Fenris Perrywinkle: The Great Galactic Duel

I reach down and help Amanda up off the floor. She’s not in her element right now, and it’s kind of throwing her off her game. Looking at her, I’d say she’s caught somewhere in between ‘competent professional’ and ‘scared little girl’.

She wraps her arms around herself and nervously glances around the fuzzy white room. I check and make sure I didn’t wet my pants during the excitement. That happened once, and I’m still haunted by the memory.

“I’m going to ask you one more time, Fenris. And I’ll ask that you be honest with me. What’s going on?”

I clear my throat and try and stand as tall as I can. “I swear to you, Dr. Vincent, that I have no idea or memories of –“

I’m cut off by that stupid disembodied voice again. “We hail your triumphant return, Champion of Everbright! You have our sincere apologise for taking so long to rescue you!”

Amanda narrows her eyes at me and cocks her head to the side. Thanks, stupid disembodied voice. Thanks a ton.

An opening appears on the far wall and a cluster of bubbles floats into the room. Yes, I said a cluster of bubbles. That’s what it looks like. What do you want from me?

Amanda stops hugging herself and approaches the bubble being. “What’s with the floating pile of bubbles?”

See! Amanda agrees with me! Floating bubbles. Boom.

The bubble stack breaks apart, whizzes around itself like a mini tornado, then reforms again. “Fenris Perrywinkle, is this one of your followers?” the voice asks again. “Or is this your new mate?”

Well that was awkward. Amanda shoots me another accusatory look.

I approach the bubbles with purpose. “No. No no. No. I think there might be some sort of mistake here. I don’t think I am who you think I am. Honest.”

The bubble stack breaks apart and surrounds me. I have an odd feeling of foreboding. “What are you doing, strange bubble creature?” I ask slowly.

The bubbles attack! Well, sort of. They adhere themselves to me and start rolling all over my body.

Amanda flips out. “Fenris! What’s happening? Why are they doing that?”

“I dunno!” I can’t believe I just said that again. What does that make now? Fifty times?

I start to giggle a little. It tickles.

A tiny green man with a large head floats into the room. He has white hair and appears to be dressed in some sort of military garb. “Stop that, Benson. Champion Fenris does not need you caressing him right now!”

The bubbles detach from me and stack up beside the little floating man. I suddenly feel violated.

Amanda screams and hides behind me. “It’s an alien,” she whispers.

The little man bows. “My apologies to your new mate, I did not mean to frighten her. It is good to see you again.”

“Again? What do you mean, again? I don’t know you. I don’t know where I am right now. I don’t know what’s going on, and I have no idea why you keep calling me ‘Champion Fenris’!”

The green alien and his pet bubble stack chuckle. I’m not going to explain how bubbles chuckle. You’re just going to have to take my word for it. The little man slaps his little knee. “Always the kidder! How wonderful to have you back with us. Have you prepared sufficiently for the encounter? Our reports indicate that your opponent has grown quite formidable.”

Amanda wraps her arms around me from behind. “Do something,” she whispers. I can taste her fear. Maybe she’s not so tough after all?

I clear my throat and hope to high heaven that I don’t say ‘I dunno’ again.

“Okay, now listen mister…”

Hey, great start! I sound like I’m really in control here!

“…my woman and I don’t understand what’s happening here…”

Wait. Did I just say ‘my woman and I’? Seriously? What am I? A cowboy?

Amanda digs her nails into my chest and whispers, “I’m not your woman!”

I decide to ignore that and continue channeling John Wayne.

“…and we want answers! Starting with your name, where we are, and what in tarnation is going on!”

Okay so maybe that was a little too ‘cowboy’. Sue me.

Our little alien friend looks perplexed. He turns to Benson the bubble stack and they make some high pitched noises back and forth. Either they’re communicating, or they both feel gassy.

The green guy bows again. “Apologies, Champion. Benson feels like you may not be jesting after all. If you will permit me, I’d like to run a few quick tests.”

“No, I’m not ‘jesting’, but you didn’t answer any of my –“

I’m cut off as dozens of little openings appear all around the room. A mechanical arm launches out of the wall behind us, grabs Amanda, and pulls her away from me.

“Fenris!” she screams.

“Aman—“ I’m cut off again as thirty or so wires explode out of the walls. They attach themselves all over my body and lift me off the ground.

“Clear,” the little green man says with no enthusiasm at all. He presses a button on his uniform and like a gazillion volts of electricity enter my body. I want to vomit, poop and urinate all at the same time.

It’s over as quickly as it began. The electrodes, probes and whatever else all disengage back into the walls and I literally fall flat on my face. I’m pretty sure I smell bacon.

“Fenris,” Amanda asks softly as she kneels at my side, “are you alright?”

I want to ask for mouth-to-mouth, but I can’t make my lips work at the moment. I end up flailing like a beached dolphin.

The little green man’s brow is knit. “Hmmmmmmmmmm…”

Bubbles Benson screeches at him. Little Green screeches back. They nod in agreement.

I try to cuss the two of them out, but all that comes out sounds disturbingly like ‘I dunno’.

“Brain damage, memory loss, ability suppression, power suppression, and sexual dysfunction.”

I’ll have to thank him for that last one later.

“Champion Fenris Perrywinkle, this is most dire. You have no hope of winning at this point.”

Amanda lets out a long sigh. “We still don’t understand what any of this means. Can’t you tell us anything that will help us make sense of this?”

That’s my girl. Always on top of the situation.

Another opening appears above us and a bottle of pills falls into Amanda’s hand.

“Be sure he takes one in the morning and one at night. He will recover and regain his majesty eventually. See that he’s ready when we return. Help him, Amanda Perrywinkle. You are his only hope.”

Amanda opens her mouth to respond, but the floor beneath us disappears and we once again find ourselves falling into the darkness.

“My last name isn’t Perrywinkllllllllllllllllllllllle…”

“I know. Stop shouting at me.”

Amanda looks down and sees me lying under her. Desert stretches out all around us as far as the eye can see.

We just look at each other, trying to understand what’s happening now.

“Oh. We’re not in the white room anymore. Where are we now?”

“I dunno.” Curses.

“How are you feeling?”

I just smile.

Her face looks a little panicked and she rolls off of me.

I keep smiling.

“I’ll give you a minute to calm down, there chief,” she says with a little scowl.

She stands and shades her eyes from the sun. “Sand, rock and sage brush. No signs of civilization. I think we could be in New Mexico still.”

“That’s… that’s great… news…” I grunt as I try to roll over.

She ignores my plight and pulls out her smartphone.

“No signal,” she mutters. “Figures.”

I’ve managed to get to my hands and knees at this point. A small dust cloud on the horizon catches my attention.

“Dr. Vincent?”

“Yes?”

“What’s that?”

She covers her eyes again and squints into the distance. “What on earth…” she murmurs and raises her phone. She taps on the camera app and uses the digital zoom function.

The next thing I know, Amanda has grabbed my arm and is pulling me through the dirt. “Get up! Get up! Stand up! Hurry!”

I command my legs to work properly. It feel like my body is made of rubber bands still.

My beautiful doctor manages to drag me into a small alcove under a nearby rocky outcropping.

“Quiet!” she commands.

I love it when she takes charge like this.

A few minutes later, a heavily armed military grade assault vehicle slowly drives past us. The unmistakable voice of Warden Jefferson blares over the vehicles’ loudspeaker.

“The anomaly happened in this quadrant. Find them. Shoot to kill. Do you understand me? I repeat, shoot to kill!”

Amanda sniffs the air as the military vehicle rumbles off into the distance.

“Do you smell urine?”