Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

E.L.:

For fuck´s sake! Stop it!

Stop thinking about it over and over again!

For a millionth time - it’s very simple.

You either go see her or you stay here.

Yes, it´s questionable how she´s gonna response to your visit if you choose the first option.

But… If you stay and do nothing, you’ll go crazy.

And could you stop making a mess too, or Tamara will kill you. As one of the few, she knows how to do it.

I got up, I had to get up from the sofa as I suddenly felt the unbearable urge to occupy myself somehow. I needed something, anything that would keep me busy. That would shut off the torturous thoughts in my head. But I didn’t take even a single step forward when I laid my eyes on one of Tamara’s mirrors. When I caught sight of my reflection. And I didn’t recognize myself.

Holy crap!

A seventeen-year-old girl!

A seventeen-year-old girl did this to you, right?

There I was, it was me, everything seemed to be the same and yet I was different. As if she´d marked every piece on me. As if she´d marked every piece of me.

“You’re gonna meet her one day, my little dandelion.” The voice in my head made me fall back on the sofa again. “You´re gonna meet your own princess. Not like the one from a fairy tale, but a real one.”

“How will I know it, Mom?” I asked. There were a lot of girls, playing with us after all, and I didn’t like any of them. None of them wasn´t able to hold on and guard the rampart when Jamie and I had to defend it against the dragons and invaders. “How will I know it’s her? That she’s a princess?”

She kissed my hair and I pushed myself closer to her warmth.

“Everything you care about, Eric, everything that revolves around your world will suddenly stop. It won’t make sense to you anymore. Out of the blue, you will see things in a completely different way. And then your whole world will start to spin only around her.”

I didn’t understand her back then. As a kid, I had no idea what she was talking about. And now, here, I was sitting in Tamara’s room, I was still looking at my reflection in her huge mirror, and at that very moment, every single word my mom had told me, started to make sense.

She was right.

“You must promise me that you will respect her. That you will treat her like a treasure, that you will protect her at any cost. And never Eric, I want you to promise me that you’ll never hurt her.”

“Mom, why are you crying?” I got scared, seeing the tears that filled her eyes. She always cried when it came to Dad, but he´d been gone a long time now. I didn’t want him to come back, I wanted to be only with her. Just the two of us.

“Because I´ll be very happy when there´s someone by your side,” she said to me quietly. “Someone who takes care of you when I won´t be there anymore.”

“Mom! Are you leaving me?” That fear inside me turned into a panic as I was staring at her.

“No, my dear, I would never leave you. I´ll always be with you, I´ll always stay in your heart. Till you meet your princess. Then I´ll share your heart with her. And now, I want you to make that promise.”

I closed my eyes. This one memory itself made me close my eyes. I used to feel incredibly calm when I could pull myself to her. When she took me into her arms. I had no clue back then; I wasn’t able to recognize it as a kid. But now, reminiscing that evening with her, I was well aware of the pain, reflecting in her face.

“I promise, Mom.”

“Good,” she caressed my cheeks, she cupped my face with her hands. “Never forget that promise.” She pressed her lips to my forehead. Just like she did every night, she kissed me. And I knew there was nothing I lacked. Even though she took the dandelion, I´d picked for her earlier today, and left me alone so I could sleep.

I wished she was here with me right now. I wished I could tell her that I´d already found my princess. Also, that I´d screwed things up with her and now I needed advice how to fix it.

But she wasn’t here.

Just like my dear beloved little sister, who probably just bought up another boutique. Instead of helping me to redeem my soul.

There was no point in calling her. I knew, I had no doubts that she would try to come home as soon as possible. But I didn’t have time, as it was getting quite late. I had to take that decision on my own.

My mom’s words, the promise I´d made to her, I recalled them again. And in an instant, I understood which of my two options was the right one. I had to go, I had to do everything possible or impossible to win my Princess’s heart back.

I chose to leave my car at home. I wanted to take a walk so I could think through what I would actually tell her. What I wanted her to know. Yet even when standing in front of Jim’s house, I was still all at sea with where I should begin.

I knew what she wanted from me, what bothered her the most. She longed to know the whole truth, and I swear, I would love to give her some answers. Perhaps for the first time in my existence, I truly wanted someone to really know me. I desired her to know everything about me. Exactly what I was. But even in my wildest fantasies where she wouldn’t run away from me, screaming, there were still two fundamental problems left.

Firstly and the most importantly, she didn’t realize how it would affect her. Knowing the truth was a huge risk for her, and I wasn’t willing to take it. I wasn’t willing to risk anything that could hurt her.

Secondly and even more importantly, I could hurt her as well. Very easily.

Even though, on the other hand, she had the power to destroy me too. For example, right now. When I climbed up that damn tree and my Princess wasn’t in her tower.

I hated it. I hated from the bottom of my heart when I didn’t know where she was or whether she was alright. But I was hundred percent sure that she would roll those stunning eyes if I checked on her or went looking for her straight away. No. I could do nothing else but wait.

I could pay a visit to Jim, that’s true. I could shorten the moment, before she returns. But I was in no mood for his teasing today.

“And you´re still friends, huh?” He grinned at me as I begged him to call his niece and ask whether we could join her at Bill´s.

He understood that I wasn’t interested in drinking beer, he knew I simply wanted to see her. And damn right I did after she´d been touching my bare chest, after she´d pressed herself against my body. After what she´d done to me. I had to make sure that Colin wouldn’t lay his hands on her. Actually, that no one would dare to lay their hands on her.

I sighed heavily at his question. It bothered me. He´d asked me the same thing about a thousand times already, and for about a thousandth time, I was going to give him the same answer. I wanted to remind him once more that he underestimated the meaning of the word friend. But then I downed the rest of the beer in one gulp and asked straight out instead: “Who was Veronica to you?”

He froze, I noticed it immediately. But I didn’t back down: “Let´s forget about all those nights when you made love to her. All the dirty stuff she did to you, all the physical contact you´d had together. That she was your mistress. What’s left Jim? Why did you choose her? Why did you want to spend your life with her?”

I saw it.

I saw the realization; I saw the understanding that appeared in his eyes.

“She was my best friend,” he whispered, and I knew he wouldn’t ask me that question ever again.

My best friend.

My Princess.

My soulmate.

I had never been as torn as now, when I was sitting on the tree and staring into the darkness that filled her room. I had no idea what to do, dammit, I had no idea what I wanted to do.

Some of the deepest parts of my brain were fully aware of her yesterday´s request to leave her alone. Her words had been spinning in my head all the time, all this fucking day. Just to keep driving me crazy. But then, there were other ninety-nine percent of the cells in my body that went even crazier, desiring to see her again. Fuck, the urge to breathe seemed ridiculous compared to my urge to be with her again.

I couldn’t say, she´d been ignoring me today, not at all. I even saw something like a smile on her beautiful face. Still, I felt her need to be away from me, to keep her distance. And I knew I should respect that; I knew I should give her space to think. But first, I would have to have some common sense and also free will to be even able to do so.

When it came to my Princess, I had no idea what that words meant.

I just needed her.

Period.

There was something about her, something that simply had conquered me. I felt it already the first time I saw her, and I felt it too intensely. As if my world began to turn around her. The gravity appeared to be a mere parody stacked up against the strength which I was being dragged to her with. She shook the foundations of my world… Hell, no! She´d caused a damn earthquake that couldn’t be measured by any scale.

Even if I didn’t make that promise to my mom, even if I forgot about it over time, I would have to protect her. Out of the blue, it became my top priority. I had to protect her from Gave and Macy, I had to protect her from myself. And above all, I had to protect her from Leroy. Even though it meant hurting her.

I shivered, trying to shake the memory of Christmas party off from me. I really shivered as it reminded me of the one thing I´d been trying to ignore for a long time. The only thing I was truly scared of. The only thing I desperately wished not to be true. I frantically craved for my suspicions to be just a figment of my paranoid fantasy.

But whether I wanted to admit it or not, it looked like I would soon have to face the reality anyway. Whether I liked it or not, I knew I should stop believing that her confusion over the elements was insignificant. Whether I was frightened or not, I knew I should stop ignoring that Leroy had felt it too. Fuck, I hadn’t been able to read her mind after all!

Yes.

Above all, I wished she didn’t belong into my world. I wished she had nothing to do with it.

But the more I tried to convince myself that everything was alright, the more I kept noticing those little details which indicated that nothing was the way I wanted it to be.

Like the mark on her gorgeous body.

I hoped, gosh, I prayed that my eyes were deceiving me when I saw it back then, in the dark corridor at Bill´s. I wished I was wrong, I desperately wished I would find really only a scar or a birthmark on her left rib arch. But the beacon light that started flashing in my head as I was studying her belly yesterday, made me stop pretending that everything was fine. That I had no reason to worry.

Oh, man! Wake up finally!

I already admitted to myself, that there was something about her. Since the day I met her, I was being pulled to her and I could do a damn nothing about it. I was pretty sure I didn’t find myself in that school hallway by a coincidence, and just like back then, I still couldn’t control it.

And all of a sudden, right here, right now, I really needed to calm myself down. I pulled the phone out of my pocket to look for the texts that the only girl, I put my hopes in, had sent me. I needed to re-read what she´d written to me.

Me: Mia, I need your help. Can you do that for me?

Mia: Eric, you have to give me more details if you need my advice. Or call me, I’m looking forward to hearing you once again. Or… Actually, when will I get to see you?

Me: Well, that´s a great idea! Don’t you want to pay me a visit? I would like to come, but I don’t really want to leave Lara alone. And I don’t want her to know about all of this. Not until I know what we´re dealing with.

Mia: Call me when you´re alone.

And I did, I called her right before that fucking Christmas party. I explained her everything that was happening to my Princess. I tried to describe every detail. And Mia promised me that she would keep searching for the answers I longed for. I was counting on her as I had always counted on her. But since then, I didn’t hear a word from her.

I had to ask again.

Me: Mia? It’s been almost a month since we talked. Did you find out something? There’s nothing wrong with her, right? Come on! Tell me! I need to hear she’s OK!

Mia: Wait, are you shaking in your boots because of a girl?! I definitely need to meet her! And speaking of women, didn’t you forget to keep an eye on Sophie?

Me: I didn’t. And no, I´m not shaking in my boots, I´m just afraid that something might be happening to her. Could you please let me know immediately, when you figure it out?

Mia: What?

Mia: Did you just…?

Mia: I can’t believe my eyes!

Mia: Did you just say please?

Mia: Damn! This girl must be special!

Me: Ha, ha, ha, very funny. You know, you can be pretty annoying sometimes, right?

Mia: No honey, that´s not funny. That´s hilarious!

Mia: I´m deeply sorry, I tried to search for any hints, but I can’t tell you anything that would please or calm you down. I would like to come to visit you and help you somehow, but it´s not possible at this moment in time. Something feels not right, and I still can’t find my counterpart. Time is running out against me; I can’t stop looking now.

Me: Do you need help?

Mia: No! For heaven´s sake! I won´t risk that your old hobbies are gonna wake up in you again. It took me a lot of time and effort to change you.

Mia: Look Eric, considering everything, you´ve told me, I assume that you have only two options left. Either you run away from her, hoping no one will ever find her. Giving her a chance to live a normal life. Or you stay, but you´ll be risking your head and hers as well if any of your freaking friends find out about it.

Mia: Think, hon, think about it very carefully. Is the girl worth it?

Well…

I didn’t calm myself down.

And I didn’t like it either.

I didn’t like anything she´d written me a few days ago. I knew she´d given me her most honest opinion, I had no doubt about that. She and Jamie were the only two friends I´d ever had. Thanks to Jamie, I survived my childhood. And thanks to Amelia, I survived the blackest period I’d been through so far.

I’d always called her best friend, just like I called Lara now. But when I looked at both girls, I didn’t see them the same way.

Mia was someone I would go looking for immediately if she got lost. I would go anywhere for her if she needed me. I would do anything that she would want me to do. I owed her the good in my past, that she showed me the better way. That she suppressed the monster I used to be.

And my Princess?

I wouldn’t go looking for her because I would never be able to let her go so she could get lost. I wouldn’t have to go anywhere for her, because if she needed me, if she wanted to, I wouldn’t separate myself from her even for a fucking second of the day. For her, I would do even what she wouldn´t want me to do. To my Dove, I owed my presence. She made me think of a future at all. She made me want to be a better man. Hell, she completely destroyed the monster in me. She made me see things in completely different way, she forced me to reconsider everything I´d ever regarded important. Just to find out, it wasn’t. Just to realize that only she was important to me.

My sight dropped to my phone again. I’d been thinking, I’d been thinking about it a lot since Mia sent those texts to me. And now, here, sitting on this damn tree, I couldn’t be more sure of my answer.

Me: She´s worth a lot more. She´s worth everything.

I stopped suppressing the effort to control it. My Princess had the power over me and there was nothing I could do about it. Simply nothing. I couldn’t leave, I couldn’t run away from her. I couldn’t even decide whether I should belong into her life or not. And I couldn’t tell her the truth either. At least not until I know what we were dealing with. I´d rather die before I´d endanger her in some way.

Damn…!

Well, I was certainly dying to have her in my arms right now. I was getting pretty restive as she’d been gone for too long. I was already beginning to wonder whether I should rather check on her at Bill´s when I finally heard her.

“It’s a really nice outside tonight,” she said from somewhere on the street. “I’m glad you took me for a walk.”

I froze, I fucking had to grab the branch below me so I wouldn’t lose my balance. When it dawned on me when I realized who she talked to.

“Pleasure is all mine Lara,” Colin’s voice replied, “I can’t wait till it gets really warm. Would you still like to join me for the test drive of my new motorbike?”

Over my dead body, asshole!

“Sure,” she said, and I could swear she was smiling.

But…

No.

Definitely not!

I wasn’t going to let him hurt her.

I had to breathe it through to calm myself down. I had to keep reminding myself that Lara was with him of her own free will. That I had no right to interfere.

OK.

I’ll just wait here. She says goodbye to him, and when she returns to her room, I’ll do anything, damn I’ll make her forget about that jackass!

However, all my decisions, all my self-control suddenly disappeared, vanished, got lost. At that second his thoughts reached me. I didn’t even have to concentrate to hear them.

C´mon, Colin! She went out with you! She’s nice to you, she seems to be having fun. She never said you were just a friend. Simply kiss her, just try it!

I drew a sharp breath as this was the last straw.

No one. Fuck! NO ONE is gonna kiss those mesmerizing lips.

Except me.

I jumped down that tree.

***

back to Lara:

Great!

Simply great!

My uncle was already asleep.

And I understood that, I really did. It was already pretty late, and he had to work the next day. However, my last hope that he would save me right now, just died.

Not that I felt uncomfortable with Colin, I couldn’t say that. And it also seemed to be a good idea to go for a walk as it was quite warm outside for January. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to relax, to pull myself together somehow. I guess I would rather appreciate loneliness. My demon was occupying all my damn thoughts, not giving me a chance to at least figure out what I really wanted. I mean, I wanted him, but all the things, concerning him...

No, I don’t know what things.

Because he refuses to tell me.

All I desperately longed for was a little bit of peace of mind. But suddenly, I could kiss goodbye everything that was even slightest connected with peace at all. I craved him like flowers crave the sun. More than the desert craves the rain. I craved him so badly that it was literally driving me insane.

The whole day, the whole fucking day, I wasn’t able to stop my hemispheres from reminding me of yesterday’s night. Of his warm embrace, of his bewitching scent. Of those deep brown mesmerizing eyes and the hopelessness that reflected in them in the end. Yes, I begged inwardly for a brief moment, when he wouldn’t dominate my thoughts.

In vain.

I needed to sort out my own feelings, but it wasn’t really possible with Colin by my side. Instead of that, I had the impression as my brain turned meanwhile to time bomb. I actually kind of wished that my head would already just explode, and I would stop perceiving.

For good.

I hoped, Jim would save me. I truly hoped, my uncle would somehow save me. I don’t know, I expected him to come out, to tell me, that it´s already too late, that I should go home. And he was already asleep.

Hell!

I have to explain to him how to behave when his seventeen-year-old niece is dating!

I mean… No! For heaven’s sake! This wasn’t a date! Not at all! Fuck!

Oh, gosh! Please!

Colin didn’t take this as a date, did he?

The lights of the streetlamps were reflecting on the road, endless peace and silence dominated this winter evening. The frosty breath, coming out of my friend’s mouth - I guess, he was telling me something. I wasn’t perceiving him at all. I was just staring at the front door of Jim´s house, quietly searching for some excuse to leave him, to say goodbye.

And Colin managed to get my full attention back after all.

I froze, I immediately stiffened as he approached me. Now, I just wished I´d listened to him a minute before so I understood his intentions. I begged inwardly to be wrong, but all my worst assumptions were confirmed as he raised his hand and wrapped it around my waist.

No.

Fuck no!

He doesn’t want to do that, does he?

No. No. No!

Dammit, girl, think! Stop him!

You can’t let him kiss you!

I wanted to say something, I wanted to shake my head, I wanted to pull away. But I didn’t manage to do any of it. Neither to realize nor to pull myself together. I could have just kept standing there with my mouth open.

At one moment the boy leaned down to me, at the next one he literally flew away from me and landed a few feet in front of me. I blinked, I startled, but that was all. I wasn’t able to do anything else. Not when I saw who was responsible for all of this. Not when my demon appeared by my side. With an expression on his face that actually scared me.

Well, this could still be quite an interesting evening.

Nice weather outside, finally dry roads, light breeze, such a romantic light, coming from those streetlamps.

And two complete idiots, whose main hobby was to complicate my life.

Successfully.

I knew I didn’t have much time left as soon as Colin stood up from the ground, saying a couple of swearwords (for which my piglets would be proud of him). I immediately turned to Eric and warned him, letting out all the anger, he´d woken inside me: “I swear to God, if you move even an inch, I won’t talk to you again for the rest of my life.”

I didn’t wait for his reaction; I wasn’t interested in his answer. I immediately hurried to the second idiot as I needed to force him to leave.

“Colin, listen to me!” I tried to get his attention as I approached him, “Listen to me, please!”

I had to hold him, I had to grab him by his shoulders to make him look at me. “Go home,” I pleaded, trying to sound calm, “I´ll deal with Eric by myself.”

I succeeded; I could only thank all my lucky stars when he focused his gaze on me. But I still had the impression as if he didn’t understand what I wanted from him at all. “Please, I´m begging you,” I insisted, “go home. You´re not gonna fight, dammit! Please go, do it for me.”

I was extremely relieved when something in his eyes softened. He looked at me, he kept staring at me, yet his body loosened. “All right,” he nodded, “I’ll do it for you.”

Oh, a huge load was taken off my mind as he really turned and left. And I just watched him, walking down the street. Because I couldn’t do anything else.

Because I was afraid of turning back to Eric.

I was afraid of my own emotions. I was afraid to look at him after I was forced to face his desperate smile the whole day. I was afraid of my heart, which betrayed me always when he was around.

“Dove?” He whispered softly behind me, and I finally did it. I turned to him just to find him standing in a perfectly rigid position. “Can I move already?”

Yeah, well… It wasn’t possible. I didn’t stop corners of my lips from twitching as I saw him imitating a statue in an absolutely flawless way.

What the hell did I want?

Oh, right!

“Dammit, Eric!” I automatically barked at him. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No, I’m sorry,” he exhaled as his body relaxed, “I am so sorry.” There was sincerity in his voice, I swear I heard it. Still, it didn’t condone him.

And I burst out laughing. Because this, he was truly too much for me to understand. With him, with my demon, it was all but not simple.

“I’m so sorry, Dove,” he said again. And I didn’t like that he approached me as his closeness had the tendency to collide with my common sense. And the result was always catastrophic. “Please say something.”

Everything, fuck, the boy made me feel everything at once, just to realize how much I dreamed of that simplicity. He turned my whole world upside down, not letting a single speck of dust lie where it used to lie. And I, now, I was standing in front of him, I was looking at him just to perceive with every cell of my body how much I wanted to go back into his arms.

“Looks like the Napoleon’s soldiers weren’t the one who destroyed the Sphinx´s nose,” I shrugged. “It looks like it´s been missing since like 14th century.”

He frowned, he narrowed his eyes at me, and the confused expression on his face was worth a photo.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Eric,” I said helplessly. “You don’t have to apologize to me. You didn’t attack me.”

Damn, those puppy eyes of his! They prevented me from thinking clearly, they prevented me from thinking at all. All the innocence that was literally radiating from him. As if he had no idea who Colin was.

“Apologize to Colin,” I said confidently.

I saw it, I could watch it in detail as my demon’s mouth opened in surprise and a pretty disgusted expression appeared of his face. However, it was me who raised eyebrows to heavenly heights and maybe even higher right after that. When he reached out his hand to me resignedly.

“Lend me your phone,” he sighed heavily.

“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears.

Is he really gonna do it?

“If I call him, he won’t answer,” he sounded like a kid who did something wrong and refused to admit it.

I couldn’t suppress it, I had to smile as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and gave it to him. The look on his face didn’t change, but despite his reluctance he put it to his ear, he closed his eyes and just exhaled heavily while waiting.

“Colin, this is Eric. Don’t hang up, I want to apologize.” He got stuck for a moment, but there it was, he said those words finally: “Lara told me off, I acted like an asshole. I’m sorry.”

I had no idea what Colin´s response was. I couldn’t tell from Eric’s neutral expression if he was willing to forgive him. But when that envoy from my personal hell turned his mesmerizing gaze back on me, I knew I had a problem.

A damn huge problem.

With my self-control.

“Happy, Princess?” I saw curiosity in his eyes as he returned me my phone.

Oh, my Gosh! Why?

Just…, why?

“I’d be happier if you meant it,” I winked at him.

“I sincerely apologize to you,” he took a deep breath, and all of a sudden, there was just seriousness that dominated his face.

Yeah, yes, bravo!

Because of Colin, I heard an apology perhaps for the hundredth time this week.

The fun was over, I knew it. I recognized it at that only second when our eyes met. Me. He. In an empty alley on a January night.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked quietly, redirecting this debate to the most important thing.

His ten minutes. I didn’t remember changing my mind since yesterday and I was quite sure, he was aware of that. Yet he was looking at me as if I´d missed the most fundamental thing in the world.

“Well, I wanted to wait,” he replied slowly. “I wanted to ignore him. It was your decision to go out with him and I swear, I wanted to respect it. But then, when I read his mind, when I heard what he wanted to do…,” He got stuck again as he clenched his jaw. And for a moment the furious expression returned to his face.

“Eric,” I exhaled, shaking my head in disapproval, “do you realize that you and I disagree on quite important issues? I really appreciate your effort to protect me, but what do you want to do? Do you intend to watch every step I take? Or to beat up every guy who tries to kiss me?”

Suddenly, the silence bothered me.

An absolute silence because my demon said nothing. And I just watched as he frowned. As the anger in his eyes was replaced by despair.

“Princess,” he muttered, “did you want him to kiss you?”

What the fuck?

I winked in horror. I didn’t hold it; I didn’t manage to stop it. The disgusted grimace I flashed. Nor those words I blurted right after that: “What? No! I didn’t even want to go out with him! I was just…”

So, yeah…

My reaction to the idea of ​​Colin, kissing me, was automatic. I understood how inappropriate it was when I was overwhelmed by the urge to punch the boy in front of me right into his beautiful face.

For those sparks that ignited in his eyes.

For the triumphant smile that occurred on his lips.

“Dammit!” I cursed, hiding my face in my hands. As it could help me somehow. To hide from that fucking helplessness that overpowered me straightaway. Because of him, it was all because of him. And because of my stupid heart that wasn’t willing to let him go.

No.

It wasn’t a good idea to look at him again.

It was definitely a terrible idea to look him in the eye.

Their brown color seemed even deeper as I remembered and for a millionth time, I fell for them. I fell for him. I couldn’t stop my soul from listening to his pain as he ran his hand through my hair. I couldn’t find any air to breathe when he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I can’t take it anymore, Dove,” he whispered. “I miss you so much. I miss your smile, which can fix literally anything that´s wrong with my life. I miss your scent which used to be all around me. Even the way you always messed your hair. I miss the way you used to look at me, the way you used to wink at me conspiratorially. I miss the way we used to talk; I miss the details you taught me to notice. I miss your embarrassment. I miss your teasing. I miss the way you used to wrinkle your nose every time I disconcerted you. I miss your texts, I miss your window, the warmth of your skin. I fucking miss the peace I lost by losing you.”

His warm breath tickled my cheeks. But the words, coming out of his mouth, were tearing me apart. I wanted him to stop talking with such a desperation in his voice, I wanted him to stop breaking my heart all over again.

“And I hate it,” but he continued, probably having no idea how monstrous hurricane was forming inside me right now. “I hate those days when I can’t hold you in my arms. When I can’t spend every free minute with you. What are they for then, why should I survive them at all? I hate my bed because I still feel your scent there. But when I open my eyes, you’re not around. And I’m frightened that you’ll never come back to me. I hate when you stand in front of me, and I can’t even touch you. I hate myself for hurting you. That I let you go. And I can’t accept the idea that all we had, should stay in the past. That I definitely lost it, that I lost you. That you´ll never be...”

He paused, he fell silent, he obeyed me when I covered his mouth with my hand. I couldn’t keep listening to him, I couldn’t stand it anymore. For fuck´s sake, I loved him so goddam much! It wasn’t until he looked back at me, until he raised his eyebrows when I realized the streams of tears flowing down my face.

Everything he´d just told me, every single memory was tearing me to pieces. And the idea that none of it should ever happen again, was painfully killing me.

I removed my hand from his mouth just to wrap them both around his shoulders. I wanted to, I needed to take him into my arms and never let him go.

But my demon outpaced me.

Out of the blue, I desperately wished I could get some oxygen into my lungs. A second later I didn’t miss it anymore. I had everything, absolutely everything when he hugged me.

“Princess, please, don’t take those ten minutes away from me. Not yet, it’s still too early, “he whispered into my hair. “Please, I´m begging you, can I have my moment with you today? You, me and nothing in between?”

There’s one interesting saying. It says that if you´re wise, you´ll never step into the same river twice. But the truth is that if you really love someone, you’ll step in there so many times until you drown.

“No,” I breathed heavily, giving him an answer. “You’re staying with me today.”

And the world was suddenly upside down.

Not figuratively. In real.

“Damn, what do you think you’re doing?” I burst out laughing as I found myself on his shoulder, looking at his gorgeous back. “Put me down!”

“I’m taking you to bed, Dove,” he said in a dead serious voice. Yet, he didn’t deceive me. The cheerfulness that was suddenly shining from him, engulfed me. “And don’t expect me to let you go so soon.”

🙕🙕🙕

🙕🙕🙕

🙕🙕🙕 p