For the Love of Cupidity: A Valentine’s Day Novella (Heart Hassle Book 4)

“Again!”

I get a chorus of groans in response.

I frown at the cupid trainees lined up. The girl with the cell phone is sitting down in the grass, muttering about how she wants to update her status. Then insists that shooting arrows is not ladylike. The goth dudes are hanging out together smoking a pipe that I’m pretty sure they swiped from my house, and the nerdy guy with the lisp and buckteeth keeps picking his nose and eating it when he thinks no one is watching.

“Come on cupids, try again!”

I’m surprised when they suddenly jolt to do my bidding. Huh. Maybe they’re finally taking this more seriously?

Then I sense the presence behind me and see that my giant bull mate is here. Of course they listen when he’s around. Red mohawk, nose piercing, intense eyes, and freaking huge. The guy is a bit intimidating.

“My beloved, you missed lunch,” he says as I turn to face him.

“I know. I’ve just been so busy. I really need them to do well tonight.”

Okot and I watch as the cupids aim and fire their Love Arrows at the targets that Ronak installed. None of them hit their targets. Not one. The ballgown-wearing chick doesn’t even get hers to fly. It just falls at her feet, and she complains about blisters. The troll cupid keeps breaking his bow on account of his hands being so big. And thanks to the loincloth he’s wearing, it’s pretty obvious that that is pretty big, too. Every time he walks, his scrotum totem peeks out. But it’s not a nice sight. It has warts on it. Also, it’s furry. Note to self: Get this guy some freaking pants.

I face palm. “You guys really suck at this,” I call out.

“You’re a right motivational speaker, you are,” Sev jokes beside me.

“It’s not funny, Sev,” I say, lowering my voice. “None of them can shoot a damn arrow!”

He shrugs, unconcerned. “These are the flunkies. What did you expect?”

“I don’t know.”

Sev claps me on the back. “Don’t worry, boss. At least they’re fooking tryin’ now. They weren’t even doing that for their first training. I think they’ll be an alrigh’ bunch.” He turns and points in my face. “But don’t fooking tell ‘em I said that.”

I snort. “Your secret is safe with me.”

I watch as Amorette toddles behind the cupids, looking like a general overseeing her troops. She’s now traded in her wooden sword for a Love Arrow.

When one of the cupids misses his target again, Amorette shakes her head at him in dramatic disappointment. “You’re real bad at this, mister.”

The goth dude looks down at her with a scowl. “Whatever, kid. Why don’t you go bug someone else?”

Amorette looks him right in the eye…and then stabs him in the calf with her Love Arrow.

Crying out in pain, he grabs his calf and hops around on his other leg. The arrow is protruding out of him, and I can already see a bloodstain leaking through his dark pants.

I wince and rush forward. “Crap. Amorette! That was very naughty!”

Amorette just blinks innocently.

Sev laughs. “Nice aim, kid.”

“Oh my gosh is that blood?” the ballgown chick shrieks. “I can’t stand the sight of blood!” Then she faints.

The nerdy cupid catches her. Well, sort of. He lunges forward, his skinny arms swinging up, but he loses his footing so he mostly just breaks her fall.

The cell phone girl rolls her eyes and sighs. “Everyone is stupid.”

Sev and I seem like experts compared to this lot.

The goth cupid, still hopping around in pain, falls on the ground with a grimace, staring at the Love Arrow with panic. “Someone take it out!”

“Don’t worry,” I tell him. I look over to Okot, only to realize he’s already left and is walking back over with Evert in tow.

I kneel down to my deceivingly cute and innocent-looking daughter. “Amorette, we don’t stab people with arrows. It’s not nice.”

She looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes. “He started it. Daddy Ro said if someone starts it, I can finish it.”

“Of course he did,” I mumble. “But you need to apologize okay?”

She pouts. “Fine.” She looks over at the cupid. “Sorry for stabbin’ you.”

He snorts. “Sure you are.”

She continues to stare at him, her eyes narrowing.

He automatically leans away from her. “You’re a violent little thing, aren’t you?”

Her eyes flash genfin gold.

“Okay!” I say, quickly scooping her up. “Someone needs her nap.”

Amorette pouts, but at least her eyes go back to normal. Well, normal might not be the right word, since her eye color changes all the time. It’s one of the reasons why it’s so hard to tell which of my guys is her biological father. Her eyes look more like my lady luck prism of colors, constantly shifting shades. But her tantrums? Yeah, those are full genfin. She goes animal, growls at everyone, and then usually scratches her claws against the furniture.

I watch as Evert comes sauntering over. And when I say saunter, I mean it. The guy has some serious swagger going on. He’s dressed in a loose black tunic with the ties undone at the top so that I can see some chest muscles, and when he walks, it’s like he leads with his dick. It sounds weird, but it’s totally hot. I get distracted watching him dick-walk toward me. I can’t help it.

“Eyes up here, Scratch,” he says, and I wrench my gaze from his crotch to his smirking face. “Cupid problems?”

I nod. “Our daughter stabbed him with a Love Arrow,” I explain.

At first, Evert looks like he wants to laugh, but then a fierce frown comes over his face. Before I can react, he has a chokehold on the injured cupid, whose face goes from super pale to a mottled shade of purple.

“Evert! Stop!” I put Amorette down, trying to get him to stop.

“This fucker better not even think about falling in love with our daughter, or I’ll pop his fucking head off right now.”

“Oh my gods, can you knock it off? He isn’t going to fall in love with her. It doesn’t work that way,” I tell him.

Evert loosens his hold, but only slightly, at least enough for the cupid to take a big, sputtered breath. “Explain.”

“She doesn’t have cupid powers. And since she’s the first ever born cupid, I don’t know that she ever will. So until she does, she can’t activate a Love Arrow,” I tell him. “Just like you can’t take one and shoot people up with love. It would just be a normal arrow for you, and until she starts developing cupid powers, the same goes for her, too.”

Evert considers this for a moment and then lets go. Goth cupid coughs and falls over to his side, taking in haggard breaths. “Now I see where the kid gets her violent tendencies.”

Instead of being embarrassed, Evert looks proud.

Evert kneels down in front of Amorette, but instead of lecturing her about the importance of not stabbing people, he smiles at her. “That was bloody brilliant. You nearly sunk it all the way to the bone. Your training lessons are working,” he tells her.

Amorette beams.

“Evert,” I hiss.

He looks up at me, oblivious. “What? You want me to shoot him in the other leg?”

“Yeah!” Amorette exclaims.

“No,” I say sternly. “I want you to heal him.”

Evert curls his lip. “Why?”

I give him the look. You know, the one that says I won’t be petting his zoo anytime soon if he doesn’t do what I ask.

He sighs. “Fine.” He leans over the guy and without giving any warning, yanks the arrow out of his leg. Gothy cries out and curses. All the other cupids look down at him with a mixture of pity and amusement.

“You could’ve warned me!” he snaps at Evert.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Evert retorts. “Roll up your pants.”

The cupid’s face turns ashen and he covers his crotch, like Evert just threatened to castrate him. “W-Why?” he sputters. “She already explained the Love Arrow didn’t make me fall in love with your daughter! I swear, I won’t!”

“You’re fucking right about that, asshole,” Evert says. “But if you want me to heal you, roll up your damn pant leg so that I can see the wound. I’m not fucking touching you more than I have to.”

The cupid looks to me, and I nod reassuringly.

Defeated, he grabs his pant leg and shoves it up, where we can see the gaping, bloody wound.

“Eww,” cellphone cupid says. “That’s so gross.”

Evert slaps his hand down on the guy’s calf, way harder than necessary, making him hiss in pain. His pained expression changes to relief when Evert’s powers stitch his skin back together.

“There,” Evert says, pushing off and standing back up.

Okot is ready with a water bucket for Evert to wash his hands with, and when he’s done getting off all the blood, he scoops up Amorette and places her on his shoulders. “Let’s go tell Daddy Ro all about this, and then see if Daddy Syl will you carve you your own bow and arrow set, yeah?”

Amorette claps excitedly. “Yeah!”

“This is why she stabs people!” I call at his retreating back.

He just chuckles.

Like I said, we won’t be winning any parenting awards any time soon.