Chapter 8 nightmares and nativities
After dropping her parcels at a mailing center, Annie decided she needed comfort food. The realization of how horrible both their worlds were, so close to her favorite holiday and anniversary of her worst memory disturbed her. It was a nightmare to be sure.
She pulled into a beverage kiosk with a drive thru and ordered two Valencia Mochaccinos and warm ginger snap cookies. They drove up the mountain enjoying their snacks. She just didn’t know what to say. In her mind, she compared the two worlds as she once compared countries and cultures. The Eloh way of life was so alien to everything she ever studied or even imagined. An entire world living without love, without hope, it seemed like hell.
Tal was not fond of coffee, but combined with the flavors of chocolate and orange, and the spicy cookies, it was a pleasant treat. He did not mind that Annie had made this choice for him. They had talked about his brother all afternoon, and neither could figure out what Truh was looking for. There just wasn’t enough information as to what Truh had meant the lost light was and where on earth it could be.
The Pandora energy had been used in several places around the world and had resulted in disasters on grand scales in all but two places now. And that was only because Annie had stopped both of those disasters. Annie had explained how Pandora used magnetic resonance to vibrate metallic ions to create energy. As her mother once said, it was basically singing the power out of them, like a siren’s song. It was highly unstable, ergo fatal, as it changed the very forms of matter while the energy was released. The harmonics became self-amplifying even with the cross-harmonics to dampen them, and could not be contained, often spreading to metal ore veins in the earth causing massive quakes or to the metallic ion in seawater causing tsunamis or just exploding violently.
Governments around her world had tried and failed to harness Pandora. Her mother’s analogy of the siren’s song fit with what Tal’s people called the energy, the song of destruction. At the end of the afternoon, they both wondered why Truh had chosen its energy as the marker for the light. He glanced over at her face in the darkness, she seemed deep in thought, suddenly her eyes lit up and she turned.
Annie stopped at a place selling cut pine trees. She grinned at him as she climbed out. "I love this time of year."
Not knowing what else to do he followed her among the rows of cut trees.
Tal questioned her, "I do not understand why we are buying one from here when there were many around the cabin that Bries could easily cut down."
"Nope, these are special," Annie insisted. She selected a blue spruce from Oregon and soon it was tied to the top of the Rover.
As the drove home, she explained that it was south of where Matt grew up, then revealed that the media said Matt was shot by a gang and in protective custody. She worried that it was only a matter of time before the military showed up. When they got home, Bries and Vorn helped them carry everything into the cabin. Bries lifted Annie up into the space in the attic. She handed him several boxes. She left the boxes in the living room while they ate dinner.
The fresh venison meat tasted delicious to the Eloh. Annie ate her cheese rice with steamed vegetables and left quickly. She really disliked the smell of rare meat. They could hear her moving around in the living room.
“How was your day, Master?” Vorn inquired politely.
“We went to many shops and talked much trying to solve the mystery of what my brother meant for me to find on this world. We could not figure it out. She purchased items for their winter holiday called Christmas. She seems very happy preparing for it, most of the items were sent to those they are meant for, no two items were alike. They have strange customs. We also met a former student of hers. She taught classes at a local education institution. She is much admired.” Tal related the details of their day, then added, “I have come to believe this planet is infested with the feline-like creature they call cats, they are everywhere, which none of the humans seem to mind.”
He finished the last few bites and pushed his plate forward. “This is excellent. You have done well Vorn, and you, Bries. I apologize for putting you both at risk by coming to this world. It was a lapse in my judgment.” Both bowed their heads in respect.
“Master, we belong to you. We would follow you to the burning infernal realm if you chose to go. Perhaps the light your brother spoke of was not an actual thing, but a mystical learning. He was a Regent,” Vorn offered.
Bries peeked at Tal, so Tal said, “You may speak, Bries”
“Bries is honored to follow Master, and happy to come. Friend Matt was found and lost, but makes Bries stronger, and now Lady Annie is Bries’ friend and sister, and helps Bries feel that Master and Cypher Vorn are most worthy of all Bries’ duty and life. Bries was not just made to die, but to live and serve with honor. Bries thanks the Master for bringing him here,” he rumbled then the large genetically-made male got out of his chair and knelt all the way down to the floor in front of Tal.
“I am glad you are with us, Bries, thank you for your service,” Tal responded calmly, but he was surprised at the amount of hopelessness Bries’ previous life view revealed to him. Just made to die? Did all his sword pets feel this way, what about the labor pets, did they feel that they were just made to die as well? The idea disturbed Tal.
Annie’s attitude toward his sword pet made him seem like a more valuable living being rather than just something made to die for him. Tal intuitively knew she would treat the labor pets as she treated Bries. How would that affect the way they saw their duties? he wondered but his thoughts were interrupted.
Annie bounced into the dining room and almost fell over Bries, she was smiling beautifully.
“What are you doing, shiny head?” She teased Bries and rubbed his bald head, “Did you trip? I didn’t feel an earthquake!”
Bries laughed, then looked at Tal who smiled and nodded. Bries stood up with Annie holding on to his shoulders.
“It’s ready, come and see,” she said happily and held out her hand to Tal.
He took it as he rose and followed as she steered Bries into the living room. It was filled with lights and shiny things. She held onto Bries’ shoulders, laughing at his expression, reflected in the mirror over the fireplace.
“Do you like Christmas, Bries?” She whispered in his ear.
“Yes, thank you, Lady Annie, it is pretty,” he said quietly.
Annie dropped on to the floor behind him. "You're welcome."
“Lady Annie, I believe you have done an excellent job decorating for the holiday,” Vorn declared as he walked around looking at all the ornaments and lights. He had spent much time online researching everything he could about this culture.
Tal stood in the archway where she had dropped his hand, looking around at the beautifully decorated room. It appeared similar to the shops in town but somehow more welcoming. On a table, was a strange arrangement of people and animals, winged people and a star around a child. He looked down at it in shock, his brother had a paper image of this. His heart pounded. On each of the figures were letters and numbers.
“Lady Annie, what is this?” Tal asked softly, trying not to betray his excitement.
“Oh, that’s my mother’s nativity. She made it when I was born. She was born Jewish-Arab, her parents were killed in the Six Days war, but she was adopted by a Messianic missionary and his family. Mom spent two years with her birth grandparents during high school, they wanted her to convert back to either Judaism or Islam, but she refused to renounce the Messiah. She was devout as a Messianic Jew, and my father was a Catholic Christian. She loved the Christmas season most of all,” Annie explained fondly.
“What to these letters and numbers mean?” Tal inquired.
She pulled a book off the shelf, he had seen her open it many times. She held the figure of a woman praying, “They are the books, chapters and verses of the Bible where the character is found in the story. This is Mary, the mother of Jesus.”
She opened to the book of Matthew. Tal read about the annunciation. Annie showed him how to look up the characters. He sat on the floor reading about all of them for the next two hours.
At midnight, Tal was still reading her mother’s bible. Annie looked down on him curiously from the loft. He had never shown any interest in anything of her world’s history that did not have to do with war or weapons until now. Two of the neighbor’s cats were laying on her bed. She curled up to sleep and thought of her guests and about their strangely horrible culture, she felt bad for them. She prayed that compassion and love would find its way back to their people.
Just before dawn, Annie couldn’t wake up from her nightmare. Her parents were murdered, and she did not know where she was. The only thing she knew was her fiance had betrayed her, her family, and his people unto death, and it was almost Christmas, her birthday. She was being beaten, and assaulted, and buckets of ice water thrown on her to wake her every time she passed out from the pain. They would ask her if she was willing to work on the device, she would refuse and it would begin again. Hadif was holding her head under freezing water, he was laughing and taunting her, and letting his companions were taking their turns with her. She screamed, fighting to escape, and a pair of strong arms reached into her dream and held her protectively. Finally, she woke up, Tal holding her.
“It is well, you are safe.” He said in a calm voice.
Vorn was in the door, she could hear Bries heavily pacing downstairs. She sobbed for several minutes, before she regained her composure enough to speak.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered, through her tears, “I shouldn’t have decorated. I shouldn’t have tried. I know better. I love Christmas so much and I wanted y’all to have a nice Christmas before you go home but I just can’t...”
“My Lady, who has caused you such harm? What has happened that every night you dream such terror?” Tal asked.
He started to release her, but Vorn gave him a slight shake of the head, and impressed to Tal that should continue to hold her. Tal had never comforted someone so distraught before, he felt completely incapable. It was a new and strangely unnerving experience for him.
“Today is the anniversary of my parent’s murders and the day my nightmare began,” she apologized, “I am so sorry, I didn’t realize I had been waking y’all with my nightmares. The doctors keep tellin’ me I will get over them, but I don’t.” She was sweating and shaking.
“Come downstairs and have a cup of coffee and tell us. You asked them yesterday if we would look at you any differently, I promise we will not. You are trying so hard, how can we see you as anything but courageous,” Vorn reassured her.
Annie looked up at him, and then back at Tal, who nodded. She wrapped her robe around herself, shakily. As they started downstairs, she gathered some clothes.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” She announced quietly, then she locked herself in the bathroom for many minutes with the water running, but they could hear her crying in the shower.
Vorn made the coffee for Annie while Tal spoke quietly to he and Bries in their own language.
“Lady Annie is about to tell us about a very difficult time in her life. She was made to suffer greatly, by someone she had great affection for, he was a deceiver. She suffered something called ‘raped’ and was beaten and nearly killed. My brother, Regent Truh, met her during this time. I believe she killed those who harmed her. If you do not wish to hear the details, then you may be excused, but I must know.”
“Master, do you know what ‘raped’ is?” Vorn questioned.
“It does not translate, but when she killed one of the men as she rescued us, she told him she would not allow him to do it to her. He was touching her body without her consent. I sensed it had happened to her before, from her rage and offense,” Tal answered.
“It is a violation of a female’s body by a violent male, in order to force breeding. It is flaunting the refusal of the female specifically to cause harm,” Vorn explained.
Bries ground his teeth, his eyes narrowed dangerously. He spoke without permission, “This was done to Lady Annie?”
Tal nodded, “I believe so, Bries. If you can not bear to hear it, if you are going to rage, you must excuse yourself from hearing it. Do you understand?”
Bries frowned, his black eyes close as he thought. “Bries cannot hear, Bries’ rage is for battle, there is no battle here. Bries will make firewood or walk with cats.”
When Annie walked into the kitchen, they looked at her. Her hair was still wet, her eyes were red. She knew she must look like a disheveled mess. All she wanted to do was go back upstairs and crawl into bed but she had promised Tal she would tell him the story of her nightmare. She had heard them speaking in the strange language of their world. It sounded very close to ancient Aramaic. She thought she heard the words for survival, suffering, strength, rage, and understanding.
Tal spoke in her language, “Bries wishes to say something to you.”
“Bries cannot hear about those who hurt his Lady Annie. Bries’ rage is too much. Bries ask Lady Annie to forgive Bries’ weakness.” Bries looked down at the floor as if ashamed of himself.
Annie put her hand on his cheek. “Bries, you are not weak. It was a terrible thing and you have a soft heart. Just know everyone who hurt me is dead. I killed them, just like I killed the man I found beating you with the pipe. If you don’t want to know, I understand,” Annie said quietly.
He nodded, “Bries make firewood for Lady Annie.”
She hugged his thick neck, “Thank you, gentle giant little brother.”
Bries half-smiled and went outside, followed by a large black and white cat that belonged to Herlinda and Jorge. She could hear the thunk of the ax in the wood begin. Annie was glad Bries didn’t want to hear, he was such a gentle soul. Her wounds should not be shared with someone like him. Annie poured a cup of coffee, put sugar in it, and went into the living room. She stoked the fire and watched it burn for a few minutes before she sat down. She felt very cold, body and soul, but she made herself do it anyway. Vorn and Tal sat quietly waiting for her to begin.
All she had to do was say the first words and the rest would pour out. Her mantra of rules chanted...
Rule #2 for Daily life : Do not dwell on the past or your pain, you did not die that week.
Annie was about to break one of her rules, she broke it every time she told the story, every time she relived her nightmare. It always seemed so much harder to breathe before she started. The air seemed so much colder in the room. The light seemed to draw itself away from the darkness she endured, leaving her defenseless against the onslaught of remembered pain to come. Her therapists said she needed to talk about it, it would help. They also said that someday she would stop having nightmares, and someday she would stop feeling cold. She thought they were all liars.
“Seven years ago yesterday, I brought my fiance home for the holidays to meet my parents. We always came here for Christmas, and sometimes in the summer. I was working with the Mossad, Saudi and Yemeni Intel, MI6, and our NSA-CIA on a joint project looking for non-traditional weapons of mass destruction to be used against the oil fields that supply most of our world’s fuel resources. I met Sheikh Opir Aamir’s grandson Hadif, who was also on the joint task force as an energy engineer. He was a brilliant and charming Arabian prince, and I was a young and foolish girl from Texas.” She stopped to sip her coffee.
“Forgive me, Lady Annie. You hardly seem like the foolish type, regardless of your age,” Vorn observed.
She sighed, “I was almost 22 and had never been in a relationship with a man. I never even had a real boyfriend. I was the definition of foolish. I had saved myself for my husband and my marriage night, as I was taught by my faith. I am actually very shy, but I compensate. We had spent the Haj with Hadif’s family, who I adored. It was wonderful. Then two months later, we came here to spend Christmas with mine. My father was retired Air Force and mom was a physicist, they were working together on the third incarnation of Pandora. Mom and I spent the whole morning decorating and baking. She was telling me how there were issues with it getting out of control, even on the smallest scale. Dad and Hadif went for a walk to the lake to go ice fishing while I looked at mom’s numbers.”
Tucking her legs underneath her, she seemed to shrink. “It was just after lunch, I was sitting on the bed in the room where you two are sleeping, petting the neighbor’s cat when I figured out part of the energy resonance issue. It was the static in Tuffy’s fur that sparked the solution, I realized the energy was become self-amplifying and that is why they lost control. The more the ions vibrated, the more they wanted to vibrate. So, I proposed the cross-resonance. When I ran the first numbers it showed an increase in power along with a more stable reaction. Dad was so proud. Mom laughed about me and cats. Hadif just smiled and brought me a cup of tea, telling me he had chosen wisely, brilliant and beautiful. I had never felt so happy.”
Looking at her cup, it seemed to make her sadder. “I didn’t drink coffee then, only tea, like mom. The tea was one of the many floral teas from the box he gave me. He said he had bought me a huge sampler of the teas of his native land so he would always know my favorite. I hadn’t even opened it yet. The tea was sweet and pungent, exotic tasting, so different from my usual earl grey. I started feeling strange and fell asleep, I had only written half the equations down. I woke to my mother screaming, I tried to stand but couldn’t... So, I crawled into the living room. M-my parents were both d-dead. Mom wa-was right there. ”
She pointed a spot in front of the fire-place and then to a place in front of the windows, “A-and Dad was there. If I close my eyes I can still see their blood and bodies. The doctors call it post-traumatic stress. They don’t know that I come back here. No one does, except my best friend... She’s the only one who knows I still own this cabin, but I could never sell it. It would be like selling their bodies.”
Tears poured down her cheeks. She was quiet for a few moments. Outside, there was the steady thunk of Bries’ ax. She really didn’t want to continue, but she had barely begun and she could not stop. Once she started, she had to tell all that happened during those days in one go or her anxiety attacks and nightmares would have her trapped the way her fiance had trapped her in his lies.
“What I didn’t know was that the terrorist I was looking for, was the one I was engaged to.”
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Thank you, Mama Magie