been gone for about ten minutes; Asher and I are sitting facing the bonfire when he suddenly turns to face me,

“You scared for tonight or finding Lisbon?” I suddenly blink back as I turn to look at him,

“Scared; who says I’m scared?” Scoffing, Asher shakes his head as he looks back out at the flames,

“Still think you can keep stuff from me, huh? We’re both wolves, remember? I can smell it off you.” Shaking my head, I smirk at him,

“Yeah, I’m a bit scared of both, actually,” Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, he squeezes me tightly to his side.

“Hey, everything will be fine; as long as we avoid Malvessa, everything will be just fine.” Smirking, I give him a sideways look,

“She’s that bad, huh?”

“Bad doesn’t even come close,” He mumbles, and I immediately feel his entire body tense in response, “She has a son and a daughter; her son must be twenty years old now; his name is Perseus, and he’s almost as bad as Malvessa, they’re both sadistic and twisted in ways that I guess I just hope we can steer clear of,”

“But don’t we need to find Malvessa to break your curse as well?” Scoffing, Asher furrows his brows at me,

“We’re not here to break my curse, Sasha; we’re here to break Wolf’s curse, remember.”

“Yes, but...”

“No, no buts,” He cuts me off, “I don’t want you anywhere near Malvessa,” And I can sense how tense he suddenly is. The mention of Malvessa isn’t something he wants to talk about, that much is clear.

Another fifteen minutes go by in silence when I turn my face towards him; suddenly curious about something he mentioned.

“You mentioned a daughter,” Turning his head towards me, his brows furrow,

“Huh?”

“Malvessa, you said something about a daughter?“Swallowing hard, he sighs,

“Yeah, Vanya, she’s around our age. I’ve met her once before, out here in the swamp lands actually,”

“Is she evil like her mother?” Sighing, Asher shakes his head,

“No, not evil, but troubled.”

“Troubled, how?” I ask suspiciously,

“About two months ago, I was traveling through the Unseelie desert, and I suddenly noticed a beautiful girl sitting near the edge of the swamp water, long dark hair and the most captivating blue eyes; but she was just aimlessly throwing pebbles into the murky water, and when I stopped and asked her what she was doing, she said she was calling the mud monsters. I asked her why she was calling them, wasn’t she scared that they would kill her and eat her, and her answer to me was, ‘I wasn’t born with such luck on my side.’ It was like she was hoping that they would come out of that water and kill her.” Looking up at me; Asher shrugged, “The sadness in her eyes, it was suffocating, and so I left, for some unknown reason, looking into her eyes made me feel like doing it for her,”

“What do you mean doing it for her?”

“You know, helping her end her own life because that was clearly what she was toying with out there.”

“Do you think the mud monsters, you know, killed her?” Shrugging, Asher sighed,

“I don’t know; I didn’t stick around to find out.” We both sit like that for a bit longer when suddenly a strange shiver runs down my spine, the hairs at the end of my skin sticking up as it begins to feel all prickly. A short gasp has the sensation of heat suddenly crawling up my body, from the core of my soul to my neck, where Wolf’s mark is.

A shudder instantly has me touching where his mark is with a gulp as I instinctively push my thighs together, the sudden friction has me gulping again, and it’s then that it dawns on me, my heat, but how, it’s too early.

“Asher, um, I think I need you to put the shackles on my wrists,” My voice sounds raspy as I try and swallow, but my throat feels so dry. “Asher,” I breathe out in desperation, but he doesn’t respond, and I’m suddenly turning my head to look at him when I gasp back with another shudder.

Asher’s dark eyes are boring into mine; his breath is shallow as he pants and doesn’t look like himself. My brows furrow as I wet my lips,

“Asher, you need to help me put these shackles on, please.” And a groan suddenly escapes my lips when I feel a sharp pain shoot through my stomach, and it happens so quickly that I don’t have time to react. Asher’s up in a split second, pulling me along with him; he’s holding me by my wrist and holding the shackles with his other hand.

He’s just standing like that, panting deeply as he clenches his jaw, his dark eyes on mine as his entire body trembles,

“Sasha, I, um... I,” But it’s like he can’t think straight,

“Asher, let go of my wrist; you’re hurting me,” I wince as I pull against his hold, but he’s holding on incredibly tightly. Looking down at the shackles in his one hand, he then looks over at his grip on my wrist before looking back up at me, and I can see the panic on his face,

“I can’t; my wolf won’t let me.” The moment he says that an even sharper pain jolts through my body, having me cry out as Asher instantly shoves me up against the trunk of the large tree behind me with an ‘Oof’ escaping my lips.

His forehead is pushed up against mine; his breathing is deep and heavy between panting,

“Sasha, you need to fight me, fucking use your magic, please,” He pleads with a deep groan as his breathing picks up. Nodding, another shudder runs through my body as everything gets hotter; why didn’t we think of this? Asher is a wolf; he would react when my heat kicked in.

Before I’m able to conjure up an enchantment to block him and create a forcefield around myself, another sharp pain has me crying out, tears welling up in my eyes in response to the excruciating pain slashing through my body, and a deep growl reverberates through Asher’s chest the moment he loses all self-control.

His lips crush against mine so hard that the impact instantly bruises my own, the pain of my heat engulfing me by the second. His grip is so tight around me that I wince, but instead of wanting him to stop, it’s like my body suddenly wants him to do more than grip me tightly as I reluctantly push my pelvis up against his already hard on.

Another deep growl rumbles up his throat as he firmly grips my heat through the fabric of my leggings. I want to scold him, scream at him to stop rubbing my heated core when I realise he’s not moving his hand; I’m the one riding his hand like a nymphomaniac. Moaning and whining as the friction becomes scorching hot between my legs, it feels so good that it's almost impossible to stop.

He suddenly grips me by my throat as he stares into my eyes with such intensity that my entire body shudders with a raw fear of what he might do. The black voids of his eyes have a scorching red swirling fire in them, and as much as his animalistic nature wants to claim me, he’s fighting it; I know it when he grumbles, "I’m so sorry,” And I feel the tears suddenly spill over the rims of my eyes, because neither one of us want this, but we can’t stop it either.

ATLAS

I instantly drop the pile of branches and twigs I was carrying to the ground; the moment my attention lands on Asher, my eyes widen, and my jaw drops in response. He’s got Sasha pinned up against the tree trunk, his hands wrapped around her throat. It’s then that I realise in horror; she’s gone into heat earlier than expected, and Asher’s a wolf, so obviously, fuck, how could I have been so stupid not to think about this earlier.

“Asher! Get you’re fucking hands off, my sister!” I bellow out, suddenly bolting towards them both; it’s instinctive the moment I grip him hard around the back of his neck and yank him back, him falling back and toppling right over before getting right back up at lightning speed. I’m facing Asher, staring hard at him as I block his path to Sasha. “Asher, don’t do this, man, just control your wolf,” Growling at me, he bares his teeth at me, his hands out to the side of his body clawed and ready to attack me at any moment, “Asher!” I shout at him and don’t want to fight him, but I also know that this is precisely why Ultima’s are so terrifying; once that animalistic urge takes over, it’s like they flip a switch from a regular wolf to a warrior from hell.

Before I even know what’s happening, he’s already lunged at me; like a lightning demon, he’s incredibly fast as he pins me down against the ground and starts pounding at my face. I’m blocking my face, but it doesn’t matter, he still seems to connect with the side of my face, and every pounding feels like I’m being hit by fucking truck. There’s a reason Ultima’s are called the Spartans of wolves; his growls are fierce and deep, and he’s fighting to kill for the right to mate; that much is clear.

The moment my ear is ringing and blood is pooling in my mouth, I suddenly focus all my energy, hating myself for what I’m about to do to him. It’s like static electricity arking through my body the moment it explodes out of me; immediately electrocuting him, he shoots back through the air with a loud grunt before hitting the ground; and I waste no time snapping a forcefield around myself and Sasha.

Asher lunges at us but is immediately met with the barrier of my forcefield. Groaning as I painfully come to stand, I suddenly notice out of my peripheral vision as Sasha starts moving toward Asher. "No!" I shout out as I grip her within an instant, and the moment she cries out in pain from her heat, I grab for the shackles lying on the ground in front of me.

I snap them into place as my eyes stay trained on hers; all the while, Asher is carrying on like a wild animal possessed by a demon on the other side of the shield. Looking into Sasha’s eyes as I bind the shackles around a thick branch of the tree, it’s like she’s not even there; it’s just pure adrenaline and wild animalistic lust present as she stares back at me, panting hard as sweat droplets pour down her face like she’s just had a goddam shower.

“Please, please,” She begs and pleads, and I narrow my eyes on her as I wipe away at the blood against my face, “Please make it stop, please, Atlas,” She’s suddenly sobbing hard before crying out, which only has Asher going ballistic on the other side of the forcefield.

"I would help you right now, but my fucking head is pounding like crazy; so if you don't mind dearest sister of mine, I need a few minutes."

I know there’s no point in talking her down; she’s not going to make any sense from here on out; she’ll ask me to make it stop, to end her life, anything to get rid of the pain. Right now, I need a fucking moment, so I quickly gag her to muffle her screams before turning away and sitting beside my backpack.

Pulling a pair of headphones and my phone from my bag, I slide the headphones on over my ears as I begin flicking through tunes on my phone; my head is still pounding from Asher’s assault.

Between Sasha’s muffled screams behind me, Asher’s carnal growls and attacks against my forcefield in front of me; my pounding head and now swollen left eye; I merely flop back down against the ground and click play with a satisfying sigh; allowing the heavy metal music I downloaded from Caleb after Sasha's last heat, to instantly drown out the screams and growls as I close my eyes for just a moment.

Fuck my life.