Good Elf Gone Wrong: A Holiday Romantic Comedy

“You have some nerve,” Kelly snapped when she came into the kitchen. It was still early, and no, I had not woken my sister up while happily singing Christmas carols while I made breakfast.

Kelly was in her party clothes, makeup smeared on her face, just returned from a night out.

“You ruin my marriage, my life, and the family, then just come back in here to use the kitchen.”

“I’m making breakfast,” I snapped at her and set down the spatula. “For the record, I’m not using anything, and I’m not taking advantage of anyone. You know, I really wish that we had been able to be closer as sisters. I’d like to be able to rely on you and for you to rely on me. Since it is Christmas, I’m willing to give you another chance.”

“Give me another chance?” Kelly shrieked.

“Yes,” I said forcefully. “You slept with my ex-fiancé, and you tried to sleep with my current one.”

“What fiancé?” My sister crossed her arms.

“Hudson.”

“Seriously? That’s rich! Mom and Dad are going to flip.”

“Maybe, but at least I have somewhere else to stay over Christmas now.”

“Mom!” My sister stomped up the back staircase.

Ugh.

I hadn’t thought of how my parents were going to take the news of my engagement. Did it really matter what they thought at this point? It wasn’t going to change that I wanted to marry Hudson and spend the rest of my life with him.

“Gracie!”

“Why is everyone up at 6:30 in the morning?” I muttered as James swaggered into the kitchen. “Can’t a woman make enough French toast for the Lithuanian army uninterrupted?”

“I just want you to know,” James said, encroaching on my personal space, “that even though everyone in the family was angry I stood up for you, you’re a regular boss babe, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I heard Mr. Richmond is giving you a very generous raise. I’ve taken the liberty of calling some of my real-estate contacts so that we can find the perfect condo.” He whipped out his phone.

“Dakota’s already got it covered.”

“No, no. Dakota is not living with us.”

“With us?” I said slowly. “There is no us.”

James laughed. “Of course there is. You need a husband.”

“Hmm.” I tapped my chin. “Actually, I think I have that covered too.”

“No man is going to date you, Gracie,” James scoffed. “Especially not in Manhattan. They all want supermodels which, let’s be honest, is not you. You have other talents. I know we went through a rough patch, but clearly your little revenge plan,” he used air quotes, “was just because you secretly wanted me, and you were mad that you lost me to Kelly. Message received, Gracie. Let’s start from where we left off. You made mistakes, I made mistakes. Let’s call it even.” He petted my hair.

I jerked away from him, but he didn’t take the hint.

“I am not in love with you, James. That revenge scheme wasn’t about winning you back. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t understand why you’re still here. You’re not part of this family. You’re not marrying Kelly, and you’re certainly not marrying me. So get lost.”

“Gracie, of course we’re getting married.” James’s hands rested on my waist. If I wasn’t covered in egg, I’d have pushed him away. “I’m meant to be with you. You’re a high-powered CEO now, and I want you to know that I’ll be there to support you in any way you need. Well, obviously, you’d hire a nanny for the kids. I wouldn’t, like, change a diaper or anything.” He laughed.

“There is no scenario on earth where I have your baby then leave it with a nanny so you can mooch off me,” I snapped at him.

“Stop being such a shrew. You’re never going to find anyone as good as me.”

The back door banged open, and Hudson pushed his way inside. He grabbed James by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the pantry wall.

“Get away from my woman.”

James stuttered, “What is he doing here? Someone call the police!”

I washed my hands off then I picked up the ring where I’d put it very far away from the sink by the window and slipped it on my finger.

“You can’t just let him call you his woman.”

“She can because she is. Gracie is going to be my wife.”

Hudson wrapped me in his arms, tilted my face up, and kissed me like he’d just come home for Christmas.

“Now,” he said to James, his arm still protectively around my waist, “get out of my sight.”

James gulped and raced to the front door.

I turned back to my French toast while Hudson pressed his freezing-cold chest on my back.

“Don’t you ever wear a jacket to run?” I giggled as he kissed my neck.

“I don’t need to because you’ll warm me up,” he said, sliding his cold hands under my sweater, making me shriek.

“Let just ditch Christmas brunch,” he whispered in my ear. “We can go back to my place, and I can eat you out all afternoon instead.”

I shivered against him.

“No can do. All your siblings and Grayson already accepted my last-minute invite. Do those people never sleep?” I said, turning my head and kissing him loudly.

He swore.

“Kelly woke up everyone,” Dakota announced, trotting down the back staircase. She scooped up Pugnog and snuggled him. Then she took one look at my hand and screamed.

“You got engaged? To him? That asshole?”

I made a face, but Hudson stepped in before I could say anything.

“I promise,” Hudson swore to Dakota, “that I love Gracie more than anything in the world, and I will always take care of her.”

My cousin seemed unconvinced.

“And,” Hudson added, “I’m not going to take her away from you. Not only that, but I will insist that we name our firstborn daughter after you, and you will be an honored godmother.” He smiled that megawatt bad-boy smile at her.

Dakota narrowed her eyes.

“Damn, he’s good.”

“Also, guess whose ring this is?” I trilled, holding out my left hand and wiggling my fingers.

“Oh my god!” Dakota freaked out. “It’s the ring. Are you freaking kidding me! Okay, yes, we accept your proposal, Hudson.”

“Gracie!” several of my cousins cried, pouring into the kitchen.

“You got engaged!”

“Let’s see the ring.”

“Man, this is the spot on Christmas morning.” My brother and Piper stumbled into the kitchen, yawning. “How can I help?” Logan asked.

“Merry Christmas,” I called, hugging them all. “This isn’t up to my usual brunch standards, but it should still be tasty.”

I directed my cousins and brother to wash hands and form sausage patties as Grandma Astelle thumped into the kitchen, shawl around her shoulders. She regarded Hudson, who was gulping down water.

“I see she made an honest man out of you,” Grandma Astelle said to Hudson.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied.

I handed him a tea towel.

Grandma Astelle looked like she’d eaten something sour.

“Let’s see the ring. I hope it’s real.”

“It is very real.” I held out my hand.

The elderly woman gasped. Her eyes teared up, and she gently took my hand.

“That’s my mother’s ring.”

“Yes. The engraving is still inside,” Hudson said.

“There’s an engraving? I didn’t even notice.” I slipped it off.

Our love endures because you endure me. –H

“People were funny back then,” Piper said, peering over my shoulder.

Grandma Astelle took the ring from me.

“My mother adored my father so. He could always make her laugh. He encouraged her to start her baking company, you know. She was quite the businesswoman. Julia Child had lunched with her often. Oh, I miss her so much.” There was a slight sob in her voice. “What a wonderful Christmas present. Hudson, I believe I may have misjudged you.”

I wrapped Grandma Astelle in a hug. Was it a Christmas miracle? Had she changed?

The elderly woman dabbed her nose.

“It’s hard getting old. I’m surprised I haven’t died waiting for you to get married, Gracie. You certainly took your time.”

And there it was.

“I suppose you scraped something together at the last minute though, didn’t you, Gracie. Don’t let yourself go like James did, young man,” she warned to Hudson. “No one likes buying a turkey then finding out it’s mostly water.”

Kelly stormed back downstairs followed by more of my male cousins, on break from college.

“Hudson’s back!” they roared and ran through the house.

“Call Uncle Bic!”

“Hockey game after breakfast!”

They slapped Hudson on the shoulders and shook his hand.

“Congratulations!”

“Gracie, you locked him down. The star hockey player.”

Violet grabbed the spatula. “Sit down, Gracie. Let me help you.”

“You don’t want to ruin your nails.”

“You’re a busy CEO now,” my cousin exclaimed. “Put your feet up. Enjoy your sexy husband.”

“Okay …”

“By the way, are you hiring? I can be a receptionist.”

“She’s not even qualified to be the office sex toy.”

“Connie, you bitch!”

My cousins went at each other.

“I was wondering,” Bella said as she took the carton of eggs from me and started cracking them. “If you might be able to give me a small loan. Very small. Just to tide me over until February. I need to pay my gym membership.”

“You can’t ask her first. I’m asking her first,” her sister snapped.

“Um?” A young blond man with gray eyes, darker gray than Hudson’s, appeared at the back door.

“Where am I?” He looked shaken. “I think I was kidnapped?” The young man looked queasy. “Am I in New York?”

“What happened to you?” I hurried over to him, shoved him in a chair, and stuck a mop bucket between his knees. “Hudson, should we call the police?”

Hudson was frowning and studying the young man.

Kelly scoffed. “He’s not kidnapped. I brought him home for Granny Murray.”

The young man was staring at Kelly, mouth open. “I thought I was going to have sex with you.”

“That woman!” Grandma Astelle thundered. “Call the National Guard, Hudson. She is a menace and needs to be removed from the state of Rhode Island at once.”

“Oh shit,” Granny Murray said from the doorway.

“Mom!” my mother scolded, her robe wrapped around her. “What is all this commotion? It’s pitch-dark out. Who is this child that you brought home?”

“I’m twenty,” the kid declared. He trailed off when he saw Hudson staring at him.

“Aren’t you one of the Svensson brothers?” Hudson asked.

“Oh fuck.”

“I’m calling Greg.”

“No, no, no, let’s not be hasty. No harm, no foul. I just woke up, and there was the old woman staring at me. She was wearing a Rudolph costume. I think I was drugged in the club.”

“Drugged?” Granny Murray crowed. “He could barely hold his liquor.”

“Tell Greg it wasn’t my fault,” the kid shrieked.

Hudson dragged him up by the arm.

“I was out volunteering. I’m innocent. I wasn’t at a club. I’m only in college.”

“Gracie!” my father greeted me. “Merry Christmas! How’s my favorite daughter?”

“Daddy!” Kelly cried.

“Dad, you really shouldn’t play favorites,” I told him.

“What your father wants to ask,” my mother said to me, “is if you might want to buy this house? We could all live here.”

“I thought you paid off the house,” I said.

My father grimaced. “The interest rates were just so good for a home equity loan.”

“Oh my god.”

“Hey,” my dad protested. “I’m not asking for money, and you love this house. You’re always in the kitchen.”

“I’ll have to talk to my fiancé.”

My mother’s eye twitched.

“Yes, your fiancé. We heard the good news.” My dad gave me a pained smile.

“Your grandmother will be homeless,” my mother cried.

“Don’t do it, Gracie,” Granny Murray said. “You can’t start off a marriage by making your husband inherit all of his in-laws and their financial issues. Trust me on that one.”

“I’ll buy the house.” My grandmother patted my mom on the shoulder. “You can live with me. Don’t worry. I had money squirrelled away. I always knew your husband was a loser.”

“How dare you?” Grandma Astelle went after Granny Murray, though it was a more of a slow-moving chase.

“They were out looking for him.” Hudson came back inside, sidestepping the two elderly women. “Apparently, they put a tracker in his shoe.”

“Look at you, returning lost siblings.” I handed Hudson a mug of fresh coffee.

He took it then leaned down to kiss me.

“Can that man put on a shirt?” my mother begged.

“Boo! No!” my female cousins exclaimed.

“I gave Granny Murray’s boy toy away,” Hudson drawled. “She should get something for her troubles. It is Christmas, after all.”

“Here, here! Ow!” Granny Murray complained as Grandma Astelle slapped her with her gloves. “Where’s my Taser?”

“This place is a madhouse.”

The doorbell rang.

Pugnog raced through the house.

“Merry Christmas!” Hudson’s siblings called.

“I thought you said we had to dress up,” Jake whined when he and the rest of the Wynter brothers shoved their massive six-foot-five bodies into the kitchen.

“Oh my god.” Uncle Eddie gasped. “There are more Hudsons.”

“Quick! Parcel out the girl cousins,” my brother bellowed.

“Not Kelly,” Connie snickered.

“Bitch!” my sister screeched.

Jake started to remove his tie.

“Stop it,” Anderson hissed at him.

“It’s fine,” I said, throwing up my hands. “If he wants to change into a robe, he can, since apparently all sense of decorum has been lost in this house.”

“You sound like Grandma Astelle,” Violet told me. “But don’t let that stop you from stripping down ’til you feel comfortable.” She giggled at Jake.

“Keep your shirt on,” a young woman said to him, shoving through her brothers.

“You must be—”

“Hi. I’m Elsa. I love Christmas and pugs and brunch, and we’re going to be amazing friends, and I have a sister now, and I totally won’t sleep with your fiancé because that would be really weird.”

“She’s been up all night selling Christmas trees then insisted we drive all night to be here,” Anderson said. “Please excuse her.”

“I have had so much coffee.” Elsa grabbed Hudson’s mug, drained it, and slammed it on the counter. “Hit me, bro.”

“Can you all please act like you have some sense?” he said over the din of people packed into the kitchen.

I shoved past my brother, who was peeling potatoes.

“I’ll make sure our house has an open floor plan,” Hudson murmured to me.

“Lots of little rooms are fun.”

“Is this fun?”

Jake pulled off his shirt.

Granny Murray wolf whistled, and my female cousins shrieked.

“Where is Dakota?” Aunt Babs hollered. “You’re almost thirty. Get out there.” She shoved my cousin, who still had her toothbrush in her mouth, into Jake’s arms.

“I like older women.” Jake waggled his eyebrows.

Dakota punched him in the abs.

“Ow,” she said around the toothbrush.

“You’re coming with me, sonny,” Granny Murray told him.

Grandma Astelle drew her sword.

“Aw yeah! Fight fight fight!”

Logan started to chant. My family joined in.

“Did I come at a bad time?” Grayson Richmond said as he walked in. He handed me a bottle of wine.

Both grandmothers turned on him.

“Leave him alone. He’s my new boss, so of course he should be invited.”

“He’s a billionaire,” Kelly reminded my cousins. They swarmed him.

“Back! Back!” Grandma Astelle waved her sword at them. “None of them are good enough for you,” she said to Grayson. “Gracie might be if she lost that last bit of baby fat. But since she’s engaged to a hoodlum, she’s off the market.”

Grayson raised an eyebrow.

“My neighbor’s daughter went to Harvard. She’s a wonderful young woman. You’ll like her very much. She is from a good family. I’ll introduce you.” Grandma Astelle escorted him to the sitting room.

“Does he play hockey? Do you play hockey?” my uncles demanded, following them.

Finally, the kitchen was clear.

“Wow,” I said, ears ringing.

Hudson handed me a coffee.

“Merry Christmas,” he said dryly.

I nuzzled my nose on his chest.

“I love you.” The words came out slightly muffled.

Hudson picked me up, and some of the coffee sloshed on the floor as he kissed me.

“I love you so much, and this is the happiest Christmas I have ever had.”

I closed my eyes, really letting myself bask in the perfect imperfection of this Christmas as I leaned into his embrace.

“Call me a bad elf,” I whispered to Hudson, “but I’m seriously considering eloping!”