Forbidden: Part One (Luna & Sol Omegaverse Book 1)

I was curled up on the small window seat in my living room, my head leaning against the windowpane, my hands gripping my e-reader. I was trying to escape my reality by diving into a new romance book, but I kept getting distracted by every movement outside. I hadn’t slept at all last night, and now I was nauseous, my entire body on edge. The moment I had run from for years was here.

I dug my fingernails into my palms. My thoughts had turned especially dark in the early hours of the morning, returning once again to the temptation of just… not being here anymore.

My phone vibrated, startling me. I dug it out from where it had slid between the cushion and wall.

SAM

Have they picked you up yet?

JOSIE

Not yet

SAM

Tell me how it went the second you get home

JOSIE

I already said I would

SAM

Don’t let them bulldoze over you

But don’t be too assertive

JOSIE

Thanks for this super clear advice. Really helping with the stress.

SAM

Sorry, Josie-girl. I wish I was there with you.

Gerald just yelled at me to chill the fuck out.

JOSIE

I wish you were here, too.

Actually, I wish I was there with you. Anywhere but here.

SAM

I know. I love you.

JOSIE

Love you

A black SUV pulled up to the curb, and my heart started pounding. I eyed the fire escape at the back of my apartment, itching to escape. I tried to run once before, back when I was stronger. But they had broken me. I wouldn’t survive being caught again. I clutched my stomach as memories assaulted me, sweat trickling down my spine. I stumbled to the bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before I threw up. Look at you, so pathetic. Pull yourself together. 

I sat on the bathroom floor as the room swam around me. I tried to breathe, reminding myself that Amirah and Clementine promised to help me. Maybe the pack they selected didn’t want an omega, either. Best-case scenario, I would move in and we could live as distant roommates who occasionally made small talk about the unseasonably warm fall and our favorite TV shows.

A nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me of my heat.

In just a few days, I would be writhing in agony, desperate for a knot to soothe the pain and fever. If I was left alone through my heat, the fever could cause an infection and kill me. I let out a scream so piercing and primal I almost scared myself, but I needed some way to express the injustice of it all.

I was holding out hope that I could have a suppressant-assisted heat, which was survivable without any alpha involvement. Sam thought he’d found someone to get me suppressants. And if that didn’t pan out? I would just have to find a way through it alone.

I struggled to my feet and rinsed my mouth before looking at myself. The girl in the mirror stared back at me with dead eyes. I hated that I cared what I looked like for these alphas, that I felt the need to put on makeup, which was now smeared, and blow dry my hair for the first time in ages. Hated that I wished my face wasn’t so round… that all of me was less round.

This morning, my mother had her assistant drop off a girlish blue dress with a flouncy skirt and embroidered flowers, along with matching velvet blue high heels. Of course, the dress was too tight—she always bought me things that were too small, as if that would somehow force me to lose weight. Instead, I put on a black jumpsuit I knew my mother hated. The jumpsuit didn’t do much to hide my stomach and hips, with their rolls and curves that were too much for a typical omega, but it was one of the few outfits I felt confident in. My mother would be furious when she saw I wasn’t wearing her outfit, but I needed to exercise any control I had in this terrifying situation.

A whimper escaped me as I heard a knock on the door. I eyed my bedroom with longing, my bed calling me, tempting me to return. My nesting instincts kicked in last night, but I hadn’t given in to them. It would have felt like giving up, like accepting my heat was inevitable.

I had never had a real nest—my parents always said it would be something my alphas would give me as long as I was a good omega. At the DA, they showed us pictures of beautiful nests—dark, cozy rooms with twinkling lights, soft music, and every plush pillow and blanket you could imagine. They dangled these images in front of us as incentives: if we stayed in line and behaved, one day, we could earn a nest like that. They told us they intentionally created our dorm rooms without those comforts so that we would be motivated to find our packs.

Our DA rooms had been sparse. There were no decorations, and we were allowed one pillow and blanket. If we did what they wanted, we could earn more items as a reward. Of course, it also worked the other way. They had systematically stripped my room of every item until I had a thin mattress on the floor and nothing else.

Sam encouraged me to make my room in his apartment into a nest, but I’d never been able to. Even if I’d had the money to buy more than the occasional thrift store blanket, a part of me didn’t want to give in to my inner omega’s desires. She was to blame for the position I was in right now. I’d held on to the hope that if I didn’t give in to my instincts of finding alphas, making a nest, or having a heat, I could destroy the omega part of myself. Obviously, I hadn’t succeeded.

Dread pooled in my stomach as I heard another sharp knock. I slowly gathered my things and opened the door. Dave was standing in the hallway, a serious expression on his face. He lifted an eyebrow at me.

“For a minute, I thought you might try to run away.”

“I thought about it,” I mumbled, locking the door behind me. “Is Clementine here?”

“In the car,” he replied, his gaze continuously sweeping the stairwell as if someone was going to jump out and attack at any minute.

When we got to the car, I cried out in surprise as Clementine threw her arms around me. Her fiery red curls were pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, and she was dressed in a loungewear set.

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you. Get in here quick. We’ve got to be focused,” she said, a whirlwind of energy.

I forced myself to buckle in and stared longingly back at my apartment building as we pulled away from the curb.

“We only have a few minutes for me to give a rundown of the two packs you’re interviewing. Usually, you would only do one interview a day, so you aren’t overwhelmed. Especially with your heat coming up, you’re probably going to be more overwhelmed by alpha pheromones. But your parents are pushing for you to match with someone immediately, so they’ve set up two interviews today. The first will be Pack Madden.”

Clementine handed me a folder. Inside was a photo of four alphas in suits. It was no surprise that they were all tall and muscular, but what was surprising was that they all had the exact same haircut and unsmiling facial expressions.

“They look like clones,” I said, giving Clementine an unimpressed look.

“Oh, just wait; it gets worse once you hear about them,” she responded with a smirk. “Personality? None. Favorite activity? Lording their power over everyone and kissing Glen Jacoby’s ass. Likelihood they can bring a woman to orgasm? Absolutely zero.”

I laughed as I flipped through the rest of the pages in the folder. “I don’t think those are their questionnaire answers.”

“Don’t worry, I’m just saving you time reading their fake-ass answers. This is not going to be your pack. There are a lot of rumors floating around of them assaulting betas, and they support even stricter Designation Laws. They need an omega to cement their status and legitimacy as a pack so they can run for office, and I’m guessing they’ll just keep her locked up in their mansion.”

My palms grew sweaty, and my chest tightened as I clenched the Pack Madden folder. The partition separating us from Dave lowered.

“Clem, that is not helpful,” he said. Clementine looked up from where she was pulling another folder out of her bag.

“Oh my god. Josie, are you okay? I didn’t mean to freak you out. They’re not going to be your pack. Forget about them.”

I was too far gone to process what she was saying, my panic dragging me deep underwater. No matter what, I still had to be in an enclosed room alone with those alphas.

“Omega,” Dave said gruffly. “I need you to breathe nice and slow for me.”

I wanted to hate him for calling me omega, but I could feel myself instinctually responding to his deep alpha voice. My breathing evened out.

“I can’t do this,” I whimpered. I blinked quickly to keep my tears from falling. Clementine pulled me in for a hug and rubbed her hand up and down my back. I stiffened at first before allowing myself to relax into her embrace.

“You can do this,” she said. “I know it sucks to have to do the interview with them, but they can’t touch you or do anything to you. You just have to get through the interview and then you never have to see them again. Omegas always have the final say on the pack, no matter what your parents want. And you have a much better pack option. I might even call them dreamy.”

I pulled away from her and shot her a skeptical look.

“I know, I know,” she said. “It’s hard to believe. But this is Pack Ashwood.” She handed me the folder with an exaggerated flourish.

I opened to the first page, where it listed the alphas’ names: Cameron, Benjamin, and Theodore Ashwood.

“I told you they were hot,” Clementine said, giving me a pointed look.

Dave made a growling coughing sound.

She wasn’t wrong. I bit my lip as I looked at the photo of the three of them. They were standing next to each other in some sort of garden, arms around each other. Cam, on the left, was pure muscle. His tan arms were tattooed, and his black t-shirt clung to his massive chest. His dark brown hair was tied up in a bun and his beard was neatly trimmed. He looked like a combination of a secret service agent/hipster and exuded authority. He was the type of alpha I would usually write off, but there was something about his relaxed stance, the way his arm was slung around his pack mates’ shoulders. His smile seemed genuine, crinkling the skin around his eyes.

I shifted my eyes to Ben, standing in the middle. He was almost as tall as Cam, wearing a fitted gray button-down, rolled up at the sleeves, and black square-frame glasses that looked adorably nerdy. His bright blue eyes were lit with laughter, and his messy brown hair was faded on the sides with beautiful curls at the top of his head. His presence felt lighthearted and playful even through the photo.

The alpha on the right, Theo, was the smallest of the three, although I guessed he was probably still six feet tall and all lean muscle. His dark brown hair stuck up in an endearing way, and his brown eyes felt warm. Theo looked over at the two other alphas with a reserved smile on his clean-shaven face. His formal black button-down and tie felt out of place in the photo, but the three of them somehow worked together.

My eyes skimmed the bios. Fuck, Theo is British? I love a good accent.

“How long have they been a pack?” I asked, frustrated as I read through the sparse bios.

 Clementine shuffled through her notes. “They formed their pack fifteen years ago.”

 I raised my brows in surprise. “Why haven’t they bonded an omega yet?”

Fifteen years was an almost unheard-of amount of time to be without an omega, especially for a pack this powerful and wealthy.

 “They travel quite a bit for their work. Most omegas don’t want a pack where the alphas will be gone a lot.”

I barely kept from rolling my eyes. God forbid omegas have their own lives or jobs or want to travel themselves. Once we found our pack of possessive, overprotective alphas, we were expected to stay at home, pining for the alphas to return while always being sexually available. For the millionth time, I wished I were a beta.

“Once the Designation Laws were passed,” Clementine continued, “they didn’t want to be a part of the corrupt system. Amirah convinced them to be a possible pack option for omegas who are part of the Alliance. They have some non-traditional traits as well. For one, they don’t want children.”

I perked up. I’d never heard of alphas that didn’t want children. Usually, they were obsessed with impregnating their omega. Just another way to keep us trapped at home and dependent on them.

“All three have been involved in lobbying efforts to get the government to remove the Designation Laws. They’ve given us a ton of money under the table so we can keep fighting for equality.” Clementine raised her eyebrows suggestively when she said the last part. Damn her for knowing that would pique my interest.

I kept being pulled back to the photo, something warm sparking inside me, but I quickly shut it down. I have to stay on my guard.

“So, after the interviews, I just… go home with them?” I asked, hearing the edge of panic in my voice.

“After the interviews, you’ll let us know which pack you choose. Technically, you could say you want more interviews, but any other packs would likely be ones chosen by your parents. Amirah had to fight to get Pack Ashwood approved as an option. Assuming you choose them, you’ll move into their house tomorrow. Your parents will accompany you for the traditional hand-off meeting.”

“We’re just moving on down through the levels of hell,” I muttered.

Clementine shot me a sympathetic look. “There’s someone monitoring the interview room to ensure you’re safe. The alphas aren’t allowed to touch you or force you to decide on the spot. If they do anything like that, the monitor is supposed to intervene. I’m guessing your parents and the director will also listen in. Don’t talk about anything you wouldn’t want them to know.”

Way too quickly, we pulled into the DC parking lot. I clenched my jaw, steeling myself to enter this terrible place to meet with terrible people. I forced myself to take a deep breath. You are capable. You can do this. I didn’t believe my own words, but I kept repeating them, hoping they would become true.