Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

I stood in the toilets waiting for Connie. My head was fuzzy, the alcohol was swimming in my veins.

“Come onnnnn,” I drawled out, “I need a wee!” stamping my trainer on the floor.

“Okay! Calm down!” her already thick accent seeming to get thicker the more intoxicated she got.

The cubicle door swung open; a one-eyed and squinting Connie walked towards the sink.

“I can hardly see.” She giggled as she washed her hands.

“Then that means you have had enough.” I nodded over enthusiastically before shutting the door shut.

We hadn’t made it anywhere else; we were still in The Palm Court at the hotel, which to be honest, I was sort of glad about. It meant I was no more than five minutes from my bed.

Stumbling out of the loo, I walked to the sink to see Connie topping her lipstick up.

“I’m surprised you have any lips left after your make out sessions with Kieran,” I raised my eyebrows as I tousled my hair root with my fingers.

“He is a good kisser,” she puckers up and blows me a kiss in the reflection of the mirror. “I am totally going to jump his bones tonight.”

I giggled. I don’t know why but I checked my phone, a subtle ache in my heart reminding me of my life back home.

“You going to take Colt back to your room?” Connie’s words pulled me from my thoughts.

“I don’t think so.” I laughed, all of a sudden, I felt sober.

“Why not? He is hot!” she shouted.

“He is hot, but I don’t know…” I twisted my fingers together.

“Reese?” Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrows at me.

“What?” I stammered as I done anything to avoid eye contact.

“What aren’t you telling me?” her voice was soft now, her head turning so she was looking at me. Her arm reached out, her fingers wrapping round my wrist as she pulled me towards her.

“It’s nothing,” my voice trembled.

The silence was deafening. I could see how concerned she was, her brows furrowed in her forehead, her eyes glassed over as they moved between each of mine.

I inhaled deeply before closing my eyes.

“I haven’t been with anyone in over two years…”

I wasn’t ready to tell her about Elijah yet. That wound was too painful and I didn’t want to get into it while drunk as I have no control over drunk words and a truthful heart. A drunk mind speaks a sober one, telling everyone your deepest and darkest secrets that you would never tell a soul.

“Two years?!” she dropped my wrist and held her hands on her cheeks as she processed my news. “How have you not closed up?” she sniggered, stepping towards me, and pulling me into a tight embrace.

“It’s okay, Connie will help you out.” She whispered in my ear before laughing.

If only it was that simple.

Holding onto Connie for dear life as we walked back into the bar, I was suddenly feeling exhausted. Jet lag plus alcohol was kicking my arse.

She dropped my hand as we reached the table, leaning up on her toes and whispering in Kieran’s ear, his lips curling into a beautiful smile.

Colt’s beautiful blues trailed up and down my body as I stood, fingers knotted in front of me.

I could do this.

It was just sex.

And to be honest, my vagina needed some action.

This was no strings attached sex.

It was just sex.

I was laying on my back in my hotel room, my dress pulled up round my waist as Colt thrust in and out of me.

This was doing nothing.

Was I dead down there? Was this the karma I get for leaving it so long?

“Oh babe, does that feel good for you?”

“Mmhmm,” my eyes widening as he continued.

This did not feel good.

“So tight,” he groaned, his voice strained.

Probably just extra dry.

“Fuck, I am going to come so fucking hard.” He shouted out, his head tipping back, his eyes clenched shut.

This was so awkward. I wanted to face palm myself. I needed this over. I had never had to fake an orgasm before, but here goes nothing.

“Yes, yes yes!” I cried out, then putting my hands over my mouth trying to muffle my laugh.

I am going to hell.

A puffed out and sweaty, but satisfied Colt rolled onto his back, a shit eating grin spread across his face.

“Was that good for you baby?” he asked as he leant up on his elbow and kissed the tip of my nose.

“So good.” I whispered.

I was mortified and now completely sober. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I stood and pulled my dress down and walked towards the bathroom.

I stopped at the door to see Colt tie the used condom up and throw it in the bin. I shuddered. I felt gross.

When I walked back into the room, Colt was laying there waiting for me.

Oh no, I needed him gone.

“Would you mind if we called it a night? Jet lag is killing me, and I need to sleep. I have a big meeting with my head-hunter tomorrow.”

“It’s Saturday,” he frowned.

“I don’t pick the days kiddo.” I said sarcastically as I helped pick his clothes up off the floor.

I heard him huff as he started getting dressed.

“Can I see you again?”

“Let’s leave that up to fate shall we.” I smiled as I pushed him towards the door.

“Can I call you?”

“No problem.” I beamed, opening the door and shoving him out into the hallway. “Thanks for tonight it was…” I paused for a moment trying to find the right word. “Memorable.” I nodded curtly.

“How can I call you if I don’t have your number?” he asked just as I was about to close the door.

“Fate!” I rushed out, closing the door and pulling the chain across.

I shuddered as the ick crawled over my skin.

I needed a shower.

After I showered, I slipped into a pair of cotton sweatpants and an oversized tee. I felt too wired. I was over-tired, the alcohol that was once pumping through my veins now left me with a pounding headache. Sitting on the edge of the bed I leant across and grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini fridge. Sure, they were probably going to charge me about twenty dollars for a bottle of water, but I was gasping.

Lying in bed I was restless. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. The guilt consumed me over what I had done tonight. I was disgusting. How could I have done that to Elijah? I felt my stomach churn and twist as nausea swept over me. I shouldn’t have slept with him. It was too soon… wasn’t it? How do you know when it’s time?

The back of my eyes stung, my throat scratchy and burning. How did I have more tears? I cried so much in the shower, I thought I cried myself out. Obviously not. Palming away a stray tear that rolled down my cheek, invasive thoughts bombarded me; I couldn’t help but see and feel the betrayal that Elijah must be feeling.

He was the love of my life and I had been with someone else.

Throwing the duvet back I bolted from the bed, grabbing my key card and my purse and ran for the door, slamming it behind me.

It had just gone two am, I wasn’t sure if time moved more slowly here of if it was just the jet lag.

Pacing slowly down the quiet hallways, I headed for the lift. I don’t know where I was going, but I needed a drink. Something to calm my guilty conscious and my erratic heart. Walking into the dimly lit lobby, I was amazed to still see it somewhat busy this late in the evening, or this early in the morning should I say.

I contemplated going back to The Palm Court, but I didn’t want to risk bumping into any of Colt’s friends. I would die of embarrassment. My eyes scanned the large space and spotted the Champagne Bar. It seemed fairly quiet. Perfect.

Dipping my head down, I headed over to the bar.

I wasn’t dressed for it, but I didn’t care at this point. I was past caring.

I found a row of empty bar stools and headed towards them. Perching myself on the edge, I grabbed the menu and quickly scanned it. I didn’t fancy champagne, but it made sense to have it. I was annoying myself.

The friendly bar lady came over to me. She had pulled back blonde hair, stunning emerald eyes and red lipstick that made her pale skin pop.

“Welcome to the champagne bar, what can I get you?” she smiled, her hands pressing against the high gloss worktop.

“Just a glass of Champagne please.”

“Any one in particular?” One of her brows raised.

“I’m not fussy.” I smiled back, but saying that, my credit card might be.

She gave me a curt nod as she turned on her heel and headed to the other side of the bar. I pulled my eyes from her and let them fall to my lap. I felt so out of my depth here, but I was hoping that once I started my job that things would fall into place. They had to right?

A beautiful crystal champagne glass was slid towards me.

“Oh, thank you.” I smiled, unzipping my tatty purse and pulling out my credit card.

“No need, the gentleman across the bar paid for it.” Her smile widened as her eyes moved to the handsome man that was sitting at the end of the bar. Holding up a crystal tumbler with an amber liquid in, his brown eyes penetrating through mine. My heart skipped a beat, my tummy flipping nervously.

I nodded shyly, then quickly turned my head, so I was facing forward again. I had already fucked up once tonight, I wasn’t going to do it again.

Bringing my glass to my lips I took a large mouthful, the bubbles fizzing on my tongue before popping.

It was delicious. After pulling the glass away, I licked my lips wanting to make sure I got every bit of it.

I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head, but I didn’t want to give in and look at him, because I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t be able to pull my eyes from him.

Finishing the rest of the glass, I held it up to the bar lady who came tottering back over to me.

“He bought the bottle.” She beamed as she reached and grabbed the open bottle out of the fridge and poured me another glass.

My jaw fell laxed for a moment as I turned to face him, but as I did a blonde-haired woman ran her fingers over the top of his shoulders, gaining his attention. I couldn’t see her face, just her short, wavy blonde hair and her back. No doubt she was beautiful. He stood slowly, but not before his eyes found mine again. He smiled and winked at me before turning on his heel and walking out of the bar with his lady.

Of course, someone as handsome as him would have an even more beautiful woman on his arm.

I sighed, shaking my head from side to side before looking back at the bar lady.

“He left you this.” She handed me a small piece of headed note paper.

You looked like you needed a drink.

Enjoy it on me.

K x

I looked like I needed a drink?! To be honest, he wasn’t wrong. I looked like trash.

I gave the bar lady a weak smile.

“Thank you,” I muttered as I folded the note paper up and slipped it inside my pocket.

Cheers to me.

Knocking back the rest of my drink, I waited for my new bar lady friend to re-fill my glass.

This is exactly what I needed.

To get intoxicated to the point where I pass out.