Fenris Perrywinkle: The Great Galactic Duel

“Are you sure this is the right place?” I ask Jenn as we exit her cloaked craft. Once again, we find ourselves in the desert of New Mexico. The sun threatens to set as Jenn shades her eyes and glances around.

“The signal is coming from right around here. They’re probably cloaked like us though, right?”

I shrug. “They’ve been cloaked every other time, so why not?”

“Call out to them or something.”

“Okay…”

I stride out into the desert in what I think is a manly fashion. I fill my chest with air and shout, “Little Green!”

Nothing.

“Bubbles Benson!”

Nothing.

“Aliens from Everbright?! Guys? We know you’re here!”

I can feel Jenn rolling her eyes behind me.

“Awww come on, guys! I need your help!”

Jenn clears her throat. I turn to see what she wants. She grins a little and raises a fist in the air.

“Brace yourself.”

Before I can ask what she means, a burst of Deepdark energy explodes from her hand and tickles the landscape all around us. I’m knocked off my feet with a little yelp. I suddenly find myself in shadow as the enormous Everbright ship de-cloaks directly above me. A familiar hatch slides open on the underbelly of the craft and Nester points a ray gun at me. Benson whirls in a circle of bubbles beside him.

“Traitor Fenris! You dare to attack our ship now? Truly, you are a blight on the people of Everbright!”

I frantically wave my hands in front of me. “No! No, wait! You misunderstand! I need to talk to you about the tournament. It’s rigged! It’s not a fair fight!”

“And now you come here with the champion of Deepdark to speak poorly of one of our most cherished traditions! How was I ever so blind? Where is champion Amanda? Have you done away with her?”

A little power indicator on Nester’s weapon begins to glow bright green. I swallow hard and try to keep it together.

“Please. I know I have failed you in the past. I’m trying to do the right thing here. Will you please listen to what I have to say?”

Benson begins flying in a circle around the barrel of Little Green’s weapon. “Benson says to blast you to space dust. Goodbye, traitor Fenris!”

I have the wind knocked out of me as Jenn scoops me into her arms in a blur of speed. The ground behind me explodes from Nester’s attack.

“So much for your Everbright friends!” she yells.

“Plan B. Back to your ship!” I yell back.

“I had the same idea!”

Her ship’s hatch opens in the air in front of us. A moment later, I’m gasping for air in the co-pilot seat.

“Hang on!” Jenn shouts. “My instrument panel is freaking out. They’re powering up their ship’s weaponry!”

Our craft quickly accelerates. The blonde frantically swerves left and right as the air all around us is illuminated by alien death rays.

“I guess they’re still a little mad at me,” I say sheepishly.

“You think?” Jenn asks with a scowl.

I’m tossed around in my seat as we continue our evasive maneuvers.

“I’m so sorry, Jenn. If this is it, just remember that I love you!”

She doesn’t say anything back. Instead, our flight path smooths out and she relaxes in her seat.

“What… what happened? Did we… did we get away?”

She looks over with a little smile. “Oh yeah. Their craft is the equivalent of a rusted out truck from the 80s – while we’re basically driving a souped-up corvette.”

I stare into her eyes for a moment before my lips can form any more words. “Oh.”

She continues to smile and leans a little more toward me. “So… tell me more about how you love me.”

I knew that was coming. Here we are somewhere in space without any sort of plan, and Jenn wants to talk about how I love her. Don’t women ever stop to take a breath?

“You love me more than you love that dirty liar Amanda, don’t you? Isn’t it terrible how she was manipulating you all those months with the Games Master?”

I cover my face. “Can we not do this right now? We need a plan.”

Jenn wrinkles her nose. “I’m going to fight that horrible brunette traitor. I’m going to beat her. She’s going to let me do it to save her father. The people of Deepdark are going to continue their procreating ways, and then in a thousand years, they’re going to do it all again. The end.”

“And Warden Jefferson will rig the games next time too, assuming he lives that long,” I mutter.

The blonde shrugs. “I’m not sure what else you think we can do.”

I look at my hand for a moment, then hold it in the air. “I’ve got that video footage in my cells. We’ve got to show it to someone!”

“Show who? What’s your plan here? The duel was started to keep the people of Everbright and Deepdarc from going to war, remember? Say we do manage to disrupt the Duel of Champions. What then? Are you trying to start a galactic conflict?”

I sink into my seat as her words sink into my brain. “It’s just not right, Jenn. This fight is fixed – past duels probably were too. The original purpose of the duel has been disrespected.”

She reaches over and ruffles my hair. I suddenly remember that was her go-to move whenever she thought I was being stupid.

“I understand what you’re saying, Fenris, but like I said before, who on earth… er, I mean the galaxy, could we possibly tell about the Games Master’s dealings? Who could do anything about it?”

I feel my temperature rise a little and I double up my fists. “I don’t know! That’s why I wanted to tell the little green guy and his bubble friend. Isn’t there some sort of… I don’t know… galactic police force we could rat out Philander to? I mean, I really want to stick it to that guy!”

Jenn shakes her head. “No, not really. None that I’m aware of anyway. I’ve only been a person in space for a few months though. I’m no expert.”

She stands and stretches out her magnificent body. “Look, I need to get some sleep before I face off with Amanda. The duel is in like… eight earth hours or something.”

I watch as she walks to the rear of the space vessel and disappears into the back room. A moment later, her head peers around the corner of the doorway. She has a sly look in her eye. “Do you want to relax me a little? I’m still kind of keyed up from the day’s events.”

My eyes open a little wider and a smile smears itself across my face. I do want to ‘relax’ Jenn for a while. A really, really long while actually - but then I remember the whole ‘form fitting condom thing’ and the wind gets taken out of my sails.

She reads my facial expression. “Sorry, I know we can’t do what you want to right now. What I meant was, you could come rub my back and cuddle me for a bit.”

Not exactly a gale force wind, but I’ll take this stiff breeze and see what my sails can do regardless.

An hour or so later, Jenn is fast asleep. I unwrap myself from her feminine form, slide her door closed and tiptoe back to the command console.

A grid of lights and buttons are spread out in front of me. What was it that the women had done to interact with the ship again? I remember Amanda sitting in the captain’s chair with that beam of light on her forehead. Maybe that was Everbright tech though, as I never saw Jennifer doing that. She was more waving her hands in the pools of light on the console.

I sink back into the captain’s chair, feeling defeated. I can barely work an earth computer; what did I think I was going to do with alien tech?

A feeling of desperation washes over me and I thrust my hand into one of the shafts of light in front of me. “Help me learn,” I whisper.

To my astonishment, the ship does as I ask. Suck it, Apple. THIS is technology that ‘just works’!

A view screen appears in the air in front of me. Any question that I pose in my mind is answered with a flurry of images. A beam of light hits my forehead and I retract my hand. I guess that tech is universal. Maybe Jenn just prefers to reach for the light as opposed to having it reach for her.

Hours pass. I hear the door behind me open with a gentle hiss. “What are you up to, sir?” Jenn asks as she rubs her eyes.

I sit motionless, still interfacing with the ship. It’s odd, but I have to really concentrate to get my lips to form words right now. “I’m… learning.”

The blonde leans over, wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. “I like it when you take the time to understand what’s going on around you. It reminds me of when we were in school. What have you been studying?”

I look at her with something of a blank stare. “We’re going to visit with the great governing body of the cosmos.”

Her eyebrows rise. “We’re going to do what now? No, listen, we have to get back to the stadium ship. The duel is in a couple of hours.” She sighs and waves her hand across one of the lights on the console. The beam of light on my forehead fades and I slump forward.

“You over did it. Our brains aren’t really tuned for that style of learning. If you’ve been at this for a couple hours, I’m surprised you don’t have a nose bleed or something.”

I manage to sit up a little and turn toward her. My nose starts to bleed.

She ruffles my hair again. “See? Oh Fenris…”

“It… it doesn’t matter,” I manage to sputter. Man that light-learning really takes it out of a guy! “We’re already here.”

“What? You flew my ship?” she asks as she helps me up. “Where did you take us?”

My head feels ridiculously heavy and it falls into her ample bosom. I should really do these long learning sessions more often! “The center,” comes my muffled reply.

Jenn gently pulls my head up out of her chest. “What do you mean, ‘the center’?”

As if in answer, the side door of our ship slides open. A regal looking mechanical being with long limbs and flowing white and gold robes bows before us. A digital sounding voice declares, “Welcome to the center. You are expected. Please, follow me.”