Find Me in the Rain: Hockey Romance (Nighthawks Book 1)

Alec’s eyebrows furrow. “Jack, how old are you?”

“I’m five. My birthday’s in a few months. Mom said she’s going to throw me a huge party!” He can’t contain his excitement.

I feel like I’m going to puke.

Josh and Charlotte approach on my sides, and Jack reaches for her, going into her arms.

Char whispers something to Jack, who turns back to Alec.

“Nice meeting you, Alec.”

Alec laughs one short, sharp laugh, thick with emotion that I can’t quite decipher. “You too … Jack.”

They skate off, leaving Alec and me in our own world. I don’t know what to say. This wasn’t exactly the reaction I had expected from him. It’s not like he didn’t know I was pregnant. It was clearly stated in my letter.

Alec stares at the ice, his breaths shallow. And ever so slowly, he drops to his knees.

I stand there, frozen. Why is he acting so surprised?

When he lifts his eyes to mine, I begin questioning everything. A tear falls onto his cheek, on the cheek of a man breaking in front of me. A man who I have never seen cry.

His voice is scratchy, wrecked with emotion. “Lu …” His voice trails off. He closes his eyes before continuing, “Lu, is that our … is that our son?”

I’ve only ever felt distant from my body a handful of times in my life—when I found out I was pregnant, when Alec left for good, when I got the call about my mom, and right now.

My voice is a world away. “You knew about Jack, Alec. You’ve known for years. It was your choice not to be in his life.”

He stands back up, and this time, he’s mad. “Laura! I didn’t know I had a fucking son! Are you serious right now? You think that if I knew, I wouldn’t have been here every day, with him, with you?”

My body feeds off his anger, manipulating it tenfold. “Yes, I know you knew. I left the letter in your mailbox, telling you how sorry I was for breaking up with you and telling you that I was pregnant and that I missed you. You never texted, called, wrote back. What was I supposed to think?”

“What are you talking about?” He runs his hands through his hair, his shoulders sagging. “I-I never got a letter, Laura. If I knew, if I had known, my choice would have been you. It would have always been you. Why didn’t you text? Why didn’t you call?”

“I was so scared, so young. We used those letters for words that were sometimes harder to say. And fuck I could barely write it on paper. I was terrified, Alec. When you didn’t respond, I took that as your answer.”

I can see his pain, cut deep into the harsh lines of his face. In the tears pouring down his face. I’m in shock. All the anger and anguish of abandonment I’ve felt all these years still burrow into my skin, but it wasn’t real. And I don’t know how to make it go away.

“Alec, I-I don’t know what to say.”

His hazel eyes continue to water, pain exploding behind them. He places my hands against his chest. “Laura, I swear to you, I didn’t know.” He sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes wetting. He pulls my head under his chin, engulfing me in his embrace. “If I had known, if I had known you were pregnant, I would have been here every single damn day. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Lu.”

His chest shakes, and I don’t have to look to know more tears are falling. My heart is shattering and stitching back together, over and over, moment after moment.

The tears burst out my eyes, pouring down my cheeks. The sobs shake my body while I’m in his arms, which tighten around me, claiming my sorrow as his own.

We stay there, locked in each other’s torment. This feels like a dream, that there’s no way this could be true. I’m terrified that when we pull apart, Alec and I will still be just as we’ve been. But I think, perhaps, I’m more terrified of the truth—that nothing will ever be the same.

Time has faded. I don’t know how long we’ve been here, wrapped in each other’s arms. When I finally pull away, my heart aches, torn apart with the what-ifs of our past.

I feel naive that I assumed he knew. How stupid that we’ve lost all this time, all these memories.

But what if he’s only here now because of Jack, not because of me?

I look up, finding his red-rimmed hazel eyes actively searching mine.

“I’m so sorry that you had to do all of this alone. God, Laura, I’m so sorry. I want to know all about him. What’s his favorite color? What’s his favorite NHL team?” He chuckles, and I smile that he can’t help but slip a little joke into the serious moment.

His hands trail down my arms, his fingers finding mine. I continue to smile up at him, so overwhelmed with everything going on.

“It’s okay. Jack and I turned out all right.”

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out. There’s a text from Char.

Josh and Jack took the car. I got us an Uber. It’ll be here in five.

His thumbs are stroking over my fingers. “But I’m here now, Lu. I don’t want to go anywhere. Is this why you have been so distant since I got here?” His eyes shift, a hidden fire igniting behind them.

My stomach twists. “Well, yeah. I thought here you were, acting so confident and cool, just flaunting the life you built without us. To be honest, it’s going to take me a minute to adjust. I’ve been hating you for years.” I laugh, feeling almost embarrassed that all this time apart shouldn’t have happened. “But, I don’t want you to be here because you feel like you have to, Alec. I want you to be here because you want to be.”

He inches closer to me, his voice lowering. “Laura, if I didn’t want to be here with you, I never would have invited you to that party, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked a fight with Cam. Seeing his hands on you, his body on yours, made me primal. He’s lucky that you were there to stop me. Fuck, Lu, I’ve been trying to get your attention this entire time. When I saw you at Fireflies, I thought about how lucky I had been that I ever got a chance to date a girl as beautiful as you, inside and out. I’m here because the moment I saw you again, I saw nothing else. Then, your gorgeous eyes wouldn’t get out of my mind. Your smile is in every dream I have. I can’t get you out of my head, but to be honest, Laura, you never really left.” He continues to inch his face toward mine, slowly closing the already-short distance between our lips.

His warm breath caresses my lips, inviting them in.

Suddenly, ice sprays all around us, and a teenager takes off, away from us, laughing. Alec involuntarily jerks, wanting to skate after him.

Laughs rattle out of me—maybe from nerves or maybe because my heart and brain are fried and this is the only emotion left.

Alec turns back to me, smiling. His eyes drop to my lips for a second before moving back to my eyes. His voice is clear, confident. “Go out with me.”

I scoff. “What?”

He takes my hands again. “I said, go out with me. I want to take you on a date. A real date. Not like the late-night McDonald’s trips we used to take as kids. Like, we both get dressed up, I get us a car, we go to a nice dinner, and maybe we end it with a good-night kiss.” He bites his lip as his eyes caress mine. “Definitely a good-night kiss.”

My cheeks instantly warm. I know that this is just Alec, the boy I used to love and know. But dear God, he’s a lot more now.

He’s just in a hoodie and sweats, but he looks like he stepped off a photo shoot. Not to mention, those damn cheekbones, and for fuck’s sake, that jawline. I mean, come on, God, spare some of the good parts for the rest of us.

He smiles, those perfect white teeth shining down on me. “So, what do you say, Laura Young?”

I’m still struggling to release all the pent-up anger I’ve had all these years. It’s hard to let that go in a matter of minutes, but it’s anger for nothing. He didn’t know about Jack. I can’t punish him for that. I can’t punish myself for that.

I nod my head at him, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth. “What time?”

He doesn’t think, just reacts. He reaches out, grabbing my cheeks, and places his soft, supple lips on my forehead, breathing me in. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

He leans back, leaving chills in his wake. He takes my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine, and he pushes off, guiding us to the entrance. “Wait, Lu, do you want to bring Jack?”

The conflicting feelings are back. Just because Alec wants to take me on a date doesn’t mean we are going to live happily ever after. I need to see how tonight goes before I set Jack up for any level of heartbreak.

“I thought tonight could be just us.” I smile up at him, hoping the universe is finally on my side.

We walk up to Charlotte, who looks torn between punching him in the face and hugging him. I guess I have to catch her up on a lot.

Her arms are crossed. She puts her hand out, stopping us, her focus mainly on Alec. “Look, I hope that whatever is going on here lasts. Because that little boy is what makes this world spin. And if you”—she pokes Alec in the chest—“mess this up or hurt her and him, I promise you, I will break your fucking legs so that you’ll never be able to skate again.”

She backs up, and he opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off. “I love Laura. She is my family. But she has one weakness in this world. And it’s you. Do not fuck this up, Alec, because I won’t be able to handle helping her pick up the pieces. I watched you destroy her once when you ignored her letter, I can’t do it again.”

He releases my hand, giving Charlotte his full attention. “I’m sorry to you, to Laura, to Jack. I didn’t know, Charlotte. I had no idea Laura was pregnant. I never would have left. I can’t stop thinking about what I’ve missed. His first steps, his first Christmas, birthday, everything. And I missed out on all these years with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

My eyes are watery by the time he’s done. I inhale a deep breath and slowly blow it out, feeling years of pressure begin to release. I feel like I’ve been waiting a lifetime for that.

Charlotte purses her lips and then slowly smiles. Her voice is normal when she speaks, the seriousness gone. “Fine. But the offer of ending your hockey career still stands. Just saying.”

I step off the ice, joining skate-less Charlotte. My brows furrow when Alec steps off and drops to his knees in front of me.

He begins undoing my laces. His fingers graze my bare ankle when I slide my foot out, and I never knew that an ankle could be so sensitive. Shivers shoot up my leg from the small contact.

He stands back up with the skates in his arms and the biggest smile on his face. He turns toward the main desk. “See you at eight, Lu.” He winks and walks away, leaving Charlotte and me with a thousand unanswered questions.

Our poor Uber driver has to sit and listen to us the whole way home. Mostly listen to Char interrogate me and get short answers before the next question is fired away.

Jack is passed out in his bed when we get home, tuckered out from skating. Maybe hockey will be a good thing after all.

Leaning back in my office chair, I push open my laptop and check my email. “Yes!” I whisper to myself.

The email from The Crooked Spine has arrived. I’ve been waiting for their owner to send me what he is looking for with this marketing campaign. Along with the budget, target audience, et cetera.

I take notes, being as thorough as I can. My smile doesn’t fade once the entire time. The second I get done studying my notes, I start some research.

I deep-dive into finding other local bookstores in our area and look into what they’re doing for promos and advertisements. Presenting the same kind of setup to The Crooked Spine is probably not a good idea.

After extensive research on bookstores far and wide and probably two hours of deep thinking later, I’ve come up with my plan for them. Now, I just need to put it into effect.

But that’s not happening right now because I have to start getting ready for Alec’s and my date tonight. My cheeks are already flushed with anticipation.

The hangers screech on the metal bar as I rifle through my clothes. I have no idea what to wear. I don’t know anything about his plans tonight.

Are a dress and heels too much? Should I wear jeans?

“Charlotte!” I scream her name, hoping she will come to my rescue.

My door creaks open.

“I swear you’re helpless.”

Turning, I throw a shirt at her. “Just shut up and help me!”

She laughs, catching the shirt. “Okay, okay. Calm down, crazy. You have enough clothes to dress an army. We can certainly find something here.”

She walks over to the randomly stuffed racks and begins her search. I huff and sit down in the pile of clothes I’ve already deemed as noes.

She works her way all the way to the back of the racks, where clothes I haven’t seen in years live. No hope there.

I lean my head back against the wall and start humming deliriously.

Char scoffs. “Laura, for fuck’s sake, get your ass up. We’re going to my room. You normally just steal my clothes anyway.”

I hop up and follow her, getting ready to just call it a night if we don’t find something soon. Her closet and mine are decorated the same—absolutely no order.

She continues her quest of finding me clothes. “So, where’s he taking you?”

“I have no idea. That’s why I’m stumped on what to wear. I don’t want to overdo it, and I definitely don’t want to be underdressed.”

Ugh, I wish I weren’t getting so worked up over this.

This is supposed to be our first date together … again. I want to look smoking hot, show him what he’s missed out on all these years.

It’s like a lightbulb goes off in my head. I jump up with a newfound energy. “Charlotte! Where’s the dress you wore to that frat date night last year?”

She sits there, thinking for a moment.

“Oh my God, come on. Please tell me you still have it!”

It’s literally perfect. I was dying to wear it. I’ve just never had an occasion. This will definitely pique his interest.

Her eyes go wide, and she turns around, digging through the hangers. Seconds later, she squeals and pulls out exactly what I’m looking for.

It’s this stunning deep eggplant purple, almost black. The front drapes together, cutting extremely low. The skirt hits just below my fingertips. But the back is my favorite part. It’s almost completely open, except for the thin straps crisscrossing and attaching near the dimples in my back.

It’s definitely a show and not a tell kind of dress. But it’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before. Just not since I’ve really filled out.

If his jaw doesn’t drop, I’m turning back and going inside.

I rip it out of Char’s hand and strip, hastily stepping into it. It fits like a glove—a plus of being the same size as your best friend.

Char squints her eyes. “It’s annoying you still look like that after having Jack.”

I know she’s just hyping me up.

But I will give myself credit. I was in the gym almost every day leading up to Jack’s birth. Being healthy and fit with him was my number one priority. And since then, I’ve been able to maintain my frame and weight.

I’ve always struggled with insecurities, and that hasn’t changed. As thankful as I am that this body created my son, I still have moments where I hate the stretch marks and the loose skin on my stomach.

There’s a difference between having insecurities and not knowing your worth. I know who I am. I’m a mother who has worked her ass off to provide for her son and whose mom is in the hospital.

I finish fastening the clasps on my black stilettos and walk over to her, pulling her into a hug. “Love you, Char Bear.” I haven’t called her that in years. The last time was probably in high school.

She squeezes just as hard, if not harder. “I love you too, Lu Boo.”

I can’t help but laugh at the use of our old nicknames.

This is such an odd thing, going on a date with my ex. Feelings of nostalgia meld with new nerves and excitement. It’s just weird, plain and simple.

I turn, and Char smacks me on the ass.

“As much as I love Jack, please don’t make him a big brother tonight.”

I turn, scolding her with my mom stare.

She points a finger at me. “That doesn’t work on me!”

Grabbing my phone, I slip it into the clutch right after checking the time—7:58 pm.

Here goes nothing.

Jack shouts as I descend the stairs, “Mom! There’s a limo outside!”

I swear this boy’s imagination will be the death of me.

But when I step in front of the bay window, my jaw drops. A black stretch limousine is parked on the street. And leaning against it is Alec with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

A smile breaks onto my lips. It’s a good thing I went with this dress because he’s in a suit. And dear God, it might be hard not to make another Jack with him tonight.

Leaning down to Jack, I place a light kiss on the top of his head. “Be good, tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too!” He shouts way louder than needed, and I can’t help but chuckle.

I grab my black button coat and head outside, unable to keep the excitement off my face.

How is he getting handsomer with each step I take?

He blows a breath out, his eyes shining. He carefully scans my body, studying me like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to.

When his eyes meet mine again, they are burning, begging to claim me. “I never should have left.”

I close the distance between us. Slowly rubbing my hand along his stubbled jaw, I stretch onto my toes and kiss his cheek, making sure I graze the corner of his lips. My eyes close on the impact.

I breathe him in before pulling away. “But you’re here now.”

He smiles, and that gorgeous dimple sinks into his cheek. “After you.”

I slip my hand into his outstretched one as he helps me into the limo. He hands me a glass of champagne and the roses. I take the deepest breath of the fresh floral scent, one of my favorite smells.

Alec hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since we got in, and it’s a little intimidating. He might be just Alec, but he’s also the New York Nighthawks star center and captain. On top of that, he’s aged like the finest wine. I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that this is still just Alec.

He reaches over and rests his hand on my knee. Sparks radiate from his touch, like my nerves are catching on fire.

“You’re so beautiful, Laura.” His words move slower. “So damn beautiful.”

I gulp, the best pressure settling in my chest. “Thank you.”

His eyes rake over my face, my blush following his trail. He scoots closer to me, sliding his hand into my hair before opening his mouth again. “I want to know everything. I know we knew each other, Lu, but I want to know you now. The you a year ago, two years ago. I need to learn every moment between now and then—what’s changed, what’s new. I want to know how to make you laugh and smile. How to make you happy.”

My jaw is unhinged when he finishes. I’m at a total loss for words. His hazel eyes are locked on mine.

I lick my lips before whispering to him, “I’ve missed you.”

He doesn’t hesitate.

He pulls me against him, and his lips claim mine. I run my hands into his hair and part my lips. His tongue teases mine, and a moan escapes me as his hands tighten in my hair. His tongue continues to explore, and every cell in my body submits to his touch.

A throaty, deep sound rumbles out of him before he abruptly pulls away. He has a look of sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to be that, um … intense.” He wipes his bottom lip with his thumb, which only makes me want to run my tongue along the same path.

His gaze drops to my chest, ever so slightly stalking up my body and back to my dilated eyes. “And if we don’t stop now, I think we’re gonna miss our reservation.” He smirks.

Emotions well in my throat. Being around him is overwhelming in every way.

“Is this weird?” The question slips out of me before I can stop it.

He furrows his brow and then does something I don’t expect. He starts laughing. “I don’t know if weird is the right word. But it’s interesting. It feels like we just picked back up, like we never stopped. Or is that just me?” he asks hesitantly.

My smile deepens, and I reassure him, “It’s not just you.”

Sitting up, he opens the door to the limo, which I didn’t even notice had stopped moving.

He turns, giving me his full attention. “I don’t want to rush into anything, Lu. I want to do this right. I need to make up for all the time I missed with you. Starting with right now.”

He offers me his heart in his hand.

I’m scared. What if this doesn’t work again? I can’t handle feeling that pain.

What about Jack? What about hockey and school?

What-ifs flood my mind, but when I look back up into those golden-hazel eyes, every worry fades to the background.

If he breaks my heart again, it might be the death of me. But not trying would certainly be worse.

I do the only thing I can. I place my hand in his and give him my heart.