Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

Eric:

“Are you okay?”

I heard Mia´s voice, asking somewhere a hundred miles away from me. Yet I recognized the concern she spoke to me with. The same concern I saw in her eyes as I returned her gaze. However, she had every right to be worried as I slumped to the ground the second, she finished the ritual.

The tormenting pain was still resonating in me, I could barely catch my breath. Nonetheless, I somehow managed to nod. But she didn’t lie to me, I felt it was only temporary this time. That my strength would return soon. I needed to collect myself to be able to get up and make sure my Princess was okay, too.

“No, don’t,” Amelia prevented me from trying. “It´s gonna take a while until she wakes up. Put yourself together in first place so you could take care of her later.”

I knew she was right. My Princess came first, she would always come first. And above all, I needed to collect myself to be able to drive her home and make sure she wouldn’t miss anything. Still, I calmed down only when my dear friend returned to the stone pedestal to watch over Lara instead of me.

It didn’t take long, not at all.

The colors seemed richer, and the sounds louder. And suddenly, I was able to do things. Like to breathe properly, to move with my fingers. To think about other things than the greatest pain I’d ever experienced. For example, about the very burning questions I had to face.

Whether my Princess would remember something and if yes…

What the hell am I supposed to tell her…?

“Eric?”

I automatically shot up to the stone pedestal, hearing Mia´s whisper. I immediately searched for any sign that my Dove had woken up.

“No, not yet,” Mia just shook her head as she understood my reaction. I didn’t hold that disappointed sigh, but a single touch told me that my Dove´s heart was beating stronger. I refused to move away from her anymore.

“How come she passed her energy on you? Is that even possible?”

And the reality slapped me hard right into my face.

“Full Moon´s not until tomorrow. Even Sophie can’t do it. In fact, no one I know can do it.“

A fucking annoying reality where Lara wasn’t so typically human.

I looked ahead to meet Mia´s bright green eyes again. The previous concern didn’t dominate them anymore. Instead, there was confusion written all over her face. The same confusion that had haunted me for months. And now…, now I had a direct evidence that my assumptions weren’t unfounded.

Lara gave me her soul.

She did, she really gave me her soul, even though I didn’t want her to do it. I didn’t touch her, I didn’t provoke it, I didn’t cause it. Damn, she passed her energy on me, and I wasn’t able to stop it!

“I don’t know how that´s possible, Mia. But she managed to do so without even knowing it,” I shrugged defeated. “And unlike Sophie, it almost killed her.”

She fell silent, she got lost in her thought and I was dying to know what was running through her head. She was probably the only one who could figure this riddle out.

“I’ve already told you about the element-thing. And about Leroy, as well, “I reminded her quietly, hoping it could help her somehow to put two and two together.

“Anything else?” She asked.

So….

Was there anything else?

My head dropped under the weight of my thoughts. Out of the blue, it all just seemed unbearable. I didn’t want it to be true. But it was. And I couldn’t run away from it.

“I can’t read her mind,” I admitted. “Just like I can´t read yours.”

I pulled the blanket aside, I carefully pulled her sweatshirt up as well, ignoring Mia’s rising eyebrows. I knew she heard me, and I knew she didn’t get what I was doing now. I wanted to show her the atypical birthmark my Princess had under her left rib arch. And then… Then I just tried to pretend that I didn’t notice that my friend stiffened. She immediately bent down to take a better look at it.

“Sophie mustn’t know about her!” she said eventually. “And keep her the fuck away from Leroy!”

Yeah…, what about telling me something I don’t know yet?

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” She smiled, pulling Lara´s sweatshirt back and covering her with a blanket again. “Don’t panic. You have to…”

Damn!

She didn’t finish her advice, she got stuck stopping my heart too. But then her fingers touched the wooden dragon I´d carved for my Princess. “Is that the amethyst I gave you?”

What?

She cares about amethyst right now?

“Yes,” I gave her an honest answer. Along with a pretty confused gaze. “You said it would protect anyone, wearing it. You didn’t lie to me, did you?”

And the corners of Amelia’s lips rose. For the first time that evening, she truly smiled at me. “No, I just… You surprised me, that’s all.”

Okey, so I…, right…, well no. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand what she meant. I flashed her even more confused grimace and maybe I looked funny that she burst out laughing right after.

“It looks like you need her in your daily life.” Thank heavens, she started explaining without me asking. I really didn’t have much patience left tonight. “I’m just surprised you gave her something that actually protects her from you.”

Um?

I…

Wait!

What’s surprising about that?

“Or rather, I´m moved,” she corrected herself. “There´s a huge difference between you when I first met you and you as you are today. I’m glad… Dammit! I´m so pleased that you gave it to her. Instead of subduing her, you gave her something to protect her from you.”

“You know, I should only thank you for that,” I smiled as well.

Because I should. She was the one who killed the monster in me. And Mia just let her sight wander back to my Princess as something flashed in her irises. “I don’t think so,” she whispered.

I took Lara’s hand into my palms. Her whole body was getting warmer. And I suddenly couldn’t wait for her to open her eyes again.

Yes, that thought ran through my mind. That I should take her home, to a warmer, much more comfortable place. Because the temperature had dropped even more in the meantime. The faint lights of those streetlamps, the bare trees, and of course the graves around us made this place exuding a strange, mysterious atmosphere. And we both stood here over the stone altar like two idiots over our sacrifice.

Heck, I imagined it completely different. The moment I would introduce Mia to Lara.

“What do you want to do now?” Mia pulled me out of my lost thoughts. “She´s gonna have questions, Eric.”

It was a heavy, really, really heavy sigh that came out of the deepest corners of my lungs.

“I have no idea, Mia,” I answered honestly. Because this was the only thing I really was struggling with. “I have absolutely no idea what I should do.”

“Well, if you’d like me to sum it up for you,” her lips seriously twitched as she said something like that, “you only have two options.”

Yes, she seemed a bit amused over my indecision but there was sincerity in her voice. I knew that whatever she would tell me, it would come from the bottom of her heart. Nonetheless, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know her opinion. Besides, I knew my options. I knew them very well.

“Either you let her go or you tell her the truth.”

I remained silent; I didn’t utter a word as there was nothing, I would be able to say anyway.

“If you let her go, no one of your world will find her, and she will be safe. And if there is something drowsing in her, there’s a good chance it’ll never wake up. And maybe, she will be happy.”

I didn’t want to listen to her, I just didn’t want to… For fuck´s sake! Just the thought of losing my Princess tore something inside me into to pieces.

“What do you mean by maybe?” I frowned. Because hell! I would let her go, I would give up her, I would smash my heart and I would do it for nothing? She wouldn’t be happy after all?

“You two are bound now! Damn, don’t you forget that!” She frowned at me too, but despite her narrowed gaze, I recognized the seriousness in her eyes. Exactly the one which told me not to take it easy.

“It will always stay in her, Eric. It won’t physically hurt her, but if you leave, you’ll take a piece of her soul with you. Think about it!”

My head dropped, my shoulders dropped, suddenly those thoughts robbed me of all my regained strength.

As if I could do it at all.

To leave her.

Not knowing how she´s doing.

Whether she’s smiling.

Whether she needs something.

Whether she needs me.

“And you,” Amelia’s low voice brought my attention back to her. “I warned you, Eric. It will remain in you as well but because you´re no human, it´s gonna be much worse in your case. Just the thought of her will haunt you like a shadow. Wherever you´ll go, whatever distance you´ll put between you two, you´ll never gonna get rid of her. Until the day she dies. And it’s very questionable what will happen to you that day.”

I didn’t care.

I didn’t give a slightest fuck about how much I would be suffering. There was nothing more important than the girl lying in front of me. And she had to be happy.

Damn!

She had to!

“Or you can tell her the truth, and you’ll have her. If she swallows it in the first place.”

Fuck, Mia! Please, shut up! Don’t talk to me anymore! Please!

“But you will have to protect her. Like 24/7. From everyone,” she continued. She kept talking, as if she hadn’t noticed that her words were breaking me in half. “Don’t forget who you are, Honey. You’ll have to try hard to hide her from your weird friends. Especially if there is something supernatural inside her. Because with you, staying in her life, it will manifest one day.”

Damn, who I was…

After all, I was the one to bound them!

“Mia?”

“Yes?”

“Can you please just be quiet?”

And my dearest friend burst into a loud guffaw.

“You have no problem with having to protect her all the time, right? You’re not afraid of that,” she kept laughing straight into my face. “You’re afraid of Lara. Of her reaction to you and your world.”

My gaze dropped somewhere to the time-eroded stone of the pedestal, as I was suddenly unable to look at any of the girls. But I couldn’t hide from my own thoughts. Exactly the ones that were telling me that Amelia was right. But I didn’t answer her.

Because the hand in my palm moved.

I froze, I completely stiffened, and Mia stopped laughing. We both immediately leaned over Lara, and I might have been counting the seconds before my Princess finally opened her eyes. Fuck! I’d never been so relieved before!

“What happened?” She asked in a faint voice.

I looked at her, I was literally staring at her, trying to make sure that every inch of her body was alright. Still, it was impossible to overlook the corners of my dear friend’s mouth, who was studying my girl from the other side. And it must have been my utter disorientation that I didn’t manage to stop her.

“Not much, sweetheart,” she replied, trying so hard not to burst out laughing again, “only your demon stole your soul.”

Fuck!

I swear, it was damn gallons of boiling water that Amelia had spattered right into my face, saying something like that. Just because she´d saved Lara’s life, made me stay put and not to snap at her. But I had to try hard to breathe it through.

“Oh,” my Princess sighed. Holy crap, she even laughed briefly afterwards. She looked at me, she made my lungs collapse, and then she closed her beautiful eyes again as she muttered softly: “My heart, too.”

What?

Hell, what?

And Amelia couldn’t hold it anymore. She burst into fits of laughter again, throwing me from my pinky cloud right back to the ground. “Dammit, Eric!” She couldn’t stop. “I definitely have to meet her! That girl´s completely out of your league!”

Thanks, Mia, thank you.

I thought you were on my side.

She looked at my Princess, she measured her for a moment before looking up at me. She stopped giggling, her whole expression became serious, as she added quietly: “You’re very lucky, you know that, right?”

Yes.

I knew it.

I knew it very well.

I wanted to nod; I really did. But my Dove overtook me. “And in possession of a gorgeous butt,” she muttered, pulling the blanket closer to her.

Yes, exactly.

Amelia burst into guffaw again.

Damn! I wished so badly that Lara would finally wake up, but she looked rather zonked and all that was left for me was gaping at my hysterically laughing friend. On the other hand, it was good, I was a little relieved. Because when Mia laughed, it almost always meant that everything was okey. And I didn’t have to worry about my Princess anymore.

For now.

“I’ll take her home,” I muttered as she fell asleep again.

“That’s the best you can do now,” Amelia agreed with a smile. “And expect her to be pretty tired tomorrow. So don’t freak out, okay?”

Well, we’ll see.

I took her back in my arms to carry her to the warm car. I deliberately let the engine run to keep the heating on.

“Mia, I owe you big time. I owe you her life,” I hugged her for the last time, “I owe you everything.”

Because it was true.

Lara was everything to me.

“Don’t worry, Eric,” she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, making the nice feeling of certainty overwhelm me again. “I won´t forget. Now go and take care of your girl.”

***

She looked so calm.

Damn, her face reflected peace I missed and desperately needed.

I needed her.

To survive at all.

I lay down next to her, I just had to look at her. I had to make sure she was breathing, that her heart was still beating. But it was the first time I didn’t dare to touch her.

She was like my dream, my fairy tale, she was an art to me. She did it, she managed to make hell to feel like home.

And I was made to destroy her.

I tried so hard not to drag her into my world in any way. I wanted so much to protect her that I rather broke her heart. And yet it was me. The one who hurt her the most.

Either you let her go or you tell her the truth.

Mina’s words kept resonating in me, I couldn’t stop thinking about them.

Did I even have the right to turn her world upside-down?

To endanger her humanity?

Was I really selfish enough to keep her to myself when there was nothing, nothing at all, that I could give her in return?

Hell, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Should I give up my heart or screw her life?

***

back to Lara:

The beautiful melody and voice of Johnny Cash were kissing my auditory cells. They made me wake up, they lured me to listen.

I somehow managed to move my fingers. As if my senses were awakening as well, I was slowly beginning to perceive.

I was lying, that was quite clear to me. However, this wasn’t the bed, I was used to sleep on. I felt too comfortable.

I recognized the scent that hovered all around me. That literally hit my nostrils. And suddenly, I couldn’t get enough of it. Not when a very pleasant heat covered my skin.

My demon was somewhere here.

But he wasn’t touching me. It wasn’t December when he didn’t take his hands off me. Or at least January when he wrapped his arms around me for the last time. It was February, I knew that.

The rest…

I didn’t have the slightest clue.

I opened my eyes just to find him lying next to me. He was staring at me, watching me, studying me in detail. But something was different. He didn’t look at me like he always did.

The amused mischievous flames in his irises were no longer dancing there, nor did the burning fire that was able to melt my whole body. I found no anger or resentment, there was no joy or tenderness. His eyes suddenly seemed completely blank. The sparks I loved so much seemed to be dead.

I didn’t understand it.

I couldn’t remember what had happened. Why I was even lying here, when I´d gotten into his room, how I´d managed to end up on his bed. For a second, I was afraid that I´d done something wrong, that I´d screwed something up. But one look at the expression in his face convinced me it wasn’t me. He was the one who had made some mistake.

At least he thought so.

My mouth went dry, the words intertwined in my head. I didn’t have the strength to speak. I just reached out my hand to him as I was overwhelmed by the need to be close to him. The unbearable, too intense need to be as close to him as possible.

But my demon jerked.

He withdrew, not letting me touch him as if he was scared. As if I could leave a deep scar on his body with just one touch.

And it hurt.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him, just as he didn’t stop staring at me. I gaped at him, I watched all the shades of brown of his beautiful eyes and the despair that filled them. The same despair that was resonating from every tone of the melody that kept playing.

What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end…

An incredibly sad song echoed around his room over and over again. And my demon didn’t have to say a word. Not a single word. His eyes sang it all for him.

And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt…

It hurt me even more.

Staring at him, staring into his face, looking at the pain his expression reflected. Something inside me knew that it was suffocating him. That he had been carrying this pain somewhere deep inside him for a long time. And suddenly, I desperately wanted to release him from it, to make it easier for him. Anything he was feeling right now, anything he was going through.

Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear. You are someone else, I’m still right here…

No.

I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I couldn’t stand the blame that was written in his irises.

I raised my hand in attempt to touch him again. Despite my fear of him rejecting me once more, I didn’t give up this time. Slowly, very gently, I tickled his palm with my fingers. And he closed his eyes as his body relaxed. But my body automatically relaxed too.

After all, this was how it supposed to be, wasn’t it?

I still couldn’t remember; I had no idea what had happened. But there was one thing I knew. He belonged to me, and I belonged to him. I just knew it, I couldn’t be more sure. And our hands, his fingers which were intertwined with mine, only proved me that I wasn’t wrong. And when I looked at him, I already found his eyes fixed on me.

I wasn’t fully satisfied.

I was weak, I was extremely tired, I was dazed but I still managed to rise enough to pull myself closer to him. He understood. He had to understand how much I longed for him. His breath deepened, my demon suddenly breathed differently, letting me know how huge the battle waging within him was right now. I couldn’t suppress the impression as if he wanted the same thing, I did, but he was afraid he could hurt me again.

And then he lost the fight.

Goodness gracious!

It seemed to be absolutely different, I felt absolutely different when his palm carefully hugged my face. When he bent down to me and ran his nose gently through mine. The irrepressible urge, just the urge to stay with him like this forever suddenly became unbearable. He wrapped his other arm around my back, and I let him wake those insatiable chills in my body as he pulled me even closer to him.

I wanted to lean on his chest and just listen to his heartbeat. I wanted to press my face to his neck and breathe in his scent. But he didn’t let me. My demon didn’t take his eyes off me, he trapped me in his gaze, and there was nothing I could have done about it.

Or nothing I wanted to do about it.

I surrendered to him. I let him lead me. I let him draw me to him only to find myself lying on him.

It wasn’t the same.

The strength that was literally dragging me to him. I swear, dammit, I swear I could feel as my soul had attached itself to him in thousands of new ways.

He gently brushed my hair away from my forehead, he let his fingers slowly slide down my face only to stop at my lips. And he was no longer interested in anything else.

With that tender touch, with his burning eyes, he silently worshiped them.

I couldn’t stand fighting myself anymore. I ran my hand through his hair, I leaned my forehead against his. That’s how I could feel his hot breath in my mouth at least.

At that moment, at this one moment, I couldn’t stand even an inch that divided us. Perhaps it was just a reflex, or my longing simply controlled my moves, my hands dropped so I could wrap them around his broad shoulders. So I could curl myself up in his arms. And he exhaled heavily, as if he was perceiving my closeness the same way as I did. As if he knew I was exactly there where I was supposed to be.

His hands got lost, wandering through my back. He disrespected the boundaries of my T-shirt´s hem, he passed the heat of his palms on my bare skin. He stroked me bit by bit and I wanted to, I wanted it all. Still, it wasn’t lust or his body that I longed for most at the time.

I wanted him, I simply wanted all of him.

He didn’t say a word to me, but I didn’t feel the urge to talk either. There was no need to say anything, he didn’t have to ask anything, we both realized it. That the moon could explode, the stars could fall, the sun could go out. The two of us would still last forever.

And my demon shivered.

He closed his gorgeous eyes once more, he hugged me only to hold me in his arms as if he never really wanted to let me go again. And when he looked at me again, I saw them. Although they were faint, they were there - the flames in his irises smoldered again. Before he grabbed my butt and got out of bed with me in his arms.

It surprised me, but the clock on his bedside table made me understand his intentions. It was five in the morning, Jim was getting up for work in an hour, and my demon wanted to get me home before my uncle wakes up. I nodded in agreement, and he slowly released me. However, three steps of my uncertain walk were enough, and I ended up in his arms again.

Without a word, he carried me to his car and helped me climb back into my room. Even when I leaned out of the window to say goodbye to him, he remained silent. But I had no idea what to tell him either.

And he caressed my nose with his nose, he pressed his lips to my forehead, and jumped down from the tree to disappear into the darkness of February night.

lyrics belongs to Johnny Cash´s Hurt

***