How does it feel? (Infatuated Fae Book 1)

Callie

I sank my body deeper into the now tepid bath and waged an internal debate between letting myself relax or sinking below the surface and drowning. For a few seconds, the latter seemed like my best option and the only thing that would bring me relief from the pits of hell I seemed destined to constantly put myself in.

The water splashed up the porcelain tub and onto the dark marble floor with a slosh as I scrubbed my pink-tinged body for the third time.

I should be so disgusted by what happened in the hallway. The way his hands skimmed my skin and commanded every single need and desire into the goose bumps of my flesh before he made them erupt with tingles. The thought of his large palms skimming my body as if I were a map with a hidden treasure mark made me clench my thighs together.

I shivered and began to scrub my tender skin harder. The spicy, sensual scent of the soap only reminded me of him.

I scraped and scrubbed to the point of panic.

Not because I was upset that I had let him touch my body or clawed for him like a feral animal.

But because he had stopped and my mind would not allow me to think of anything other than how hard his length had felt nestled against me. How close I was to having that ache sated. How I had caused that. Only a thin piece of fabric had separated us from joining.

I hissed. My skin felt as if it were being scrubbed from the bone.

The way his pale blue eyes looked when I had been unable to stifle back a moan.

He was crazy. An evil, psychopathic villain.

But when he kissed me, it was like the entire world melted away—like everything was right for just once. Like when you step into your home after you’ve been gone a long time. The second the smell of home and comfort hits you, the tension in your body withers away. The feel of belonging and comfort cloak you like a warm blanket.

That’s how it felt when Mendax touched me, when he looked at me with three different shades of light blue eyes. I saw—no felt—what I meant to him.

He was the bad guy, I reminded myself for the trillionth time, but it didn’t matter.

I craved him every bit as much as he seemed to be lost to me.

But soon, it wouldn’t matter.

Hot tears fell from my eyes, lost in the sea of bath water as they dropped.

I had to leave here and see my family. Not my Willow Springs family, but my real family, and once I left this realm, I would never see Mendax again.

I climbed out of the cold tub. As I collected the fluffy black towel from the counter, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Cold, red-rimmed eyes stared back at me with the sharpness of a dagger.

My wet hair hung in blonde clumps down my shoulders and back as water dripped from the ends, hitting the dark floor with small tip-taps.

I wiped the remaining tears from my face with the back of my hand and stared at my naked body in the mirror. Envy for Mendax overflowed with such angered fervor that I was surprised my skin hadn’t turned green. He didn’t have to hide any part of himself from anyone. He wore his darkness like a crown.

My eyes darkened with the hate and resentment I started to feel.

His people loved him for being him. An entire hidden world loved him for his darkness. He never had to fight being what he was, not once.

The liquid in the mirror rippled, and my mind instantly flashed back to Mendax’s body pressed deliciously behind me as he had held my hand to the mirror. The searing pain that followed as the mirror that hated humans had burned my skin.

My head lolled to the side as I looked into the very same mirror now. The tight corners of my mouth pulled into a devilish smirk.

I lifted the mirror from its mount on the wall, the metallic liquid angrily rippling as I carried it to the now empty tub. I threw it in as hard as I could with a cruel smile.

The gold frame shook but remained intact as bits of the mirror shattered, sharp triangles and silver pools of liquid.

I grabbed one of the beautiful black candles from its holder on the wall behind me and prowled over to the dresser. I began to unscrew the silvery metal knob I had eyed since first entering this bathroom.

Still naked, I unscrewed one of the hollow knobs and smiled.

I walked over to the iron wall sconce that held the beautiful black candles and slowly scraped a bit of rust from the sconce into the hollow dresser knob.

Practically gallivanting back, I held the silvery metal knob—now loaded with magnesium—under the gold faucet.

I scraped the open edges of the metal knob against the gold of the faucet. It took patience, but all I had to do was look into the broken shards and pools of the mirror that had hurt me, and again, perseverance filled me.

The last bits of metal from the knob itself, having been scraped off by the faucet, fell into itself as the knob acted like a small cup. I covered the top with my thumb and shook the magnesium and iron oxide together before setting the cap-like knob on the mirror with a heinous smile I couldn’t control.

I picked up the black towel. My body was already dry so I quickly tossed on the large black tunic Mendax had left for me. His scent cascaded over my body with the cotton, and my nipples pebbled. He may as well have licked me all over with the way it made me feel to wear his shirt.

My hand grabbed the black candle, and I lit the towel.

I spared one last look into a broken shard of glass, wiping the dark look from my face and replacing it with the familiar, sweet smile. I threw the flame-licked towel onto the dresser cap and mirror that rested in the tub together and walked out of the bathroom feeling a sense of peace.

The bathroom exploded, bursting into giant white flames that licked at the walls of the bedroom.

I wiped off my smile and steadied my eyes as I greeted the shocked faces of four guards that had shoved themselves through the door. Their surprised eyes scanned me before they hung their mouths at the white flames coming from the fallen bathroom door. They couldn’t speak as they looked back at me in shock.

Thermite bombs would do that to you.

“I think you might need a new mirror.”

“It’s a good thing I have a fire mage and a brownie cleanup crew, or I would be very upset at my bathroom burning down.” Mendax looked at me as a hint of amusement glittered in his beautiful eyes.

“I’m sorry again. I feel terrible. I just thought that if I propped the mirror up in the bathtub, it wouldn’t be so scary. I didn’t like being so close to it after it had hurt me.” I shrugged. Some of that was true.

His warm eyes raked over me with a new adoration that made my chest swell.

What. The. Fuck?

I blew up his bathroom, destroyed a mirror that was probably priceless, and somehow he looked at me with more awe and admiration than he had before.

“Tell me again, hellhound, how that fire got started.” His low, deep voice rumbled through my chest as he unbuttoned his dark shirt and tossed it to the other side of the bed.

His body was so sculpted and defined. Each muscle and cut showcased the killer he really was. His broad chest bore muscles I had never even seen on human men, and I couldn’t help but stare. His stomach muscles tightened with a laugh as he caught me gawking.

He sat on the edge of his large bed and pulled me into his lap. My back pressed against his bare chest. The second his hands wrapped around my waist to keep me in place, I had to clench my thighs together. The motion caused a surprised squeak from me at the friction and lack of underwear I wore under the oversized tunic. I struggled and wiggled to get up from his lap, but that only caused his length to stiffen under me.

“Let me go,” I grumbled but accidentally caught myself pressing more weight into the pulsing erection below me.

Why didn’t I want to go? Why did he have to look at me like that? It made my stomach tie into knots.

“Never,” his husky voice whispered across my ear.

The heat of his breath tickled my neck, and my lady parts responded as his lips moved to the curve of my shoulder and neck.

The hand not holding my waist cupped my left breast with a firm squeeze as a high-pitched noise I wasn’t aware I could even make shivered out of my mouth. My head involuntarily started to lean back to rest on his shoulder, giving him full access to my neck.

“You look exquisite when you come undone, my love,” he breathed across the sensitive skin of my neck, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to concentrate enough to speak.

I wanted more than anything to hate him, but my body wanted to do other things with him.

“I am not your love, you psycho,” I purred back softly, my voice full of sultry venom.

His mouth pressed against the top of my shoulder, and I felt his teeth scrape and drag against my skin as he spoke.

“Go on then. Leave me.” He stilled both hands that rested on my waist.

I didn’t waste a second to question the opportunity as I tried to plant my feet and run from him, but still, his hands held me firmly against his lap and chest, locking me in place.

“I can’t,” I growled through clenched teeth as I felt his hands squeeze tighter around my waist.

His lips found my earlobe. “I just wanted to make sure you knew.” He shifted my body to the bed and stood up.

Holy gods, was he handsome. Maybe just tonight—

No. No!

He was the bad guy!

I scooted back until my back pressed against the silky headboard and watched his eyes turn cold.

“You will return my affections, Callie. I suspect under that act of yours you already do.”

He reached toward me, and I scooted to the side, away from his touch. The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile that crinkled the creases of his eyes as he grabbed the heavy blanket on the bed and pulled back a corner gesturing that he was going to tuck me in.

“I am not sleeping here,” I said with a suddenly shaky voice.

He sat on the end of the bed and motioned for me to get under the covers with a firm nod of his head.

“Just the thought of sinking myself so deep inside you that I fill both your mind and soul is enough to make me come,” his low voice purred. “But my need to protect you clouds my mind, and I will not rest until you are safe at the end of the last trial tomorrow.”

I shifted my bare legs under the amber-and-cedar-scented sheets and attempted to do a better job of not showing my barely masked disappointment. I did need all the help I could get before the trial.

Before I left him and returned home.

The air hung heavy as our eyes communicated silently what neither one of us could say.

I swallowed hard as we continued to stare. Somehow emotions got tangled in what our eyes were telling each other.

I was scared of dying, and a part of me—a part I was ashamed of—didn’t want to leave him. He was the only person that ever made me feel this way. Like I could show him all my monsters and he would only love me more with them.

It was an insane thought, but the ache in my chest at what I had to do tomorrow left me feeling a little unhinged.

I would never see him again after tomorrow; he would be gone forever.

Something reckless crawled up my spine. The way he watched me didn’t help. His powers pulsed and radiated from him with every move.

Monsters of the scariest creation ran from him when he was near.

I’d seen him kill for no reason other than that he was bored. He commanded the entire realm of the most conniving and despicable Fae, but yet somehow . . . somehow I knew whatever I would tell him to do, he would do it just to please me. Even in my wildest dreams, I couldn’t have imagined anyone would ever look at me the way he did—villain or not.

I bit my lip, trying to force away the wild thoughts that flowed through my mind.

Then I sat up a little taller.

“Come here,” I commanded seductively, wanting to test what I thought I already knew.

His eyes darkened instantly, and the corner of his mouth dimpled.

“This will be my last night with you before I go home or die and I—”

His face wiped free of any humor and back into the fierce Unseelie prince as he stiffened.

Before I knew it, he had grabbed my legs and pulled my body down flat against the bed, the tunic now scrunched up around my chest. My heart pounded in my ears. Had I pushed him too far? I knew he was deranged, but what had I done?

He hovered over me and pressed his knees between my legs. His arms had somehow grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head before I could even register what had happened.

“No, you come here.” His eyes darkened as his body hovered just above mine. He pulled back to blatantly run his eyes up and down my now fully exposed body. I watched as his breath hitched in his chest and his teeth pulled in a corner of his lower lip. “I am yours to command, my love.” He pressed his soft lips against my cheek. “But I don’t think you understand the capacity of the blade you wish to wield.” Another kiss to my jawline. “It’s true, you may possess me now, but I will haunt you until your mortal blood rises from its depths to feel my touch.” He moved himself down and was suddenly ghosting velvety kisses across the inside of my thighs.

My legs were parted—my whole body displayed openly for him. I sent up a silent prayer that he couldn’t feel my legs shaking with anticipation.

He looked up from between my thighs with a sultry smirk and deep need written across his face.

Mendax’s hot breath tickled across my innermost thigh and center. He was so close to touching my skin.

But he didn’t.

“Your body reacts to my touch like a forest fire.” His whispered voice danced over my center before he pressed his mouth to the crease between my thigh and center.

I was shamelessly squirmy, now needing to brush against his mouth. He looked up with a dark look, his pupils completely blown out.

“You should be resting now. Such a naughty human.” His hot breath accompanied a tiny touch from the tip of his tongue against my throbbing clit.

A sigh left my mouth as I reached out and grabbed a handful of his hair, not thinking. A hungry growl tore from his chest as he stared at me with barely shackled restraint.

Never had I responded to someone’s touch like his. It was as if every trail of his fingers burned a memory that I would replay over and over again for the rest of my days.

“Tomorrow, you will go to the gridiron of fates for your third and final trial.” His hands slid across my thighs. “It is the oldest and most controversial form of Fae punishment.” His thumb trailed up my center, and I pushed up just before it was gone. “It is where fate rules all and decides what your punishment truly should be.” His mouth kissed my clit as a hand trailed up my stomach to grab my breast.

My back arched immediately in response, pressing into him.

God, this was torture! I needed to feel him.

My hand moved from his hair to his bouldered shoulder. Electricity surged between my legs at the feel of his bare skin until he dipped back down to take a deep swipe pulling my clit into his mouth.

A cry of pleasure flung from my mouth like an insult. I was panting harder now, as was he.

“The gridiron of fates is a large arena.” His mouth trailed licks and kisses up my hips. “The queen and I will sit on our thrones and preside over the trial from the stands.” His mouth had reached the lower edge of my breast.

His large arms caged me in as his abdomen and chest rubbed sinfully against my center. He began to pull back, and my legs shot around him to keep him in place. It felt like a part of me would die if I didn’t feel his body pressed against mine.

A hard swallow moved down the column of his thick neck as his blazing stare burned through me.

I was shamelessly writhing against him now, needing release.

He bent down to kiss between my breasts. “So needy for me, little lamb,” he murmured across my clavicle, and I had to turn my head away to stop myself from slamming my mouth into his, dying to taste him.

“There will be two doors inside the arena. Pay attention, you need to know this.” He was breathing heavily now as he ground a small thrust against me.

“Please, Malum,” I accidentally whimpered into his ear as I pulled him against me.

His wicked smile was that of a cat that had just caught a mouse. He pressed a finger to my lips to quiet me. Needing to make him regret his smug look, I sucked the finger into my mouth and swirled my tongue around it before he pulled it out. His mouth hung open before his eyes flickered shut for a beat leaving his mouth gaping.

If this was a game of wills, I would win; his reaction assured me of that.

He continued speaking as his hand reached between us to feel my wetness and glide into me in an act of sweltering retaliation.

I nearly came as soon as his fingers pushed inside me.

“As I was saying.” He kissed the sensitive underside of my neck—the part that wolves showed their submission by presenting to their alpha. “In the arena, there will be two doors you must choose your fate from.”

His fingers worked far too slowly in and out. My nails dug into his bare back, trying to make them move faster. God, I was so close already.

“Behind one door is your freedom, or so the queen has promised.” Finally, his fingers moved deliciously fast as I panted like a dog in his ear. “But that is not your fate, I will see to it.”

His pace slowed again, and I tried to make up for it with my thrusting hips. I could feel his hard cock stab into my thigh every so often, barely restrained by his pants.

“More importantly, behind the second door will be the most vicious and deadly creature they can find, and only the queen will know what door it is behind. Should you choose that door, the beast will immediately descend upon you and kill you so fast there is nothing you or anyone else could possibly do to avoid it.”

Was he still talking? It sounded like bubbles inside my head. All I could think about was what it would feel like as he pressed himself into me. First, the tip would slide in, then slowly the rest of him before he pulled out and then in again. He was large, large enough that my body would need to adjust to him—but god, would it feel good.

“Are you listening, love?” He smiled as his face hovered over mine, watching me come undone.

I nodded, unable to think straight. “I want you inside me. Please,” I begged.

His wings gently flowed out, and the black smoke curled around his back more like a blanket than wings. They flowed over my hands, where I’m certain my nails must’ve broken his skin, to glide over my body. The smoke held its own sensation entirely. I touched the smoke, swirling wildly, just like I had longed to ever since the first day I had seen them. It was unexplainable. You could feel them, and they could push back as hard as iron, but then my hand would push through other parts like normal smoke, completely at his will whether he wanted them to be a wisp or full-blown objects.

He moaned as I felt the two rectangular bases where the smoke joined at his shoulder blades. He shivered against me before pulling back with a boyish look. “They are sensitive,” he stated as he leaned forward again, this time collecting my wrists above my head as he pressed them into the mattress. His deep strokes continued as his thumb circled me.

I was going to come.

“Please, I need you,” I purred against his neck before finally reaching my head up to touch his mouth with mine.

His fingers slowed as the kiss grew tender. He lifted his body enough to watch me, and his hand picked up the pace. He moved his body to the side of the bed, and I waited for him to remove his pants like a hungry animal waiting for its meal.

His hand reached out to cup my face as he undid his buckle with the other. He leaned over my chest to bite my earlobe gently. My eyes slammed shut with delirium as he pressed into my chest so he could reach my pussy at the same time, needing to touch me.

“I need you so bad,” I murmured through closed eyes.

Mendax kissed the sensitive skin below my ear as his fingers slammed into me. His thumb worked magic against my clit, and I saw fireworks. I was going to come.

Tension surged through my body on the edge of tipping over. I was about to—I was co—

He pulled away. “Remember that,” he said as he removed his hand and stood up with a wicked glimmer in his eyes.

He turned and walked to the door as I sat dumbfounded and unsatiated in an angry, frustrated blaze staring at his back as he walked out the door.

Just before he closed the door behind him, he jutted his head inside and said, “Sleep. I want to invade your mind before I invade your body, my sweet lamb. I need to hunt down a few families. The beast keepers are refusing to speak to anyone other than the queen about which door the beast will be placed.” He ran a hand through his tousled black hair. “I will kill every member of their family in front of them until they tell me what door the beast will be stationed behind. Callie”—his face looked so serious now—“look to me tomorrow, and I will tell you which door to choose.” He held my gaze for a long moment before the door slammed shut, and I was left in an unsatiated stupor.

Could I even trust him to tell me the door that would lead to my freedom? He was the one who had put me in the trials to kill me. What if he still wanted me dead and this was all a lie? It’s obvious he was a psychopath. Would he tell me the door with the beast just so I couldn’t leave him? My mind swirled with torturous thoughts.

Could I trust him?