Fragile Sanctuary (Sparrow Falls Book 1)

I took in lungsful of fresh air as I walked from the main house to the guest cottage. The scent of ponderosa pines filled my nose instead of stale air laced with smoke. Each inhale washed away the tendrils of panic and haunting memories still swirling.

What they didn’t erase was my annoyance. I could still see Anson’s smug expression. There was no hint of a smile. The opposite, in fact. He seemed pissed the hell off that he had to deal with me at all.

I’d heard Shep talking about his best friend from college countless times, but the stories he’d shared from their days at the University of Oregon didn’t match the man I’d met today.

The Anson that Shep had described was easygoing and almost mischievous. The person I’d met today was cold with a harshness that didn’t compute. Even if he had saved my ass, quite literally.

I winced at my reaction. Biting someone’s head off wasn’t me—not even when they deserved it. But Anson had caught me at my most vulnerable, and that wasn’t something I liked anyone seeing. Ever.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket, and I tugged it free, grateful for the distraction. That gratitude fled the moment I saw my ex’s name on the screen. No, ex wasn’t right. But what did you call someone you’d gone on all of four dates with, who now wouldn’t leave you alone?

DAVIS

How about dinner tonight?

I scowled at the phone. There would be no dinner tonight, tomorrow night, or next year. I blamed the stroke I’d clearly had when saying yes to more than one date. Either that or the memory of who Davis had been in high school. That guy had been funny and into hiking and rock climbing back then. A bit of a player, but not a jackass about it. The guy he was now was a pompous douche canoe.

The sound of boots crunching gravel had me turning around and sliding the phone back into my pocket. Shep strode toward me with a single-minded purpose. Even with his ballcap hiding his eyes, I saw the concern there. My stomach twisted. I hated being the source of Shep’s worry. He took far too much on his shoulders already.

He pulled me into a hug before I could get a word out. “You okay?”

I let out a long breath. “I’m good.”

Shep released me, but his gaze roamed over my face, studying me as if checking for lies.

“Swear. Other than your grumpy bestie scaring the bejesus out of me.”

Shep winced but then pinned me with a stare. “You shouldn’t have been messing around in there. I warned you it wasn’t safe.”

A prickle of guilt spread through me. More of that worry on my conscience. “I know. I just—I needed to get a look when no one was around.” I swiped my hands over my jeans. What I really meant was that I needed to go inside when no one could see. Just in case I broke.

The tension wrapping around his shoulders eased. “Rho.”

“I didn’t lose it. I’m fine.”

Shep ducked down a fraction, forcing me to meet his amber gaze. “It would be okay if you needed to let a little of what you’re feeling out. To share it with the people who care about you so they can lessen the load.”

I worried that spot on the inside of my cheek. “I do. I’ve talked about it with Nora. And Fallon.”

“The bare minimum,” Shep challenged.

“And you’re any better? I don’t see you laying down all your trauma for people to pick over.”

A mask slipped over Shep’s face, and I instantly felt like the lowest of the low. His features shifted into something completely unreadable. “I’m not hiding anything. I don’t have the weight you, Arden, Trace, and Kye do.”

He wasn’t wrong that the four of us had our share of baggage and scars, both emotional and physical. Shep had his own; he just didn’t want to face them. But at the end of the day, we were all lucky to land where we did. The Colsons gave all those they’d taken in long term a sense of safety and stability we desperately needed.

I toed at a piece of gravel with my boot. “It’s not a competition.”

Shep sighed. “Of course, not. I just want you to know that you can talk to me if you need to.”

My ribs tightened around my lungs. God, Shep had the best heart. “I know that.”

“Good.” Shep swiped off his hat, flipping it around so he could get a better view of the house. “It’s going to take us a while to move through the damage. But as soon as sections are secured, you can come in and remove any items you want. Or I can do it for you.”

My tongue felt thick and heavy in my mouth, making it hard to swallow, and harder to breathe. I had almost nothing of my family’s: a few photos, favorite books from the library, a quilt of my mom’s that had been in the living room that Nora had insisted on taking for me. But when the fire department offered to go back in for more, I’d said no.

I hadn’t been ready. It was as if seeing their things, all our belongings, would’ve made it too real.

But now, I wanted those items. Wanted to remember. Honor.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Movement caught my eye, and I watched as Anson’s massive frame ambled out of the house, moving toward his truck. The sun caught his dark blond hair, illuminating the lighter strands. The color didn’t suit his storm-cloud personality, but it did match his blue-gray eyes. They reminded me of an ocean turned upside down by a hurricane.

“You gonna be okay with him?” Shep asked, breaking into my thoughts.

I shifted my gaze back to him. “What’s his deal? He’s not exactly what I pictured when you told me about the guy who convinced you to take your couch sledding during a blizzard.”

Something passed over Shep’s expression. It was quick, but I’d caught hold of it long enough for it to pique my curiosity. Shep’s focus slid away from me, but it didn’t go to Anson. He focused somewhere out on the horizon between Castle Rock and the mountains. “He’s been through some stuff. Changed him. You know what that’s like.”

God, did I ever. There was no way losing my family the way I had wouldn’t have changed me. I was a different person than I was back then. Not just because I’d grown up but because I knew what life could throw at you. I knew you had to be grateful for every moment because you weren’t guaranteed a certain number of them.

I studied Shep’s profile. Lines bracketed his mouth, carving in and revealing his worry. The image made my stomach twist. “What happened?”

Shep shook his head as he turned back to me. “Not my story to tell. But I wouldn’t hate it if you cut him some slack.”

Annoyance flickered. Shep was an open book. He told me everything. Told everyone he considered family everything. But he was holding something back for Anson. That told me whatever it was, it wasn’t something small.

A million and one questions swirled around in my mind. Because as much as I didn’t like people poking around in my past, I was nosy.

“He’s been through a lot,” Shep said softly.

The almost pleading tone to Shep’s words had the tiny hairs on my arms standing on end. “I’m sorry. As long as he doesn’t play ninja again and scare the crap out of me, I’ll be nice.”

Shep’s lips twitched. “I’ll have a word with him about making noise when he walks.”

My fingers drummed the outside of my thigh. “Maybe I could get him a bell. You know, the ones they put on cats’ collars so they can’t surprise birds.”

Shep choked on a strangled laugh. “I’m sure Anson would just love that.”

I bit my lip to keep from outright grinning at the image of the broody bastard wearing a kitty collar—something in a glittery pink.

A horn let out two quick, light bursts as a sedan sped down the drive. I didn’t miss Anson’s scowl at the intrusion of noise and dust. It only had me fighting my smile harder.

The blue car stopped a few feet from us, and my best friend got out of it in two seconds flat. Fallon made a beeline for me, and even though she was tinier than I was and certainly willowier, she nearly took me out with the force of her hug. Honestly, it was more like a tackle.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. My home visit went longer than expected. Are you okay? How was it? Do you need anything? You know you can come stay with me if you want. I’ve got that extra room. We can move a bed in there and⁠—”

“I’m good,” I said, cutting her off. “Swear.”

Fallon released me, her eyes surveying like Shep’s.

I threw up my hands. “I’m not going to crumble. I’m good. If I’m not, I’ll come stay with you while reno is happening.”

Shep, taking pity on me, pinched Fallon’s side. “What am I, chopped liver?”

Fallon rolled her eyes. “I saw you this morning at the bakery.”

“I still deserve a hello,” he argued, looping his arm around her neck and giving her a noogie.

Fallon squealed, smacking at him. “Get off, you Neanderthal!”

“What? You don’t like the new ‘do?” Shep asked, laughter in his voice.

Fallon glared at him as she patted down her hair. “The last time you did that, it took me an hour to get the tangles out.”

As annoyed as Fallon was with Shepard at the current moment, it only made warmth spread through my chest. I loved their closeness and teasing care.

A series of tones sounded, and Shep pulled out his phone, scanning the screen. “Aw, crap. I gotta run. Issue on our other jobsite. See you guys for dinner?”

Nora’s dinners were legendary and frequent. She had an open-door policy where everyone was welcome, and the food seemed to never end.

“Yup,” I said.

Fallon scowled at our brother. “If I can untangle my hair in time.”

Shep sent her a mock salute. “I believe in you.”

Fallon stuck her tongue out at him.

He just laughed as he jogged toward his truck.

Fallon didn’t even wait for him to get behind the wheel. She simply grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the porch steps, pulling me down. “Tell me how you’re really doing.”

The late-afternoon sun cast a golden hue around the property, encircling us like a warm blanket. “I really am okay. Wasn’t sure I would be when I first pulled up, but Lolli brought me a dick flower, and that helped.”

Fallon’s brows just about hit her hairline. “Did you say a…dick flower?”

A chuckle left my lips. “Her newest diamond art creation. It’s now hanging over my mantel.”

Fallon dropped her head into her hands. “You aren’t seriously putting a—” She drastically lowered her voice as she stole a quick glance at me. “—penis over your fireplace?”

I grinned widely at her. “As Lolli says, it’s just the human body.”

“I can never look in that direction. You know that, right?”

A laugh bubbled out of me as I pictured Fallon walking into my new home, laying eyes on the artwork, and promptly turning the shade of a tomato. “I bet she’d make one for you, too.”

The blood drained from Fallon’s face. “Please, don’t suggest it. Lolli will make one, and then I’ll be forced to find a spot for it, and I’ll die every time I look at it.”

“Shep has his behind his office door.”

Fallon dropped her head back to her hands, groaning.

I pulled my gaze away from her and toward the flicker of movement I saw out of the corner of my eye. At least, I told myself it was a flicker of movement that had me seeking him out. Anson had the tailgate of his truck down and was bent over some large pieces of paper. Blueprints, maybe? He had a pencil balanced between his lips as he studied them.

“New guy on the crew?” Fallon asked.

I quickly tore my gaze away from him, clearing my throat. “That’s Anson.”

Fallon’s eyes went wide. “Bestie from college, who’s basically been a ghost since he moved here? That Anson?”

“The one and only.”

Nora and Lolli had tried to get him to come to dinner or other family get-togethers more times than I could count. But Shep always came back with the same answer: No. There were excuses at first, but eventually, Shep just shook his head when Nora or Lolli asked if Anson was coming.

Fallon nibbled on the corner of her lip. “He’s certainly not hard to look at.”

“Nope,” I said, popping the P. “But his personality ruins it.”

Fallon choked on a laugh. “Tell me how you really feel.”

I leaned back against the porch steps, letting the sun heat my skin. “He’s just not the warm-and-fuzzy type.”

She studied me for a moment. “You’ll fix that in a matter of days.”

I arched a brow in her direction.

“Please. I’ve seen you turn the most cantankerous rancher into a puddle of sweetness at the nursery. This is nothing.”

“Cantankerous, huh? Pulling out the big guns.”

Fallon grinned at me. “I just speak the truth. You have a way of making people see the brighter side. I’m sure Anson will be no different.”

She wasn’t wrong. I’d never seen the point in letting the hard things you were going through weigh you or others down. Not even a bad day, for that matter. If a customer at the nursery was in an especially foul mood, I just made it a game. How could I get them smiling before they left?

I pushed to my feet, brushing off my jeans. “You’re right.”

Fallon scrambled up after me. “I’m always right, but why am I slightly terrified of the gleam in your eyes right now?”

“I’m just going to invite the man to dinner,” I said simply.

She swallowed hard as she glanced from him to me and back again. “He seems like he’s pretty busy right now.”

“It’ll take two minutes.”

“I’m just going to wait here because I’m having secondhand anxiety.”

I snorted. “Go check out the dick flower. Maybe that’ll help.”

“You’re the worst,” Fallon grumbled.

“You love me,” I called, striding across the drive.

“I’m taking out an ad for a new best friend and sister,” she yelled back.

“You’d never,” I shot over my shoulder.

Fallon simply let out a huff and sank back to the steps, but I didn’t miss the way she twisted her fingers into an intricate series of knots. She was an empath through and through. She felt everything those around her did, maybe to an even greater degree. I had no idea how she maintained a job with Child Protective Services with everything she saw there. But I knew that every child who crossed her path was better for it.

As I made my way down the gravel drive, I really let myself take Anson in. He was bent over the tailgate, studying his papers, the pencil now behind his ear. The angle of his body showed the true width of his shoulders as his tee pulled taut across them. The thin cotton revealed ridges of muscle at his sides, too.

Good God, that kind of thing should be illegal. It was like his six-pack had another six-pack on either side of it. That was just ridiculous.

I swallowed the flicker of annoyance at his too-muscled self and forced a wide smile to my lips as I approached.

Anson didn’t look up.

I had a sneaking suspicion he knew I was there, though. I cleared my throat.

He still didn’t look up. “Need something, Reckless?”

Heat flared in my cheeks. “I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot.”

Anson straightened slowly. Something about the movement reminded me of a panther rising from a nap and preparing to hunt. His stormy gaze swept over me in a quick assessment. “You mean the foot you tripped over and almost broke your neck because of.”

The heat in my cheeks spread down my neck as I struggled to keep my breathing even. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have been in there. I’m not going inside again until Shep clears it.”

Anson merely grunted.

“Look, we’ll be running into each other a lot over the next few months. Maybe we can start over.” I extended my hand. “I’m Rhodes, but everyone calls me Rho.”

He stared at my hand like it was a snake poised to strike. “We don’t have to play nice. I’m here to do a job. You stay out of places you shouldn’t be, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

My jaw slackened a bit at his rudeness. But before I could say anything, Anson turned back to the blueprints.

My hand slowly retreated to my side as I gaped at him. “So much for being friendly,” I muttered as I turned to stalk back to my new home.

It was going to be a long few months.