Chapter 11
The judge asked him to summarize everything he had just said and he ended up requesting for custody of all the kids because according to him I was not capable of taking care of them.
The case was adjourned, we were to return four months later for the judgment. I was thinking since he wanted full custody of the kids he would show up to see them but he never did, Elias was unbelievable and I just couldn’t understand why in the first place he was asking for them.
I used this time to explain to the kids what was happening, the elder ones could make out that we were never going to be the same but I needed them to know what exactly was happening, a divorce was coming up and the issue of splitting kids so I felt I owed them that much.
Even when I talked to them, I put something in mind - the kids loved him so much and he spoiled them rotten. And each time I tried to say something he would always say I was jealous of his progress.
The girls I was so sure would rather be with him than me, in our years of marriage they would run to our bedroom in the morning and jump on our bed just to be close to him. The relationship he had with them was so beautiful I would never want to take that away from them.
My sons on the other hand were a totally different story, they told me to my face that they would always have my back no matter the situation. I didn’t have to worry so much about them because I knew they would always have their brains before any emotions. They were always drawn to me and not him, the science there I still don’t know.
So I explained the situation and told them to choose what makes them happy, if they all wanted to be with their father I would respect their decision but if they ever needed me - they should never hesitate to tell me.
On the day of judgment the court asked the kids who they would stay with, my girls said they wanted to stay with their father and despite being heartbroken I couldn’t take that away from them. In the depth of my heart I was convinced that their decision didn’t make me any less of a mother, I told them that my house was always open for them at any time they wanted and their decision I would always respect.
The boys surprisingly chose to stay with me, I mean I wouldn’t have given them a choice either way because those were mine no matter what. And so he was given full custody of the girls whilst I got visitation rights and full custody of the boys.
We were told to sell the matrimonial home and split the money, he was told to give me half of all the household goods he had carried after leaving the house. I was given four flats whilst the four he had changed names and put in the kids’ names so the court did not touch those. He got one block of flats and was ordered to pay school fees and child support and on top of that I was to get divorce settlement. He gave me the deeds to the house right there in court.
We left the courtroom and he dragged the girls with him, I never even got to say good bye but at that moment I didn’t want to cause any scene because I was just glad that it was all over.
After a week he sent his house help with Hope my eldest to get all their clothes (the girls), he had the audacity to tell my child that I was disrespectful and jealous of his progress and that is why things couldn’t work out between us. He further told her that he was willing to take me back if I forfeited all the properties that the court had given me by appending my signature. In response I just told her to say when she grew older she would understand better, I wasn’t going to start saying bad about him - it was bad enough that they were going to grow up with a badly raised man for a father.
I went to see mum afterwards, I felt I needed an explanation as to why she had stuck in a bad marriage.
‘I didn’t know how to handle the situation, back in the days we women were never protected like how you are now. We had to endure staying in a bad marriage because of how society was going to view us, also because none of our mothers had ever walked away from their homes so we couldn’t shame them.’
She went on to tell me that she was proud of me, that she wished she had the same courage I had maybe then she would have made better and well informed decisions.
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I have started working out and my body is not only getting leaner but stronger too, life with the boys is amazing and we have this peace that can’t be taken away. The girls visit on holidays and I am just glad that they no longer have to witness all the abuse.
I have forgiven Elias, I had to not just for him but for my peace of mind too and to be honest I have never been this happy in my whole life. If anything I am totally in awe of what peace can do to one’s life.
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Your Friend and Author
Winnie