Face Offs & Cheap Shots (CU Hockey Book 2)

“I think I’m dead.” I flop onto Jacobs’s bed on my stomach. “I know why you can lift me now.” My voice is muffled from talking into his pillow, but I can’t even move my head to the side.

Jacobs smacks my ass. “It’s been one day of work.”

With the last ounce of strength I have left, I roll over onto my back. How am I supposed to do two more weeks of this? “I don’t get it. I am not unfit. I work out, and I plow down guys twice my size on the ice. The thing that kills me is apple picking? What the actual fuck?”

Jacobs laughs. “You’re using muscles you don’t normally use.”

“And your brother? The scrawny one? He’s like a machine. He can strip a tree faster than I can strip you.”

Heat fills my boyfriend’s eyes, and I know I’ve made a mistake.

“Is that an invitation?” His husky voice makes my dick twitch, but that’s all I’ve got in me.

“Yeah. When my arms start working again.”

“You need a nice long soak in the tub?”

“I’ve seen the tub. I won’t even fit in that thing.”

“Yeah, probably not. It’s no hot tub on a penthouse rooftop.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and leans over me. “You know, you could cash in right now. A blowjob will be sure to relax those muscles.”

“No, just cuddle me,” I whine. “I want to be able to enjoy my blowjob instead of being distracted by pain.”

He lies beside me and puts his arm over my middle. “Aww, you really are a teddy bear, Teddy Beck.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’d let you … but apparently your arms are dead.”

Okay, now my dick is fully on board, but the rest of me is still not. “I hate you. You did not promise me your ass when you know I can’t actually take it.”

He laughs against me. “It’ll happen one of these days. Unlike you, I wait until I’m in an actual relationship before giving up the ass.”

My eyes narrow. “I feel like you called me a slut, but I don’t have the energy to care.”

“Not a slut. Just easy.”

“Well, that is true. It was a hell of a lot easier to go gay than I thought it would be.”

Jacobs stiffens but then leans up on his elbow so he can stare down at me. “Is that what you are now?” He winces. “Okay, that came out more ignorant than I wanted it to. I’m …” He takes a deep breath. “I’m confused about how exactly I identify now. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I figure … you’re kinda going through it too, right?”

I blink up at him, unsure of what to say because the truth is, I have no clue either.

“And … okay … if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too.” He flops back down and buries his face in the pillow next to mine. “I’m gonna go die now.”

I laugh. “Topher?”

He doesn’t move.

“Look at me.”

Slowly, he turns his head.

“I don’t know about this stuff either,” I admit. “And I don’t think it’s really important to figure it all out all at once.”

A small frown line crosses Jacobs’s forehead.

“Unless you feel you need to,” I clarify. “You were confused about Grant, and then we happened. It’s safe to say you’re not straight.”

Jacobs laughs.

“But only you can label what you are outside of that.”

“And … you haven’t thought about it? For you, I mean?”

“I have. I just have no idea what I would be called. You’re the only guy I’ve even thought about that way, and it didn’t happen until you kissed me. Maybe I need to go out and kiss a bunch of dudes to work out if it’s a guy thing or a you specifically thing.”

“Don’t you even think about it.”

Huh. My boyfriend growling is kinda hot.

“I’ve been trying to check out the other guys at camp, but … they don’t do anything for me. But, again, they all like me already. Maybe I was attracted to you because I wanted to win you over and make you see I’m not the guy you thought I was. Ooh, hate kink. Maybe I have that.”

Jacobs smiles. “I know you’re cracking jokes to try to make me feel better, but I don’t know if it’s working.”

“What if I let you blow me now? Will that make it better?”

“How magnanimous of you.”

“I’m a generous guy.”

We both laugh, but it dies fast.

“I think I’m gay,” Jacobs blurts.

“Okay. If that’s what you feel you are, then you are, and it doesn’t change anything for me.”

“It’s weird saying it. Doesn’t feel exactly right. Maybe I’m bi? I don’t know. All I know is the girls I’ve been with, it’s been … nice. It’s not hot. It hasn’t been needy. It’s been … nice. That’s the only word I can come up with to describe it. It’s nothing like when I’m with you. I’m wondering if that means something bigger?”

“It … might.” I’m so out of my depth here. I don’t know what’s appropriate to say or not.

“Can you tell me what you really think?” Jacobs asks.

“Isn’t finding the right label something you need to do on your own? I don’t know. I haven’t exactly researched any of this shit. I’ve been putting it in a ‘to do later’ basket. I’m in no rush.”

“It is, but I want your opinion or maybe how you’re trying to analyze it about yourself. I need some direction.”

“You know who would be good at this stuff? Grant. Why don’t you call him?”

“He’s probably freaking out about getting ready for training camp in the NHL. I don’t think he’d want me calling him and distracting him from that.”

I move my tired arms and reach for my phone which is stuck in my pocket. “I’ll do it, then.”

I hit Grant’s number and put it on speaker. It rings over and over again with no sign of him picking up.

“Told you,” Jacobs mutters.

When I’m about to give up, a voice answers that’s definitely not Grant.

“This is Zach.”

“Oh, uh, hi,” I say. I haven’t had much to do with Grant’s boyfriend before.

“Hey, Zach, it’s Topher. And Beck.” Jacobs smiles at me. “But you’re totally allowed to call him Teddy seeing as you hate the last-name game. Where’s Foster? We kinda need to talk to him.”

“Don’t you two hate each other? Did someone die?”

We look at each other and laugh.

“We, uh, have some questions,” I say.

He gasps. “Was I right? It was totally sexual tension between you guys?”

I glance at Jacobs. “Zach’s gay. We could ask him.”

“I’ll put you on speaker. Foster’s getting out of the shower.”

“Ah. That explains why it took so long to answer the phone.” I snicker.

Jacobs elbows me. “Shush, I can practically hear Zach blushing.”

“Uh, u-um, yeah, you might be right about that,” Zach says softly.

“Who’s on the phone?” Grant’s voice sounds far away.

“Your friends. Topher and Teddy.”

“Who the fuck is Teddy?”

I laugh. “It’s Beck.”

There’s no answer for a long time.

“You two are … together? Didn’t camp end? Oh my God, who died?”

“That’s what I asked,” Zach says.

“No one died,” I grumble. “We’re … together. Like, together together, but we’re confused.”

Zach’s voice lowers to a whisper, and I don’t think we’re supposed to hear it. “Are they going to ask how gay sex works because if so, I’m out.”

I crack up. “No, we’ve got the hang of that. Thanks. We’re struggling with labels.” I glance at Jacobs, who’s gone silent.

“Do you need a label?” Grant asks.

“I don’t think I do, but—”

Jacobs cuts me off. “How did you know you were bi and not gay?”

“I didn’t,” Grant says. “Not for a long time. I actually came out as gay first because I found myself more attracted to guys than girls. But then I had sex with a girl and realized I liked it too. I can go either which way, but I’m basically attracted to all men and some women. That still makes me bi even if it’s on the gayer end of the scale.”

Jacobs contemplates that. “I … I guess that makes sense.”

“It works for me too,” I say, “but on the opposite end. Jacobs is the only guy I’ve ever thought about that way. I’m probably mainly women focused but just really like him.”

“You might want to look up what being pan means,” Grant says.

“What’s that?” Maybe I should have researched all this stuff so I don’t sound like an idiot.

“It means gender isn’t a big part of your attraction. You’re attracted to people for who they are.”

“I do really like it when Jacobs is mad at me.”

“It’s why he likes pissing me off.”

Grant laughs. “Well, I can’t say this isn’t a surprise, but at least you two have found a way to get along?”

“Sex helps,” I say. “A lot.”

Grant laughs more. “You guys are awesome on the ice when you hate each other. Imagine what it’s going to be like this season when you’re in loooove.”

Both of us scoff at that.

“Whatever. We’re hanging up now. Byeeee.” I hit the End button. I turn to Jacobs whose lips are pursed. “Did that help?”

“A little? Still hasn’t made me think okay, I’m definitely this. Or that.”

I lean in and kiss his forehead. “You don’t have to figure anything out right now.”

“Oh, there’s definitely one thing I need to figure out.”

“What’s that?”

“How to get you to do a full day of work on the farm again tomorrow.”

“At this point, I think it will be more useful to cut off my arms so someone else can lift them for me.”

Jacobs chuckles. “I’ll keep that in mind.”