Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

Emmeline’s breath released in a jealous sigh as she peered through the French doors to watch Alasdair. He had always looked like he’d fit in perfectly in the locker room of any professional sport across the country. The stamp of capable warrior was all over him, yet somehow with his infant daughter in his arms he appeared to be invincible. And very much in love.

Alasdair was walking around the kitchen, his lips moving as he crooned to the bundle of white blanket against his chest that contained one month old Celene. She was nestled in the crook of her daddy’s arm while he was getting things out to warm up her bottle with the other. Em’s lips curved in a little smile as he stopped moving for a second and grinned at the baby.

Isabelle is so lucky.

“Lass,” Haelan said as he moved closer to her back. “Come inside and meet your new cousin.” She nodded but didn’t move. “Em?”

“It’s just a lot to deal with,” she breathed.

He looked at her profile for a moment and knew she was thinking about the days she and Isabelle had spent in captivity. The tense line of her jaw gave it away. “You’re safe now. Isabelle’s safe.” He cupped her shoulders gently. “She’s been asking to see you for weeks, and I’m sure Alasdair would appreciate having another adult to talk to.”

“Are you kidding? Look at him. Have you ever seen a happier guy?”

Haelan laughed softly. “He does look content.” His hands squeezed her shoulders through her jacket. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s been waiting for this for hundreds of years.”

She nodded again. “I almost took that from him.” She turned her head to look at him. “How can he forgive me?”

“He’s never once blamed you for any of it. If anything, he feels guilty for not getting to you sooner. Can you imagine how having a mate rescue herself makes him feel?”

“Isabelle’s pretty stubborn,” she murmured as she turned back to watch Alasdair lean against the counter and bounced his arm. He smiled at his daughter, then lifted her higher to press his lips against her cheek.

“The important thing is that you and Isabelle are safe, little Celene has arrived, and now we can get on with our lives.”

Em swallowed hard as tears gathered in her throat. “Most of us,” she whispered.

“Lass, I’m sorry. That was thoughtless—”

“It’s okay,” she blurted, then reached out to knock. “Let’s go say hi.”

Alasdair looked up and smiled when the door swung open. “Emmeline, come in lass.” Celene fussed impatiently. “Shh sweet girl, Uncle Haelan will take you so I can finish getting your bottle.”

Haelan moved behind Em, kicked off his boots, shrugged off his jacket, and hung it on a hook by the door. While he slipped past her to take the baby, Em dropped her bag on the floor then did the same. Haelan turned to Em and planted a soft kiss on Celene’s little forehead. “Have you missed me?” Celene cooed, then waved a tiny fist in the air. Haelan caught it with his fingers to smooth her little hand with his thumb.

“Is this where you went?” Em asked as he stepped closer. She had been seeing less of him since the week before Celene was born. It was strange, as after their return from the faerie realm he’d been with her almost daily. The only exception was on her days off when he would go back to check on his sons.

“Of course. I’ve been getting to know the recent addition to the family, helping where I can.” He smiled at her. “Those laundry lessons you gave me have been very useful.”

“Let me know if you need more practice.” She stepped closer to get a better look at Celene. The little girl turned from staring at her uncle to regard Em with a very serious look. Her ice-blue eyes widened for a moment, and then she smiled. Em reached up and brushed her fingertips over the fringe of dark hair that framed Celene’s chubby little face. “Alasdair, she’s beautiful.”

“Thank the stars she takes after her mother,” Haelan said over his shoulder.

“I agree,” Alasdair replied. The alarm on the bottle warmer chimed. Alasdair pulled the bottle out and wiped it off with a towel. Em stepped back and watched the two big faeries set about feeding the tiny girl. She smiled as Isabelle walked into the kitchen and draped her arm around Em’s shoulders.

“Kinda hits you right in the ovaries, doesn’t it,” Isabelle said with a little sigh.

Haelan looked up at Em with a smile curving his lips. “I’ve missed having a little one in my arms,” Haelan said, then looked down at Celene.

“Then why haven’t you taken a new mate?” Alasdair asked. Haelan just ignored him and kept his attention on Celene.

“Waiting for the right one, huh?” Isabelle squeezed Em’s shoulder.

Em brushed her cousin’s hand off with a little huff. “Jesus Belle, don’t be one of those.” She rolled her eyes at Isabelle, who laughed in response. “He’s only keeping a promise.” She gave Isabelle a stern look as she scooted past her to pick up her bag. “There’s nothing going on between us.” The awkward silence that fell over the room was broken by the little noises Celene was making while she sucked her bottle. Em closed her eyes and took a breath. When she opened them, she pulled the bag’s strap over her shoulder and went back to Isabelle. “Sorry, I’m just tired.”

“It’s okay,” Isabelle said with a smile.

“I’m going to go put this away,” Em said as she patted the bag against her hip.

“I made up the room at the end of the hall,” Isabelle said as she stepped out of Em’s way. “I wasn’t sure if—” She waved her hands in an uneasy flutter. “If I should—”

“One room is fine,” Em said as she looked at Haelan. He was watching her with a sympathetic look in his eyes. The way he usually did. “The nightmares haven’t gone away yet.”

Tell them.

Em looked down as Isabelle gripped her shoulder. “It’s Haelan you should feel sorry for,” Em said with a frown. “Poor guy doesn’t get any sleep when I’m around.”

It was not an understatement. In the six months they’d known each other, Haelan had spent almost every night with her. At first he’d slept on the settee in her room. A week into her stay in the faerie realm, Davros started haunting her dreams. The beast chased her through the darkness, and Haelan’s presence in the room hadn’t been enough to calm her. After a week of being woken by her panicked cries, he took the empty side of her bed.

He’d built a wall of pillows in the middle of the wide mattress, and when she cried out in her sleep, he would reach over that wall to touch her shoulder or take her hand. The first time she could sleep through the night he’d woken to find that she’d pushed a pillow out of the way and had her hands wrapped around his bicep, her forehead was pressed against his shoulder.

There was no real discussion about their arrangement. They just sort of fell into it. Haelan kept the pillow wall in place for the rest of the time she had been in the faerie realm. Each morning he would feel the warmth of her hands around his arm, the whisper of her breath on his shoulder. He never voiced a complaint, and Em was grateful for that. He kept the monsters away from her dreams and comforted her when her thoughts turned to Balthazar.

Her bed at home wasn’t big enough for a pillow wall. The result was an awkward moment when she crawled into it the first night, but Haelan had slid in next to her and turned onto his side with his back to her. It was his way of showing her he was there if she needed him. And made it glaringly obvious that protector slash friend was his role in her life.

Despite her outward calm, Em was relieved to have Haelan’s stalwart presence in her world. Since her eyes had been opened to the dark things that lurk behind masks of humanity, she hadn’t been excited about going back to every aspect of her life. Having a well-trained faerie warrior at her side made moving through the world a lot less intimidating, though.

The weeks after Celene’s birth had been hard for Em. She’d grown used to being able to reach out and touch Haelan’s muscular arm at night. Without him there, she hadn’t been sleeping well. But his absences had given someone else the opening they’d been waiting for.

Em came back to herself as Isabelle moved to take Celene from Haelan. Em hefted her bag, then left the kitchen to head upstairs. She hurried up the steps and down the hall to the door furthest from the master bedroom and nursery. She slipped inside and dropped her bag on the bed.

How can I tell them when I don’t understand what happened?

It was a dream. You know that.

That doesn’t make sense. I couldn’t have compelled myself.

Are you sure—

There is no other explanation.

Em’s breath escaped in an airy giggle. “Fuck me, I’m losing my mind.”

He’s dead dummy. He couldn’t have compelled you.

“Then you explain what happened.”

Balthazar didn’t come back from the dead and compel you. That’s stupid.

“I agree,” she whispered. “But I saw him.”

In a dream you nitwit.

“It couldn’t be.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “I touched him.”

“I thought you said she was doing better,” Isabelle said as she handed her mate the bottle and shifted Celene to her shoulder.

Haelan shrugged. “I thought she was.” He sat down at the table and grabbed a small blanket out of the laundry basket sitting there. Isabelle followed him, smiled as he pointedly kept his eyes on the square of pink fabric in his hands. After a minute, she cleared her throat. He sighed heavily. “Lass, she needs more time.”

“We’ve waited months already,” she hissed. “We have to tell her.” Haelan laid the blanket on the table and reached for another. “Haelan.” She turned to Alasdair, who was setting a kettle on the stove. When she caught his eye, she nodded toward Haelan.

“She’s right,” Alasdair said as he moved to the table. “The longer we wait, the angrier she’s going to be.”

Haelan set another blanket on the pile he had created. “Have you been able to locate any more information on this uncle Julian?” He looked at Isabelle with a raised eyebrow.

She shook her head. “I only had one of the photo albums.” She bounced Celene slowly and smoothed her little back. “Bryant’s guy wasn’t able to track him before he showed up fifty years ago.”

“He had to have been here before that,” Alasdair said.

“Bryant said that they could have the grave dug up,” Isabelle said. “At least we could confirm whether he’s still alive.”

“That seems a little dark,” Haelan said with a frown.

“That’s what I said when she told me,” Alasdair said as he went to a cupboard to pull out mugs.

“Lass, I wouldn’t feel comfortable disturbing someone’s grave,” Haelan said.

“Fine,” Isabelle said. “He said the few pictures I had were enough to piece together the family tree a little better.”

“He wasn’t a weird uncle,” Haelan said.

“Bryant said based off facial features he was more likely a great grandfather,” Isabelle said as she skirted around the table and bent down to set Celene in her swing. She grinned at her daughter as she waved her little hands while she snapped the straps into place. After she tucked the blanket around Celene’s legs, she straightened and stretched her back.

Haelan reached over and turned the swing so he could see the baby. “How have you been feeling?” he asked Isabelle.

Isabelle laughed softly. “Okay. Still pretty lost.” She walked around the island to her mate. He turned from pouring boiling water in mugs to wrap his arms around her.

“It takes time to figure all of this out,” Haelan said as he tucked the blanket back under Celene’s foot. She cooed at him.

“I know,” Isabelle said. “I just wish someone would have told me I was going to live in the kitchen for the year.”

“It looks like it,” Em said as she walked into the room. Her eyes scanned the island. There were stacks of clean laundry covering most of it. Isabelle looked at the clothes with a sigh. “I’ll help you with it tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Isabelle said as her hands slid from Alasdair’s waist. She grabbed two of the mugs from the counter and brought them to the table, then went back to get another for herself. “It’s chamomile,” she said to Em.

Em stopped at the baby swing on her way to the table. She bent over to smooth her fingertips along Celene’s cheek. “Has anyone ever told you that you have a sweet face?” she said to Celene. Celene gurgled and waved her little hands.

“Everyone tells her that,” Alasdair said with a proud smile. “And they’re all correct.”

Haelan laughed. “Every parent thinks that but—” He held up a hand as his brother’s brows came together. “In this instance I agree.”

Em sat down and leaned over to take the tea bag out of Haelan’s mug, then did the same with her own. Alasdair waited while Haelan placed the clothes in the basket, then set it on the floor and sat next to his brother. Isabelle reached over and gripped Em’s arm. “Did you eat?”

“We stopped at the coffee shop before we left,” Em said with a nod.

“How is Bastion?” Isabelle asked.

“He’s good, worries too much, but that seems to be going around a lot,” Em said with a glance at Haelan. “Not that I don’t appreciate the attention.”

Haelan leaned forward as Celene’s face screwed up and she let out a fussy cry. “What’s the matter?” he asked in a little singsong lilt. His hands pulled the blanket free and unclipped the safety strap.

“She probably needs a change,” Isabelle said.

Haelan held up a hand as he heard her chair scrape the floor. “You relax with your tea, I can do it.” He lifted Celene from the swing and tucked her against his chest as he stood. “We’ll be right back.” Everyone else watched as he left the kitchen, making little calming noises while Celene cried. The trio was quiet for a minute.

Em turned back to Isabelle. “That’s amazing.”

“What is?” Alasdair asked.

“Him,” Em said with a wave toward the door.

“He’s very helpful,” Isabelle said with a grin.

“Gracie, your mom’s head cook.” Em looked at Alasdair. “She said that even though the twins had nannies, he was very much a hands on dad.”

“Most faerie males are,” Alasdair said as he lifted his mug to his lips.

“Thank god for that,” Isabelle said with a relieved look at Em. “I’d still be trying to take a shower if it wasn’t for him.” She tilted her head toward Alasdair. He leaned over and kissed her. Em smiled at the couple. The sleep deprivation that comes with having a new baby hadn’t dimmed their public displays of affections one bit.

“All fixed,” Haelan announced as he walked into the room. “Let’s see if Em wants a cuddle, shall we?” he asked Celene as he moved to the table. Em looked up at him for a second, then scooted her chair back. Haelan leaned over and gently placed the baby in her arms. Celene cooed as she made eye contact with Em. Em blinked hard as her eyes filled with tears. Haelan pulled his chair closer and sat down. “Lass?”

Em nodded but didn’t look away from Celene. “You were right,” she whispered.

“About what?” Isabelle asked.

“That you will see evil in your world, but you’ll also experience pure innocence,” Haelan said softly. “And the fight is worth it to have the chance to hold it in your arms.” He smiled at Em. “If only for the briefest of moments.”

Em’s breath held as she continued to look at Celene’s face. “She’s perfect,” Em said after a moment, then looked up at Isabelle. “You’re going to have more, right?” Her face broke into a smile as Alasdair grinned at her, and Isabelle sat back in her chair with a huff.

“I’d like to heal from the first one before we start planning an addition to the family,” Isabelle said as she crossed her arms over her breasts. “Besides, I think it’s your turn now.” Haelan looked at Isabelle sharply but Em didn’t see the visual exchange between the two, she’d turned her gaze back to Celene.

“Maybe,” Em said with a little shrug. Isabelle’s eyes went wide and swung back to Em. “Someone’s getting sleepy.” She looked up at Isabelle, who immediately tried to wipe the surprise off her face.

Alasdair stood up. “I’ll help you.” Em stood carefully and left the room with Alasdair on her heels.

Isabelle waited until she could hear her mate’s footsteps on the stairs then whispered, “It just slipped out.”

“Lass, you have to be more careful,” he admonished in a low voice.

“I’m just excited,” she said as she leaned forward in her seat. “When are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know,” he answered as he picked up his mug and stared into it. “I was so sure that Rayne was going to say it wasn’t her I hadn’t given it much thought.”

“You love her though, right?” she asked with a big smile. Haelan held his tongue, but his cheeks turned a deep pink under her stare. “Haelan?”

“Lass—”

“For the love of god, would you just admit it already?” She leaned even farther, and the table wobbled under the weight of her arms. He pressed a hand on the wood surface to keep it from tipping onto her. “I see the way you look at her,” she said as she sat back a little. He looked up at her and she grinned at what she saw in his eyes. “Besides, you got your proof when Deamol took Tyrus’ sketch of her to Rayne. What are you waiting for?”

“She’s still healing,” he said as he set the mug down. “After what she went through, I can’t just blurt something like that out.”

Isabelle sat back with a heavy sigh. “How long are you going to hold out?”

“As long as she needs me to,” he said. Isabelle picked up her mug with a frown. “Lass it hasn’t been easy all these months, consoling my true mate while she cries for the love she’s lost, holding her in my arms when Davros comes back to her in her mind.” He took a big breath and let it out in a harsh sigh. “She’s not ready to see me as more than her personal guard, and I won’t push her away by declaring myself too soon.” He held up a hand as Isabelle opened her mouth. “Promise me you’ll keep it to yourself a while longer.” One of his eyebrows went up as she clamped her lips together.

“Fine,” she grumbled. “I promise.”

Just outside the doorway Em stood frozen with the baby monitor, that Alasdair had asked her to bring to Isabelle while he took a few minutes to sing Celene a lullaby, clutched in her hands. She blinked as Haelan’s words reached her from the other room.

True mate? Her eyes went wide as the meaning of that phrase hit home. She swallowed hard, her heart thumped against her ribs, and her stomach flipped over as it became home to a thousand butterflies.

Haelan loves me.