Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl

Rule #1 of framing someone for murder: Everything is like five times more difficult than you think it’ll be.

Today I go to the gun store to ask about buying a gun, so that when I disappear it’ll look like I was afraid of Nick. Simple, right?

Except that it’s not simple, ‘cause I’m in Missouri. You know how in some states it’s hard to buy a gun? In Missouri, it’s hard to not buy a gun. If you walk in and ask about a gun, and then say you don’t want to buy it, they’ll keep lowering the price, and eventually they’ll just give it to you and say you can pay them later if you want. And if you still insist on not taking the gun, they’ll think you’re one of those leftie filmmakers making some anti-gun documentary about how easy it is to buy a gun in Missouri. They actually put you in a registry if you don’t buy a gun after asking about one.

So now I have this gun, and I have no idea what to do with it. And it turns out it won’t even help convince people that I was afraid of Nick, because practically everyone in Missouri has a gun. So now I have to step it up a level and look into military-grade armaments. On the bright side, I finally have an excuse to use that $100 gift certificate for bazookas.com.