Fake It ‘Til You Break It

After Nico took off walking, I grabbed my blankets from the back of his truck and moved to my car in the parking lot. I texted Carley who told me Krista got home safe and none of them were coming back unless I needed them to, but I wanted to be alone, so I told them we’d chat later.

Right after, I called Krista and talked to her a few minutes to make sure her and I were okay, but Trent was pounding on her door the entire time, so I let her go to deal with him.

That was two hours ago.

Now I’m lying here trying to rest, but sleep won’t come, so it’s about to be a long ass day.

While seniors are allowed to skip the first half of their schedule after Senior Night events, senior athletes aren’t. We participate at our own risk, so after a night of zero sleep and high-strung emotions, in this gym for practice is the last fucking place I want to be.

It’s the last place I expected Nico to be, too.

I should have stayed home last night.

“Demi,” Miranda snaps. “Stop being lazy with your dip. Roll your hips all the way and tug them into your partner.”

I clench my teeth but nod and get back into step one, waiting for the music to end so she can replay.

“Are you going to talk about anything that happened last night or are you going to ignore me, too?” Trent asks quietly.

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to Krista or Nico, so why the hell would I want to talk to you?”

“Me and Krista are fine, Dem. You told her years ago, and I explained where my head was at last night. It sounded bad the way Nico said it, but it wasn’t like that at all.”

I shake my head, going through the moves lazily to keep attention off us. “And you and Nico, are you good? ‘Cause guess what?” I spin, pinning him with a glare. “We aren’t. I shouldn’t even be dancing with you right now! Why the hell did you have to tell him like you did? We could have talked to him alone, explained—”

“It wouldn’t have mattered, Demi. You don’t know everything, there was no breaking it to him easy. He would have reacted the same no matter what.”

“But it didn’t have to be then or at a school function with everyone around. I should have thought to tell Nico everything weeks ago.” I get back into position, facing forward. “Look what your way led to for you and Krista.”

“I told her everything.”

“You tell her I don’t really have a boyfriend?”

His hands tense, then fall from me as he steps around to face me with a scowl. “No. I didn’t, so I still feel like shit, like I’m lying to her.”

I shrug. “Might as well have told her. We’re done with the role play.”

“Demi.” Concern thickens his tone. “Don’t walk away from him when he gets mad and acts like a dick.”

“I didn’t walk away,” I hiss. “He did.”

“Fuck.” Trent’s eyes fall to the floor.

“Demi,” Miranda sing-songs. “Waiting on you. Again.”

My head snaps around and I glower.

Her hands find her hips. “You know what. Switch with Hammons, he needs the help anyway. You two can pair back up for the performance.”

“I’m not switching,” I refuse. “There’s no point.”

“You are, because I said so,” she bites out.

Alex steps up, moving right behind me when Trent bumps past him and moves toward the girl he’s now forced to work with.

Alex grins. “Hey.”

I offer a flat smile, quickly cutting my eyes to Nico.

He stands frozen, glaring this way with a scowling Miranda beside him.

She says something to him, but he isn’t listening, and after a moment, I have her attention too.

Slowly, a nasty smirk forms on her bitchy little face.

She steps toward the rolling speaker to press pause and drags it to the center of the room.

“Everyone, gather in the center and sit,” she instructs, quickly adding, “Demi, stay standing if you would.”

I force a blank stare but I do as she instructs, stepping forward a few feet and slightly to the left.

“Why don’t you ditch the sweater.” She lowers to her knees.

Slowly, I untie the hoodie from around my waist and toss it toward her, leaving me in my stretchy workout shorts and sports bra.

“Everyone, Demi is going to perform the full routine, on her own, for you so you can have a good idea of what we’ll be doing Friday night.”

I run my tongue over my teeth, squaring my shoulders in preparation.

I don’t know what she’s thinking, I have no reservations about performing for people. I’d dance in front of the President if he asked me to and not bat a damn lash.

I know what I’m capable of.

She presses play and I do exactly as she asks, not missing a damn beat.

She doesn’t look so smug when the music stops and everyone cheers.

“Again,” she snaps as she sits back, and I move into position once more, my muscles locking when she calls out, “Alex. Run through the first part with her.”

Is she joking?

Alex steps up with no hesitation whatsoever, planting his chest to my back, but I jerk away, unease twisting in my gut.

I whip around, glaring at her. “I’m not doing this.”

“Excuse me?” Miranda barks.

“I said I’m not doing this.”

She crosses her arms, gauging me.

I look at Nico, but he’s blocked from my view when Alex slides over, reaches out and grips my hips roughly. “Come on, just do what she asked.”

I don’t even have time to peel his filthy hands off me when Alex is suddenly tackled to the ground, causing me to fall as well.

Everyone shouts, scooting back.

“Nico!” Miranda screams. “Enough!”

Her shrill cries do nothing to derail him.

Nico jolts to his feet, towering over Alex, and serving him with a swift kick to the side.

Alex grunts, rolling over as Trent hurdles forward, driving Nico back to stop this from getting any worse.

“Get the fuck off me!” Nico throws his hands up, knocking Trent’s away with disgust.

Raw grief is written across Trent’s face, so clear I know Nico sees it, too, but he refuses to acknowledge it, and jumps in his face, clearly ready to shout something else, but suddenly he looks at me.

I swallow past the sudden ache in my throat.

His nostrils flare, his chin lowering, and I’d swear he’s shaking.

My body lurches forward, ready to stand and step toward him, but he quickly shifts, bumping his shoulder into Trent’s with a fixed force.

Nico kicks a chair, sending it flying across the gym floor, and throws open the door with a hard shove on his exit.

I push to my feet, ignoring all the wide eyes focused on me, and follow.

“Demi!” Miranda shouts. “You’re not excused.”

I jerk to a stop, my shoes squeaking on the flooring as I whip around. “Fuck off, Miranda.”

The girls gasp, some giggle and cover their mouths, but I don’t stay back to hear anything else. I run out the door.

Nico is nowhere in sight, so I dash to the parking lot, catching his door right before he slams it shut.

His head snaps my way, his glare quickly turning into shock only to switch right back.

“Get out,” I snap.

He scoffs, sitting back in his seat. “Nah, I’m good. You finally got the hands on you you’ve been waiting for, why don’t you run back in there, D? Wouldn’t want to keep your boy waiting.”

Anger ripples down my spine and I step closer.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” I shriek.

Nico’s eyes narrow.

“That’s how you want to play?” When he doesn’t respond, I step closer, forcing words past clenched teeth. “My boy is right in front of me, but if he can’t see that, after everything that’s been said, this week, last night, then my standing here right now is as pointless as ever.”

I step back, my frustration taking the form of moisture and threatening to spill from my eyes with my next blink.

His gaze doesn’t leave mine, following with every foot away, I grow, and hope flares in my chest when he suddenly jerks, dragging himself to the edge of his seat as if he was about to step out, but not a half second later those eyes fall to the ground, and when they pop back up, they’re blank. Cold and void of life.

He doesn’t climb from his truck, but slams the door, blocking himself off from me instead.

Left with nothing else to do, I walk off, hooking right to take the long way around when I spot Trent headed for Nico, who has yet to drive away.

Thankfully, all my things are in my locker, so I take a quick shower and prepare for class.

Stupid leadership means I can’t get away from my thoughts, but instead I’m forced to the same place it all imploded last night.

I have to sweep in with the rest of my classmates and clean up what’s left of the mess now that all the vehicles and personal items have been moved or picked up. The only way we get to keep going with these types of traditions is if we leave shit how we find it.

There are about fifteen of us in total, so we’re all on the field cleaning the left-over garbage and taking down all the banners and balloons we had hung up yesterday morning. I don’t know who came back and cleaned up all our shit, because it wasn’t me, but there’s no sign of spilled enchiladas and our table and everything else is gone.

I hunker down and work as quickly and silently as possible, and before I know it, I’m sweating.

“Dang, Demi.” My friend Ava laughs. “You got this entire half by yourself.”

I laugh, wiping my hand across my brow. “Yeah, I’ve got a lot on my mind. I want to stay busy… and for this day to end.”

She hesitates before asking, “Wanna talk about it?”

There it is.

My arms fall, the garbage bag in my hand spilling over the edge, and instant tears roll down my cheeks.

Because no, I don’t want to talk about it.

I want to sit and not talk.

With Nico.

“Demi?”

A heaviness in my chest has my heart pounding harder.

“Yeah.” My voice comes out scratchy, so I try to clear my throat, but when I swallow it stings.

I lose my breath.

I pull my gloves off, tossing them into the bag and look at Ava. “Do we have more water?” I rasp.

Ava’s forehead tightens and she nods, jogging off.

I twist with her, following behind with slower steps. Sweat beads across my neck and I lift my hair, fanning myself.

My eyesight grows fuzzy, so I stop walking, blinking a few times.

My teacher walks up right as I start to stumble, and he gently lowers with me as I fall to the ground.

Ava uncaps the water bottle, handing it to me, and I take a few small sips, fighting for a deep breath.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Mr. Course asks.

“About as much as any of us.”

He nods. “You eat?”

I pause to think and then shake my head.

“Okay, let’s stand you up, and get you to the nurse. I’ll run to class and grab you something from our stash.”

Mr. Course calls for campus security on his walkie talkie and a few minutes later, the little golf cart is speeding across the field.

They help me onto the back and off we go.

Trent is in the hall when we cruise by and he rushes toward us.

“Dem? What happened?”

“Nothing,” I say, looking away from him, happy security keeps going.

Against my protest, the nurse calls my mother, and shocker, she’s home, and even more surprising, shows up at the school only minutes later.

“Demi?” she asks expectantly.

“I’m fine. No sleep and no food apparently does this to you.”

Her eyes thin and she steps closer, opening her mouth to bitch, I’m sure, but then the nurse walks in again.

My mother turns to her. “We’re stepping outside.”

“Of course, Ms. Davenport.” She smiles at me. “Feel better, Demi.”

My mother speaks the second we’re planted in her car, away from prying ears, but still in the school parking lot. “I didn’t know you had an event last night.”

“You don’t know much, Mother. You’re never home.” I look out the window.

She ignores my response. “How did you expect to get through your classes after staying up all night?”

I tense, realizing where this is going. I look at her.

When she hesitates, I roll my eyes and lay my palm open between us.

She drops the pill, already in her hand, in mine, nodding to a fresh, unopened bottle of water that happens to be sitting in her cupholder.

After a bit of a stare off she guesses, “Is this about that boy? Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened. Everything is fine.” I take a deep breath, reach for the door handle, and push it open.

“What are you doing?”

I swallow, looking back to her. “I ate in the office, I’m feeling better, so I’ll see you when I get home.”

“Demi.” She frowns. “The pill.”

I turn to her, setting the pill on her dash and level her with a hard glare. “Hand me another one of these and I’ll finish the year living with Dad.”

I slam the door shut and head back inside.

I don’t go to class.