Grim and Bear It

Poppy's Human Rule #1: Live with my whole heart Poppy

Being human again was startling. Well, mostly human. When the venom mixed with my reaper magic, it had a strange reaction. I had a heartbeat, functioning lungs, a stomach that still loved chocolate, and could now smell, feel, and taste things in the human realm.

I could no longer drop my human glamour, but I could heal faster than an average human. Thank god. I had already broken my nose and three fingers trying to remember that I could no longer walk through walls. That was going to take some getting used to.

Everything was brighter, louder, sharper than I remembered, and with that came sensory overload. Humans were never quiet-hell, neither were ghosts-and I wasn't used to constant company. While I had spent the last twelve years wishing to be around humans, I had taken my solitude for granted.

The night that Jake took me back to his place and found everyone we knew waiting in his living room, I had a panic attack. I didn't miss those at all. He had cleared everyone out-including Sebastian-and gone to run errands to give me some alone time.

I sat on the couch for a long time, too overwhelmed to move, until my heart rate had settled. Then, I took off running and slid across the wood floor in my socks. I laughed. It felt like how I used to glide across the earth as a reaper. I stood in the center of the bedroom, staring at the violin case on the dresser. When I was overwhelmed back home-well, my reaper home-I'd play to the water and Isle of Exile. It made sense that if the music helped me then, it would help

me now.

But feelings didn't always make sense, and I couldn't bring myself to touch the case. On the other side of that bow, there wasn't my sister or my family. There was just a gaping hole in my life that I didn't know how to navigate around. I had gotten what I always wanted to be human again with Jake-but every dream comes with collateral damage, and this was truly a life for a life. My reaper life for my human life.

I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. No, a life for a life wasn't right. I didn't give up my reaper life, I'd just postponed it for a while.

The realization eased the tightness in my chest, and I turned and walked into the bathroom, then started the shower, filling the room up with steam before stepping in. Showers were quickly becoming my new favorite thing. I had spent so long being cold and the water heated me from the outside in. It was almost like standing in the sunlight.

I marveled at my reddened skin and the way my nose prickled at the fresh-smelling soap. I luxuriated in the way the running water blocked out all other sound. When I stepped out and grabbed a towel, I watched the goosebumps run across my skin. I had showered while I was in the medical center, but it had been quick and perfunctory. This had been at my pace and I'd been completely alone. My body felt a million times lighter.

There was just one problem: I didn't have any clean clothes. I had spent the last two weeks in a hospital gown and scrub pants, since Romi's clothes were destroyed. I still had the pink shirt and leggings that were packed in Jake's bag, but my entire body bristled at the thought of putting them back on. That outfit was important to me, but represented another time, another person.

With a towel wrapped around my hair and another around my body, I exited the bathroom and found stacks of folded clothes on the bed with a hair drier, hair products, nail polish remover, and a manicure kit. At the end of the bed was a pair of noise-canceling headphones. A note sat on top of the box.

POPPY, I FIGURED YOU'D NEED A FEW THINGS FOR YOUR FIRST NIGHT IN YOUR NEW HOME.

ROMI I turned around expecting to see Jake, but the bedroom door was closed, allowing me some privacy. I dressed in the softest black joggers and a purple HAYVENWOOD, MICHIGAN hoodie-it was hard to leave the purple behind-then dried my hair and pulled it up into a messy bun. I removed the chipped nail polish on my fingers and toes, then slipped my feet into some cozy slippers. I took three deep breaths before I opened the door and slid out of the bedroom. Jake was in the living room, watching a sports show on mute. He looked up when he saw me and shut off the television but waited for me to speak.

I smoothed my hand down the front of my sweatshirt. "Everything fits."

"Good." He nodded his head toward the couch.

When I moved next to him, he grabbed a soft, fluffy blanket from the back of the couch. "Mina and Carma said this is the softest blanket they've ever felt, and Eliza sent us some soup and fresh bread for dinner."

Whatever was holding me together snapped at the generosity of the people in Jake's life and the tears I thought had dissipated came back. I cried into the blanket as Jake held me, his strength and his body heat my anchor as my head spun with emotions.

"What can I do to support you?" he asked, his lips against my forehead.

"Just overwhelmed," I managed. "I'm right here."

When my sobs had turned into sniffles, he handed me a box of tissues and went to heat up dinner. He returned to the couch with a mug of homemade tomato soup and a chunk of warm, crusty bread. I peeled the bread apart, dipping the crust into the soup and then ate my way to the middle. It took me forty minutes to finish-Jake reheated my soup twice-but I wanted to savor the tangy sweetness of the soup with the sourdough bread. It had been the best meal I'd ever had, although to be fair I had said that about all my meals for the last two weeks.

"I have one more surprise," Jake admitted.

He brought back a black box from the kitchen and opened the lid. The sweet smell of chocolate washed over me and my mouth watered. "My favorite," I whispered, recognizing the box from a local chocolate shop. I reached out and ran my fingers along the edge of the container that housed a dozen chocolates.

"I know." He smiled.

It had been over a decade, but the truffles looked the same. My hand hovered, unable to decide. "I don't know how to pick."

"The brownie truffle was always your favorite," he reminded me. "Maybe start there?"

I nodded and scooped the brownie truffle out of the box and then held it close to my nose, inhaling the magical chocolate scent. It was sweet and floral, rich and decadent. It smelled how happy felt. I inhaled again, trying to memorize it. "I really missed chocolate."

Jake laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

I smiled at him and then closed my eyes, lifting mouth tingle.

treat to my lips and taking a small bite. Unlike the bland hospital food or the comforting soup, the truffle was a sharp cut through my taste buds. The chocolate coated my tongue, making my

I moaned and then took another bite, trying to balance my desire to savor the morsel with shoving the entire thing into my mouth. I rolled the chocolate around on my tongue before swallowing. When I finished the last bite and sucked the

remnants off my finger, I opened my eyes to find Jake staring at my mouth.

"Are you going to have any chocolate?" I asked.

"Yes. Immediately." Then he brought his mouth to mine and kissed me.

I thought nothing could taste better than chocolate but kissing Jake while my mouth still tasted like chocolate made my head swim. I swear kissing him as a human was ten times more incredible than kissing him as a reaper. His lips, his tongue, the feel of his five o'clock shadow stoked a fire low in my stomach.

I growled and fisted his sweatshirt, pulling him closer to me and deepening the kiss.

Jake broke away, his chest heaving. "I know you're still getting used to everything. We don't have to—"

I pressed my finger to his lips to quiet him. "I want to know how you feel now that I'm human. I bet you're better than chocolate."

"I'll take that bet."

He didn't take the bet lightly. In between feeding me three more truffles, he undressed me and made love to me, my skin practically glowing from the euphoria his hands and mouth and body caused. It was absolutely the best day of my new human life. Although, I had a feeling I would have a lot more best days, as long as we were together.

It took Jake and me three days-most of which was spent in bed relearning and savoring each other-to resurface and see everyone. We had stopped by Eliza's first. She and I laid on the couch with our heads together, catching up for six hours. Magnolia and Morris stopped by, and Magnolia got so emotional, she cried. I was pretty sure the last time she'd cried was when she gave birth, and Morris joked it was only because Eliza messed up her schedule.

Once the missing persons case Jake filed twelve years ago was closed, and I got a new license, passport, and voter registration card, real life pushed through. I missed my family, especially Sylvia, desperately. Not enough to regret my choice. Knowing they were waiting for me on the other side was enough. Before bed, I always took a half an hour to write down everything that happened during the day. When Jake asked why, I said, "I want to give us all something to talk about at family dinner."

Sometimes though, on the days when I missed them so much my entire body hurt, I reread their letters. They were full of suggestions of things to do as a human-from trying new food to sky diving to visiting old family friends in every corner of the globe. I traced the words with my fingers, memorizing every line. When I'd admitted to Jake that I was concerned my tear stains would wash the words away, he scanned them and he framed the original ones, hanging them on the wall next to his mom's letter.

The nightmares came as no surprise. Years of witnessing so many deaths haunted me. Loren had texted Jake the number to a therapist who dealt with supernatural issues, and the SHAP physician had prescribed some antianxiety medication to help. It was weird opening up to a stranger about my reaper life, but the last two video calls had gone well.

We spent Halloween at Blackburn House handing out candy and books to kids and adults alike. Carma had helped me find a purple cloak and painted my face like a skeleton. Weirdly, it made me feel less homesick. The next day, on Día de Todos los Santos, I went with Reggie and his family to the park.

I listened to stories of Reggie's human life, then shared a few funny stories of our adventures together, at his brother Alan's insistence. While their Applechester family rolled with the fact that I had been dead only a month ago, the people visiting from out of town shied away. But the best part of the whole day was seeing Lola open up to Reggie. Kids were great at adapting to weird-or in this case, dead.

"You know what sucks?" Reggie said later that night, as his head leaned on-well through my shoulder, "I can't hug you anymore."

"That really does suck. But it's only for a few more decades. Promise."

At his request, I played the violin for the first time since becoming human. My fingers ached from my lack of callouses, but I kept going until Reggie's neighbors knocked on the walls. It was still hard, each slide of the bow somehow cutting and healing at the same time, but I figured new memories would make the old ones easier.

The next day, I strung twinkle lights wrapped in white sheer fabric around my bedroom, then resumed practicing. I couldn't see the real fairy lights from my strings anymore, but this helped. Jake just smiled and told me I could decorate however I wanted as long as it made me happy.

Then, one day, being human wasn't so hard anymore.

By the time the first snowflakes hovered in the air, two weeks before Thanksgiving, I finally felt ready to take on family dinner at the Robinsons'. While I was getting more and more comfortable being human every day, I was still nervous. Jake grabbed my hand on the front porch. "You're going to be fine."

"Yeah, they actually like you," Paris mumbled.

"You saved my life, Paris," Jake said. "My folks love you already."

"It's not your folks I'm worried about. It's my new partner." She tugged at the neck of her sweater as if it were choking her.

I reached out and took Paris's hand, who looked shocked. "Eliza can hold grudges. Don't worry, I'll run interference."

Tonight, Magnolia insisted on having a big celebration dinner. I was back, Paris had saved Jake's life and Magnolia had yet to meet Paris which was thoroughly unacceptable in her opinion-and Jake had finally formally received his promotion from field agent to mentor. I was guessing by the delicious smells outside the front door, Magnolia had outdone herself.

Jake had sent her a copy of Paris's food restrictions and fingers crossed she'd taken the message to heart. If not, I would make her something myself and as I was still messing up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, no one wanted that. I hadn't needed to cook much as a teen, between my big family and Eliza's love of cooking, and I had a lot to learn.

We joined Magnolia and Morris in the dining room, where they were setting out food. Eliza, Mina, and Carma were playing a video game with Daisy, and by the looks of it, Daisy was kicking their butts. I smiled, the sound of little girl laughter filling the room.

"Perfect timing," Magnolia said, rushing over to greet Jake and me, then spending a solid four minutes fawning over Paris. Paris turned so pink I was worried she'd pass out.

Just before I intervened, Morris stepped in and called, "Let's eat!"

After Eliza got Daisy cleaned up, we all sat down, making sure Paris and Eliza were at opposite ends of the table. Unfortunately, that put Paris next to Magnolia, who was a hurricane force today. Magnolia set a full plate of food down in front of Paris and started going through every ingredient and how it was prepared. Paris looked taken aback, but her smile was genuine. "I appreciate it. Thank you."

"Of course, dear. You saved my son's life; you're family now," Magnolia promised.

I didn't miss Eliza sucking down most of her wine glass. Mina elbowed her, and Eliza shot her a look. Then Eliza turned to me. "Poppy, how are you settling in?"

I shrugged and shook my head, still in disbelief. "Still trying to figure out life again, but god, am I grateful to be back. Now, I just have to figure out work."

Carma reached over and touched my wrist. "You remember how you told me you loved weddings?"

"I definitely do."

"Come plan events with us. You can even help us remodel if you want. I pay well." She leaned over and stage whispered, "I'm loaded."

I smiled. "That would be amazing, thank you. The only job I've ever had was walking the neighborhood dogs, so this will be fun!"

"Don't discount your last twelve years as a reaper," Jake added. "You had to stick to a schedule, save souls from literal demons, and work with your entire family, so we know you can do group projects."

I laughed. God, I loved this man. I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "You make a very good point." I turned to Carma. "I can't provide references, but I promise to do my best."

Carma smiled. "Deal. We can talk about a start date after dinner."

Magnolia leaned back in her chair, wine glass in her hand, smiling over the group of people at the table. Morris watched her, his eyebrows raised. "Wife, why that look?"

She gestured around the table with her glass. "Our family keeps growing and I'm very content." She eyed me. "For now. I still want more grandkids."

Jake lifted my hand and kissed the back. We weren't sure if we wanted to become parents, but it wasn't a discussion for the dinner table and definitely not anyone else's business. I loved Magnolia, but I knew how to hold my own around a nosy family.

Eliza laughed. "Thank god I got that out of the way eight years ago." She mussed Daisy's hair.

Daisy looked at me. "You used to be a grim reaper?"

I nodded. "I was."

She frowned, serious. "When my daddy died, did you help him cross over?"

I looked at Eliza, then back at Daisy. I only knew Ben from my brief visits to check on Eliza, and I definitely would've remembered coming for his soul. I just couldn't bring myself to say no outright. Not with Daisy's big blue eyes locked on me. "I don't always remember people's names, but I can try. Do you have a picture of him?"

Eliza opened her purse and handed me a funeral card she kept in her wallet.

BENJAMIN DYLAN SOMERSET, 1988-2020

Somerset...Somerset...I studied his face, trying to place him. I recognized Daisy in the slant of his nose and his smile, but I didn't recognize him. "I don't think it was me. I'm sorry," I said, handing the photo back to Eliza. Daisy shrugged. "That's okay."

"You know," Magnolia said. "When your parents first told us about you being a reaper, we didn't want you and Jake together. There was just too much risk with not knowing when you'd get the call. But seeing you both together as adults? I'm just really happy."

My fork clattered to my plate as the entire table went silent.

Jake looked at his dad and then his stepmom as if they were strangers. "You knew?"

Eliza stood. "I cannot believe" She closed her eyes for a moment. "We have searched for any trace of Poppy for half of our lives." She slapped her hand against her chest. "I watched my brother lose the love of his life and have no answers. He spent the last twelve years solving nearly impossible cases, making sure victims' families had answers so they didn't suffer like he did. Like we both did. And you both knew?"

Magnolia set her glass down and crossed her arms. "And now Poppy's back. This is all water under the bridge."

My eyes stung, my throat burned, my chest was tight. My heart was beating so hard in my ears, I couldn't hear any more conversation. Jake's hand slipped into mine and squeezed. His was shaking, too.

Eliza grabbed Daisy's hand and walked out of the house.