Frontier Rats - Quest for Ratopia

The small study room is clean and whitewashed. There are a few upturned ice-cream cartons and bookcases stuffed with textbooks. On a large blackboard on the wall someone has drawn a cartoon of a rat eating a twig. On the walls there are a few educational posters of spaceships, star systems and planets. Konrad sits alone hunched over a physics paper, frowning and scratching his head. A skinny finger arrives on the paper and points at part of an equation. “Gravity is why the light takes longer to reach us. It’s bending the light. See?”

Konrad looks up to see Uphrasia standing over him. “Gravity. Thanks.” He scribbles down the answer then looks back up at him. “Are we still pals then?”

“Sure. I’m sorry for getting mad at you. It’s just those elite jerks really get under my fur.”

“Yes, they were very rude. Very, very rude.”

“I’m sick of being the butt of their jokes. I wish they’d all just disappear.”

“You shouldn’t say such things Uphrasia.”

Uphrasia sits down opposite him looking gloomy. “I know.”

He places the parcel on the table and Konrad sits bolt upright. “One of your mother’s food parcels?”

“I felt so guilty when I saw it, I couldn’t be mad at you anymore. Do the honours, pal.”

Konrad rips off the layers of brown paper wrapping to reveal two large, perfectly round, oat flapjacks. Uphrasia grins. “Your favourites.”

“Made with honey and just the right amount of sugar syrup. Thanks buddy!”

Uphrasia watches Konrad munching flapjack. “Konrad, I need some advice.”

“Advice from me? Are you sure that’s wise? I mean, look what happens when you leave me alone for five minutes. I think I must be the most unreliable rat in existence. If you take advice from me you’re taking a huge gamble. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Don’t worry about that. Look, I promised Mother I would fail the astrophysics exam tomorrow. She’s worried about me going on a mission.”

Konrad raises his eyebrows. “Well, like those Zucker rats said, you’ll never pass the exam so you needn’t worry.”

“But I told those jerks I would pass, and to be honest, I’ve been studying pretty hard. I think I’ve got a shot.”

“It certainly is a dilemma.” He licks his lips and takes another huge bite.

Uphrasia holds out his arms. “What do I do?”

Konrad scratches his hip, takes another bite of flapjack and talks with his mouth full. “Simple. You pass the exam.”

“But what about Mother? I can’t lie to her.”

Konrad waves a half-moon piece of flapjack around, his cheeks bulging. “Don’t lie, just say nothing. Saying nothing is not lying, unless you say something, then it is.”

Uphrasia scowls. “I sort of get what you mean.” He gets up.

“Where are you going?”

“To study. I have a lot of swotting up to do.”

“You’ll pass, buddy. I know you will. Um, do you want this other piece of flapjack?”

Uphrasia smiles. “I don’t want to get crumbs in the bed.” He nods and leaves the room. Konrad raises his eyebrows twice and bites a big chunk off the other flapjack. He munches rapidly with his eyes closed, savouring every morsel.

The next morning, Uphrasia climbs out of his sleeping cubicle with a small computer tablet under his arm and an air of confidence about him. He slides down the ladder and marches along the corridor. He reaches a dilapidated wall with a big hole in the skirting board and slithers through to find Konrad waiting for him on the other side. They both join a line of other rats as they make their way along a wide metal pipe. Overhead pipes and conduits full of cables intertwine on the ceiling. A steady drip of water falls from the ceiling and vanishes into the darkness below making regular, loud plops. Konrad stares at the screen of his computer tablet and moves the controls with his thumbs. On the screen is his favourite game, Rat Maze. A rat on the screen hops about in a tunnel then presses a button on the wall and a large piece of cheese appears. The rat gobbles down the cheese. “What’s a, val-er-dict-oryum?”

Uphrasia raises one eyebrow. “It’s Valedictorian. It means I will be the key speaker at our graduation ceremony. I just have to trounce the astrophysics exam. Then, nothing can stand in my way. I’m going to be an officer Konrad. You’ll be taking orders from me in the future.”

Konrad scratches his chest. “Oh, poo, it won’t be the same. We wouldn’t be able to hang out together anymore.”

“Yes, it’s true. We will have to make some sacrifices in the name of progress dear boy. Are you playing that stupid Rat Maze again?”

Konrad keeps his eyes glued to the screen. “It’s so addictive, I can’t help myself.”

“Turn it off, we’re here.”

Konrad switches off his tablet and slips it under his armpit as they reach an iron grate. Uphrasia slips through the bars into the corridor on the other side. Konrad squeezes through and gets stuck halfway. “Argh!” Uphrasia pulls him through by his arm. “Ta.”

“Welcome.”

They are joined by more rats, all holding their own computer tablets. Rose trots up, beaming a wide smile. “All ready for the exam then, Uphrasia?”

He rolls his eyes. “Fully revised, prepped and ready!”

She narrows her eyes. “Did you hear they changed the format this year?” He stops in his tracks.

“Format changed?!”

“Yes. The written test is followed by a practical test, construction of a molecule model from memory.”

Uphrasia gulps. “A molecule model?!”

Konrad licks his lips from one side to the other with a loud slurp. “I love molecules, especially ones that make biscuits or pies.” He licks his lips again.

Uphrasia slaps himself on the forehead. “But I can’t remember all the molecules!” He stares at Konrad who stares back blankly, scratching his head. Uphrasia holds up his paws. “Any ideas?”

Konrad furrows his brow and thinks really hard, then furrows his brow again and rubs his chin. “Nope.”

“Argh!”

The elite cadets arrive and Roderick halts them with his paw. “Hey look who it is. Uphrasia Teach, what are you doing here?”

Thompus swings his hips from side to side. “Stick nibblers sit at the back!”

Roderick nudges Uphrasia in the ribs. “Yeah, don’t eat all the pencils!” They all giggle as they peel off into the exam room.

Furious, Uphrasia follows them in. “This joke is wearing pretty thin guys!”

A small, white albino rat walks along the corridor in the opposite direction. She has a shiny chrome plate on her head that covers her right eye and has a lens over it with small bright lights attached. There are a number of multi-coloured wires attached to the top of the plate that stick up in the air. She wears a white lab coat and a pair of headphones on her ears. Konrad stares at her and she pauses, looks at him with her one red eye while the lens on her right moves around, then points at him, focusing in. Then she hides her face behind her laptop and moves off along the corridor.

Konrad tugs on Rose’s fur. “Who’s the lab rat?”

“That’s Nute, Professor Abler’s granddaughter. She’s some kind of genius, passed her astrophysics exam four months ago. Keeps herself to herself, super nerdy.” She leans in close and whispers. “They live up in that tower above the sewage plant where they do experiments and all kinds of creepy science stuff.”

Konrad’s eyes widen. “Wow!”

Rose chuckles and ambles into the exam room. Konrad stands there in a daze and under his breath says, “Nute.”

Albino lab rats were bred for use by scientists and medical researchers. Many of the medicines we use today have been tested on such rats as these. Related to the brown rat, they are very intelligent.

Uphrasia pops his head out of the room. “Konrad, exam!” Konrad snaps out of it and enters the exam room.

The bright, airy room has a high ceiling and sunlight streams in through tall windows along the whole length of one side. The students sit at rows of simple wooden desks chattering and fidgeting. Professor Abler is an aged albino lab rat wearing a white lab coat. He has a short, pointy white beard on the underside of his snout. His desk is a giant matchbox and he bangs on it with his fist making the matches rattle. His red eyes peer through his half-moon spectacles and his voice is croaky. “Now pay attention cadets. We have a special visitor today who would like to say a few words before the exam begins. Please welcome…” He clears his throat. “General Scrod!”

As Scrod enters all the students stand and applaud. Scrod fans his paw up and down. “All right, pipe down you lot. Pipe down!” They all sit down and settle. Scrod puffs up his chest. “I am here to tell you that we at Space Corps are looking for recruits for an intergalactic space mission to find a new home. We are somewhat overcrowded here on Earth and we all know the humans would prefer that we weren’t here at all.” Gasps and oohs. “I won’t be joining the mission myself, as I am semi-retired.” A big sigh from all the students. “We want the best of course, which is why only those who graduate from astro school will be accepted. I won’t lie to you; this mission will be fraught with danger! It will be tough, but I know you will all do your best to be part of it. So good luck! That is all.” He salutes, then marches out of the room. Scout salutes back and the other rats laugh at him.

Abler bangs on the desk again. “You may begin the exam. You have one hour to complete the written test! Switch on your tablets and open the file marked ‘Astrophysics Exam’!” They all turn on their tablets and get started.

Konrad watches a fly buzz around his head following it with his snout going round and round in circles. It lands on the window and Konrad stares at it in a daze as it walks up and down. Uphrasia taps away at his tablet. The Zucker rats all work quickly, heads down, concentrating. Uphrasia looks at them and thinks, “I have to beat them. This could be my big break, I could actually get off this dead, miserable planet.” Konrad flicks a wooden ruler on his desk and moves it to make a funny vibrating noise, sniggers, then does it again. Eventually the clock on the wall ticks from nine fifty to nine fifty-one. The Zucker rats begin to stand up one after the other; all except Thompus who continues to work. Rose stands up just after them. Uphrasia panics and types as fast as he can. Then he lets out a long sigh of relief, taps the send button and stands up just as the clock strikes ten.

Abler looks at his watch. “Right, that’s time. E-mail me your files. If you have not finished, email them anyway! We will have a fifteen-minute break, then we will move on to the next test: construction of a molecule!” Thompus looks around the room. It seems everyone except for him has finished the exam. He taps send on his tablet and follows the others out of the room.

Uphrasia fills a paper cup from a dripping pipe and takes a drink. Konrad arrives, fills his cup and asks. “How did you get on with the test?”

“I think I nailed it. Hard to tell, those multiple choice questions were really tricky.”

“What if you pass, because, clearly, I won’t?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you will go on a mission and I will have to stay here. We may never see each other again.”

Uphrasia takes a gulp of water and frowns. “I haven’t thought that far ahead buddy. Maybe they will let me have an assistant.”

Konrad looks forlorn, knowing the truth in his mind. “I don’t think they would allow that. He’ll go into space and I’ll be left behind.”

Uphrasia pats him on the shoulder. “Something will present itself. It always does. We always stick together. Through thick and thin.”

Konrad looks up at him and smiles. “We do don’t we? On flapjack days and also on days when there is no flapjack. Through thick and thin.”

“Yep! Through thick and thin. Come on, let’s get this rotten exam over with.”

Back in the exam room all the rats queue up in a line as Abler gives each one a tray filled with red, white and blue balls on small wooden sticks. They all return to their desks. Konrad makes a huge yawn and stares out of the window. Abler clears his throat. “I want you all to construct a carbohydrate molecule from memory. You have twenty minutes. Begin now!”

Konrad sits up straight. “Carbohydrate!” His tummy rumbles and he rubs it. “Oh… Twenty minutes is such a long time to wait for your next instalment of food.” He looks around the room then over at Abler. Then he reaches under his desk and takes out a small parcel of paper and unwraps a small chunk of flapjack. He nibbles it, keeping an eye on Abler.

Rose and Uphrasia get to work. Uphrasia’s tongue hangs out of the side of his mouth. “Carbohydrate – carbohydrate?” He sorts out the shapes on his tray and scratches the tuft of hair on his head. “Sugar’s a carbohydrate, right?”

Konrad balances a small white ball on his nose, then he puts one in his mouth and rolls it around his cheeks, then swallows it with a loud gulp. “Oops!” Then he plays with two rat dolls he has constructed out of the molecule kit, moving them as if in slow motion. “Hey, Uphrasia, let’s go to space, OK Konrad! Wee…”

Uphrasia has nearly completed his molecule, but the elite rats are way ahead and they all stand up; all except Thompus. Rose stands up a moment later. Abler looks up at the clock and adjusts his spectacles. “Well done. You are the first to finish! I think we have found our senior science graduates.”

Konrad is fast asleep with his head in the tray, snoring. As he breathes in a large red ball rolls up and sticks to his left nostril and then rolls back again as he snores out. Uphrasia desperately tries to complete his molecule, but the clock is getting closer and closer to twenty past ten. He tugs on a ball that is stuck in the wrong place. It won’t budge. He yanks on it hard and the whole molecule falls apart. He looks at the clock, nineteen minutes past. Uphrasia tries to reconstruct the molecule. The clock hits twenty past. Abler stands up. “Right, cadets, your time is up. Put down your molecule and leave the exam room.”

Uphrasia scrunches up his face. “No, it can’t be!” In a tantrum he picks up a large red ball and throws it hard at the floor. It bounces up, hits a wall, ricochets off the ceiling and out of an open window. The ball rolls along the window ledge, falls into the gutter, runs along it, drops down into a drain pipe and spirals down. It pops out at the bottom, bounces off a level concrete platform and rises back up into the air. Then it lands on a square metal fan housing and rolls gently into a rusty hole in the middle. Inside a huge metal fan spins rapidly and the ball gets sucked into the whirling blades. It fires out smashing a hole in the protective wire mesh grille and zooms downwards.

The school Principal, an ancient Zucker rat, stands in an open courtyard talking to a mixed group of young, keen-looking rats. “Now, if you study hard you may all graduate. But you must study very hard.” The ball darts through the air down towards the Principal and it slams onto the top of his head. His body goes rigid and he falls sideways onto the ground.

In a long, tall and brightly lit corridor Konrad sits on a tiny bench humming quietly to himself and swinging his legs as he watches that fly buzzing round his head again. Next to him, neatly cut out in the skirting board, is a wooden door with a sign over which reads “PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE”. An angry voice shouts from within “Now get out of my sight. Insolent young rat! I’ve never seen the like! Never!”

The door opens and Uphrasia exits with his head bowed, looking dejected. The fly zips inside just as he closes the door.

Konrad hops down and blinks at him. “How did it go?”

“He didn’t suspend me, but as I failed to complete the exam I won’t make the grade. I’ll be a total laughing stock now and those Zucker rats will make my life a misery.”

Konrad smiles. “Well, we’re used to that. Anyway, you’ll climb up through the ranks in no time. Let’s go to lunch, I’m starving.”

“Konrad! How can you think of food? Don’t you get it? My life is over!”

“Every cloud has a silver lining.”

“No chance of a mission!”

“Travel is overrated.”

“I’ll have to leave Astro School, no more of Mum’s food parcels!”

Konrad’s eyes bulge. “This is a disaster! We have to do something!”

The Principal sits at his huge desk sporting a large, red, bald bump between his tufty ears. He holds two wooden ink stamps, one in each paw. He slams a stamp on the first of a huge pile of the rats’ school records and it leaves the word “FAILED!” in bright red letters. He then places the record in an out tray. At the top of the record is a photograph of Thompus. The fly buzzes around the Principal’s head. He flaps his arms around and the fly lands on Konrad’s school record. Slam! He squashes the fly flat! The Principal lifts up the stamp to reveal the word PASSED. He grins a wicked grin. “Ha, got you, filthy germ-carrying swine!” He picks up Konrad’s record, looks at it and scratches his head and his finger touches the sore, throbbing bump in the middle of his forehead. “Ouch,” he winces. Then he shrugs his shoulders and tosses Konrad’s record into the out tray.

The maggot farm is an extremely smelly place; not surprising considering it is inside a sewage plant. But this sour and rank stink is enough to turn any stomach, apart from a rat’s that is. It’s damp and dingy, with rows of worktops covered with rotting vegetation, mouldy sausages and rancid fish heads in trays of writhing maggots. Rose enters through a door and tips a bucket of food waste onto one of the maggot trays. Uphrasia and Konrad are halfway down the room wearing white waterproof suits. They stroll along between the maggot beds with water tanks on their backs with pipes leading to spray guns they hold in their paws. Every now and then they spray a jet of water over the maggots. “My feet are cold,” Konrad complains. “Plus I don’t like eating maggots. Why are they even on the menu?”

Uphrasia sprays a tray of maggots. “Konrad. You know there are food shortages. And I told you a hundred times to wear your boots.”

Up at the far end Nute enters wearing her white lab coat. She adjusts the focus of her lens with her paw and she sees a grid on the internal screen and a maggot comes into focus. She inserts a syringe into the maggot and draws out some green slime. Then she empties the syringe into a test tube and seals it with a cork. She holds it up and her lens’ motor whirs, moving back and forth to focus on the tube. Konrad stares at her. Rose’s voice whispering in his ear startles him, “More hideous experiments!”

Konrad’s eyes widen and Rose grins. “You like her don’t you?” Konrad shuffles his paws and points his toes point together. “Would you like to meet her?”

Uphrasia chuckles. “Konrad on a date, ha, ha, what a laugh. Can you imagine?”

Konrad looks up at Rose with his bright beady eyes. “Yes! I would like to meet her, as a matter of fact.” He rocks his paws from side to side.

Rose gives Uphrasia a sly look. “Do you know the manure mound at the edge of the sewage plant?”

Uphrasia gives the maggots a dousing with his spray gun and says nonchalantly. “I am aware of the place.”

“Great, it’s a date. We’ll meet you both there after evening rations.” She walks towards the exit.

Uphrasia has to think fast. “We can’t. We have foraging detention!”

“OK, after you get back then!” She exits with Nute, closing the door before he can respond.

“What just happened there?! Did I just get conned into a date with that soppy, fancy rat?”

Konrad grins from ear to ear. “Oh come on, it’ll be fun. Besides, I need your back up. I don’t know how to talk to girls.”

“And you suppose I do?”

Konrad raises his eyebrows in the middle, putting on his best sad face. It always works. Uphrasia looks up to the ceiling and sighs. “OK, OK, we’ll go. Just stop looking like a constipated mime artist.”

Konrad jumps up and claps his paws together. “Yes!”

The stubby tower that sits on top of the sewage plant is lit from within by a dim light that glows through the boards and sooty windows. Inside there is clutter everywhere. The shelves are stuffed with bottles of chemicals and glass jars filled with dead insects, invertebrates and reptiles floating in green formaldehyde liquid. There are rows and rows of books and files. Machines and electronic gadgets whir and buzz on the long counters and chemicals in round glass bottles bubble over gas burners, as does a clear glass beaker with two eggs boiling in it. A large blue plastic box on wheels is filled with old electronic gadgets, laptops, tablets, mobile phones and lots of other discarded human things the rats have collected from the city dump. They are so resourceful that there is not much they cannot repair or reuse. In many cases they even improve things.

Professor Abler is bent over a counter with his head inside a metal box full of wires and circuits. The door intercom makes a loud buzz and he straightens up bumping his head inside the box. “Ouch!” He pulls out his head, rubbing it. “Fiddlesticks!” He walks over to the entrance door and looks at a small screen on the intercom. Uphrasia’s face looks back at him. Abler presses a switch and the entrance door opens.

“You wanted to see me, Professor?”

“Yes, yes, come in young rat, come in.”

Uphrasia enters, looking all around at the contraptions and machines. A marble maze catches his eye. He watches as a marble rolls along a slot, falls down a steep shoot and lands on a conveyer belt. Then it is carried back up to the top where it starts its journey all over again. Abler looks him up and down through his spectacles. “Uphrasia Teach, I have been watching your progress with some interest over these past few years.”

“You have, sir?”

Abler opens a tall filing cabinet and rummages around. “I have. Your test results are very good, considering.”

“Considering I’m a common sewer rat?”

Abler pulls his head out of the cabinet and frowns over his half-moon spectacles. “Considering your academic background and the fact that your father left home when you were a young kit. You’ve done fairly well, but you could do a lot better. Could you not?”

“Well I, ah…”

His head goes back into the cabinet. “Now where is it? Aha!” He pops back out holding a small black box. “I’d like to think I can trust you, young rat?” The red eyes stare at him so intently that Uphrasia feels uncomfortable.

“You can sir, of course.”

Abler gives him the box. “Good. Ever since Nute’s parents died in that tragic road-kill incident I’ve had the troubling responsibility of watching over her. I worry about her, you see. She’s…” He looks up at the ceiling. “She’s an unusual rat. This radio locator will work within a certain distance. At least, I think it will. She has a tracker implanted under her fur, the type humans invented to locate their lost pets.” He gives Uphrasia five tiny, glowing, glass tubes. “These power cells have a long life but use them wisely.” He looks around the room and sighs. “All these things the humans threw away. What good they could have done with them instead of destroying everything in their path. Such a race, such pointless waste of potential.” Abler places one paw on Uphrasia’s shoulder and guides him towards the exit. “I want you to take good care of this device and keep an eye on Nute for me.” He breathes in and lets out a sigh. “You see, I won’t be around for a lot longer. I’d like to think she will have some friends she can rely upon, when I’m gone.”

Uphrasia frowns and tries to give back the box. “Sir, I don’t think I’m qualified. I failed my astrophysics exam.”

“Don’t worry about that. I have had a word with the Principal, and he has come around to my way of thinking. Once he calmed down. You have made the grade. You are no longer a Space Corps cadet.” He salutes. “Private Teach!”

Uphrasia’s eyes widen and he salutes. “Yes sir! Thank you sir!”

“You have just squeezed through the keyhole. But you will have to work twice as hard from now on. Don’t let me down after I have stuck my neck out for you.”

“I won’t sir!”

“You know your father had a quality like no other rat I have ever met. You have great potential, Uphrasia Teach. You just need to unlock it.”

Uphrasia stares at the box then up at Abler. “You knew my father?”

“Yes I knew Edward very well. He would be proud to see how you’ve grown. I know you must miss him very much.”

“He never said goodbye. Do you know where he went?”

“Nobody knows that but Edward my boy. He had an adventurous heart, could never settle in one place for long.”

“Look where adventure has gotten my family? All of my ancestors met with a horrible end! I promised Mother I would never go on a mission.”

“Don’t you ever feel like you were destined for something greater?”

“Destined?”

“It’s in all of us Uphrasia. It’s why we have spread all over this planet so successfully. We have a deep yearning for adventure and exploration. It’s in our genes.

Uphrasia looks very solemn. “Do you suppose he’s still alive, my father?”

“Edward was, is, a most resourceful and brave rat. I am sure whatever challenges he met, he would have overcome. I remember he once took on a cat and you can guess who came out on top. Who knows, one day you may bump into him again.”

“It’s a big universe.”

Abler nods. “Yes, it is. Now will you do as I ask? Keep an eye on Nute for me?”

“Well, I suppose.”

“Good chap, now off you go.” He ushers him out through the exit and closes the door before he can change his mind. Abler turns around looking very serious. “Well Edward, I kept my promise.” He opens a drawer and takes out an envelope addressed to Uphrasia Teach. He takes out a letter and reads it. At the bottom are the words: “With love from your father.” He folds it up and puts it in his lab-coat pocket. “I’ll give it to him when the time is right. Yes. When the time is right.”