Fairytale Green

Chase smirked before he took my hand.

That was before I yanked him towards me and gritted out ‘That was a joke. We need to talk. Outside. Now.’

Kicking the plastic leaves out of my way, I dragged him out of the gym hall and through the corridors until we were outside of the school building.

When the cold air hit me, I let go of his hand like it contained a contagious disease and glared at him ‘Litora Bello. What is it?’

‘So now you want to listen to what I have to say about it?’ He chuckled but it sounded strained.

I repeated my question ‘What is Litora Bello?’

‘I have told you already. It is your fault you did not listen.’

Shaking my head at him, I scoffed but I knew he was right. I did not listen to him. He tried to tell me the first week Stone arrived.

I did not know why I did not listen then.

In my gut, I knew that there was something up with the mysterious giant that enrolled at Leavendale High. The suspicion withered away over time because I thought Stone would tell me something as big as that.

Chase studies my expression before sighing ‘It is a fight club. It started when they arrived—’

‘The night we were at the pier?’

He nodded ‘It is Roman themed. Kind of like a gladiator fight.’

‘I got that part.’ I snapped at him.

‘The theme just adds more excitement to it.’ He spoke in an amused tone ‘Don’t you think?’

I did not react to his remark and instead asked him ‘And it is on the beach, and it happens every night?’

‘Yes.’ He confirmed before smirking ‘Your Vulcan does not fight every night though.’

‘But he always goes every night?’ I mentioned as I thought about how often he would leave with no explanation.

It was almost pity that clouded his face when he replied ‘He is the leader of the whole thing. He is the strongest fighter. The one with the worst temper. The people’s favourite to watch.’

‘Is he your favourite?’ I joked while trying to find the humour in the situation even if there was not any.

He laughed and shook his head with a small smile ‘No. He is not.’

‘So, you are telling me that this Litora Bello happens in the middle of one of the busiest beaches of the whole state and they have not been picked up by the cops?’ I questioned while trying to contain the amount of worry in my voice ‘The police pass the pier almost every night. How is it still happening?’

‘The cops know what is happening.’

‘But surely they would have shut down the whole thing if they knew?’ I stated, not convinced.

Chase shook his head, and he looked pissed off at the question ‘They have tried. They tried to get them done for violence on the streets but none of the fighters are going to press charges. They are under some kind of contract or something.’

I wrapped my arms around myself as a chill made its way up my spine ‘I can’t believe I was so oblivious. I just thought that he would have told me.’

Two hands went onto my shoulder and Chase made me look at him.

‘Do not worry, Ella.’ He said like he was reassuring me as he smiled ‘He is getting arrested tonight.’

Taking a step back, I tilted my head at him and raised my voice ‘What do you mean?’

‘The cops did not know about the betting system and how they all make their money.’ He said while taking a step closer ‘That is why I told them.’

His confession made me take a step forward so that I could shout in his face ‘You did what?’

Chase smiled at me again like he had done me a favour ‘I told my dad about the betting system of Litora Bello. It is illegal to make money out of a fight. With the amount of money, they make and the amount of people that watch, they will be facing charges.’

I thought of his words. He had told his father who was chief of police about something that was illegal. The consequences were going to be drastically bad.

‘Why would you do that?’ I shouted while moving my hands around in the air frantically.

‘You still care about him?’

‘I can’t just shut it off.’ I exclaimed while my voice shook.

I needed to tell him. I needed to warn him. I felt around for my phone and then I realised that my phone was in my bra. My bra that was discarded on top of Lana’s bed.

‘You are taking me there.’ I demanded.

He shook his head, and it was the most serious I had ever seen him ‘You can’t be serious?’

‘You are going to take me there.’ I repeated.

He narrowed his eyes at me ‘No. I am not getting lifted by the police for taking you to your fighter of a boyfriend.’

‘Listen to me, Catwoman. You have had no problem going to see it before.’ I snarled while pointing at him.

‘That was before my dad was out on a mission to get everyone to do with Litora Bello arrested.’

‘You do not need to set foot on the beach.’ I told him ‘You just need to take me there.’

Running a hand along his jaw, he finally agreed ‘Fine.’

The main doors to the school burst open and Lana rushed out. Her eyes flicked between Chase and I before she focused on me.

‘Ella, what happened?’ She asked as she looked confused as to why I was outside with the quarterback.

I did not say anything to her as I walked over and embraced her body in a hug.

‘What is going on?’ She voiced as she hugged me back.

‘I need to go.’ I replied vaguely ‘I am so sorry. I am a terrible friend.’

‘Why are you sorry?’ She asked before she scorned me ‘You never wanted to come here in the first place, but you did it anyway for me. You are an amazing friend.’

I let out a small quiet laugh as I pulled back ‘I will come back later. Save me a dance.’

Lana smiled ‘I know where you are going.’

‘Really?’

‘You are away to see your man.’

I could not smile, and I could not speak without my voice being laced with hurt ‘He is not mine.’

Her light eyebrow raised in confusion and then she glanced at Chase once more before she told me ‘You need to tell me everything.’

‘Later.’ I promised her before I turned on my heel and motioning for Chase to move as well.

He hurried in front to lead the way to his car. What I was surprised to find was that he opened a car that was not the one I had seen him in before. It was a sporty looking neon orange coloured one.

I raised my eyebrow at him as I got in the car.

Chase started the engine and forced out a laugh ‘A present from my parents. More of a trade anyway. A shiny new car instead of them coming home.’

There was nothing I had to say to his confession, so I kept quiet and watched the streets go by as we drove further towards the beach. I kept my attention outside of the window at the familiar buildings and the few passing palm trees.

‘Ella.’ Chase spoke, looking over at me before looking back at the road ‘I am sorry.’

‘No, you are not.’ I bit out ‘I think you love this. You tried to warn me at the start so I would not get hurt. Now I am so you can say I told you so.’

He ran a hand over his face before he sighed ‘I do care about you. Besides what you think.’

‘I do not believe that.’

His hands went white as he gripped the wheel ‘After you have found out that he is the leader of an illegal fighting organisations and after you have found out that he has been lying to you from the start, you still love him.’

I did not answer. I looked out the window and let my head move once.

‘That night when we were on the pier, I wish that I would have stayed with you instead of leaving to go see the fight. If I could rewind time, then I would.’ He spoke.

A breath later, I replied honestly ‘It would not have made a difference.’

‘How come?’

The answer was clear. If I had not met Stone that night in the ice cream parlour on the pier, then I believed we would have met somewhere else. Maybe at Litora Bello. Maybe at the beach. Maybe at school or at a bookstore where he would be trying to hide as he still could not admit that he was a nerd.

I spoke the easiest way to put the answer ‘I would still want him.’

The fight club was not the main issue I had. If he had told me from the start, then I could have come around to the idea. It was the lying I had a problem with. He had so many opportunities to come clean, but he continued to lie to my face and go behind my back.

When I arrived at the beach, I would warn him about the cops and then I would go. That would be the end of it. The end of us.

‘I am such an idiot.’ I said aloud ‘I can’t believe I became so naive around him.’

Chase smiled as he spoke, and it almost looked genuine ‘You are not an idiot. On the first day of school, he warned everyone not to tell you about it. He also threatened every guy in the school to stay away from you.’

‘On the first day?’ I asked in disbelief.

He chuckled ‘Why did you think every single person was so scared of him?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe because he is built like a house.’ I deadpanned before tilting my head in the direction of the driver’s seat

‘He is not that big.’ Chase scoffed.

‘You do not shy away from provoking him.’ I pointed out

‘I just can’t help myself.’

When he stopped the car, it was at the part of the beach with all the commotion.

In the centre of the sand between the ocean and the sidewalk was a significantly sized circle of wooden sticks set on fire. Gathered around the alight planks of wood alight was around about two hundred people, give or take. It looked like a scene from a disaster movie. One where the main characters were stranded on a deserted island and gathered around a bonfire.

Strangely enough, that was what I felt like. Like I was standing in the middle of unknown territory, and I did not know what would happen next.

‘Ella, I will come with you if that is what you want.’ Chase said while turning to me.

I shook my head as I thought about the repercussions if Stone saw me with him.

‘Thanks.’ I made myself say and then I got out of the car. I then slammed the door shut and added ‘Dickhead.’

The shoes on my feet started to fill with sand from the small holes in the converse as I made my way along the sand. I huffed at the discomfort and took off a shoe and then the other before I held them both in one hand.

I made it to the back of the crowd before they all started cheering. I was not tall enough to see over the people in front’s shoulder. Even when I stood on my tiptoes.

However, I did hear a familiar voice silence the crowd with a few words.

Whatever Brennan had said seemed important, but I could not be sure as it was in Latin ‘Ave Caesar morituri te salutant!’

I looked around to try and find a way around the people but there was nowhere to go. The crowd was massive.

My eyes then fell on something that could help me. More specifically someone.

The red-haired tattoo artist and the one Stone was on the phone to when I was in the Armstrong’s bathroom, was standing among the crowd.

They are on to us. I remembered the conversation. It clicked that he was probably meaning the police. The cops were onto them about their fight club.

‘Reed!’ I called

At my voice, he almost snapped his neck to track me.

He rushed over to me as soon as he saw me while he raised his voice over the crowd ‘How did you find out?’

An unamused laugh left me as I asked, ‘Do you not think it is overdue that I find out?’

‘Who brought you here, Ella?’

‘Chase.’ I answered.

Reed’s eyes widened so much that they were almost bigger than the lenses of his glasses as he spluttered out ‘A boy?’

I nodded unapologetically.

‘Do not tell Stone that.’ Reed instructed, ‘This might be gladiator themed, but we do not actually intend on killing anybody.’

‘I will cut to the chase.’ I said before realising my pun. I might have laughed if I was not so livid ‘Chase told the police about this.’

His response was to laugh ‘The cops already know. They have tried to shut us down already—’

‘No. You do not get it.’ I argued, ‘They know about the betting system.’

He then went from amused to concerned in a matter of seconds as he flicked over the crowd ‘It is too late. It has already started. The fight is being live streamed to over a million people. We can’t just stop it now.’

Glancing around as much as I could see, I shouted over the cheering crowd ‘I do not see any cameras.’

That is when Reed asked to lift me up. I nodded my head before he grabbed my waist and gently lifted me over his head.

There were two cameras at the very front. One on each side of the lit wooden torches. I recognised Stone instantly in the middle of the empty part of the sand.

I would be able to pick him out anywhere due to his height and build. It just helped that his back was to me and the massive medusa tattoo stared back. He looked devastating and superior to anything else. Like a Greek God. Or more appropriately a Roman one.

He did not look like my Stone. He looked emotionless as he circled his opponent. His stance and expression were vicious and murderous. He appeared void of any feeling as he stood tall and broad with no shirt on.

His opponent was not somebody I had seen before. He was older with a shaved head, and he was a little smaller than Stone. I could not say that for certain though because he was hunched over as Stone kept continuously punching his rib cage. Over and over again.

The man that was not my boyfriend managed a jab to Stone’s face making me wince.

‘Put me down.’ I instructed, my words panicked and desperate to not see any more. I then asked the tattooist “Where do you fit into all of this?’

‘I don’t fight but I am still considered a God.’ Reed went on to explain ‘People call me Mercury. The Greek equivalent being Hermes. The messenger of the Gods.’

I would have laughed if I was not shaking at the coldness.

‘So, Brennan is known as Neptune. The God of the sea?’ I questioned although I already knew the answer.

‘Yes.’ He confirmed and gone on to mention ‘Brennan is a good fighter but Stone is the strongest. He would not be here at the semi-finals if he was not. He would not own the whole thing if he was not the best.’

Even a distance away from the torches, I could feel the fire start to heat my face as I snapped ‘Why did he not just tell me?’

‘Maybe he did not want you to see him this way.’

I asked, ‘What way?’

‘Like the heartless bastard that he is.’

‘He is not heartless.’ I let out as my voice went softer but then I tutted myself ‘I can’t believe I am defending him right now.’

‘You are right. He does have a heart.’ Reed agreed before he elaborated ‘His heart is yours. The only real emotion he shows is with you or when is talking about you. Which he does all the time. That is the only time he says more than a few words.’

‘He does have emotions.’ I bit out.

At that moment I swore I could hear the sound of bones being broken and by the crowd shouting the name of the blacksmith God, I assumed it was Stone doing the breaking.

The Stone that I knew was kind and funny and considerate but that was not the Stone the world knew. I wondered what version of him was the true one or if any of them were. I wondered if my version was a lie.

I thought he had opened up to me, but he had not. I wondered how much of it was a lie.

I knew something was up with him at the start. I knew it in my gut, but I overlooked it because I grew to trust him.

I had made a mistake. I should have continued to act oblivious to his shows of affection. I should have ignored my own.

Reed shook his head like he knew what I was thinking about ‘The official first night of all this was the night you met him. He came here after meeting you and everyone thought he had undergone some kind of voodoo spell. Stone went from a heartless bastard to a heartless bastard in love. He has never been the same since.’

I shook my head ‘He has kept this from me the whole time. He had gone out of his way to keep me from the truth.’

‘We have an unofficial motto of Litora Bello, but everybody knows it.’ The red-haired guy smiled, and it looked sad ‘Ella venit primus.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Rough translation, it means Ella comes first.’ Reed explained, ‘He has ditched coming here a couple of times just to be with you.’

I did not want to hear anymore but Reed continued to defend Stone.

‘Stone said that you are more like a God than him. More than anyone. A Goddess.’ He laughed quietly before he spoke again ‘He said that Ella has a big heart. If you are nice to her then she will protect and love, you with everything in her but if you get on the wrong side of Drizella Miller then you will have to face her wrath. The way he talks about makes me think that you are actually a divine being.’

Suddenly the crowd went silent.

My original response was lost when I turned to Reed and questioned ‘What is happening?’

His explanation was in Latin ‘Pugna Ad Mortem.’

‘English please.’

‘The fight to the death.’ He replied while getting out his phone and typing something ‘In other words, one guy leaves the fight victorious and the other unconscious.’

He turned the screen and showed me what was on it. Written at the top of the phone was the words Ultima Ictu and under was two different options. One green option with a thumbs up and the other red with a thumbs down.

Reed spoke again while pointing to the phone ‘In Ancient Roman times before a fighter in the arena could deliver the final blow to kill, they had to seek approval from the audience. The viewers watching this fight can bet on a fighter, but they can also pay money to decide if the fighter that is still on their feet should deliver the final blow or entertain the audience further.’

‘What?’

He pointed to his phone again ‘Thumbs up means they have to keep fighting and thumbs down means that Stone is allowed to end the other guy.’

I gaped at him and the new information before I told him ‘Lift me up.’

‘Ella, are you sure?’ Reed asked and it sounded less of a question and more of a warning.

I nodded before I was lifted into the air again.

The people in front had their phones open at the same page Reed had. The one with the red thumbs down and the green thumbs up. From what I could see, most people were pressing the red option.

My attention that was flicking over the crowd then rested on Stone who had the other opponent held on the sand with a raised fist.

The other guy looked dead. Almost unconscious but not yet.

It was Brennan that shouted to the crowd ‘Thumbs down.’

That was all it took, and Stone was planting his fist quickly and forcefully into the shaved head guy’s face. Multiple times.

He did not stop until the blood of his opponent spilt onto the sand. It was almost animalistic the way Stone fought. It was savage.

I did not know when my hands went over my mouth. I felt the need to scream but I was frozen in place.

It was only when my eyes met Brennan’s from afar that I got myself out of the state of shock.

Brennan blinked twice before he realised that I had witnessed Stone’s ruthless violence. His eyes went wide, and he appeared panicked.

When the crowd erupted in cheers, Brennan was running into the middle of the ring and putting a hand on Stone’s shoulder and saying something to him that I could not make out.

I could have guessed what it was due to Stone’s reaction.

Stone stumbled back from the half-conscious guy and looked around until his eyes meet mine. He appeared horrified and what I could interpret as ashamed.

I had no idea what to do. I remained to stare back with no emotion on my face.

Reed set me down on the sand for the second time and this time I did not waste any time in running away.

I walked as fast as I possibly could on the sand, but it was not enough. When I had climbed up the slight hill towards the sidewalk, I turned back and seen that Stone had already nearly caught up with me and Brennan was not far behind.

It almost sounded like a roar when he called from metres away ‘Ella.’

My feet stopped and I stood my ground. I faced them and crossed my arms as I waited for them to catch up.

Once they both did, I ignored Stone’s pleads and turned to Brennan to tell him ‘You need to come clean to Lana.’

Brennan frowned ‘Do you think she will care?’

‘Ella.’ Stone spoke again and his voice had never sounded so vulnerable and desperate ‘Please.’

His eyes glistened and those two big black circles of dark abyss that I had grown to love were swirling with emotion.

He looked almost scared. Then I became scared because it dawned upon me that even in my state of rage and betrayal, I wanted to go to him. I wanted his arms around me and his warmth surrounding me.

‘It is not your fault.’ I stated emotionlessly while avoiding eye contact ‘It is mine. I knew from the very start when I first met you that you would break my heart. I pushed you away. I pushed you away, but you just kept coming back. I should never have let you in. I should have fought harder against it.’

Another beg from him ‘Ella.’

‘I let you in.’ I started to raise my voice and then I moved closer and poked his bare chest with one finger ‘I told you everything about me and you could not do the same. You did not let me in.’

He never said anything. He just kept reaching out for me again and again, but I would not let him.

‘You sat there and said nothing. You sat there when I spilled my heart out to you about how I hated that I was left in the dark with my parents. That I hated not knowing.’ I spoke with hatred in my tone ‘Then you still said nothing.’

I pulled back and turned to go. I never made it far because he grabbed my arm and held me in place. He tried to move me back into his chest, but I fought against him.

I swivelled around and glared at where his skin touched mine then I directed my harsh glare to his face ‘Let go of me.’

‘I can’t.’ He spoke, his voice sounded husky and almost devastated then he repeated ‘I can’t. Not ever.’

‘Fuck off.’ I cursed while trying to escape from his grip.

‘Ella—’

Shivering from the cold sea air, I crossed my hands over myself and shake my head ‘I remember that day at school when I warned Brennan not to break Lana’s heart and then you asked if I would be hurt.’

His grip tightens as he cocked his head.

‘Was this what all of this was about?’ I asked as I looked around at the crowd of people ‘You lure me in, and you make me fall for you and then you hurt me?’

Stone fell back a few steps like he had suffered a physical blow

He then said slowly like the very idea was insane ‘I would never hurt you. I would rather die.’

‘Why did you keep this from me?’ I asked then closed my mouth because if I said anymore then I feared I would burst into tears.

I could not cry in front of him. I told myself I would not.

He breathed out and ran and a hand through his hair roughly ‘I did not want to hurt you.’

Anger rose from the bottom of me and released from my throat ‘That is a cop out.’

‘I did not want to lose you.’ He tried again.

‘You already have.’

‘I did want you to look at me like how you are now.’ He watched my shivering figure with so much sadness and protectiveness in his gaze.

I said nothing while I stared at him as my eyes blurred with tears.

‘Ella.’ He pleaded again in the softest yet harshest tone.

He never once tried to explain it to me. He never once tried to tell me.

I found it difficult to open up to people. I found it even more difficult to change my set ways and let someone into my life.

‘It is too late.’ I shouted at him.

I would not make the mistake of letting someone in again.

‘Do not say that.’ He matched my volume and reached forward to gently cup my face in his large hands ‘I love you.’

I stayed in his embrace for a second. I closed my eyes and allowed the warmth to take over me but then I remembered the negative feelings bubbling around inside of me.

This was exactly why I acted oblivious to everything. This was exactly why I tried to distance myself from him. I knew this was going to happen.

Ignorance really was bliss.

‘I am done.’ I pointed between us ‘This is done. It is finished.’

‘No. It is not.’ He stated gruffly as his hands fell to my arms and rubbed up and down in an attempt to warm up my cold skin.

‘You knew that I hated being kept in the dark with my mother and my dad. You knew that I hated it and yet you continued to lie to my face.’ I repeated.

‘I did not lie—’

‘No. You do not lie. You just kept the truth from me. Is that what you were about to say?’ I looked into his eyes for another few minutes before I finally spoke again ‘Bye Stone.’

‘No.’ He gnarled and it was almost like some sort of beast’s growl.

I turned to go but he had already rounded me so that he was in front of me again.

My gaze travelled over him. He looked so immovable, and I knew I was not getting around him. My attention lowered to his naked chest and the small amount of blood splattered across his abs.

I had to remind myself that it is was not his blood, so I did not reach out in need to help him.

Then a faint sound of sirens filled the night air. They sounded far away but not too far that it did not send an urge of panic through my body.

I looked at his face again and he either had not heard them or he did not care. It must have been the second option because the sirens started to sound closer.

‘Chase called the police.’ I let out and I was still surprised at the lack of emotion present in my voice ‘That is why I came. To warn you.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘You have better things to worry about than me.’ I stated the obvious with a humourless laugh.

‘No. I fucking don’t.’ He growled, ‘Nothing is more important to me than you.’

The wailing repetitive noise got louder and louder until I saw blue and red lights flashing in the far distance.

‘Do something. Say something.’ He said.

‘Like what?’ I harshly replied, ‘What do you want me to do?’

‘Shout at me. Scream at me. Hit me.’ He moved closer as his voice deepened ‘Just do something.’

‘I don’t want to hit you.’ I answered softly and truthfully, looking at the bruises on his face and his stomach and wincing.

‘Do something.’ His voice raised slightly, and he sounded more desperate than ever.

‘Fine.’ I replied, ‘You want me to do something?’

In my hands were still my pair of green converse that I took off to go onto the sand. I raised one of the shoes and with all the anger built in me, I chucked it straight at him.

It bounced right off him. Just under his chest area. He did not even flinch and that made me angrier, so I threw the remaining jade coloured shoe at him.

This throw was not that powerful because I did not intend it to be. Even with my undeniable fury and the knowledge that nothing I could do was a match for his strength, I still did not want to hurt him.

‘I love you.’ He expressed before affirming ‘There is no end to our story.’

‘Story? Is that the analogy we are using?’ I tried to keep my voice level and emotionless, but I failed because my tone was spiteful.

His jaw ticked and his hands clenched and unclenched like he wanted to reach for me. Like he wanted to chain and force me to stay by his side.

‘You are the dark forest. You are the big bad wolf. You are Rumpelstiltskin. You are my villain.’ I bit out while I felt a tear roll down my face ‘You have sent me so off course in my life that all I think about is you. You have written yourself into every aspect of my life. You are in my head and in my heart. In my bloodstream. My bedsheets smell of you. I cannot look at my hair or hear my name without thinking about you.’

He stared at me. His jaw ticking and an expression of heartbreak on his face.

‘Do you want to know what the worst past of all this is?’ I asked rhetorically before answering myself “I do not want to get rid of you or unwrite you. That is the worst part. You have ruined me. I have never hated or even disliked you. Until now.’

‘You cannot leave me.’ He held on to my arms with a firm grip like he was determined to never let go.

I did not think he was ever planning to leave and that terrified me because if I stayed longer then I would have melted into his touch.

‘I am scared of you.’ I whispered to him.

He let go of me instantly as his black eyes widened. He took a step back and then another like just his presence would tarnish me.

What I said was not the truth, but it was the only thing that I knew would make him let me go.

‘I will make this right.’ He said while sounding possessed by determinedness.

His jaw ticked again and the muscles in his arms and chest tightened. He looked ready to fight. Fight for me. He appeared ready to fight and conquer anything to get me.

‘Do not come for me, Stone.’ I forced out ‘I don’t want see you.’

He rasped out in a dark tone ‘You cannot ask that of me.’

‘I am not asking you. I am telling you.’

The two police cars pulled up right next to the pier about a minutes’ walk away from us.

Stone’s voice turned frantic as he turned to Brennan who was standing near ‘Get her out of here. Make sure she is okay.’

Brennan glanced my way and smiled sadly before replying to Stone ‘They know I fight. I am getting lifted too.’

I shook my head at both of them and what I said next was more to myself ‘I don’t need anybody.’

‘I am sorry. Fuck, I am so sorry.’ Stone reached out again but then stopped himself as he neared. He looked so desperate, and his voice sounded so stern yet like a plea ‘I will come back to you. I will make this right. We are not over. I love you.’

Latin was a dead language and one that was not popularly known but I did know one phrase and it happened to be the perfect bittersweet ending to us.

The words I was about to say had two meanings. One of them the popular meaning that was the ones Julius Caesar uttered last before dying that meant you had been betrayed and stabbed in the back. The other meaning was a way of saying you too.

I meant both because I still loved him. I could not imagine myself not being in love with him.

I blinked away the tears and I said back ‘Et tu.’

Stone kissed my forehead quickly before pulling back. He watched me longingly as if he needed me to function.

‘Go.’ He commanded.

My voice came out quiet ‘What about you?’

‘Go.’ He said again but his tone was tyrannical and left no room for argument.

‘Goodbye L—’ I was about to say his nickname as I took a few steps backwards away from him but then I corrected myself ‘Goodbye.’

I started with a speed walk and then I broke out into a jog. I forced myself not to turn back because I knew that if I did then I would have gone back to him.

The ground felt gravelly under my bare feet, but I kept moving until the sirens and him were a memory.

I focused on walking away. I would not look back. I was planning my next steps which were to head back to the school and back to Lana but not before stopping at my house for something to cover my feet.

The streets were dark and empty. It left me alone with only my thoughts. That was the worst part of walking up the pitch-black sidewalk.

There was nothing for me to distract myself from what was going on in my head. All I could see was him.

All I could think about was if he was going to be okay. All I could feel was worried that he might go down for a crime and I would not see him again.

I had to go back.

Just as I arrived outside of my apartment block and I was about to turn on my heel and go back to the beach and to him, I saw a shadow sitting inside the driver seat of Kermit.

I left my car keys on the kitchen counter because Stone dropped me off at Lana’s house. There was only one other person that could have been inside to have gotten the keys.

The first thing that greeted me as I opened the car door was the smell of alcohol. A lot of it. The smell pinched at my nose.

The next thing I noticed was my father’s appearance. His hair was longer than I had seen it last, and a generous beard had grown where it was once clean cut. His eyes were droopy, and his head swayed backwards and forwards like he could not keep conscious.

I laid a hand on his shoulder ‘Dad?’

My contact startled him, but he did not fully open his eyes. A small mumble came from him ‘Ella?’

‘Yeah. It is me.’ I confirmed softly before patting his arm again ‘What are you doing in here? Let’s go inside.’

A whimper came from him, and his head started to get closer to the steering wheel ‘I tried to help her. I tried to save her.’

‘Who?’ I questioned while trying to pull his head back away from the wheel ‘Who did you try to save?’

He answered the name of my mother ‘Lauren.’

‘Dad, we should go inside and talk.’

‘She was so unhappy. It was all my fault. I was never enough for her.’ My father cried.

Putting my hand under his chin and pushing him so his head rested on the car seat, I reassure him ‘Mom loved you. We do not know why she did what she did, but I do know that for certain.’

His eyes opened fully at my words, and he studied my face for a while before speaking again ‘You look like her. You have her big eyes and freckles.’

‘I have your eyes.’ I argued with a soft laugh.

My father shook his head and hiccupped ‘You have her shape of eyes. Big doe eyes. You got that boring brown colour from me.’

‘Thanks for that.’ I remarked with a laugh.

His whole body shook as he whispered, ‘I miss her.’

‘I do too.’

My face was still the centre of his attention. All humour and lightness from the conversation was gone. He looked sad. Almost lost. Another hiccup and he nodded his head to himself.

His hand went forward, and he turned the keys to start the engine while sighing ‘I need a drink.’

With the smell of strong booze still filling the small car, I reached for the door handle and clutched it tightly, but I did not pull it.

My hand lingered there as I pleaded ‘Dad, please get out of the car. You are drunk.’

‘Not drunk enough.’

My voice shook but I managed to get my full scream out ‘Please. You can’t drive.’

He did not hear me. He only switched the gears of my car.

‘Please.’ I screamed again and it hurt my throat ‘Get out of the car.’

Silence was all that came from him.

I tried one last time to plead with him ‘Please get out of the car.’

Defeat. That was all I felt. Everything else was numb. I had lost my mother and I could not lose him too.

My hand let go of the door handle and dropped down like it could not even carry its own weight. I tried to focus on my breathing, but I could not feel anything as I sat back in the car seat.

Tears blurred my vision for the second time that night. Streaks of white from streetlights were the only thing that I could make out as they went whizzing past. They seemed to be moving faster and faster and more constantly. Then suddenly they all meshed like one big ball of light.

Then there was nothing.