Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

Twenty-eight.

I couldn’t believe it was my birthday, I was pregnant, and I was spending it in New York with my nearest and dearest.

Connie told me that my parents couldn’t make it and I was devastated. What with them missing Christmas, and now missing my birthday, it just felt like another blow to the heart.

Everyone else was coming, but I wanted my parents there. I couldn’t help the feeling of a shimmer of hope that Connie was keeping it a surprise, but then again, I don’t think she would do that to me because she knows how much I needed to see them.

I slipped a pair of small gold hoops through my ears, then ran my fingers through the curls to loosen them up a bit. I wanted more of a beach wave, but at the moment I felt like I had more of a poodle look going on.

I pinched my brows as I grabbed the brush and dragged it through to loosen them a little more.

“How are you doing? We’re going to be leaving soon,” Connie chimed from the kitchen as I fussed with my make-up. I swiped my lips with a red matte lip gloss and sprayed my wrist and neck with perfume.

“I’m just getting my bag,” I called back, as I walked over to my bed and grabbed it. I checked my phone to see if I had a response from Killian, but there was nothing. I blew my frustrated breath through my lips, tossing my phone back into my bag. I had texted him last night and this morning to just remind him. He had a lot going on over the last few weeks to do with work, and he had been extremely stressed. He kept mentioning something about a merger, but I didn’t want to pry. One thing I’ve learned with Killian was if he didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t. He had been in and out of work, but I hadn’t seen much of him even though I was now his personal assistant. We had decided that I would stay working with him until the baby was born and I knew what I wanted to do after my maternity leave. If I didn’t want to go back to work, he would support me, and if I did, I could go back to work with him or find a new job.

He’d text me letting me know that he would be at the party yesterday morning and that he just had some work bits to finish up.

He promised me.

He promised he would be there.

Of course, he would be there. I didn’t have to doubt him. Why was I doubting him?

It was my birthday, and it was also our gender reveal for our friends. I pushed the invasive thoughts from my mind, turning on my heel and looking at myself in the mirror. I smiled.

I was wearing a black, ribbed midi dress that came down past my knees and wore chunky soled Dr Marten’s that gave me a little more height.

Placing my bag over my body, I walked out to the kitchen to see Connie smiling at me.

“Well, look at you… hot little mama,” she smirked, her eyes trailing up and down my body.

I laughed, dropping my head as I shook my head from side to side.

“Thanks,” I smiled, heading towards the door. “You ready?”

Connie jumped off the worktop counter and skipped towards me. “Yup! Let’s go celebrate you, little granny. Birthday and time to prove that I am right…”

“Right about what?” I asked, swinging the front door open as I stood with my keys in my hand. Connie bound towards me like an excited puppy. “About it being a boy,” she winked, passing me and waiting in the hallway.

I laughed, pretending to lock my lips with a key then shrugged my shoulders.

I locked the door behind us and headed for the lift.

Oh Connie, if only you knew.

Connie had hired out a little function room in the plaza. It was decorated with banners and balloons. There were big number balloons documenting my age which was not what I needed, but it was still thoughtful. There was a huge arch with pink and blue balloons that sat in front of a backdrop sign that said ‘Baby Hayes, Pink or Blue? Either way, we can’t wait to meet you!’

I smiled at all the little details. She had really gone to town. There was a table of food, sweets, cakes, and little party favours in plastic baby bottles.

“Connie,” my eyes began to tear up as I looked up at her, she was fussing with a few of the table decorations.

“Yup?” she smiled as she faced me.

“This is amazing, thank you so much,” a sigh leaving me as I marched towards her and wrapped my arms around her body.

“It’s the least I could do. You’re my best friend, you’re carrying my brother…”

“Or sister,” I laughed, still hugging her.

“Or sister,” she repeated, letting go of me and rolling her eyes. “But it’s your first birthday here, I wanted to make it special.”

“You have succeeded in that!”

“Good,” she nodded curtly, then clapped her hands together as she pulled a large bag out from under the tablecloth.

“Here,” she handed it to me. I lifted a brow, eyeing her suspiciously as I looked inside the bag and saw a tiara, a ‘mom to be’ sash and some goodies in there for me.

I lifted the silk sash and smiled as I put it over my head.

“I tried to get you one that said ‘mum’ but it was hard, and the stuff coming from the UK would never have turned up in time.”

“This is perfect, they will call me ‘mom’ anyway, so it makes sense.” I gently rubbed my bump as I felt her move around, smiling. I loved feeling her, it’s a sensation I will miss dearly once I have her.

I heard the big doors go to see Connie’s mums walk through with bags of presents.

“Mom!” Connie called out to the both of them as they embraced.

“Hey!” I smiled as they welcomed me with open arms, “Thank you so much for coming.”

“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Lara said as Connie and Katie walked over to the gift table.

“It means a lot, especially with my parents not being here…” my voice drifted off, I rolled my eyes at myself. Waving my hand in front of my face as I felt the prick of tears that were threatening to fall.

“Oh, darling…” Lara said as she threw herself at me and wrapped me in a motherly embrace. “It’s okay to cry, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed.”

I held onto her for a little longer, it felt good to be held like that. I was desperate for my parents to be here; I was desperate to cuddle my mum and for her to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

It wasn’t long before the room started to fill with my old work colleagues, Julianne burst through the door and she kissed both of my cheeks. Connie soon whisked her away to drop her gifts on the table. I tried to not focus on Killian not being here, but it was still early. We still had time. I tore my eyes from the door as I looked round the room at my nearest and dearest, but I couldn’t stop the ache in my heart and the wave of sadness that threatened to drown me.

I felt such mixed emotions about this all. It felt weird that I was sharing this moment with these people and that I was even pregnant with another man’s baby other than Elijah’s.

But I was happy. So incredibly happy.

Connie spoke to the room as she clapped her hands together to get everyone’s attention.

“First of all, I want to thank you all for coming to my girl’s special day,” she turned to face me, smiling as she flicked her long brown hair over her shoulder. “I’m sure you will agree that our Reese is one of a kind, and such a beautiful and caring soul. And not only is she my best friend and a wonderful friend to all of you, but she is also going to be an amazing mom.” Connie continued as her smile grew, “now before we get into the rest of her party, can we all take a moment to wish our main girl a very, very happy birthday.”

The small crowd erupted as they all shouted happy birthday. I blushed. I hated being the centre of attention.

“You all sounded great,” Connie laughed, “but before we do actually move on, I do have a little present for her that I am just bursting to give her.” She walked over to me and took my hand. She gave me a reassuring wink before leading me to a door in the corner of the room. I couldn’t still my heart, it was racing under my skin and making me nervous but excited. “Close your eyes,” she whispered.

I felt daft, but I done it anyway.

“No peeking.”

I heard the handle click on the door as she opened it, her hands gripping onto the top of my arms.

“Open your eyes,” she whispered in my ear. My eyes pinged open, moving from person to person when I saw my mum and dad standing there, their smiles so big, their eyes glossy and glistening from their happy tears. I heard the gasps, and ‘ahhs’ and the ‘oh my Gods’ echo around the room.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, “you’re here!” I cried out, throwing myself at them as they embraced me and wrapped their arms around the top of my shoulders. I don’t know how long we stayed like this for, but it felt so good to be near them. It felt like it had been forever since I had last seen them, and I hated every minute of it.

“Mi amor,” my dad’s voice was soft as we pulled back from our cuddle. His hand cupped my face as he wiped my tears away, “No llores en tu cumpleaños.”

“English,” my mum swatted him which made me choke out a laugh.

I heard my father tsk at my mother before he focused on me again. “No crying on your birthday,” he smiled, leaning in and kissing me on the forehead.

I nodded.

“They are tears of happiness; I promise,” I reassured him as we walked back towards the party.

“Where is Killian?” my mum asked looking round the room.

“He should be here soon,” I nodded, looking at the door behind me before looking at my watch. He was late. Furrowing my brow, I whisked my mum over to Lara and Katie.

“Mum, Dad, this is Connie’s Moms… Lara and Katie.” I smiled, “Lara, Katie… this is my parents Patricia and Mateo,” I smiled.

“Oh, it’s so lovely to meet you! Thank you for taking such good care of our little girl,” my mum cooed as she gave Lara and Katie a kiss on the cheek.

“And please, call me Matt,” my father insisted as he shook their hands.

“It has been our pleasure; she is part of our family,” Katie grinned at me.

I stood as they spoke amongst themselves, but soon saw my window to leave. “Please excuse me a moment,” I interrupted my mum and Lara’s conversation as I headed towards Connie.

“Have you heard from my dad?” Connie asked as she held her phone to her ear.

I grabbed my phone out my bag and frowned at the blank screen, “Nope, not a word.”

“He isn’t answering,” she sighed, as she cut off.

My skin prickled, my heart dropping from my chest to my stomach as the fear began to smother me.

Flashbacks of the night Elijah died soon flood my memory. What if something had happened to Killian like it did Elijah? I couldn’t lose him too. Maybe I was cursed, maybe everyone I fall in love with is taken away from me.

I shook the thoughts from my mind. No, he was just running late that’s all.

“We need to get started, we only have this room for another hour and a half,” Connie muttered as she angry texted on her phone.

Sucks to be Killian right now.

I nodded, sighing. But she was right. We couldn’t hold off any longer.

After a few party games and baby games everyone was writing down their guesses on the baby’s gender. There was a big, black balloon that had ‘he or she, it’s time to see…’ written on it that sat on a white ribbon before being anchored to the floor with pink and blue balloons.

I stood with my sash over my bump, the needle in my hand as I felt the blood rush to my ears. The thumping was so loud, my eyes scanning the room constantly to make sure he hadn’t sneaked in.

He should be here doing this with me. This was our gender reveal, and he wasn’t here. I was overwhelmed with sadness suddenly, he said he wanted to be here for it all and yet he hasn’t shown.

“You ready?” Connie asked as she held her phone up, my mum was next to her snapping photos.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I nibbled on my bottom lip as I lifted my trembling hand, slowly pulling it back as I lined up the needle.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I had to do anything to stop myself from crying over Killian. I was exhausted with it all. Everything had been going so well, it had been going pretty fucking perfect actually.

I could hear the distinct muffle of Connie’s voice as she began counting down from ten…

My eyes moved to the door, silently begging he was going to be here.

Nine.

Why wouldn’t he show?

Eight.

Maybe something had happened to him, it was unlike him to ghost me and Connie.

Seven.

Adele. I swallowed the sickly feeling that crept up my throat.

Six.

No, now I was being stupid.

Five.

He wouldn’t do that.

Four.

Would he?

Three.

Of course, he wouldn’t.

Two.

He is going to show up.

One.

I hesitated for just a moment, staring at the door wishing he’d burst through saying ‘baby I’m here’.

But he didn’t show.

My heart splintered as the realisation began to drip through to me, he wasn’t coming. I went into auto-pilot, pinning a fake smile onto my face as I popped the balloon and watched as the pink confetti floated through the air before it fell to the floor.

I heard the odd surprised gasp, the excited screams that echoed and the tears of joy from my parents.

But none of that mattered.

Because all that mattered was me trying my best not to burst into tears of disappointment that he didn’t make it.

He made a promise.

And then he broke it.

And the worst thing in all of this, was that in this perfect moment of joy and happiness, all I wanted was to share it with Killian.