He’s Not My Type

Halsey: I’m fucking this up. I honestly don’t think I have a chance with her.

Posey: What? Why do you say that? That’s not the positive thinking we’re looking for.

OC: He’s right. We need to manifest this.

Silas: How are you fucking it up?

Pacey: Penny, has Blakely said anything to you?

Penny: I’m texting her right now. I’ll ask her how it’s been going living with Halsey.

Halsey: BE SUBTLE!

Penny: Don’t worry, I will. She hasn’t said anything to me, but we haven’t really talked about it other than the whole brother thing. But I’ve been nervous to give my position away, so I don’t press that much.

OC: Ooo, she’s being stealth about it. I like that.

Silas: I’m going to start telling Eli about how you’re sucking Penny’s ass.

OC: I’m NOT SUCKING HER ASS! Jesus.

Penny: It feels like a light sucking.

Posey: As much as I love the banter in these texts, we need to get to the point at hand. Why does Halsey think he doesn’t have a chance? What happened?

Silas: Great question.

Halsey: I was an overprotective asshole who told her she wasn’t allowed to stay in her apartment because it wasn’t good enough for her. I proceeded to hold her hand and yell at her landlord.

Posey: Explain to me how that’s bad? Seems like a white knight situation.

Silas: Ollie would probably hump my face if I did that for her, not that I need to since we’re living together, but you get the idea.

Pacey: Winnie too. How is this bad?

Halsey: She hasn’t really spoken to me since. I took her dress shopping, because she’s going to a wedding and needed a dress. And that was okay, a little awkward, but that was right after the landlord thing. We usually hang out in the living room, but she’s been in her room. I just think I fucked it up. Should I apologize?

Posey: NO. Don’t apologize. You can’t be sorry for standing up for her.

Silas: He’s right. If she’s mad at you for standing up for her, then so be it, but you can’t take that back because you meant it, right?

Halsey: Every fucking word.

Pacey: Then stand by it. Penny, any info on your end?

Penny: She’s just saying everything’s fine. She might be onto me. Or protecting the situation because if things are weird, that’s usually something she’d tell me. Then again, if she thinks I’m too close to Halsey by being with Eli, she might not want to tell the truth, if that makes sense.

Posey: Yeah, that makes sense. **Scratches chin** What do we do now?

Halsey: Drop it. I don’t want to put more distance between us.

Penny: I don’t think we can drop it. We’re so close. This is a minor setback, although I don’t even think it’s a setback. I think . . . it probably made her think.

Halsey: What do you mean?

Penny: You have to understand Blakely. She just got out of a long-term relationship, and it was a good one. Perry was a good guy and loved her. She loved him, but that love wasn’t strong enough. Your display of “affection” when telling off her landlord probably freaked her out because that’s the kind of love she was missing with Perry. That guttural instinct to lay everything down for her. He didn’t when he left, and the fact that you didn’t even blink an eye about taking the sword for her probably freaked her out.

Posey: So what you’re saying is that we’ve made progress?

Penny: I’m saying that we might need something monumental to really shift her frame of mind, because I know for a fact she’s said Halsey isn’t for her.

Halsey: Fuck, she said that?

OC: Ouch, why does that make me physically ill?

Posey: When the hell did she say that?

Penny: I didn’t want to say anything at first, but yeah, she’s said it. I just don’t think she sees you as someone she could be with. Like I said before, more of a brother.

Silas: This doesn’t bode well for us.

Pacey: He did something monumental, and it freaked her out. So what the hell is he supposed to do? Fuck her?

Halsey: I’m not fucking her.

Penny: That actually might work.

Posey: I’m all for Halsey fucking her.

OC: I know I’m not supposed to mention the penis, but dude, give her the good stuff and she’ll come back for more.

Silas: It’s risky, but I say fuck her too.

Halsey: You are all useless. You’ve created a situation where I’ve failed time after time and sure, some of it has been my fault, but this advice has been asinine. If anything, the only accomplishment I’ve made when it comes to Blakely is being friend-zoned. So thank you. Also, I’m not fucking her!

OC: Even though I read that as a nice thank you, I think this is a situation where we’re not supposed to say you’re welcome.

Posey: You’re going to be removed again.

OC: Understood.

“DO YOU MISS IT?”

“Miss what?” I ask as I casually lean back on the couch, electrolyte drink in hand. Even though I’m not playing right now, I still adhere to no drinking before a game—or during for that matter in my situation. Blakely has asked me why I don’t drink a beer while watching the game, and I tell her because I wouldn’t be able to drink one during the game if I was playing. She thought it was funny.

That’s me, the fucking funny brother.

The funny brother drinking the electrolytes like a goddamn geek, wearing an Agitators shirt while trying to fixate on the tied game in front of me—rather than look at Blakely—because I might say something stupid like . . . do you want to go fuck?

Yup.

That’s what those stupid texts have done to me. They’ve made me think about fucking her way too much and now it’s in my brain, ready to be unleashed by my stupidity.

Another reason I’m not drinking any alcohol. Because one too many might lead me to say something stupid.

“Do you miss playing?”

“Yeah,” I answer. “Watching them and being unable to help is way more painful than this ankle injury.”

“Would you rather play injured?”

“Yeah.” I move my thumb over my jaw, and from the corner of my eye, I catch her watching the small movement. “But I know it would be stupid. If I played injured, it would hurt the team more than help them.”

“Because you could possibly reinjure it?”

Wow, this is the most she’s talked to me since the dress shop.

“That and because I wouldn’t be on top of my game. I’d probably be slow, and that’s not helpful to anyone.”

“Do you think you’ll be ready in a few days?”

“I hope so. Feeling pretty strong.” I rub my hands over my pants as the game goes to a commercial. “Thanks by the way, Blakely.”

“Thanks for what?”

“For all of the help you’ve given me. I know it probably hasn’t been easy moving your schedule around, but I appreciate you making the effort.”

“Of course. We created this mess together, so we’re fixing it together.”

Yup . . . friend-zoned.

That is such a friend response.

Nothing has felt more awful.

“So does this mean this is our last game together, Halsey?”

“It is,” I answer. “We should have celebrated.”

She’s about to respond when her phone dings with a text message. Trying to give her privacy, but also curious if it’s Penny looking for more information, I glance in her direction just in time to catch her face fall, her expression turning ghostly.

Uh-oh, that can’t be good.

“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask.

She looks up from her phone and shakes her head. “No. I just got a text from Perry.”

Perry as in the ex-boyfriend Perry?

What the hell does that fucker want?

If he’s asking her to take him back, I’m going to kick my leg right through my concrete wall.

Because fuck!

I’m trying to remain neutral despite the anger that shot right through my body. Muscles are tense. Jaw is clenched. Sphincter is tight. Yeah, I said sphincter. We’re going there.

“What does the text say?” I ask.

Please don’t say he wants you again.

For the love of God, don’t let that be my shit luck.

Shakily, she stares down at the text and reads it out loud. “‘Hey B, hope you’re doing well. Probably not the person you expected to hear from but wanted to see if you’re still going to Arlene’s wedding. I’m actually flying back for the wedding and wondered if you wanted to hang out.’” She looks up at me, her expression neutral.

Well . . . what does she think of that?

Is she annoyed? Because I’m annoyed.

Because I know exactly what Perry wants when he says hang out. It’s basically a “let’s get naked” text. Does she want that? Does she want to fuck him again?

Is she glad he’s going to the wedding so he can be her plus-one and post-wedding fuck?

Because I want to rip his nuts off for even considering flying across the world for a goddamn wedding.

The game comes back on the TV, but my attention remains on her and what is going on in that beautiful head of hers.

Finally after what feels like minutes of silence, she says, “Why . . . why is he going to the wedding?” Her eyes start to water, and her lips grow tight. “I don’t want to see him.”

Treading lightly, because I don’t want to show just how fucking gleeful that response made me, I ask, “Would Arlene and Marco be upset if you didn’t go?”

“Yes, and I’d hate to miss it.” She lets out an irritated sigh and leans back on the couch. “This is stupid. Why would he come all the way back from Australia for a wedding? I was the one who introduced him to Arlene and Marco. Technically, they belong to me. And now he’s going to fly across the world just to make me uncomfortable? Who does that?”

A dick, that’s who.

“When is the wedding again?”

“This Friday. There’s no game so I’m free for the night. It’s why I said yes.” She groans. “God, of course he’d do this. He was never a vindictive man, and he never played mind games. He was very loyal, so this is why he’s going. Because he’s so loyal.” She starts to tremble, her voice shaking and her eyes welling up with more tears, but she won’t allow them to fall. I can see the panic bubbling up, and I don’t fucking like it.

I don’t like the tears welling in her eyes.

I don’t like the shakiness in her voice.

The trembling of her lip.

I like nothing about it.

And I feel this need to correct the situation.

To make it better for her, just like her apartment.

I’m itching to make this better, to remove the frown from her face. My mind starts racing with how I can find a solution, anything to make sure she’s no longer sad.

“Like, dude, everyone knows you’re in Australia. Just stay there. Enjoy your new life with your new job and your new apartment and possibly your new wenches that you have crawling at your feet. And why even text me? He wants to meet up? Hang out? As if I don’t have a life of my own? Like is he trying to—”

“Take me,” I say before I can stop myself. It’s the first solution that pops into my mind, and as Blakely stares at me in shock, I realize this actually might be a good idea.

Yeah, she should take me.

I could protect her.

Be there for her.

Hold her hand . . .

Although from the look of shock and confusion that passes over her face, I’m gathering that maybe she’s not on the same wavelength as I am.

Quietly, she says, “What?”

Yup, you did it now. You said it. Now you have to follow through.

You wanted your chance.

Here it is.

Take it.

My eyes stay connected with hers so she knows how serious I am. “Take me to the wedding.”

“Wh-why would I do that?” she asks.

Yeah, Halsey, why would you do that?

Maybe because I’m practically in love with you.

Because I can’t get enough of you.

Because if I don’t take you to the wedding, you might fall for your ex again, and I don’t think I can handle that.

Because I want my goddamn chance at holding you for a night.

“You can pretend I’m your boyfriend and won’t have to worry about Perry at all,” I say, the words flying out of me before I can stop them.

She doesn’t answer.

Instead, she sits there, stunned.

Unmoving.

And I start to panic that my opportunity to take a chance will wildly backfire on me.

But what could really happen? She says no and you deal with rejection? Well, guess what? She considers you as her brother. Can’t get any more rock bottom than that.

Finally she asks, “You want to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes.” I say it with such certainty that she can’t decipher if I’m being serious or not. When she doesn’t say anything, I add, “This way, you can go to the wedding, enjoy it, and not worry about Perry. I’ll make sure he doesn’t go near you, and you don’t have to be alone.”

Her eyes lift, and through those thick lashes, she asks, “You’d do that for me?”

Oh shit . . . is she going to say yes?

My entire body tingles with anticipation.

Please fucking say yes.

Give me one night, Blakely.

I’ll prove to you how much I deserve you.

“Of course,” I answer. I want to hold her hand. I want to tell her I’d do anything for her . . . fucking anything, but I don’t want to show all of my cards. I think the desperation is already thick in my voice.

Her teeth run over her bottom lip as she looks away. “Marco would die if you were at the wedding. He’s a huge Agitators fan. I’m sure they’d have no problem making room for you if I told them we were dating.” She winces. “But would that look bad? That I started dating someone new right after Perry and I broke up?”

“Who fucking cares,” I say. Fuck, she’s so close to saying yes. “You’re allowed to move on as quickly as you want without judgment. And if there is judgment, then those people shouldn’t be in your life anyway.”

She slowly nods. “You’re right.” She brings her legs up to her chest and rests her chin on her knees. “You really wouldn’t mind? I feel bad asking you to go with me. I know it’s your day off, but . . . you’ve already done so much for me. I’d feel like I’m asking too much.”

“You’re not asking me to do anything. I’m telling you to take me.”

“Yeah, I guess you are.” She blows out a heavy breath. “Okay, let me see what Arlene and Marco say.”

The biggest fucking smile wants to cross over my face, but I hold back. Instead, I turn back toward the game with a nonchalant reply. “Cool.”

HALSEY: I did something big. Astronomical actually.

Posey: After the loss we suffered tonight, I’m hoping this astronomical thing is good.

Pacey: I let three goals go by, better be fucking amazing news.

OC: Silas is currently abusing the wall we share in the hotel room. I believe kicking, maybe punching. Either way, I don’t foresee him on his phone.

Penny: Eli has not texted me back. Is he okay? The fight he got in didn’t look good.

Posey: He’s good. Letting steam off with a beer. I’m sure he’ll get back to you soon.

Halsey: Maybe not the best time to text. Fuck. Sorry, guys.

Pacey: No, we need the distraction. Please just tell us you’re going to be back with us soon.

OC: Silas and I miss you.

Halsey: There’s a great possibility I’ll be playing soon. If anything, maybe just to get out there for a few minutes. We’ll see what Grace says.

Posey: Is that the good news? Because I’d be glad if it was.

OC: We all would.

Halsey: That’s not the news.

Penny: Eli just texted me. Did you know he got punched in the nuts?

Pacey: Yeah, he had to readjust his cup in the penalty box, which was awkward for everyone.

Penny: Who punches the cup?

OC: Someone who wants to be a dick.

Posey: I’ve done it a few times. You shift the cup to the side and force your opponent to readjust, and I’ll tell you right now, that shit never sits the same.

OC: Really fucking annoying.

Penny: So he wasn’t hurt, more inconvenienced?

Pacey: Exactly. Anyway, Halsey, what’s the news?

Halsey: Perry is coming back for a wedding that they’re both going to.

Penny: WHAT?! Why? Ew, did he say he wanted to get back together with Blakely? I will riot!

Posey: You’ll riot? I’ll throw a goddamn tantrum right in front of her.

Halsey: No, he said he wanted to “hang out.” So it was a “DTF?” IMHO. She looked really panicked, which I took as a good sign. So I told her to take me as her date, and I’d pretend to be her boyfriend.

Posey: You did?!?

OC: Is it weird that my nipples just got hard?

Penny: You’re pulling a Silas! Oh my God, this is amazing. What did she say?

Halsey: She said yes.

Posey: Boner . . . I have a fucking BONER! She fucking said yes? Slap me in the ass because I need to be woken up from this dream.

OC: Should I be concerned that I didn’t get a boner but my nipples are hard?

Pacey: Both of you are fucking idiots.

Penny: I approve of hard nipples and the boner because this is HUGE, Halsey. This is it. This is your in! Now you’ll have a chance to make your move.

Posey: I agree. This is it. This is monumental. You get to protect her from the ex she doesn’t want to talk to, and while pretending to be her boyfriend. You get to touch her, hold her . . . maybe even kiss her.

Halsey: I’m not kissing her.

Silas: Just catching up despite being in a shit mood. Kiss her. Touch her just like if she was yours. You get one chance, don’t fuck it up. Take it from me who went through this.

OC: I need to learn more about this fake dating thing.

Penny: Trust me when I say, this is where you move in.

Halsey: But things are already strained. What if I make a move and fuck it all up?

Posey: I’d treat this as the championships, man. You have to be all in, no matter what’s going on between you two. You either show her the man, the boyfriend you can be, or you let her go.

Pacey: I agree with everyone.

OC: **Eats popcorn** Just here for the storyline.

Silas: Is he kicked out again?

Posey: Yes.

Penny: Yes.

Pacey: I don’t know . . . I think he brings charm.