Death's Saviour

Author’s Song of the Chapter: I Could Live With Dying Tonight by Emma-Lee (Backseat Heroine)

“ I showed him Hannah’s grave today Lora, and I gave him the necklace you kept for me,” I say as something to tell as we sit wrapped up in blankets on the couch before the fire.

My mother, Lora, and I always hated the cold season, each wolf has different reactions to the cold. Some just need to bundle up and live winter as humans in their houses, others are fine and can still shift whenever they want. Then there are those of us that would turn unpredictable in shifting as the cold would just bring it on, then it would keep them in wolf form until warmer weather would come. I remember spending a lot of winters with my dad and Crane because my mom and Lora would be sucked away into the forest. That fact always made Christmas my least favourite holiday. Today I didn’t have many issues convincing my body to shift into a human, but I know I will if it gets colder again. It is only March so the weather should hold warm enough to keep my human, though there have been some March’s where the snow sticks to the ground straight into easter.

“Did he find peace?” Lora asks as she sips on some hot chocolate she boiled over the fire for herself.

“Yes, I think so,” I reply in a calm tone but how can I be calm?

Ever since I found out this human is my mate, it shouldn’t be possible, yet, I used the exact explanation that mom used when she explained dad to me. I growl in frustration at how all this mate process shit works. Lora explained it to me the other day but, that doesn’t make it any less confusing or irritating. It shouldn’t be possible for a wolf to find her mate in a human, it’s not right! Especially not when it is a human that has just lost his girlfriend, he will not be ready for love again anytime soon. It’s not like I could love him properly anyway, I can’t even hug him without being concerned I’m doing to kill him. Besides I have stuff to do and wolves to get revenge on, I don’t have time for a mate. Besides, Noah will hate me when he learns I killed Fiona because that is close to the same situation he went through with Hannah. Hell, if I’m super lucky Noah and Crane will become best friends to hate me together.

“I told you Dusk, Noah has to be a wolf and just suppressing it. It is the only logical explanation for why he could be your mate!” Lora tells me again causing me to huff at her because if he is a wolf then he should be able to shift and that doesn’t seem very likely.

“It doesn’t matter Lora, I can never give him the type of love he deserves even if he did feel drawn to me as I do to him. I would kill him if I tried anything, which I won’t because I won’t risk it. I don’t have the time or the heart for it!” I growl out letting the cold air rush against my skin raising goosebumps.

I burn them away with the fire inside of me. If I really get angry enough I can keep myself human by using my fire, but it takes a lot of energy to battle off the shift my body so desires with the weather. Right now, I just want to run anyways.

“Don’t be stupid Dusk, find somewhere warm to stay tonight! Don’t get stuck.” Lora calls after me as she can hear me moving away for the front door.

I don’t ignore her request, as angry and frustrated as I am I will not be stupid and get stuck in wolf form. It’s not worth risking being stuck that way for another month if the weather turns cold again. As soon as I step outside into the frigged air I am ripped from my human form as my wolf form jumps forward to keep myself from freezing. I guess how Lora and I work in winter is better described as a survival instinct since our wolf just wants to protect us, still, it can be annoying. Right now, it’s useful because I really need a good run, so I run. I run until the cold air stings my lungs and I’m starting to think I should really find somewhere warm. I’m not spent yet so I keep running even though frost begins to seep into my fur. I have wicked endurance thanks to my wolf-blood, it helps me to really push myself to the extreme. Finally, when I’m tiring I note that I have run straight to Chris and Sally’s house. I curse this drawing pull to Noah because I’m sure that is the reason my paws have carried me here. How do I tell my wolf instincts that Noah is human and him being my mate really isn’t going to work out the way it should? I find myself walking through the trees until I come to the backyard that I spent a week admiring. To my surprise I find Noah wrapped up in a blanket sleeping in the swing, his breath billows out in white air and I want to kick his ass for being so stupid. I notice the sweater he let me borrow is bundled up beside him on the swing, I move forward. I force myself to shift though my body protests and I shiver as soon as my human skin touches the air.

“Are you trying to turn into a popsicle?” I growl angrily at Noah as I poke him.

His eyes open, then he gives a shiver as they go wide. He looks at my shivering frame to where I have his sweater pulled over my body in the hopes that it would keep me warm enough to be human.

“Did I fall asleep?” Noah asks his teeth chattering together making my muscles tremble as they threaten to take me away.

“No shit! Go inside Noah, it’s too cold to be out here tonight.” I tell Noah as he stands still wrapped in the blanket.

I focus on Noah trying to stop my stomach from rolling, my wolf lurches over my shoulders surrounding me.

“What are you doing here?” He prods me in a curious tone, I curse him for not just going straight inside.

“I was running and…” I trail off as a bitter breeze sweeps around my legs fallling me as a shift is forced through me.

I quickly rip the sweater off shuddering in pain at this shift. I stand as a wolf rolling my eyes at myself. I concentrate hard shaking as I make myself human. When I’m back in human form I grab for the sweater pulling it back on as Noah watches me with wide eyes.

“You just, you didn’t mean to shift, did you?” Noah asks half in his mind, half out loud.

“The cold can make me shift, keep my a wolf if I’m not careful, it’s a cold night,” I whisper as I watch my own words come out in white puffs of air.

Another bitter cold blast causes me to cringe as I tremble and again I fall, this time Noah catches me. Noah doesn’t give me a choice as he picks me up wrapping me up in his blanket taking me inside. I don’t protest because I don’t want to wake Sally and Chris, I let him carry me up the stairs to the room I know he has been living in. Once in the room my eyes find a pillow on the floor where Noah settles me down still wrapped up in his blanket as he leans against the wall across from me. We sit this way in silence for a little while until finally, I convince my teeth to stop chattering, I have used my own fire to create enough body heat to get me warm. As I start to swelter I give Noah back his blanket, at first, he shakes his head but then when he feels the heat radiating from me he takes it wrapping himself up in it once again.

“Why do you want to paint me?” I ask suddenly, my cheeks go pink and I look down at the carpet beneath us.

“Your wolf form is one of the most magnificent things I have ever seen, every time I see you like that my hand itches for my paintbrushes. In fact, I have started to paint you at school. One day I’d like it if you would let me paint you as a human as well, it’s something about those eyes against your pale skin being framed by that black hair that is addicting. I need to capture it with painting and show the world.” Noah explains, his words suck my breath away as his eyes roam me when he talks about each feature and how it mixes into something he needs to paint.

My chest hurts, thorn-sharp, and every so slightly gives a single thud. This subject is dangerously close to the type of feeling that made me need to go for the run in the first place, this frustration over Noah and how he makes me feel because lucky me he is my mate and I can’t deny that. I change up the subject even though it makes me feel like an ass because this is a topic Noah loves.

“Have you told Chris and Sally about Hannah yet?” I question, Noah stiffens a little as he looks at me.

Again, I feel like an ass but I’m just not ready to allow the emptiness inside me to come alive like it was trying to at Noah’s pretty words. Noah deliberated for a couple of moments while he thought before, finally, he looks at me sighing.

“I think you should show them Dusk, they deserve to hear it from you since you were the last one to see her alive,” Noah states, his words cause my body to clench as panic shoots through me making my claws come out as I clench my hands together concealing them from Noah.

“They’ll hate me, Noah, Sally will blame, me for Hannah’s death! She will take that gun of hers and shoot me somewhere I can’t heal.” I exclaim as panic rises in my throat, I need to run, my instincts want me to run.

“They won’t hate you Dusk, you would be giving them closure as you did for me. Don’t you see, they could finally feel at peace knowing what happened to her.” Noah’s voice is fading as I clench my eyes closed while feeling that panic growing.

...

Suddenly I understand why as I’m thrown into my memories. I relive that terrible night again before the memory shifts and evolves into another one. I’m running for my life from a group of white furs on a full moon, Hannah is on my back clinging to me. If it weren’t for Hannah I would stop and take these guys on, but I won’t risk her, I need to find somewhere to keep her safe, somewhere to hide her. The sound of rushing water meets my ears and I know that means there must be a waterfall nearby if I can reach the waterfall I could conceal Hannah behind it. It’s the perfect idea as the water would conceal her scent while I dealt with these morons. I put on a burst of speed though my paws ache, we have been running for hours to try and lose these wolves. The burst of speed works as I swerve sharply to the left as Hannah out a squeal as she desperately tries to hang onto my fur, the sharp turn throws the wolves off as I jump over a steep fall away hoping I haven’t just killed us. The drop turns out to be like jumping down off the roof of a ten-story building when I hit the earth it rattles my bones but it isn’t enough to stop me. I twist around quickly and launch us at the waterfall praying there is a cave behind it, praying that I’m not going to crack my skull off a stone wall. There is a cave, a cave in which I have Hannah quickly dismount my back and hide. I share a look with Hannah, she understands as I launch back out of the waterfall. The wolves can see me as I take off, so they will give chase to me, they don’t even bat an eye at the missing girl as they barrel forward at me. I let their momentum carry them into my jaws as I swiftly snap their necks, the last wolf comes at me when bloody screams rip through the air. The screams send a deep wave of nausea mixed with dread through me, I know I need to get back to Hannah. Unfortunately, the last wolf shares my train of thought as it takes off for Hannah. I am faster as I catch up to it, jumping onto it’s back and cracking its spine with one bite paralyzing it before I finish it off. I take off for Hannah ducking back beneath the waterfall and my paws slide on something sticky as I slam into the side of something furry. A roar fills my ears as my eyes adjust and I see the bear, I also see Hannah pinned beneath the bear’s claws. Hannah’s throat is ripped open as blood spills everywhere causing panic to sear through my chest as powerful that my vision spots as I lash out at the bear. The bear doesn’t know what to make of me so when I slice open its belly it doesn’t have a chance, it rolls back dead in seconds as I shift going to Hannah.

“Hannah!” I cry out as I crouch down over her, her eyes meet mine.

I press one hand down on her throat trying to stop the bleeding as I bite my other wrist, I can’t heal this, there is too much blood and not enough time. Still, I try. Hannah refuses my blood, she is braver than I am, and she knows, she knows this is it.

“Please, Hannah drink!” I beg her as I put my wrist to her lips but she keeps them closed as her eyes remain locked on mine.

“Dusk, s’okay.” She gurgles out more blood spurting through my fingers.

Tears spill down my cheeks and I can’t be losing her, I’m not ready, she is my sister, my family. I need Hannah, she can’t die, but she is dying.

“Okay, Hannah, I’m going to help you!” I tell her as I take her hand in my free one removing my other from her throat.

I squeeze tightly while concentrating as my veins in that arm spider we black while Hannah’s eyes pop open as she gasps, her pain seeping through my body and I take it to help her. The moment I feel pain stop in my arm I open my eyes to look down at Hannah who blinks hazy eyes looking back up at me. My heart stops in my chest with a painful thud. I can’t take her pain anymore, I can’t help her.

“I don’t feel pain.” Hannah sighs out as she reads my mind, my tears pour down my cheeks soaking the ground beside her.

“Please don’t leave me, Hannah, what am I going to do without you? How will I find your family and Noah?” I beg questions, but Hannah simply looks up at me with that wide smile breaking my soul.

“Thank you, Dusk,” Hannah whispers then before I even get the chance to say goodbye she is gone as the life leaves her, I cradle her in my arms as tears pour uncontrollably from my eyes.

I sob as my best friend lays dead in my arms because I didn’t check the cave before I left her to hide there, I didn’t make sure it was safe before I left her. I left Hannah to die because of my stupidity and now I am paying for it. The only person I’ve called family since the betrayal is dead. I am alone in the world again. My heart shrivels in my chest as it no longer beats.

…

I blink as sweat rolls down my forehead as I press my back up against the wall on the far side of Noah’s room, my lungs thunder as I try to desperately catch my breath. I can feel my eyes glowing when I look up at Noah who breaths heavily. I try to breathe but it comes out in weird pants.

“What just happened?” Noah prods his voice deep and confused as we are both disorientated.

“I didn’t make sure it was safe.” I gasp out in between ragged breaths, Noah’s eyes clear.

Panic sears deep pain through my body as I know Noah experienced my memories with me, he saw it all. I dry heave as the air continues to not make it into my lungs.

“Dusk?” Noah’s voice is weird as he looks at me, I’m panting horribly at this point.

I know I’m being too loud but I can’t help it, I can’t breathe, I think I’m dying again. More panic eats me as I gasp trying to suck in air as my vision spots.

“Can’t breathe!” I cry out, my voice is too loud as I hear the flicker of the lights being turned on downstairs, that only adds to my panic.

“What’s wrong Noah?” Chris’s voice mumbles as he enters the room while flicking the light on.

Sally is close behind them, the sight of her makes me scramble to the corner as I crouch trying to hide from her view, for some reason her view of me matters. Their eyes narrow in on me, I squeeze my eyes shut as I wonder how Sally will kill me, or when. If I’m lucky maybe I can make a run for the door, blood drips from my hands as I dig my claws in trying to focus myself. I can hear them talking, I listen hoping maybe I’ll get my chance.

“What’s going on?” Sally’s voice echoes in my ears and it’s a hard mean voice that causes me to gasp.

“She can’t seem to breathe, one minute we were talking then it’s like we lived a nightmare. I saw it all, experienced it all. When it stopped Dusk was panting, sweating and can’t breathe.” Noah explains, his voice almost sounds as panicked as I feel as he looks at me huddled in the corner.

“What were you saying when this happened?” Chris asks taking Noah’s shoulder in his hand looking him in the eye to get him to focus.

“I uh, we were talking about telling you guys something when this happened.” Noah continues slowly, I close my eyes briefly than reopen them to find Chris looking at me with concern while Sally looks at me with a deep hatred.

Sally’s look makes me scramble closer to the wall until I’ve got my back pressed completely against it as my claws dig into the drywall. This is stupid, I am losing it over the way one little human is looking at me, I breath and my lungs take in the air happily. I repeat the process as I try to calm myself while meeting Sally’s accusing stare as she bores into me cutting me open slice per slice.

“Noah, she just had a panic attack, I think she is calming down, I need you to run and get some water for her, Sally help him!” Chris commands them both as I gulp in big lungsful of air.

I cringe as exhaustion sets in my bones with every intake of air as I slide down the wall my eyes becoming droopy as if I’m falling asleep right now. I let air whistle through my teeth sweetly into my lungs. With each intake, I feel more tired.

“Dusk, sweetie you can’t sleep yet, you’ve just had a panic attack.” Chris’s voice is closer to me now, I nod as my vision swims while I try to keep myself awake.

I close my eyes briefly, at that moment I hear a solid thwack near me feeling something fall to the ground with a thud. I open my eyes as wide as they will go to see Sally standing over me with the most devilish crazy look on her face. I try not to smile at the ironicness of seeing a mom who has lost it over the need to know what happened to her child. If my mom were here she would be proud of this woman for being overprotective of her daughter, Sally moves her face closer to mine.

“Tell me everything you remember about Hannah you little monster!” Sally snaps at me, at that, I smile.

I may be weak but I am not telling this woman shit without Noah and Chris there too, I only want to tell this once.

“My mom would have loved you, overprotective and crazy about your kid.” I laugh out, Sally hits me with something hard that causes me to spit blood from a busted lip.

I open my eyes a little wider to see a baseball bat in her hand. Damn, she has a mean swing, I close my eyes as pain swamps me, next time I open them I’m being dragged by my armpits as I thump down the stairs. I keep thumping right until I hit the bottom. Sally drags me across the floor, we pass Noah. Fear for him soars in my bones as I see him lying on the floor with a water bottle rolled out of his hand.

“What did you do to Noah?” I snarl out as a little bit of energy comes back into my body at the sight of him.

“He’s fine, I just knocked him out, they’ll be up soon.” Sally sighs, she seems to care about how Chris and Noah are which is a little sick considering she is the one who hurt them.

“That’s good because I’m not saying shit without Noah or Chris in the room. I will tell you all I know but I don’t want to tell it more than once.” I whisper as my eyes grow heavy again, the adrenaline over Noah seeping out of me.

“You’ll tell me whenever I want!” Sally snaps out as I go tumbling down another set of stairs, this set leads down into a basement I didn’t know they had.

I have no energy as Sally strings me up by my wrists, her binding cuts into them as I can’t hold my own weight up. I’m so tired. At least Sally has the decency of dressing me so that we aren’t ruining Noah’s sweater. I want to sleep, I’m going to sleep, suddenly a slice of the chef’s knife against my skin rips a scream from my already raw throat. I find it ironic that Sally is going to torture me with the knife that Noah was threatening to end his life with, I smile and that earns me a slice over the eyebrow. I heal quickly so her torture is agony, I take it though because I know if I do I’ll regain my strength, my energy. I take it until she decides I need a breather while she moves Noah and Chris into the room as they begin to stir. My screams must help as one moment Noah is out like a light and the next he is bolt awake as his eyes scan the room confused. I hang from my bindings, blood dripping from my wrists as they heal only to cut all over again. Blood is crusted along my body from where wounds bleed and healed. Fresh blood trickles from my nose as it broken bones try to fix themselves, I hate broken noses because at a young age Crane and I learned that the nose bones are very small. I laugh at the notion which causes Sally to slice the knife along my ribs. I hold in my scream as Noah looks from me to Sally alarmed when suddenly Chris rejoins the land of conscious.

“Good you are both awake, maybe she will finally talk!” Sally snaps at me frustrated as she slices the knife down my bicep causes me to wince.

“Sally?” Chris asks in disbelief as he looks from me tied up to his wife holding a knife.

“Dusk?” Noah asks as he looks at me confused, he wants to help me but he also is trying to sort through what he experienced with me.

“The truth is something I can do, even if it makes you all hate me. It’s your right to know!” I gasp out as Sally presses even harder with the knife against my skin before pulling it away.

She waits for me to explain, I swallow as I try to find the right words, the words that best fit this situation. In between this figuring I make myself a promise that I will be strong from here out, no more screaming. I look between Noah and Chris, Noah gives me a little nod, he wants to hear what happened from my lips. Time to just rip the band-aid right off.

“Hannah is dead.” I finally manage to push out of my throat, Sally blanches while Chris looks me right in the eyes.

“How do you know that?” Chris asks me, his tone is hard and defensive as he looks at me with hardened eyes.

“I met Hannah years ago at the age of ten. I had just come back to town and she was out in the forest taking pictures. I guess I should say she found me since she took pictures of me. I tried to scare her off, but she just kept coming back and taking more pictures of me. I guess it’s because of my fur colour and my eyes, the same reasons that Noah feels the need to paint me. I am different, and she liked that, I learned quickly that I couldn’t scare her off when she showed up at my aunt’s house looking for me. My aunt tells me that Hannah and I were doppelgangers and that meant we could feel each other on a spiritual level, I could feel Hannah’s emotions and she could feel mine. We were tied together even if we didn’t want to be. I thought maybe I was doing the smart thing by letting her into my life, I thought I was protecting her. I know my brother attends the same school she did, I watched him constantly because I made it my life project to make his life a living hell since he betrayed me. So, I watched him and I knew he had a certain interest in Hannah, I knew he couldn’t stand seeing her because she reminded him so much of me. Crane planned on killing Hannah. I think that’s why she ran away, she didn’t want to get you, or Noah, involved. Hannah wanted you guys safe, I told her I could protect you all if she told you, but she didn’t believe me, now I know she was right considering I couldn’t even protect her. I let Hannah down, I let you all down and I’m so sorry!” I stammer off as I choke up, I squeeze my eyes shut trying not to see Hannah’s broken body in my mind or let the red-hot tears flow from my eyes.

“For almost three months Hannah lived with me out in the forest safe and far away from my brother and his pack. Hannah would spend time with my aunt at her mansion when I had to hunt for food for us, I didn’t know she went there, she never told me. I had to find that out when I found my aunt the night you first kicked me out for being a wolf. Hannah and I were happy until one day I noticed the locket that she always wore was no longer around her neck. I asked her about it and she told me she had lost it, I can hear heartbeats so I could tell she was lying. I didn’t know why she was lying to me until the wolves came for us. There were three wolves who were much older than me, they found us when Hannah and I were collecting water. I could’ve taken them, but I couldn’t risk Hannah, so we fled Hannah riding my back. The wolves chased us for hours and over miles, a couple of times we thought we had lost them until we hadn’t. Finally, I heard the blissful sound of a waterfall and banked on the fact that most waterfalls have caves behind them as I made a quick move to throw the wolves off our trail before jumping over a cliff. The drop wasn’t far for me, but, far enough that I didn’t have a huge head start. I launched us behind the waterfall and into the cave, Hannah got off my back and I nudged her behind a rock. I, I left her there…” I trail off again as I suck in a deep empty sob that wracks my whole body.

“You left her there, you didn’t check the cave to make sure it was safe!” Noah exclaims remembering the truth from my own memory, the sharp sound of those words makes me flinch worse than the slices from Sally did.

“I left Hannah there and took off into the forest to lead the wolves away. When I was sure they were following me I turned on them taking two of them down easily. I’m not going to lie when I say I snapped their necks like twigs, I was about to attack the third one when I heard a sound that I will never forget. This sound was a horrible set of wailing screams, Hannah’s wailing screams and I knew I had to get back to her. I was faster than the last wolf so I killed him before going back to Hannah. When I reached the waterfall I launched myself through it and landed against a wall of fur on the other side. It was a big, brown bear. I was too late. The bear had Hannah underneath its paw in between its claws, her throat torn out. I killed the bear, and I tried, I tried to heal Hannah, but she wouldn’t let me. Hannah’s wounds were too great for me to be able to heal, still, I desperately tried to get her to let me attempt it, maybe, maybe I should have tried harder, but she wouldn’t open her mouth and blood directly to the wound wasn’t working. I remember she managed to tell me it was okay, she knew she was dying but I couldn’t, I didn’t, want to let her go. I tried to help her, I took as much pain away from her as I could but eventually, I couldn’t take anymore because she said she didn’t feel anymore. I begged her to stay, I told her she couldn’t leave. I told her you and Noah needed her to stay, I told her that I would kill Crane and she could go home and live her life while I returned to the forest. I begged her not to leave but I couldn’t save her, she died in my arms. I should have checked the cave, I should have made sure it was safe before I left her, but I didn’t and that will be my biggest regret for the rest of my life! I carried her body back to where my parents are buried, she never told me how to find you guys, so I did what I had to and buried her somewhere I thought she would be safe. I prayed she would find my parents and that they would greet her with open arms. I’m so sorry, she died because of me, because I didn’t make sure she was safe! I let her down!” I shake with each breath as I see her again, her body is broken and bleeding.

I see Hannah looking up lifeless from the grave I dug her, I remember jumping down and closing her eyes. I threw dirt on her in between sobs until I finally had buried her, then I rolled over the rock we had called our favourite one from a cliffside and carved her name into it, with the message. I had laid by that grave for days too sad and lonely to leave it, I had thought I was going to die beside it, then I knew Hannah would want me to go on, so I got up and I did. There wasn’t a day I didn’t visit her and my parents, there wasn’t a day I didn’t remember her until I hit my head. Now there will never be a day I won’t forget Hannah, I continue to sob as Sally moves into Chris’s arms while tears fall from their faces as they hold onto each other. Noah is the only one who doesn’t cry, he remains stony-faced and won’t meet my eyes. When Noah finally does meet my eyes, they are not hard and hateful as I expected, instead, they are understanding. How could he not hate me? How could he be understanding? I got his girl killed and he is forgiving, that only makes me shake harder.

“Dusk told the truth, Sally, she did all she could for Hannah, I saw it. Dusk made a mistake, one huge mistake, but Hannah knew what she was getting into when she went into the forest. Hannah didn’t die alone, Dusk made sure of that, she made sure Hannah was loved. Hannah isn’t buried alone, she is buried somewhere she could be remembered. Hannah is at peace she didn’t suffer, Dusk does not deserve how you are treating her!” Noah claims his voice small as he stands, he points at me as he talks and the gesture feels weird coming from him.

“Noah’s right honey, Dusk didn’t kill our little girl a bear did. It’s unfortunate but Hannah wasn’t alone, she had a good friend by her side and someone who clearly loved her!” Chris says quietly as he looks at Sally.

I look up through my tears and as soon as I see the look in Sally’s eyes I go still, she isn’t done with me. I know exactly what Sally plans to do but what she doesn’t know is it won’t kill me. The only reason I couldn’t save Hannah was that she didn’t have a healing property in her own blood, I’m a wolf I have that healing property so what Sally plans on doing will barely affect me, but, Chris and Noah don’t know that. They will in a few seconds though. Sally is swift as she moves from Chris’s arms, she’s too swift for them to even anticipate what she’s doing until she does it. I close my eyes as pain curls into me, Sally slides the blade across my throat cutting it cleanly but not deeply. I gasp and gurgle as I open my eyes. I wonder if this is how Hannah felt when she died because all she could do to breathe was gasp, gurgle, and inhale her own blood. I imagine I’m dying for a second, I imagine when I close my eyes I’ll find Hannah and my parents waiting for me with open arms. It’s a fantasy as arms come around me, Noah crouches in front of me as he presses his hands to my neck trying to stop the blood flow that squirts everywhere for a few seconds. Noah’s panicked eyes meet mine, I give a small wink that causes him to ease. I breathe a relieved sigh as my throat closes healing itself but for a thin puckered scar. What should be a killing wound always leaves a scar on a wolf. Noah hugs me as he removes his one hand to prod through the bloody mess that coats my neck to make sure he isn’t dreaming, to prove I really did heal.

“You’re really okay?” Noah questions me as he turns my head up to look again at my blood coated neck, I try not to relish in his touch.

“I’m okay,” I reassure him.

“What the hell was that Sally? You tried to kill her!” Noah shouts suddenly as he rounds on Sally who mumbles to herself in the corner.

Suddenly Sally’s eyes lock on me, more specifically my no longer bleeding throat, she makes another move to me. I watch in slow-motion horror as Noah gets in her way as she swipes wildly and the knife slashes along his chest before lodging in between his ribs on his side. I cry out Noah’s name as Sally backs away from his eyes wide. Noah stumbles back while blood starts to seep from him, his life starts to seep from him. I thought what happened to me was painful, this, this is true agony. My mate is dying, and he doesn’t even know he is my mate! Chris lunges for Sally as Noah falls collapsing backwards into me. I use my body to cushion his fall as best as I can, I struggle against my binding causing blood rush down my arms. I let out a desperate howl that shakes Chris and Sally, I can feel my eyes glowing as my canines sharpen, I don’t care if I’m scaring them Noah needs my help. Finally, with a loud snap, my restraints break, Noah and I fall. Noah lands in my lap as I pull him up against me, his eyes flicker to mine and his face is pale. I take his hand in mine sucking in a breath as those same black spider webs shoot up my arm. Noah sighs in relief as I have taken the worst of his pain away. I bite into my other wrist and press it to his lips.

“You don’t get to leave me too okay!” I tell him, I suck in my bottom lip hoping this works, I have to hope he has wolf blood in him as Lora believes he must.

Noah nods at me, he opens his mouth taking in big gulps of my blood. I couldn’t save Hannah, but I will save Noah. I take more of his pain and he keeps drinking, faster than a human should Noah heals and he gaps as he feels it. Lora must not have been lying to me, he really does have a wolf in him.

“This is going to hurt something fierce Noah, try not to move,” I explain, then I don’t give him time to think as I yank the knife from his chest, a spurt of blood follows as he cries out.

I press my arm back to his lips even though I’m getting dizzy. Noah drinks until his chest if healed minus a new scar. He moves my arm away as it heals up while we lay there, he breathes in and out as I try to keep myself from losing consciousness. I need a soda or something sugary. Noah looks up at me, his eyes seem to be asking me a question that I can’t answer, instead I give him the best smile I can. When I sway Noah moves his arm up wrapping it around me to keep me steady. We both look up to see Chris and Sally watching us, Sally cries her eyes clear. Sally is full of regret as she looks at us, Chris, on the other hand, gazes at Noah’s torn shirt and where he should still be losing his life.

“How are you feeling?” I ask Noah and he looks back up at me with those ice-blue, almost grey, eyes of his.

“I feel good, how do you feel?” He replies as his other hand wanders to his chest to check the scar while the other continues to hold me upright.

“I could seriously use a soda or something with some sugar, I’m a little light-headed,” I answer honestly in a joking tone causing Noah to laugh in my lap.

“We’ll get you that soda, won’t we Sally?” Chris tells us before asking Sally in a kind but clipped voice.

“I’m so sorry Dusk, and Noah, I, I can’t believe I lost it like that. I’m so sorry!” Sally whimpers and she lets Chris lead her away back up the stairs leaving us alone.

I close my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, I couldn’t save Hannah but I did save Noah and it feels good to not have let one of them down. I couldn’t bear losing Noah, not ever.

“How do you not hate me?” I ask quietly as I turn my eyes away from him.

“Why would I hate you?” Noah answer my question with his own.

“I let Hannah down.” I murmur in a small voice.

Noah reaches up turning my face back to look at his, the touch of his fingers against my skin sends electricity flowing through my every fibre.

“You did all you could Dusk and that’s all that matters. Hannah didn’t die alone!” Noah answers slowly and I nod as I suck in my bottom lip.

“Thank you, for saving me,” Noah says in an intense voice as he looks up at me, his eyes shift between my lips and my eyes and it causes my chest to ache again in a way it hasn’t been able to for a long time.

I pull myself from under Noah pushing myself to my feet, I sway a little bit as I’m dizzy. I pinch my finger between my brows as my head pounds, I move away from Noah but I’m too dizzy and when I fall there is nothing to grab. Noah catches me swiftly.

“I can’t, there is so much about myself that you still need to know Noah. You may not like what you hear. Plus, isn’t Hannah still so fresh? Don’t, don’t go doing that with your eyes, please!” I almost beg him as I stay suspended in his arms as he holds me up, I don’t have the energy to push him away as I should.

“I know more than you think Dusk, I’m not blind or deaf. I figured out that it was you who set the church on fire, and I know it must have been you who killed Crane’s girlfriend Fiona since he is your brother after all. Seeing your memories just helped make it make more sense.” Noah smiles at my stunned expression due to him being able to figure it out.

“You only know about Crane cause of my memory,” I state my voice wobbling with anger just saying Crane’s name.

“I figured it out the first time I saw him after meeting you Dusk. Crane’s eyes, he has the same fiery green eyes like you just a darker shade.” Noah smirks in response and I can’t help but smile at Noah’s smarts.

“You saw my whole story, now I want to know yours!” I exclaim to him my tone serious, his eyes widen as he pales at my words.

“Whatever would you mean?” Noah questions in an innocent voice but his heartbeat suggests that maybe there is more that I don’t know, not just about his bloodline.

“You have wolf-blood in your veins, your parents are wolves, Noah, assuming since you didn’t grow up around your own kind you never shifted. You are like me, Noah!” I explain to him, my words cause his eyes to widen fully as his mouth pops open with a look of pure shock, then it twists between worry and a desire that gets my blood boiling.

Noah doesn’t say anything after I tell him, instead he retreats into his mind. I allow him to do so considering this must be some big news, to learn one is a wolf. I imagine it must be scary for him to know that he isn’t human, that he has the powers of a wolf at his fingertips they are just dormant. Noah shifts me in his arms picking me up as he carries me up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, we ran into Chris who has a soda in his hand that he passes to me. Chris won’t meet my eyes when I look at him and that stings, Noah keeps moving until we pass the dining room. I see Sally sitting at the table looking like a mess. When we pass her she meets my eyes and in doing so we create something that I never thought we would have, she has so much regret and pain. I understand why she did what she did, I won’t hate her for what she did to me but she’ll hate herself, it will burden her mind for the rest of her life. I may not be quite ready to forgive her for almost killing Noah but I won’t hold it against her as I give her a small smile as we pass. My smile adds a little light of peace and hope into her dark eyes. My chest throbs as my dead heart threaten to beat knowing what I did in that small moment as we move up the stairs to Noah’s room. This time when Noah sets me down he doesn’t allow me to move across the room as I did before, the action both excites me and causes my heart to beat once in my chest making me ache even worse. Noah wants a closeness that I don’t know if I can give him. Choosing to ignore my thoughts I basically chug the soda Chris gave me, instantly the sugar makes me feel better.

“I’m not a good wolf Noah, not a good person. You should run away from me and never look back before it’s too late. Stay with me and your life will get messed up.” I mumble out as again I attempt to warn him away from me, I’m truly no good for him.

“You saved me Dusk, you may kill people, but I know you, I know you have a good reason for doing it. You enjoy death but you don’t relish in it, you get the revenge on those who deserve it. You have a purpose, it isn’t a pretty one but still, it’s a reason.” Noah murmurs before he settles down onto the floor and closes his eyes.

I listen to his heartbeat to make sure that I’m not just dreaming and I haven’t let him die. I listen as his breathing slows and he falls asleep, even then I continue to listen to make sure he is okay. I know I have so much to explain to him over the next little while that I need to figure out how I’m going to do it, it’s all so much easier that he experienced my memories. What Noah didn’t see is what I need to explain, he didn’t see how Hannah found me as a ghost a completely heartless monster void of emotions. Hannah was drawn to me so she made me solid using an old wolf ritual, I have no clue how she even knew about the ritual. My eyes begin to feel droopy and they close, I know figuring out how to tell Noah will have to be left to another day, for now, I am getting some much-needed help. My body has been through the wringer today and so has my chest since I had to heal Noah, it made my cold, dead heartbeat once. I lay down near Noah and my mind caves in to the temptation of sleep.