How does it feel? (Infatuated Fae Book 1)

Callie

In my worst nightmares, I would have been unable to imagine the feelings of pure fear rippling through me as the wretched creature dug the smoke talons of his wings deeper into my flesh. The darkness of the night muddied my view, allowing me barely more than a moonlit view of the horrible creatures surrounding me.

I couldn’t see far in the darkness, but it looked as if I were in the very same spot in the forest. How was that possible? When I had stepped into the circle of destroying angel mushrooms, it was as if I had fallen somewhere? The spot in the forest may have looked similar, but everything about it felt off. It felt horrible and terrifying. Dense trees collected around the opening where we stood. What was happening?

Hundreds of dark, ominous bodies surrounded us. I’m certain there were more, but I could only see so far in the darkness.

It—for he was like no man—towered over me, easily six foot five or more. He wore armor similar to the others, save for the helmet. His pale face was smudged with dark dirt that seemed misplaced against his pale, porcelain skin. His gaze seemed to shine brighter under the moon, almost producing a silvery glow. He was no man. His shoulders seemed far too expansive to ever be considered one. Even through the countless layers of black leather and armor, his body was mesomorphic. Powerfully built to destroy anything he saw fit as a predator. It, without effort, produced an overwhelmingly intimidating effect.

I cried out as his menacing wings pressed deeper into my flesh.

“Kill it. Now.” His voice was low and spine-chillingly soft.

He didn’t even need to raise his voice to command an entire fleet of soldiers.

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. The searing pain in my shoulders owned only a fraction of my panic as the nightmarish scene played out before my eyes.

The man continued to stare down at me as he released his hold from my shoulder.

All of a sudden, forceful pressure stung tightly around my throat as I choked and wheezed in an effort to regain my breath.

I hadn’t even realized I had attempted to flee. My body had moved on autopilot in a last attempt to escape before the creature grabbed my throat, keeping me in place. My fingers tried desperately to claw his hand free, but it was no use. He was too strong.

All at once, I felt the cold metal slide inch by inch into my back, sharp and cold. Every muscle in my body went rigid and stiff, horror-struck at the sight as the skin of my stomach stretched. The pointed tip ripped through the skin of my abdomen.

Only once I felt the raw, grating friction of the sword withdrawing and the hard dirt grinding into my knees did I realize he had released his grip from my throat and stabbed me straight through my abdomen.

I looked down, shocked at the gruesome wound on my stomach, still not quite registering what had happened.

Deep, dark burgundy blood cascaded down my body as I grabbed at the gushing wound in complete dismay.

My jaw slackened. I had no remaining conviction available to close it. How could this happen to me? I was a good person. I did everything a good person did. I was good! Good guys always triumphed, always prevailed while the bad guy—the villain—without exception failed.

I stared up in disbelief. The villain had held my throat while one of his men had stabbed me clean through the middle.

How could this have happened?

My face began to tingle with tiny pinpricks as the blood slowly drained from my face. No one could survive a wound like this. I was going to die.

The winged villain took a step forward, stopping once he hovered over my kneeling frame. His icy blue eyes took in the scene with a look of pure satisfaction—enjoyment even.

“Brainless humans. Dressing an assassin as a lady of pleasure. Though I suppose that was part of a weak-minded plan, to distract us with a fresh human whore.”

He kicked me hard in the chest with the bottom of his boot, and I fell backward, sprawled on my back in a helpless pile of blood and pain.

“Please—” I gurgled.

Hot liquid had begun to rise in my throat, slowly hindering my ability to speak. My back grew wet with puddled blood, and nearly as much covered my front. My vision came and went like a sadistic strobe light, and I closed my eyes in an attempt to steady it.

I felt no pain now; I suppose my body had gone into shock. I struggled to think of what I would do if this were one of my animals at the center, but the feeling of despair hung heavy on my soul. I knew it was too late. There would be nothing I could do to save myself from a wound like this.

At the sound of my gurgled voice, the giant devil’s eyebrows bunched slightly together as he tilted his head, looking at me with a confused expression.

I was almost dead, and he would be the last thing painted across my eyelids as I closed them forever. I could feel the sins from my past and the hopes of my future settling over my chest like a cloak of shadows.

I inhaled through my nose, coughing instantly. My chest, with all of its effort, struggled to rise and fall.

I estimated I had only three or so minutes until my heart gave out.

Faint voices and stomps echoed around me in the distance.

“Pack it up. Give the message to the queen. They obviously expected us,” growled the smoke-winged nightmare in a displeased tone.

“What the fuck happened!?”

“We opened the portal, and that landed on Prince Mendax. They were obviously more prepared than we thought they were.”

“Look at her! Did you see her reach out and touch the prince’s wings? Touched the shadows of the gods with her own damned fingers! I’ve never seen anyone so fearless of the Smoke Slayers in all my time!”

“Well, it’s only Mendax and the queen who are touched with the shadows now anyway. Blessed thing you stopped her, Fish. She was clearly an experienced assassin.”

“Skilled but no match for me blade—well, and Prince Mendax holding her. What we doin’? Just leavin’ the body? The wildwood creatures will eat her. Though her human cunt is still viable, dead or not.”

“Leave the human, it’d probably rot your dick off.”

“Yea. The queen and prince would bag me if they’d known I’d touched one of ’em. King Marco would’a let me. Hell, he’d have kept her for himself—”

“Don’t speak about my dead king unless you want to die alongside the human. Get moving! Leave the trash, the creatures will tear her apart before we make it back to the castle.”

The murmurs and footsteps slowly grew farther and farther away, but I was unable to tell whether they had left the area or if I had, in fact, just died.

I struggled to open a slit of my eyelids. The small act felt like the hardest, most laborious movement I’d ever attempted. The puddle of hot liquid I lay in quickly grew cold as the forest’s chill commenced. One of my eyes won the fight and opened for the briefest of moments. Only long enough to see I was alone in the dark circle of trees.

It looked similar but not as . . . happy as before I’d fallen. Several luna moths hovered on surrounding trees in significantly fewer numbers. Everything looked different. The forest trees looked older with more character, as if they themselves were monsters. The night felt darker and more malevolent even though the same moon spilled the same silvery-blue light upon the forest. Somehow everything felt scarier.

I was going to die all alone with only an eerie darkness and an overwhelming sensation that I was a sinking ship.

Something soft and spongey rested under my cheek. What had I lain on?

I had no chance of moving my hands, so instead, I attempted to move my head with the hopes I had lain on some magical key that would save me if I wasn’t already destined for death. I was only able to move my heavy head a few inches to the right.

My face lay on a destroying angel mushroom—how poetic.

It felt like someone was slamming a hammer into my heart. Thump . . . thump . . . thump.

It was too hard to breathe now. It was time. My heart was giving out; I could feel it. I could no longer swallow through the blood that rose in my throat.

If I weren’t already dead, I would be any second. It was harder to tell than I imagined if I were alive or dead.

I crunched a handful of dried leaves at my side and braced myself for death. My biggest regret was that I hadn’t seen my family again, Eli, Seneca—no, no, that’s not true.

My biggest regret was never getting to feel love wholeheartedly.

Thump . . . .thump . . . .thump.

I never even had a chance.

Thump . . . thump.

“Holy suns! She’s injured, hurry! She’s not going to make it! Look at what they’ve done to her!”

Something sniffed my face, and a tickle of fur brushed against my cheek. Or at least I thought it did. I must be dead?

What side had taken me, heaven or hell?

A soft pressure rested on the tops of my cold legs. It felt like a warm fur blanket covering me with a sudden warmth, just heavy enough to comfort me a little in my last moment.

“You’re no better than him—” The voice sounded like silk wrapped in sunshine, even through its accusatory tone.

“Bite your tongue. I know what I’ve done,” came an urgent raspy voice.

“Hurry!”

Something soft and velvety ran over the wound on my stomach, and warm droplets of something fell upon my skin. It felt as if the sun had melted and oozed into my flesh. At first, I could hardly feel anything but warmth, but then a sharp stinging sensation ran through me with a wild passion. A fire blazed through my insides, unraveling them one by one only to melt them together once again.

Thump . . . thump . . . thump . . . thump . . .

“It’s working! Thank the gods! Her heart is beating . . . as well as it can. We need to leave here now,” came the silky, womanly voice.

The harsh fire running through me jolted me with intense pain, but the thing on my legs and stomach bore down, keeping me still. Was there something fluffy now under my head?

Tiny prickles coursed through me, similar to when my foot fell asleep, only these rushed through the inside of me like a river. My eyes bolted open in shock as if someone had used a defibrillator on my heart.

The fox lay on my legs and stomach as tears fell freely from its beautiful amber eyes onto my skin while it licked fervently at my wound.

“That’s enough,” scolded the silky voice next to my head. “It’s already too much, she will be affected, and then you will be killed!”

“No one will ever know what I’ve done—including her. As for you, you will be quiet or all of our lives will be taken,” the male voice growled.

“Enough, brother, we leave now! We must not be here!” the female said with panic, her stoic voice cracking.

The beautiful fox locked his glistening eyes with mine, giving my wound one last lick before gently standing up and stepping from my stomach.

I sat up with less of a struggle than I could ever have imagined and watched the fox stealthily canter to what appeared to be another smaller fox. His eyes locked with mine until he reached her. The only sound of their movement was the soft crinkle and crunch of dried leaves under their small feet.

“Wait . . . I . . . where am I?” I mumbled incoherently in their direction.

The pair stopped their trot to look back at me before immediately snapping their heads to the side in unison. They tilted their heads, leaning into their oversized ears just as a dog did when listening intently. In the blink of my eyes, they sprinted away with unnatural speed, even for that of a shimmering fox.

“Please! Wait! I need to thank you for-for whatever you have done! For saving my life!” I shouted after them, but it was no use because they had vanished completely.

What in the world had happened? I was alive. My body felt like a semitruck had blasted into it, but I was alive. Was that fox from here? First, he showed up behind my house in the middle of the day, then attacked me before I fell into the ring of mushrooms, and now he’s saving my life? Magically healing me? I must be hallucinating again.

I shifted to my knees. One of my shoes had fallen off and laid a few feet away, my black dress had bunched around my chest, and I was caked in blood and dirt.

So much blood.

Unsure of what to do and needing to get away, I straightened to pull the dress over my head as I remained on my knees. I didn’t care if I was naked. I was alive and needed to get the sight of gore away from me. Each move my body made felt like an electric shock to my system, but I didn’t care; I just needed to get it off.

After several minutes of frantically trying, I finally gave up. It was plastered to my body like bloodied papier-mâché. This was not what I should be wasting my energy on, plus the black thong and bra I wore underneath were far too small if I happened to find others that could help me. Besides, I wasn’t sure where exactly I was and that could put me in more danger.

I shifted, pulling the black dress back down over my legs. I shivered as I felt the frayed hole of fabric in the back and front of my dress where the blade pierced through my dress and body. The skin under it felt soft and tender. It was hard to see through the mess of blood, but the wound now appeared to be closed.

It couldn’t be.

It was the palest pink with blue and purple veins around the scar, but it was closed? I no longer had an open wound. The fox’s tears and licks had healed me, brought me back from an almost guaranteed death somehow.

In my delusions, or lack thereof, I had missed the sound of footsteps approaching until they echoed directly behind me. I remained kneeling on the forest floor, unsure of what to expect and now too frightened to move. Was this one of the forest creatures they had spoken of?

“Well now, for a human, this is quite impressive,” rumbled a familiar deep voice.

I turned as fast as I could, which wasn’t very fast at all, and scrambled to the aid of a tree that held me up. The wide oak’s bark pressed comfortingly into my back as I held it tightly for balance.

The man stood in front of me.

He crossed his arms nonchalantly over his chest while glaring down at me. He harshly raked his unkind eyes over me with a faint glimmer of amusement, pausing at the hole in my dress for a moment before continuing their ascent.

One corner of his mouth lifted in a smug, vengeful smirk.

I was able to get a good look at him now, standing in the moonlight. He was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. Gorgeous in a hauntingly evil way with the bone structure and build of a Roman god. High cheekbones and a sharp jawline, skin as clear and smooth as porcelain. What kind of monsters looked like that?

Obviously, only the worst kind.

“Wh-what are you?” I asked shakily as my tremors vibrated my vocal cords. “Where am I?” At the sight of him alone, my body convulsed so hard with dread that I feared I would fall to the ground.

“Absolutely brilliant,” he whispered. “And here I was wondering why the humans sent such a useless weapon such as yourself. I was just returning to collect your head and send it back. ”

His voice was so deep and quiet that goose bumps prickled across my arms at the sound of it. Eerie and venomous, like it could put me under a spell if it wanted to.

He stalked toward me, slowly. Each step delivered with the intent of causing more fear. The right side of his grin had pulled so high a dimple formed on the stupidly attractive cheek. On someone else, it probably would have been cute, but on him it looked unhinged and sinister.

He continued his steps until he had hemmed me in against the old tree. My back burned from pressing so harshly against the tree bark. Even this close, the darkness seemed to merge with his skin, blending us both into the darkness of the night.

“No one has sent me. I was in the forest alone and fell. I landed on you somehow—I suppose—I’m so sorry, but there’s been some kind of mistake. I mean no harm, please, please just let me go. I’ll find my own way back. You will never, ever see me again, just please don’t hurt me again,” I begged near silently as fear strangled the words before they could reach a normal volume.

Tears trailed down my face, falling off my chin in a waterfall.

His cold blue eyes stared. He looked so stoic he was nearly lifeless save for the predatory pleasure his features briefly expressed when he had struck me with fear. His body slouched as he leaned against the tree on either side of my head. I always thought of myself as a smart person, but in that moment of fear, barely a thought went through my mind, let alone a plan to escape. I’d never felt such fear and terror in my life. I could barely speak because I was so frightened. This was the man that had dug talons into my shoulders and held me while another had run a sword through my body.

“Oh, you’re good, I’ll give you that,” he purred.

A dimple popped as he grabbed my waist with his gloved hand.

Without thinking, I slapped him across the cheek. Hard.

It was purely a reaction.

I covered my mouth with my shaking hand and waited in horror for the reaction I knew would surely come from the savage monster.

He looked back at me slowly; his face had turned from the force of my hand. The view of his side profile was like a painting of some Greek god.

“I’m so sorry—” I mumbled as my jaw shook, making it hard to talk.

He grabbed my jaw with a large gloved hand.

A small whine escaped my lips as I tried to shove him away, but his chest was firmer than the oak pressed against my back.

“Please—” I cried.

His sky-blue eyes twinkled with a menacing sparkle that hadn’t been there before.

“They are getting smarter,” he purred against my ear as he held my face firmly. The black leather of the glove did little to soften his demanding grip, and his muscular body was a vise that squeezed me against the dense tree. “You’ve no need to play dumb human. I’m quite interested in how you’re not dead. Obviously, you’re not as foolish as I had originally thought,” he said, disgust coating every word.

His voice trailed over the dirty skin of my ear and neck, causing shivers to flow up my spine.

The giant of a man stepped back and let my face fall from his hand.

Just as I was about to breathe a sigh of relief, something cold and sharp stabbed into my chest, causing me to wheeze out a hoarse cry as I clung desperately to the tree behind me.

Black smoke swirled densely from the cretin’s back. His right wing flowed thick and wispy behind him, the edges fading softly into the night.

His left wing swirled wildly with soot-black smoke, shaped like a hand against my heart. The “fingers” were pointed like sharp knives of smoke that dug into my skin.

I cried out in pain, swatting wildly, searching for anything I could do to move the horrid thing’s grip on my chest, but it was pointless. My hands flowed through the wisps as if they were the smoke from a campfire. Not faltering for a moment, the pain grew sharper as he dug the dagger-like talons of his smoke farther into the depths of my flesh. All the while, his face glimmered with a sadistic grin.

“Tell me how you survived that, and I’ll remove my grip from what remains of your damaged mortal heart.” His soulless eyes slightly darkened as they grazed over my exposed body. “Tell me, what’s it feel like knowing the humans wasted every breath you’ve ever taken by sending you to kill a man who can’t be killed?”

I fell to my knees, unable to comprehend what was happening or deal with the pain any longer, for that matter. Certainly no one in their right mind would believe me an assassin? And why would he think that humans had sent me? I would have laughed at the thought had I not been in such pain. I didn’t dare continue to deny it, though, as that only seemed to anger him more. The last thing I wanted to do was put the foxes that had saved me in harm’s way, but they were hopefully far away now. My head continued to pound, ceasing any further thoughts, no matter how helpful they might have been.

“A fox,” I wheezed out breathlessly, shifting my loose wisdom tooth back and forth in a nervous frenzy.

He froze suddenly.

Even the inky smoke seemed to stop its swirling. Had I not seen him move earlier he could have easily passed as a statue without question.

Concern and confusion muddled against his dark brows as they creased slightly together before he dropped his grip on me.

I fell to the dirt with a thud, and my chin split as it bounced roughly off a nearby rock.

My body hurt in places I had never imagined being able to hurt. I was covered in dirt and blood. My blonde hair felt matted and sticky. I was clearly having a delusional episode because I had no idea how I could be seeing a giant, muscled, evil Calvin Klein model with wings of smoke right now. Not to mention a fox that shimmered gold in the sunlight, tried to attack me before I fell into another evil world, then followed me here and saved my life. Yea, okay.

I couldn’t even cry. I was too numb.

I sat up, wiped the blood from my chin, and clawed at the dirty black fabric covering my chest.

No exterior marks from the horrible smoke talons on my skin.

Well, what a horrifying trick.

I knew he could have easily ripped my heart out had he wanted to. I had felt it. For some reason, the mention of the fox had made him uneasy. I glanced up to see his eyes taking stock of my every twinge and wince like a hawk. Something flashed in his eyes briefly as I adjusted my dress to cover my rear yet again. I don’t know why I bothered since it had been hanging out most of the time anyway.

Was that . . . fear that flashed in his eyes? Was he afraid of me?

At this thought, I did begin to laugh.

“What did the fox do?” he asked as he leaned in again.

At his movement, my laughter immediately left my body, replaced now with only fear. I wouldn’t survive another near death.

That was something I certainly never thought I’d say to myself.

For whatever reason, this creature was uneasy about the fox, and I needed to do whatever I could to survive and get out of here. Whatever that meant.

“No.”

“No?” He raised his dark eyebrows in surprise.

“Where am I? Who are you?” I asked. My words filled with a confidence I didn’t feel.

I felt so very weak. Could I survive if I made a run for it? Could I locate another portal? Were there even other portals?

He stepped closer than he already was and gripped the hair at the back of my head, painfully twisting my head as he hovered to look down at me. I could feel the anger rippling off him as he glared.

“So we play this game again, huh?” he growled angrily as he wrenched my head farther back like a rag doll.

“I’m not playing a game!” I cried, finally having snapped completely.

What did it matter? I was almost certain I was delusional and dreaming all of this in some weird mental break anyway. The pain was probably from falling from my tractor and giving myself a concussion. I needed to talk with Earl. What if this was a wild side effect of the mushrooms? Had I accidentally ingested them somehow? The sample we had collected was still in my refrigerator, right?

“Prince Mendax is something—”

A large, round man in dark armor stopped abruptly after seeing the aforementioned man fisting my hair.

What the hell had my brain created? A prince? How very damsel-in-distress of my mind.

“Everything is fine, Dirac,” the prince said, never once taking his deranged blue eyes from mine.

“Everything is not fine, Dirac!” I shouted at the brown-haired man that stood to my left. I couldn’t tell much more about him as it was still dark, but I could feel him gawking at us. “Tell your vile boss to stop throwing me around like a dog and let me free. I’m not an assassin! I wouldn’t hurt a fly!” I screamed and immediately began to flail my arms and legs at the man they called Prince Mendax.

The vile prince looked to his comrade and grinned.

“How did she—how is she alive, sir?” The unhelpful man named Dirac asked.

“It seems she’s had help. Why they would help her and how they would have healed her is beyond me. In fact, I’m not certain I even believe her. She also says she doesn’t know who I am,” he said, turning back to me with a grin.

The line of his smile creased so hard that one dimple popped out, causing him to look disarmingly boyish despite the rest of his cold features.

“So what do you want to do with her? Kill or keep?” stupid Dirac asked, sounding bored.

“Killing her so quickly was a rash decision on my part. The humans somehow surprised me. Look at it, Dirac,” he said, shoving me over and pushing my head down slightly so the other man could look at me. “If the humans were so stupid to send such a . . .”—his face wrinkled in disgust, but his pale eyes still lingered on my body—“foul and disgusting creature to kill me, surely it’d be a waste for someone not to use her before she goes back.”

He smiled again, but this time, his eyes darkened before he dropped his grip on me, and I fell against the ground with a grunt.

“You’re-you’re going to send me back? Back home?” I clamored on the ground, trying desperately to regain my stance.

“Of course,” the terrifying prince said as he stepped back, beginning to walk away. “Dead, obviously. You’ll be returned to the humans broken and used beyond anyone’s recognition. A symbol of what will happen to their entire realm once we gain access. I’m sure there are a few kitchen ogres that wouldn’t mind running you through before the forest bogs obliterate you,” his deep voice muttered darkly as his eyes twinkled with the glow of menace.

“You will not touch me!” I shrieked.

The thought of anyone, especially him, touching me made me frantic with fear.

He smiled wide at my horror. His white teeth flashed, but his eyes, like before, never shared the sentiment. Black swirls of smoke continued to flow from behind his back in oversized wings, now seeming to emulate the shape of segmented butterfly wings.

“Pet, I would never debase myself enough to touch you, a human. The royals would rather burn than sacrifice our dignity by touching you. Others may find humans a rare delicacy, but the Shadow Slayers, we would forfeit our reign over the entire realm before we desecrated our lineage with the tarnished touch of a human. Don’t worry, there are plenty of other creatures that I’m sure will ignore your species . . . if not, we will throw a bag over your head or something.” He smiled eerily, obviously satisfied with my terror as he began to walk away. “Dirac, take her to the tower dungeon with the rest of the rats and vermin. I’m sure the queen will be quite pleased, no one despises humans more than Mother.”

His frame faded into the darkness of the forest as he left.

“Please, I beg you! Let me go, I do not belong here! Please!” I pleaded to the man named Dirac. I continued backing away from him as he stalked forward, clearly annoyed at my attempts to flee.

“Well, you’re right about that, you do not belong here. Now come here or I will hurt you, and I give you my word that no fox will be able to save you where we go.” He lunged and caught me with ease, throwing me over his shoulder as I kicked and flailed.

“Stop this, please! I meant him no harm! Please let me go!” I shouted and kicked at his armored body as my head rapt roughly against the armored back of Dirac. Like his prince, he was much larger and stronger than any human man.

“Please just stop, you know I can’t let you go,” he mumbled impatiently as he walked out from the circle in the forest and farther into the dark woods.

“Where are we going? Why wouldn’t the foxes go there?”

“Because you are going to the dungeon of the Unseelie court,” he mumbled, “and nothing can save you there.”