How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You (Aurora Skye Book 1)

‘Victims’ skin turned dark grey. Their lymph nodes swelled — sometimes to the size of an egg, sometimes to the size of an apple. Then the swollen lymph glands would burst!’

Jeffrey Clark yelled the last word, making everyone in Mr Bannerman’s Tuesday morning history class jump. It was oral-presentation day and out of all the medieval topics Jeffrey could have chosen, he’d decided upon the Black Death.

‘Dead littered the streets — in doorways, on stairwells. No-one, not even priests, went near the hideous carcasses.’

Everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Even Mr Bannerman was grimacing slightly. I tried to ignore my increasing nausea as Jeffrey went into detail about the three forms of the plague.

‘The septicaemic form had close to a hundred per cent fatality rate. It attacked the blood system and meant a horrendously painful death within twenty-four hours.’

I took several deep breaths. I was not going to be sick in history class. It was time to distract myself. I looked at Mr Bannerman, who was looking wide-eyed at the slides Jeffrey was showing of modern-day plague victims in Africa. There was no way he’d notice a quiet whisper.

‘I can’t believe Jelena used my idea to get Alex and Scott involved in Much Ado About Nothing,’ I whispered to Cassie, checking to see that Scott couldn’t hear me. He too was transfixed by Jeffrey’s slides.

‘I know,’ Cassie whispered back.

‘And all she said when I questioned her about it was, “It’s the end result that matters, Aurora. You were busy with Hayden —”’

Hayden turned around in response to his name. I waved my hand in a this-doesn’t-concern-you motion. He mouthed ‘Sure’ and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively before reluctantly turning to face the front again. Seemed he was seeking distraction from Jeffrey’s presentation too.

I continued my conversation with Cassie. ‘So Jelena reckoned she had to take matters in her own hands before the opportunity passed us by.’ I took a breath. ‘Then she acted like I didn’t want the best for you and her.’

‘According to Boccaccio, “Victims often ate lunch with their friends and ate dinner with their ancestors in Paradise,”’ Jeffrey quoted.

Did he have to pay so much attention to detail?

‘You know me,’ I said to Cassie, distancing myself from Jeffrey’s world of disease, ‘I’m not one to hold an unnecessary grudge. What’s important is that we’re all involved in the production. Including Alex and Scott.’ I said the last sentence as quietly as possible.

‘He hasn’t looked at me since class started,’ Cassie whispered.

‘Cass, it’s hardly a romantic atmosphere in here.’

Jeffrey was handing out photocopies of an artist’s version of the Black Death — which depicted hundreds of skeletons running amok in a village and greedily snatching up souls.

‘We really need codenames for said romantic interests,’ I mused.

Cassie’s eyes were twinkling. She smothered a giggle and wrote something down on a scrap of notebook paper. She passed it to me and I unfolded it eagerly.

DB — Dimple Boy (or Dimple Babe).

We burst out into giggles, which we quickly muffled.

‘By the time the bubonic plague ended, one third of Europe’s population had died,’ Jeffrey finished with a flourish.

There was a stunned silence from his audience.

‘Great job, Jeffrey,’ Mr Bannerman stuttered. ‘Very … ah, well researched. Aurora, you’re up! Our second-last presentation today!’

Mr Bannerman looked relieved. Jeffrey’s presentation had obviously taken its toll.

I gathered my notes and strode to the front of the room. I regard oral presentations as great practice for when I’m a wildly successful author and have to go on book tours.

‘Good morning, everyone! Today I’m going to discuss courtly love.’

‘Courtney Love? Isn’t she that angry chick who throws microphone stands into crowds? Wrong time, Aurora. This is medieval history,’ Jeffrey butted in.

I took a deep breath. My job was to bring knowledge to the ignorant. Like Moses, descending from the mountain with the Ten Commandments. I had to be patient.

‘Courtly love was a system of admiration and courtship during the Middle Ages,’ I read off my index cards. ‘Just like we have rules for dating, like the timing of a post-date text, people in the Middle Ages had particular rules when it came to expressing their interest in someone. Courtly love was mostly practised by the aristocracy —’

‘Aristawhatnow?’ Jeffrey asked.

‘Noble lords and ladies,’ I explained. ‘According to courtly love, a knight,’ I pointed to a picture (props are key when educating the ignorant), ‘would form an affection for a worthy lady. This lady was often unavailable — either married to someone else or of a higher status.’

‘So it was unrequited love?’ Hayden asked.

‘Well, it was unrequited in that it was usually impossible for the man to marry the woman he loved. In medieval times, people didn’t marry for love, but for political or territorial gain,’ I replied. ‘So in order to explore the idea of love, a man would practise courtly love.’

I’d been quite disappointed to find out the truth about medieval marriages. Just think, in a time when you had a chance to marry a real prince, you couldn’t say yes without considering all the respective parties and their concerns.

‘The knight would woo the lady according to the rules of courtly love.’ I pointed to a picture of a knight bowing to a lady. ‘He would write her love poems and songs, give her flowers and gifts, and perform ceremonial gestures indicating his regard for her.’

‘Bring on courtly love!’ cried Emma Grant.

All the girls in the room let out a cheer. ‘Courtly love! Courtly love!’ they chanted.

Ooh! I was starting a movement!

‘Oh man. What are they going to expect us to do now?’ a male voice moaned.

‘Yeah, this courtly love stuff sounds like too much effort,’ another guy complained.

I craned my neck to see which two guys had spoken. They were so not future dating candidates.

‘One of the main principles of courtly love was that a lady would inspire a man to do great deeds to prove he was worthy,’ I continued. ‘A knight might conquer a country, climb a mountain or suffer intense pain, all the time hoping to win the lady’s favour.’

The girls in the class sighed. What woman wouldn’t want to know that a man would do anything for her?

I passed out a sheet of paper listing the rules of courtly love, reading a few choice statements to my audience.

‘Boys do not love until the age of maturity.’

‘Yeah! Like thirty!’ Emma piped up.

‘Like never!’ Kate Hanson cried.

‘Mr Bannerman, Aurora’s presentation is sexist,’ Jeffrey complained.

‘Someone not secure enough in his masculinity to handle a little criticism?’ Kate quipped.

‘Looking for signs of love, ladies?’ I asked. ‘It’s all here. A lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved. When a lover catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.’

‘It’s palpitating, it’s palpitating!’ Jeffrey cried, clutching his chest.

Kate rolled her eyes. ‘Your heart palpitates at the sight of any female.’

‘And remember, everyone, a true lover does not desire to embrace anyone but his beloved,’ I said. ‘So figure out who you love, consult the courtly love rules of conduct, then go for it. The possibility of living happily ever after is available to you all, even in our modern times!’ I finished triumphantly. You should always end a speech with a motivational statement.

My audience broke out in applause, several of the female contingent whistling in approval. I sat down and Cassie gave me a high five.

‘Okay. Last up … Mr Hayden Paris!’ Mr Bannerman sounded cheerful again. My presentation had obviously lifted his mood.

‘Ready for an even better talk on courtly love?’ Hayden whispered to me as he got up out of his seat.

I looked up in horror. ‘You wouldn’t dare. You know I claimed that topic.’

‘Watch me,’ he said calmly.

I shot Cassie an outraged look. ‘He can’t do this!’ I hissed.

‘Morning, everyone.’ Hayden smiled his infuriatingly perfect smile.

All the girls straightened up. Some people shamefully treated oral-presentation lessons as a perving opportunity.

‘I’m actually going to be discussing a topic very similar to Aurora’s.’

Everyone whistled.

‘Did you do the courtly love research together?’ Jeffrey asked in a singsong voice.

‘Ooh!’ the room chorused.

‘All research was conducted separately!’ I cried, half-standing. Cassie tugged at my arm, pulling me back down.

Hayden just smiled again. ‘I’ll be discussing medieval knights and the code of chivalry.’

‘Lucky for you,’ I muttered, and sat there with folded arms as Hayden went through the stages required to become a knight.

‘Knights began their training at an early age. At seven years old, a boy might be sent to a neighbouring kingdom to become a page. They were instructed on courtesy, cleanliness, religion and other vital concerns by the women of the castle. A page became a squire at age fourteen. When a squire was of age — usually between eighteen and twenty-one — he was made a knight. This involved a night of prayer in a church before swearing to uphold the chivalric code,’ Hayden explained. ‘He pledged to fight against injustice,’ he wrote the words on the board, ‘and vowed to treat everyone with kindness, act with honour, respect women and assist the weak and defenceless whenever he could. He had to be truthful and modest —’

‘Looks like Hayden would’ve missed out on knighthood then,’ I murmured to Cassie.

‘Aurora.’ Mr Bannerman shook his finger at me lightheartedly.

Hayden used the projector to display the weaponry used by knights.

‘Lethal!’ Travis yelled, pointing at a disturbingly sharp-looking axe.

Jeffrey made swishing noises as he swung the imaginary axe. Ethan James, sitting next to him, pretended to be hit and fell dramatically across his desk, making choking noises. You can’t fight evolution. Centuries of going to battle and wielding weaponry still survives in men’s cellular memory today. No wonder they’re always so restless in class. All that excess testosterone that used to be expelled by slicing into someone’s skull is now processed by playing Xbox games and firing up a barbecue.

Hayden strolled over to one of the storage cupboards and drew out a long silver sword. ‘I thought I’d bring this in to show you all. It’s a model of a thirteenth-century sword used by English knights.’

He ran his finger up the flat of the shining blade. The girls all gasped.

Travis leapt up from his seat. ‘Man! You’ve got to let me see that.’

The guys all started clambering over each other to get a better look. The girls stared at Hayden like a real medieval knight had manifested before them. Great. In one short moment, Hayden had blown my presentation completely out of the water. My only hope was that Mr Bannerman would value my great research over Hayden’s blatant use of a prop. I looked over at him. Mr Bannerman held the sword in his hand, looking as awed as a young boy.

Hayden was swamped by willing sword handlers for the next ten minutes. I was hardly impressed. Throughout my childhood I’d seen Hayden in his backyard wielding imaginary swords. So now he had a real one. Big deal. It wasn’t like he’d defended a lady’s honour with it or anything.

Mr Bannerman finally managed to gain control over the class. ‘Great job, everyone. Especially you, Aurora.’

I smiled graciously. Obviously Mr Bannerman realised that all Hayden Paris had done was show off a boy toy.

‘And you, Hayden,’ he added. ‘You two definitely would have known how to treat each other right in a medieval court. Early mark, everyone.’

Mr Bannerman’s statement was met with cheers.

If I was in a medieval court, I would have arranged for a dragon to go after Hayden Paris a long time ago.

‘The nerve!’ I cried.

Cassie and I stood at our lockers, picking up our books for the next class. Photos of Snookums and Bebe adorned the inside of my locker. Snookums’s photo was particularly cute — he was wearing a Santa hat. I smiled, thinking of how many times he’d knocked it off in protest during the photo shoot. Sometimes I suspect he’s against the holiday season. Every year he hisses when we bring in the Christmas tree.

‘The nerve of what?’ Cassie asked as she pulled out her cooking folder.

‘If you’re talking about nerves, let me tell you, mine are frazzled,’ Sara said as she and Lindsay came out of the advanced mathematics room next door to the lockers. ‘Mr McKay was wearing tartan pants.’ She clapped a hand to her forehead in horror. ‘I understand pride in a Highland heritage, but those pants are too much. The red and green checks made me dizzy every time I looked at him.’

‘The nerve!’ I repeated before everyone totally forgot my original statement.

‘The nerve of what?’ Cassie said again. I was having a déjà vu moment.

‘The nerve of Hayden Paris!’ I cried. ‘Did you see that smile on his face when history class finished?’

‘Aurora, he was probably just happy that his presentation went well. You know how he loves to get good marks,’ Cassie said, applying pink lip gloss.

‘Believe me, it was not an I’m-happy-about-my-scholastic-achievements smile,’ I said. ‘I know Hayden’s smiles. It was his Ha!-I’ve-foiled-you-again-Aurora! grin. Similar to his I’m-laughing-at-your-dating-disaster smirk, only with more of an upwards tilt of his chin.’ I jutted my chin up to demonstrate.

‘Doesn’t the fact that you know the minute details of Hayden Paris’s smiles tell you something?’ Cassie said as the four of us started walking towards our respective classes.

‘Huh?’

Lindsay’s mobile went off. She pulled out the baby-blue phone and looked at the identity of the caller. ‘It’s Tyler.’ Her voice was several tones higher than normal.

We all stopped, listening to the ringtone: LeAnn Rimes’s ‘How Do I Live’. It was so not single-girl friendly. Lindsay had to change it.

‘What should I do?’ she asked.

‘Not answer,’ I said firmly.

‘Not answer?’ Lindsay squeaked, looking from us to the phone and back at us again.

‘I’ll answer,’ Sara said. ‘Give him a verbal battering.’

‘I can do that myself,’ Lindsay said, her finger paused above the answer button.

‘No-one is answering!’ I cried. I grabbed the phone out of Lindsay’s hand. It suddenly went silent.

Sara had a mischievous look on her face. ‘Maybe we should have answered and hung up.’

The mobile started up again.

Sara grabbed for it. ‘Verbal battering coming up!’

I held the phone above my head. It was times like these that I was glad of my statuesque height.

‘Hayden was right,’ Cassie said. ‘Tyler’s already lonely and it’s only been four days.’

Lindsay looked hopeful.

‘Lindsay, if you talk to him now, you’ll just be all flustered,’ I said. ‘What you want is cool rationality. Tyler broke up with you, out of the blue, with no real explanation. You can’t let him treat you like that and then take him back straight away.’

‘True,’ Lindsay said.

‘Plus, how do you know he’s just not calling to ask for his things back?’ I said as the phone finally went quiet. ‘That would be really embarrassing, thinking he can’t live without you and then discovering what he can’t live without is his rugby jersey. You deserve more than a phone call.’

I pushed a few buttons on the phone, making Tyler’s display come up as: Mean guy who broke up with you without a good reason.

‘That’s why you shouldn’t pick up at all this week,’ I added.

‘What?’ all three of them cried.

‘When you’re not picking up, Tyler will start wondering, “Hmm. What’s Lindsay up to? Is she seeing another guy? Oh my god. She’s seeing another guy! No!”’ I said the last word like I was in an action movie and had discovered a bomb with a lit fuse.

‘Okay. Your plan sounds good so far. Tyler’s dying of curiosity. What next?’ Sara asked.

‘He realises that he has to talk to Lindsay face to face. Face to face meaning in front of all of us so we can read his body language and determine his true objective. We’ll prep Lindsay to deliver the perfect response.’ I gave Lindsay a critical look. ‘So, can I trust you not to answer?’

‘You can trust me,’ she said, in the most assured voice I’d heard from her post-break-up.

‘I’m holding you to that. And change that ringtone!’ I yelled after her as I headed off to biology.