DRAMA NOVEL ONLINE How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You: Chapter 12
When I got home, I did what I always do when I feel angry and frustrated. I began vacuuming with a fury. When I entered the lounge with the droning machine, Snookums and Bebe, who had been curled up together on the sofa, leapt up looking put out. Snookums let out a warlike yowl. For some reason he views the vacuum cleaner as his mortal enemy. If you turn your back on him, he’ll pounce on it. Once he even managed to prise it open (my cats are so intelligent that I’m convinced they should be allowed to join Mensa) and shredded the vacuum bag.
Bebe started her exercise regime, which involves running at lightning speed from the lounge to the kitchen, then skidding out of control when she reaches the Italian floor tiles.
Between these two habits, it’s no wonder that I worry about my cats being intellectually deprived. Like teenage delinquents, they’re turning to potentially dangerous activities out of boredom.
I felt guilt press down on my chest like an anvil. With all the stress of my audition and getting the role of Beatrice, I’d totally forgotten my aim to make Snookums’s and Bebe’s lives more fulfilling.
For Ms DeForest to act so meanly towards me today, I must be falling behind on the Wheel of Karma. Starting now, I was going to focus on do-good activities and return to my religious quest.
I ran through the various religions I could choose from as I cleaned underneath the couch cushions. Maybe I should consider taking up Hinduism? It was a religion with a multiplicity of gods; I could pick the best ones — like when you pick and mix your own chocolates at the sweet store. Did that sound sacrilegious?
I tried to remember the little I knew about Hinduism as I hoovered the rug and Snookums glared at the vacuum cleaner from behind one of the thick cream curtains. There were some downsides. I didn’t live anywhere near the Ganges River, for example, which, according to legend, was supposed to liberate Hindu followers from the cycle of death and rebirth. And the NAD would probably consider India a bit too far to direct his agency from. This was more difficult than I’d thought.
Christianity? I’d get to keep celebrating Christmas and Easter. And Bible stories were some of the best tales around.
‘Aurora?’ The NAD popped his head round the corner, yelling above the roar of the vacuum.
‘Dad! How come you’re home so early?’
I dropped the vacuum and Snookums saw his opportunity. His eyes gleamed as he pounced on his enemy.
‘Snookums! No!’ I yanked the vacuum away and Snookums’s paws swiped thin air.
‘I was wondering if you could help me?’ the NAD asked.
‘Sure thing!’ I yelled, as I pushed the off button on the vacuum and pulled it out of Snookums’s line of sight. ‘What with?’
‘I’m having dinner with someone tonight,’ Dad explained as I followed him upstairs to his room.
I knew his odd behaviour the other morning had meant he was hiding something.
‘Yes, I have a date,’ he admitted. ‘And I need some help in choosing what to wear.’ He gestured at the fifteen or so shirts thrown over his bed. ‘We’re going to La Bella Donna.’
I tapped my finger against my chin, like Sherlock Holmes thoughtfully surveying a crime scene. ‘So you want something smart, but not too dressy. Something that reflects the artiness of the restaurant. And, most importantly, something that says, “My outside is great, but my inside is even more interesting.”’
‘One shirt’s going to say all that?’ Dad looked even more frightened at making a choice.
‘That’s the magic of fashion.’ I pulled out a shirt. ‘There! Perfect!’
‘Alright.’ Dad still looked slightly wary.
‘Don’t forget to compliment her on her outfit,’ I instructed. ‘Girls love that. And pull her chair out for her —’
‘Aurora! I have dated before!’
‘And don’t order spaghetti! No-one can pull that off till at least the sixth date —’
Dad pushed me out the door. ‘I’ll never get to do all that if you keep stalling me.’
‘Use hair gel!’ I called through the door.
This was so exciting! Who knew what kind of cool lady the NAD could end up with? A new woman was exactly what he needed to heal the scars of the divorce. Look at how things were turning around already! I bet it had something to do with my new-found dedication to my religious quest.
I started vacuuming the hall and reviewing religions again. Perhaps I should consider Buddhism: we were already living in a minimalist way in this house, plus the NAD had recently purchased a Buddha. Perhaps sharing a religion would give us more bonding time.
I only just heard the doorbell chiming over the roar of the vacuum. I pushed the off button again and shouted, ‘I’ll get it!’
‘No, I’ll get it!’ I heard Dad yell from upstairs.
No way was I going to let him pause in his grooming ritual. I ran for the door.
I threw it open with a beaming smile. ‘Welcom—’
The word died in my throat. Ms DeForest was standing on our front steps.
I blinked. Maybe my imagination had got so vivid that I was seeing visions, like Brutus in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. I stared more closely. It was definitely Ms DeForest. That was her abundance of brown ringlets. Her sharp green eyes and narrow nose. Her mouth was a fine line as she stared back at me. A waft of sandalwood blew in on the breeze.
What was she doing here? Had she decided that I was so spiritually barren I needed extra help?
Her gaze shifted to a spot behind me.
‘Dana! You’re early!’
I turned around to see the NAD, his face still covered in shaving cream. How did he know her first name?
Oh my god. I bet she’d called Dad to complain about my behaviour in class. And now she’d come to have some parent–teacher meeting with him. Except didn’t parent– teacher meetings only happen at school?
I looked back at Ms DeForest. Who came for a parent– teacher meeting dressed in a royal-purple velvet mini-dress and a heavy pink quartz choker?
‘You look beautiful,’ the NAD said. ‘I love your dress.’
My eyes flashed wildly between him and Ms DeForest. Why was my dad giving compliments before a parent– teacher meeting? Was he trying to sweeten her up?
‘Thank you, Kenneth.’ Ms DeForest gave him a smooth smile.
Wait a minute. I took in the NAD’s appreciative gaze and the truth hit me like a wrecker’s ball. I felt my insides crumbling. There was no parent–teacher meeting. Ms DeForest was the NAD’s date!
My brain let out a scream. And he was using my tips on her!
‘Aurora, I’d like to introduce you to Dana DeForest. Dana, this is my daughter, Aurora.’
Right at that moment, a flying marmalade bundle leapt at Ms DeForest’s velvet dress. She let out a shriek and started batting at it.
‘Get it away!’
She was trying to kill Snookums!
The NAD and I both raced forward, and he prised Snookums’s claws from the thick material.
‘Aurora! Take Snookums upstairs right now!’
The part of the NAD’s face that wasn’t covered in shaving cream was flushed as he passed Snookums to me. Ms DeForest’s eyes were snapping angrily.
Thank god for an escape route. I pounded up the stairs.
Dad’s voice floated up after me. ‘I’m so sorry. Animals — who can explain them? Just give me thirty seconds to get this stuff off my face and we’ll get out of here.’
Snookums was more than just an animal. He was an advanced, intelligent being who just happened to wear a fur coat. Look at how he’d pounced on Ms DeForest. He never did that to anything he didn’t consider an enemy.
‘Snookums! Are you okay, my baby?’
Snookums let out a pitiful meow. His kitty heart was probably pounding with confusion at what had just happened. I walked over to my window seat with him cradled in my arms like a baby.
‘Aurora?’ The NAD’s voice echoed from the front hall. ‘Dana and I are leaving now. I’ll be back around eleven.’
The front door slammed, and the lights of what I assumed to be Ms DeForest’s car switched on and headed down the driveway.
This situation was truly pessimal: i.e. maximally bad. Ms DeForest, my most hated teacher, was dating Dad! How had this happened? Where had they met?
This was just like Cinderella. A girl living alone with her loving father until a new woman came into the picture. I started seeing a vision of myself sitting in the cinders, wearing tie-dyed rags. Where was my Prince? Not that I expected him to save me, but at least he would be a willing ear to listen to my sorrows.
My bedside phone trilled. It was him! I leapt onto my bed and snatched up the receiver.
‘Hello?’ I put on my most intriguing voice.
‘Aurora. Thank goodness you’re there!’
‘Cass! What’s wrong?’
I tried not to sound disappointed that she wasn’t Prince Charming.
‘Everything.’ Her voice was a moan.
‘Everything?’
‘Well, not everything, but everything related to DB.’
‘Weren’t you going to work on some designs together?’ I asked. ‘How could everything go wrong with that? Is he really bad at painting or something?’
‘No! He’s amazing.’
‘So what’s the problem?’
‘Everything!’ she said again.
I’d never heard her sound so melodramatic.
‘Start at the beginning,’ I told her.
‘Well, it started out great. We sat outside on a bench under the trees. Scott bought me a hot chocolate from the canteen —’
‘Considerate.’
‘Then he pulled out his designs — which make Leonardo da Vinci look like an amateur — and asked me what I thought.’
‘What did you say?’
‘All I could do was give one-word answers. It’s like I undergo verbal paralysis when I’m around him. Then I went to pick up my hot chocolate and accidentally knocked it over his designs!’
‘Oh, Cass!’ My pain over Ms DeForest was totally forgotten. ‘What did he say?’
‘Well, we both tried to mop up the mess with our napkins but the designs were covered in brown streaks. He told me not to worry about it but I felt terrible. Then, because half the designs were ruined, Scott said that we should probably reschedule our meeting for Monday, once he’d redone the sketches.’
‘Hey, he still wants to meet with you,’ I said in my brightest voice.
Cassie let out a sigh. ‘We’re assigned together. We have to meet up. Who knows what I’ll do next time? What if I accidentally set fire to the backstage scenery or something?’
‘Why would you be working with fire?’
‘He’s so perfect! He’d have to be crazy to fall for a verbally stunted, accident-prone girl. Have you seen how many girls are after him? I don’t stand a chance!’
‘Cass! Stop with the negativity! You’re looking at this totally the wrong way. Instead of agonising over whether you’re right for him, you should be trying to determine if he’s right for you. Now’s the time to suss out his Prince Potential. You should be asking him questions.’
‘Scott,’ Cassie’s voice was dreamy, ‘do you think I’m cute?’
‘Not those kinds of questions!’ I shrieked.
Snookums looked at me askance, probably wondering what all the drama was about.
‘Questions about his hobbies, his family — you know the stuff,’ I said. ‘Then he’ll be doing all the talking but he’ll still think you’re a fascinating conversationalist. You know this, Cass. One of your best qualities is how you make people feel heard.’
‘You think?’ She sounded more upbeat.
‘I know. Just remember your goal next time you meet him — FOMAH. Find Out More About Him. Now go take a bubble bath.’
‘See you, Aurora.’
‘Good luck, Cass.’
I placed the phone back on the receiver and let out a sigh. Nine o’clock. Right now, the NAD and Ms DeForest would be seated at La Bella Donna. I pictured the scene. They’d be leaning forward, smiling at each other in the candlelight. The NAD was probably using all my surefire advice on her. Why, oh why, had I given him those tips? I’d thought he was going to use them to woo some enchanting woman, not one who’d sent me off to the school office.
What did the NAD see in her anyway? My conscience gave a twinge at this mean-spirited thought, but really? I guess she was attractive in an alternative sort of style. But didn’t he see her tendency towards cruelty? Perhaps that only came out in interpretive dance classes. Maybe outside school, she was all sweetness and light.
What had made Ms DeForest decide to date my dad? Contact from willing spirits? There really should be a law against parents dating teachers. Talk about a conflict of interest. She could be saying anything to the NAD about my aura.
How far along was this relationship? I had to know.
I paced the lounge room for the next hour or so. Then, just before 11 pm, I headed down the driveway and climbed the fence onto Hayden Paris’s basketball court. I searched the fence for a hole. Spotting one, I squatted down in front of it. This was the perfect vantage point to view the end of the NAD and Ms DeForest’s date.
‘The view’s clearer from the picket three down.’ Hayden’s voice nearly scared the life out of me.
‘What are you doing out here?’ I hissed as I moved down three pickets.
Hmm. The view was better from here. I scowled. Hayden would know, seeing as he’d observed just about all of my unlucky dates.
‘Taking the garbage out, my lady,’ he answered, and gestured towards the black wheely bin he was pulling behind him. ‘And might I ask you the same question? You really can’t stay away from my yard, can you?’
‘Hayden, I’m here out of grave necessity.’ I tried to arrange myself more comfortably on the ground.
‘Grave necessity, hey?’ He raised his eyebrows in curiosity.
‘Yup.’
I turned back to search the driveway for any sign of an approaching car. I heard Hayden’s footsteps fade away to his front steps. Yes! Maybe he’d decided to leave me in peace. My hopes were dashed when he reappeared with two purple cushions.
‘These should make your time in my yard a little less painful.’
He placed the cushions on the ground, and sat on one of them. I felt tempted to ask who’d invited him, but it was his yard. And he had been nice to me at the bookstore.
I noticed he was wearing a new cologne. It was clean, like crisp Granny Smith apples. His red shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, showing his tanned arms.
‘So what’s our aim, Princess?’ He leant forward, his hazel eyes glistening in the moonlight.
I turned my gaze away from his and back to the hole in the fence. ‘My dad’ll be back from his date in a few moments and we’re going to observe him.’
Hayden tried to smother a laugh. ‘You criticise me for spying on you, and now you’re doing it yourself? Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?’
‘So now you’re admitting that you spy on me?’ Ha! He’d fallen into his own trap!
He gave me a wink. ‘I’m just repeating your words from last week.’
‘Sure.’ I should have known he’d never own up to his voyeuristic activities.
‘Seriously, though, don’t you think your dad can take care of his own love life?’ he said.
‘Are you implying that I’m interfering?’ I narrowed my eyes.
‘No, I’m just saying that maybe you should let Cupid take care of this one.’
‘Hayden, Cupid —’
‘Is understaffed?’
‘Severely.’ I peeped through the fence again. ‘Besides, Ms DeForest isn’t a good match for my dad.’
‘Ms DeForest is dating your father?’ Hayden whistled.
‘You know her?’
‘I know of her. Jeffrey was talking about your detention in the locker room after practice.’
Guys were discussing me in the locker room? Great! Was there no privacy any more?
‘It’s just one big gossip session in there, isn’t it?’
‘So you do spy on me!’ I stood up in outrage.
‘Quick!’ Hayden pulled me back down as headlights turned into my driveway. ‘You’ll miss your own spying opportunity.’
‘It’s not spying. It’s observing with an objective.’
Hayden’s mouth curled on one side with amusement. ‘It’s spying. In the true 007 sense. Hey, I’ve always considered myself rather Bondesque.’
‘Well, if it’s spying, we should be quiet!’ I hissed.
‘I think you’d make a great Bond Girl,’ he went on. ‘Although you need to be aware that every one of them inevitably falls victim to Bond’s charm.’
I sent Hayden my most ferocious look and he shut up.
Ms DeForest’s Mazda roared to a spot about ten metres in front of us. I could see her in the driver’s seat, giving the NAD a sultry smile. Talk about putting on the moves!
‘I know she gave you a detention, but she might be alright if you get to know her a bit more,’ Hayden whispered in my ear.
‘She told me I had a black aura!’ I cried.
‘Shh! You’ll give yourself away!’
‘Oh my god!’ I grabbed Hayden’s arm. ‘They’re about to kiss!’ I buried my head in his shoulder. ‘I can’t look!’
‘Well, he certainly likes her,’ Hayden reported.
I groaned. ‘Just tell me when I can look.’
Hayden’s cologne was distracting. It made me think of running through fields of freshly cut grass. I had to get him out of my space.
‘Aren’t they done yet?’ I complained.
‘Nope. It’s a pretty passionate embrace.’
I groaned again. ‘How passionate?’
‘Well, they’ve been in constant liplock for three minutes now.’ I felt Hayden move his hand slightly to check his watch. ‘And he’s holding her really close — she’s running her hands through his hair —’
‘Enough!’ I said miserably.
The car door slammed.
I pulled myself away from Hayden. ‘I thought you were going to tell me when they finished kissing?’
He grinned. ‘I was distracted. And you were the one who embraced me.’
‘Embraced you?’ I choked. ‘I hid my eyes. Period.’
‘Sure.’ He raised his eyebrows sceptically.
‘Can you never be quiet?’ I watched Ms DeForest pull out of our driveway.
‘Nope.’ He shook his head infuriatingly. ‘You know you’d be lonely without my voice.’
I threw my hand over his mouth as the NAD came up the path. Hayden tried to prise my hand away, his eyes twinkling. Just as the NAD passed our section of the fence, I felt Hayden’s lips gently kiss the inside of my palm.
I gave a scream. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
I leapt up, and Hayden fell on his back on the asphalt, his eyes wide with surprise.
‘Aurora?’ I turned to see the NAD peering over the fence. ‘What are you doing out here?’
‘Aurora and I were just stargazing together, Mr Skye,’ Hayden said, pulling himself up from the ground.
Stargazing? If I wasn’t so anti-violence, he’d be seeing stars of a different type!
‘Romantic night, isn’t it?’ he continued.
‘Very.’ The NAD gazed dreamily up at the sky. ‘So are you coming in now, Aurora? Or do you need a few moments to say goodnight?’
I saw Hayden push down a smile. No! The NAD thought Hayden and I were an item. I was going to kill him for this. Hayden, I mean, not the NAD. His outrageous antics had overstressed my mind.
I leapt over the fence. ‘Nope. I’m coming right now.’
‘How was your date?’ I inquired as the NAD closed the front door behind us.
‘Great.’ He smiled. ‘Dana’s one of a kind. She hadn’t realised that the Aurora in her class was the same Aurora I’d been raving about.’
The NAD gave me a hug and sprinted down the hall before I could do any more questioning.
‘You shouldn’t have called your evening to an end because of me,’ he called back. ‘Hayden looked very disappointed.’
I stalked upstairs. I couldn’t believe that Hayden had put on such an act to embarrass me! Kissing my palm so I’d give myself away to the NAD; lying about stargazing. This time Hayden Paris had gone too far.