Chapter 37
“So, your job is to catch the ball,” Sebastian said as he tried to follow my explanation, his tiny hands kneading the dough for his own personal pan pizza.
“That’s part of it. Think about Titan,” I said. “One part of your job is to feed him, right?”
Sebastian nodded, his little tongue sticking out as he stretched the dough.
“What else do you have to do to make sure he’s cared for?”
“I gotta clean his aquarium,” he said, and I smiled a little at how the r in that word sounded a bit like a w.
“Mm-hmm. What else?”
“I gotta make sure he’s warm enough. Like his lamps and heating pads.”
“You sure do. So, the same way there are a lot of jobs for you to take care of Titan, that’s how it is for me on the field. I’ve got to catch the ball, but I also have to keep it safe while I run with it to make sure the other team doesn’t steal it.”
“That’s illegal!”
I chuckled, helping him stretch out his dough a bit before we started adding toppings. I was working on mine and Madelyn’s both, and I was ready to make sure hers had lots of pineapple — because she was weird like that.
“It’s actually allowed in football,” I explained. “There are rules, of course, but if they were to knock the ball out of my hands while I’m running and get it for themselves, then it would be their team’s chance to score.”
“How do you score?”
I explained that next, along with the many, many jobs I had on the field. By the time we were sitting down to eat the pizzas we’d made, Sebastian was throwing questions at me faster than I could bat the answers back. He was excited, bouncing in his chair with wide eyes the more he understood, and when I took him down the hallway to get ready for bed, he begged me to watch a game with him sometime that week so I could teach him more.
He begged me to let him come to my game.
I swallowed, nodding toward the sink for him to brush his teeth. “We’ll see. It’s a big stadium with a lot of people. We’ll have to talk to Mommy about it.”
Sebastian nodded, brushing away before he took a moment to spit. “Yeah. Mommy doesn’t really like people.” He shrugged. “’Cept you, of course.”
“And you,” I added, digging my fingers into his ribs.
He giggled and wiggled away, and once he’d finished brushing his teeth, he changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed.
His room was stacked high with boxes just like the rest of the house, and movers were coming in just two days. He’d been such a champ about the news of a new house and a new school. That was just the kind of kid he was. Anything new, anything different excited him.
I hoped he held onto that forever.
I read him one of his new books — a space book that I actually found interesting even though it was written for a first grader.
Soon-to-be second grader, Sebastian would often remind me.
He still seemed wired when we finished the book, but he said goodnight and I tucked him in before leaving him to sleep.
When I shut his door behind me, I stood on the other side of it for a long moment, a smile curling on my lips and a sigh leaving my chest. I was exhausted. He was full of energy and taking care of him felt like a full-time job.
And yet, I’d never felt joy like this.
I’d never felt so excited about anything in my life like I did explaining football to that kid. Even my best touchdowns didn’t compare to the way it felt to watch his eyes light up when he finally understood something. I’d never felt love like the kind that burst from my chest when he hugged me, or when he kissed Madelyn’s cheek and beamed up at her like she hung the moon.
Seeing the world through his eyes was like being reborn myself.
God, all I wanted was to keep him safe.
I wanted him to grow up nurtured and supported. I wanted him to be able to explore and try and fail and try again. I wanted him to know he was loved and safe.
I wanted to keep him far away from his father.
I didn’t know if that made me a prick or not, but I didn’t care. Marshall had the same evil in him that my father had. I didn’t give a rat’s ass if he saved kittens and helped cows give birth — he’d laid his hands on Madelyn.
And I knew whether she did or not that, eventually, he’d do the same to his son.
At least, he would have — but that was before I came into the picture.
And as long as Madelyn was okay with it, I’d burn that motherfucker down in court and make sure he couldn’t ever hurt Sebastian.
Whatever she decided, I’d stand by her side. I just hoped with every ounce of my being that she agreed we should go for full custody. I prayed she’d resist the urge to see the best in her ex-husband, that she’d fight against reason that might have told her that Marshall hadn’t done anything to deserve being torn from his kid.
In the end, it wasn’t my decision. But whatever path we took, I’d be there to fight for both of them. I’d keep them safe. I’d love them. I’d lay down my life for them if I had to.
They were my family.
The heaviness of that statement surprised me a bit as I walked down the hall toward the living room. It seemed impossible, to feel this much for two people in such a short amount of time. In a matter of months, they’d become everything to me. I couldn’t imagine living without them. I couldn’t remember what my life had been like before. Partying, drinking, a different girl in my bed every week… who even was that man?
I didn’t recognize him.
And I definitely didn’t miss him.
When I made it to the living room, I leaned a shoulder against the wall, smiling at where Madelyn was seated on the couch. She’d put everything from dinner away and washed the dishes already, and now she was curled up at the corner of the sectional with a journal in her lap.
Her metallic hair was half-tied up in a small ponytail, strands of it framing her face and falling down over the back of her neck. The oversized cream sweater she wore covered her hands and slid off one shoulder, and even under the blanket in her lap, I could see the ridiculous fuzzy socks she’d been wearing all night.
She looked cozy and tired, and all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms.
But she also looked… sad.
Scared.
I couldn’t place it earlier. I knew she was off by how quiet she’d been all night, but I assumed it was just because she was tired. After all the shit we’d been through in the past week, how could she not be? I hoped me taking over picking up Sebastian and making dinner and getting him ready for bed would alleviate some of that, but I knew the truth was that a mom’s job was never done. She would always have something to do, even with my help, and she’d probably have many days where she’d be tired just like this.
Still, there was another layer to those weary eyes. The way her brows tugged inward, the way she chewed at the inside of her lower lip and nervously fidgeted with the pen in her hand…
“I don’t know that he’ll fall right to sleep, but he didn’t fight me on it,” I said. “He seems pretty excited from all the football talk.”
Madelyn’s smile was weak. “He adores you.”
“I adore him back.”
Her brown eyes watered, lip wobbling as she looked at the pen and journal in her lap.
“Hey,” I said, walking over to sit down next to her. I pulled the pen and notebook from her hands and set them aside before pulling her legs into my lap. “Is this about Marshall? Because I promise, he won’t be bothering us. I made it clear that—”
“No,” she said, cutting me off with a shake of her head. She lifted her eyes to mine only a split second before she was burying her face in her hands. “Oh, God, Kyle. I… I have to tell you something.”
“Okay,” I said softly, taking her hands in mine and squeezing. “Tell me. I’m right here.”
“You don’t understand,” she whispered, folding her lips together. “It… it’s a big something. And I’m terrified of how you’ll react because I…”
She couldn’t even finish the sentence, her eyes wide and filled with horror before she squeezed them tightly and shook away whatever thought was making her pulse race.
And now it was my thoughts running wild.
Because I’m a sick fucking bastard, the first thing I thought was that she’d slept with someone. But even before my stomach could fully drop at the possibility, I batted it away. She would never. I knew without an ounce of hesitation.
But then what could it be?
My mind cycled through every scenario it could think of while I waited for her to speak. She was sick. She didn’t want to move in with me. She didn’t want to move Sebastian. She didn’t love me. She didn’t want to get married. She didn’t want to be together at all.
Sweat trickled down my neck the longer the silence stretched between us, and then Madelyn blew out a shaky breath, squeezing my hands in hers and meeting my gaze.
“I’ve been so tired lately,” she started. “And today, after you left to go get Sebastian, I felt so nauseous I was sure I was going to vomit.”
I nodded. Those words didn’t take any of the sick scenarios out of my head. She was tired and she was sick. I was doing that to her. I was causing her stress. I was hurting her.
My heart was ready to beat itself to a bloody pulp before she had the chance to.
“I thought it was just my nerves, thought it was just everything that’s been going on,” she continued, her eyes flicking between mine. “But… then I… I realized… I’m late.”
I blinked.
Once, twice, then a few times in quick succession.
Late?
Late for what?
Madelyn searched my gaze and waited for me to react, but I didn’t know how to, because I didn’t understand what she was saying.
Not until she lifted her brows and dipped her head a bit.
“I’m late,” she repeated.
And my stomach fell out of my asshole.
I knew she saw it, the moment I realized what she meant, and that moment was followed by my chest rising and falling more rapidly, by my hands growing clammy where they held hers, my next swallow so hard to take it felt like sandpaper lined my throat.
It took everything in me to remain neutral, to wait for her to keep speaking before I got ahead of myself. I almost wanted to tear my hands from hers and sit on them to aide in my efforts.
Because right now, my heart was thundering with hope that was impossible to tame, and all I wanted was to pull her into me and kiss her and scream and cry and laugh and spin her around the room.
She’s pregnant.
Just thinking the words made my heart leap into my throat, made a smile impossible to hide bloom on my face.
I tried to wait for her to confirm it. I tried not to get ahead of myself. But fuck, it was damn near impossible.
What if she didn’t want it? What if this was bad news to her? Judging by the anxiety riddled in every inch of her right now, that very well could be.
I schooled myself as much as I could, waiting for her cue, letting her take the lead and dictate how I should react. Whatever she needed from me right now — I’d be it.
But that hope was inflating in my chest so fast and furious I felt I might float away.
“Kyle,” she whispered, sucking in a sharp breath before she let it out slowly through parted lips. “I’m pregnant.”
The word hung between us, a softly whispered, life-changing declaration made in a quiet home stacked with boxes. My heart beat once, twice, and I savored the way those words sounded, the way they slid over my senses and embedded themselves deep into the roots of who I was.
I let out one shallow breath.
And then I released the leash on my emotions, and I kissed her.
My hands slid into her hair, pulling her mouth to mine. I kissed her hard and long, her lips surprised against mine at first before they softened. I laughed against those soft, perfect lips. Or maybe it was a sob? I couldn’t be sure.
But I held her to me, and I savored that kiss and that moment, never wanting to forget even a single second of it. I committed her to memory — the texture of her hair in my hands, the trembling of her lips against mine, the soft whimper she let out that I mirrored. I vowed to remember everything, from the way my heart raced in my chest to the way the truth raced in my mind.
Pregnant.
She’s pregnant.
I’m going to be a dad.
“You’re sure?” I asked, pulling back to search her gaze.
She nodded, the tears in her eyes spilling over. She covered my hands framing her face with her own, rolling her lips together. “I’m sorry.”
“You—” I frowned. “What? What on Earth are you sorry for?”
“I know this wasn’t planned. I… you’re about to start your career. You’re so young. You didn’t sign up for this, for any of this. You—”
“Woman,” I growled, and then I kissed her silent for good measure. “I don’t give a flying fuck if this was planned or not. You just… you just made me the happiest fucking man in the world.”
“I… wait.” She sniffed. “You’re not mad?”
“Mad?” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Are you mad? As in fucking crazy? How could I ever be mad that you’re carrying my child?”
Saying the words sent a river of goosebumps down my arms, and I laughed again, resting one palm against her still very-flat stomach.
“Mads, you’re pregnant,” I repeated, like she wasn’t understanding. “I… I’m thrilled. I’m over the moon. I—”
Fuck.
I stopped myself from saying another word, swallowing down the urge and bringing my smile to a neutral expression.
“Are you happy?” I asked. “Because if you’re not, if you’re not ready for this, if you never wanted to have another child, I understand. It’s your body and I—”
“I cried when I took the test,” she said, her nostrils flaring, eyes locked on mine. “I broke down.”
I swallowed and nodded.
The hope in my chest deflated.
But I let myself feel that disappointment for only a split second before I was holding her tight, looking her right in the eyes and letting her know I wasn’t going anywhere.
Whatever she wanted, whatever she decided — I would be there.
Her lips wobbled a bit, but they curled into a smile even as her eyes glossed, two silent tears sliding down her red cheeks. “I was so scared to tell you, because it wasn’t planned. But I… I was so happy, Kyle. I know it’s fast. God, this whole summer has felt like a whirlwind. It’s felt… insane. And now to add this to the equation?” She shook her head, and then her hands were framing my face, and her smile was enough to put that hope back in my soul. “I was scared to tell you that when I was waiting for the result to show, I was praying for a positive. I wanted it. I wanted to be pregnant. God, am I a nutcase?”
“You’re my nutcase,” I said, and I wrapped her into my arms in a crushing hug, lifting her off the couch just like I’d wanted to when she first told me. I spun her around as she laughed, but then she made a comment about throwing up, and I immediately stopped, setting her back on the ground and checking her for bruises like she was a fragile doll.
She swatted me away. “I’m fine. It was a joke.”
“Do you need ginger ale? Water? Saltines?”
“Oh, my God, Kyle.”
“Shit, did the pizza make you sick? You didn’t eat much. What do you need?”
“Shut up,” she said, and she wound her arms around my neck and pulled my lips down to hers. “I’m fine. I… I’m just shocked, I think.”
“Yeah, this was definitely unexpected.”
“No, I mean, I’m shocked by your reaction.”
“What did you think I’d do?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you didn’t sign up for this. You’re supposed to be fucking models and actresses and living it up as a rookie in the NFL. Instead, you got a single mom with a batshit crazy ex-husband and, now, a baby on the way.”
The word baby made my face split with a grin. “A baby.”
“A baby,” Madelyn echoed on a whisper, and she shook her head, burying it in my chest.
And the moment hit us.
I felt it, not just how it slammed into my chest, but how it knocked the breath from hers, too.
This very same moment had been stolen from us years ago.
This elation, this celebration, this immeasurable amount of love had been ripped away from us.
We’d lost our first child — and neither of us had been able to properly grieve that loss.
Madelyn’s arms slipped from my neck to wind around my waist, and she squeezed me tight, her brows furrowing as I hugged her and held her to me. I kissed the crown of her head, and we both let out long, slow breaths.
It was the most delicate mixture of pain and elation, that hug shared in her half-packed living room.
I felt the loss of innocence, the loss of another life.
But I also felt the birth of a new one — one that was so far from anything I’d ever imagined, and yet brought me so much joy I wanted to burst with it.
“I have a request,” I said after a while, still stroking her hair.
“No, we aren’t naming them Madden.”
I smirked. “Let me be the one to tell Sebastian.”
At that, Madelyn pulled back, her eyebrows sliding together as she looked up at me.
“He’s going through a lot of change right now,” I said, as if his own mother didn’t already fucking know. “I want to make sure he knows that he’s supported through that. That it’s okay to not feel happy about it all. I want him to know we’re a team. And I want to talk to him about being a big brother, about how…”
I swallowed, unsure of how she’d feel about what I was about to say next.
“I want him to know that I see him as my own just as much as this one on the way,” I said, floating my hand down to her stomach again. “And for the next nine months, I want him to know he’s my priority, and that even when the baby comes, he’s needed. And he’s allowed to need us. And… fuck. Do I sound stupid? Am I failing as a dad already?”
Madelyn was watching me with an amused smile, but her eyes were glossing again. She sniffed, shaking her head.
“No,” she whispered. “You’re going to be the best dad in the world. To both of them.”
I let out a puff of a laugh from my nose. “Holy shit. I’m going to be a dad.”
“You already are.”
I shook my head, tucking the loose strands of Madelyn’s hair behind one ear. “I gotta say… this has been one hell of a summer.”
She laughed, tilting her head back, the sound sweet as it reverberated off the empty walls.
“And all because you had insomnia and couldn’t resist house shopping at three a.m.”
“I think I should lose sleep more often.”
“Oh, believe me — you’ll lose plenty of sleep in about nine months.”
“Good thing it’ll be offseason.”
“Sebastian will be the best big brother,” she mused with a watery smile.
“That’s because he has the best mom.”
“No,” she said softly. “It’s just who he is.”
I smiled, thumbing her chin, and we stared at each other like we couldn’t believe the new world we’d just stepped into, and like we couldn’t bear the thought of any other possible outcome.
“I love you, Mads.”
She leaned into my touch, closing her eyes and nodding on a smile. “I love you, Daddy.”
One eye peeked open at that, and her smile turned mischievous.
I wet my lips, spanking the side of her ass. “Say that again, and I’m going to put two babies in you.”
“I don’t think that’s how this works.”
“Only one way to find out.”
I swept her into my arms as she let out another sweet laugh, and I basked in every decibel of it, every centimeter of her lips against mine on our way back to her room, and every moment of stripping her bare and laying her down and sliding inside her until we were one.
She bit my shoulder to muffle her cries of pleasure, and I buried myself deep, marveling at how one seemingly insignificant decision can set our lives on a completely new track.
The life that was stolen from us would never be ours to hold again.
But we did hold the power to build a new one.
And I counted my lucky stars that the universe gave us this second chance.