Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

I felt like a complete dick. I don’t know what it is about her, but I want to push her, I want to see how much she can take from me. I want her to fall for me. I want that the most.

I am a possessive ass, I know I am.

But I don’t care. She is mine.

Legally bound to me. Until death do us part.

Or at least until the annulment; the thing is, I don’t think I am quite ready to give her up yet.

Sure, she is eighteen years younger than me, but do I care? Do I fuck.

Walking along the sidewalk, I stopped at the small Chinese restaurant. I didn’t even know if she liked Chinese, but she needed to eat. Plus, I needed to get out of her apartment for a bit, I needed to let her cool off. I had crossed a line tonight.

Pushing on the door, the warmth hit me as soon as I was in the restaurant.

“Welcome to Wok ‘N’ Roll, table for one?” The young male waiter asked me.

Pushing my hand through my hair, I shook my head.

“I ordered take out, called about fifteen minutes ago.”

“Ah okay, name?” he asked, stuffing the menu back under the host station.

“Hayes.”

“I’ll go and check if your order is ready,” he smiled at me before disappearing into the back. I stepped aside and out of the way for eager diners who were hoping to get a table and out of the cold New York air. The temperature had dropped, it was freezing.

I pulled out my work phone, my finger hovering over her name. I don’t know why I felt the need to want to message her, but I fought the urge. Leave her be. You have done enough. My subconscious reminded me. Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I held my hand out and looked at the tacky, yellow gold ring on my finger. How in the fuck did we both manage this? I know we were intoxicated, but to fly to Vegas and actually get married. I mean, it could be worse… Reese was beautiful, feisty and smart. She ticked all my boxes. It’s just a shame it was an accident, and she didn’t like me the way I seemed to like her.

“Mr Hayes,” the waiter returned with a bag of food.

“Thank you,” I muttered, taking it from him and heading back into the cold. I wish I had my coat. I left it in the car when I hopped out and followed her home. Even that confused me, I have never chased a woman before, but I think it is because she is so adamant she hates me, it just makes me want her even more. The more she pushes against me, the stronger the pull towards her.

When you know you can’t have something, you always want it more.

Fisting my hand in my pocket I pulled out two sets of keys. Smirking to myself at the shiny new key that I stole from front desk. I wasn’t going to leave her alone. I hate the fact that she is in that apartment by herself, this way I can just pop in when I am in the area… or the building.

Little does she know I own that building, and guess who lives on the top floor in the penthouse?

Bingo.

You got it in one.

I was bound to her, her bound to me.

Whether she liked it or not.

Shivering, I approached the apartment block.

“Mr Hayes,” Frank the doorman tipped his head.

“Frank,” I smiled, stopping for a moment on the carpet that was laid out front of the building. “Go and get your coat and scarf, you’ll freeze out here. Temperatures are plummeting tonight. I’ll stand guard,” I winked, a soft chuckle leaving me.

He nodded, rushing through the small side door and into the concierge office. Frank had worked here for as long as I could remember. He was in his late sixties and didn’t want to retire. He lost his wife a few years ago so I suppose he likes to be busy. I don’t see him as staff, I see him as family. He comes round for thanksgiving as well as Christmas. We both are loners together, but not this year. No, I had Reese.

It was the beginning of November; I didn’t like the thought of her sitting in that apartment by herself at Christmas. But who am I kidding, she will probably have bigger plans than wanting to spend it with me.

Yes, I am a powerful man, I own a lot of businesses and buildings but in this line of work, I don’t have friends. I have business associates and acquaintances, but not friends.

Well, apart from Frank.

Friends make you weak. Friends are envious of what you have spent years building from the ground up. That’s the case in my experience. I am better off alone. That way, no one can screw me over.

Frank re-appeared with a scarf wrapped round his neck and his coat on.

“Keep warm Frank,” I nodded to him before pushing into the apartment lobby. The warmth danced over my skin which caused a shiver to run up my spine.

Heading down the hallway towards her door, I paused for a moment thinking I should knock. I decided against it, I knew her already. She wouldn’t open it. Slipping the key into the door lock, I twisted it and let myself in. Placing the bag on the work surface, I unloaded the cartons and chopsticks onto the side. I had no clue what she liked so I got my favourites in hope that she would like them too.

I banged around in her cupboards to find two plates and cutlery. I filled two glasses with chilled wine and left it on the counter. She didn’t have a table so standing and eating it was. Maybe I could buy her a small table, put it by the large window. That way she can look out while she eats. Shaking my head side to side I walked quietly to her bedroom, the door was ajar. I pushed it but she wasn’t in there. Turning on my heel, my brows furrowed. Had she gone out? Her coat and bag were still hanging where I left them. I walked towards a closed door, waiting for a moment before I pressed my ear to the door. I could hear muffled whines. Twisting the brass doorknob I burst into the room.

There she was sitting in the tub with bubbles surrounding her and black tears rolling down her cheeks.

Her eyes widened as she tried to cover herself up, even though she didn’t need to. I wasn’t looking. She reached for her bath sheet and covered her wet body. Not really a wise move seeing as her sheet is now wet.

“Are you okay?” I asked, my eyes glued to her red rimmed ones.

“What do you think!?” She hissed at me as she stood from the water abruptly, the water whooshing and spilling over the top. She pulled the bath sheet tight round her petite frame and stormed past me and into her room.

Well fuck, I really did get to her.

I walked over, my shoes getting covered in the spilt bath water and reached into the tub to let the water out. Drying my hands on the small hand towel that was hanging up, I then put it on the floor and tried to dry up as much of the water as I could. Turning, I walked back out into the lounge. I was sick of her trying to run from me.

Barging through her bedroom door, I saw her sitting on the edge of her bed wrapped up.

“Reese, I am really sorry for doing what I did to you,” I whispered.

“It’s not that Killian, sure it was a dick move but that’s not what’s got me upset.” She shook her head side to side. Her blonde hair sat clung to her face as it dripped onto her lap, her green eyes looking up through her long lashes as she looked at me.

“What is it?” I asked, stepping towards her cautiously.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” her tongue darted out and licked one of her tears that had run onto her lip.

I wanted to taste her tears, taste her lips, her mouth on mine.

I crouched down in front of her, brushing my thumb pad across her cheek and catching a stray tear.

“I know you don’t like me, but I am always here if you need me. Don’t suffer alone,” my voice was low, my breath shaky. Just that small bit of intimacy was enough to send a shockwave of current through to my heart. I loved the buzz I got off her. It was addicting.

She sniffed, her beautiful eyes looking deeply into mine, baring her soul for me to see. I could see the pain and grief as clear as day now. I felt like I could feel everything she was, and it was excruciating.

She was so pure.

She was once in a lifetime. My once in a lifetime.

Standing I stepped back to give her some space.

“Dinner is out in the kitchen when you’re ready, take however long you need,” I turned and walked out of her room before closing the door behind me. I inhaled deeply, walking towards the apartment door and closing it behind me. I had to leave her alone for the evening.

But tomorrow, tomorrow I would be back and every fucking day after that.

She was mine.

And that’s the way I wanted it to stay. She needed me more than she knew. I was going to be everything she could want and more.

I was adamant to make it my mission.

Whether she wanted me or not, she wasn’t going to get rid of me that easily. I was like a dog with a bone. I wouldn’t give up. Never will I give up on her.

But she must stay my little secret for a while longer.