Emily's Seams

We were in Seattle by five that evening. Angus had driven half way, but on the third pit stop I’d forced him into the back seat with a litre of water and a blanket. Mr. Puggums rode shotgun.

After we passed the Seattle city limit sign, I pulled over.

“Angus, we’re here. Where to?”

He swallowed hard. “There’s a hospital.”

“There are probably lots of hospitals.”

“It’s funny looking. Like a school.”

I noticed a man and a woman holding hands, walking along the side walk.

“Excuse me! Excuse me!”

They looked terrified.

“Sorry, but I’m not from here.”

The woman took another step back. “We don’t have any spare change!”

“What? No, I don’t want your fucking money! Is there a hospital nearby, maybe a university hospital?”

The woman looked sheepishly at her feet. The man visibly relaxed.

“Yeah, you probably want the University of Washington’s Medical Center.”

“Any idea how to drive there?”

“Get back on the five, turn onto the 520. It’s a whole mess of intersecting freeways. Then you’ll cross the water on Montlake Boulevard, turn on Pacific. There’ll be a bunch of signs and stuff pointing out the medical center. It’s a bit of a ways.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I jumped back in the car and took one last look at the couple. The woman was shaking her head and looking generally humiliated.

As we crossed over a narrow water way between two bays, Angus sat up.

“Yeah, yeah. This is it. This is the way. I had fucking lung cancer.”

“What?”

“I remember this, Em. I remember what happened to me!”

As we neared the medical center, Angus’s excitement grew.

“That’s where I kicked the bucket, watching the game.” He smiled to himself, as if he’d figured out who dunnit before the show was even half over. “I can see it all now, Em. Keep going, no need to stop there.”

I passed the turn off to the hospital and continued on.

“They drove my dead ass along here. My daughter, she spared no expense. Oak casket, her boy in a new suit, he’s wearing my Red Sox cap. Turn here, your next right.”

I turned down a dark street and came up beside a gated cemetery.

“I’m here.” He got out of the car and stumbled along a gravel walkway that wound itself amongst the graves. “This is it.”

He started coughing and fell to his knees trying to regain his breath. I came up beside him and helped him to his feet.

“Angus, come on, let’s go.”

He looked at me. “Go? Why the hell would we go? I need to see this!”

I felt the sting of nearby tears. “Why? So what if you’re here? Come on, let’s just forget about it. You need to go to a hospital!”

He shook his head and started stumbling forward again. I came up on his left and wrapped his arm across my shoulder. He smiled weakly at me.

“Just up ahead.”

Each step brought me closer and closer to an edge. All I had was Angus and soon I was going to be alone. I could feel it.

We hadn’t walked a minute when he stopped. To our right was a weathered headstone with Angus’s name.

Loving father.

The cowboy slumped to his knees. He coughed up a mouthful of blood. I wiped away the trails it left on his chin with my hand.

“Now, Angus?”

I helped him rest up against his headstone. “Yeah, Em. Now.”

My hand pushed away the tears that were now blurring my vision. “Fuck you, I drove your sorry ass all this way just so you could die on me? What am I supposed to do now?”

The cowboy smiled. “Stop chasing old men around and find yourself a young one.”

“You can go to hell.” I managed. It had no roar to it.

He just smiled again. “I might just be on my way.”

“So this whole fucking time, you were a yankee cowboy from Seattle?”

His lips were red from the blood he was coughing up. “Yeah, I guess so.”

I sniffed and wiped away a mess of tears and snot on my sleeve. “Explains the whole Starbucks thing.”

“That coffee is something else.” He coughed again and gasped for air in between fits. “Em, I want you to listen to me.”

I nodded.

“Jude told me about Julia.” He gasped and then swallowed before going on. “It wasn’t your fault. Too many bad things caught her at the same time and that girl just couldn’t do it this time around. You did right by her.”

That was it. I started crying and couldn’t stop. I don’t know where Angus found the strength, but he managed to pull my head to his shoulder and wrapped his arm around me. It was finally done. I was completely naked now. My pain was on open display. As Angus’s lungs bled out, my stone heart followed suit and broke into a thousand pieces, each dripping with anguish. I was done being hard, being cold and being alone. I grabbed a fistful of Angus’s shirt and held on as if something like that could save me.

I don’t know when my sobs quieted. All I remember is that as they did, Angus’s breaths became shallower and shallower, until they finally stilled. He was gone again, but I couldn’t move. Not yet. I fell asleep, resting my head on his shoulder.

I was sitting in a coffee shop across from Julia. She looked so beautiful. I tried to say something to her but my voice just didn’t work. She smiled at me and reached for my hand. And then she laughed happily. It sounded like bells.

The morning light was just coming through the trees. I sat up slowly. My neck hurt so much. Guess using a tombstone as a pillow just doesn’t cut it.

“Miss? Miss? Are you alright?”

A tall, spindly old man in a uniform was offering me his hand. I took it and he helped me to my feet. I was alone. Angus wasn’t there, alive or dead. I must have had a strange look on my face.

“Uh, miss? Can I call someone for you?”

My attention snapped back to the old man. He was friendly looking in his shabby rent-a-cop uniform.

“No thanks. Sorry, I guess I fell asleep.”

The guard smiled. “You wouldn’t be the first. Come on, I’ll walk you back to your car. I think your cat needs out for a minute.”

“Oh shit!” I slapped a hand to my forehead. “Puggums!”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. The window’s cracked for him.”

Puggums was a wreck when I finally got to the car. I put the leash on him and let him wander around on the grass where he promptly took a crap.

“Uh...could you hold this?” I said, holding up the leash. The guard took it and I rummaged through the car for a bag. “Fuck!”

I came out and looked sheepishly at the guard. “Look, I’m really sorry. I don’t have a bag.”

Again, friendly smile. “You go on now. Snooker here will take care of it,” he said, pointing a thumb to his chest.

I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing. So you know the Starners?”

I shook my head. “No. Should I?”

He smiled. “The man’s grave you were snoozing on.

Mrs. Starner is his daughter. Comes once a month to see her dad. Must have been quite a guy to get that kind of devotion from a daughter.”

My heart ached at the thought of Angus but there was some warmth there too. He had been loved and dearly missed.

I nodded. “Yeah, must’ve been.”