Darkness

Gregor

I was planning to obey Samuel’s instructions, but since Rosalind suggested it, I know that it won’t bother her for me to sneak downstairs for a little while. I grab a shirt and put it on, noticing that it doesn’t hurt much to have it against my healing skin. So that’s good.

“Come on Tiger,” I say, tapping my thigh, and he happily bounds down the stairs with me. He seems utterly healthy and normal, despite having suffered a serious wound yesterday. I still haven’t processed the fact that Wolk and I were able to heal him. Every other time I have tried to heal someone, it seemed like more subtle injuries or ailments, not something this severe. I never thought I’d actually be able to fix a bullet wound. That was the kind of thing Yosh could do, but I thought he was unique.

I lead the dog past the study and into the kitchen, where Jake is finishing some last chores before bedtime, scrubbing pans and such. He looks up at me as I enter, having heard footsteps on the stairs, and when he sees that it is me and not Rosalind, he seems overcome with emotion. His arms in soapy water up to his elbows, he is staring at me like I am a ghost, his face transformed by shock or relief or alarm, or possibly all three.

I offer him a smile and a towel to dry his hands. He grabs it very briefly before tossing it aside and seizing me with his still-dripping arms. He wraps them around my waist in an emotional outburst I would never have anticipated from this lad who has seen so much in his life. I freeze in surprise, but just for a moment, before I have my arms around him as well.

He snuffles against my shirt, “I thought you were dead!”

I caress his head, pressing him to me. “Nah, Jake, you really think a little thing like that could kill me?” I’m trying to lighten the mood.

He leans back and stares at me, his face screwed up as he remembers what happened. “It sure looked like it.”

“It wasn’t as bad as it looked,” I try to assure him. I mean, it was, but I’m certainly not going to admit that to him.

He suddenly realizes that his hands are pressed against my back, and he leaps away with chagrin. “Oh! I am so sorry! I -”

I cut him off. “Don’t worry, Jake, I’m already feeling a lot better.” He doesn’t seem comforted at all by this, so I figure I’ll distract him. A little conspiracy should do the trick.

“I have to ask you a favor, Jake,” I say, and he immediately brightens, clearly committed to doing anything I might ask. I smile. “I’m breaking the rules being down here, you know,” I say. “The doctor said I should stay in bed for another couple of days, but I am feeling so much better that I couldn’t stand it. So I snuck down here. Can you keep it a secret? If Nadine found out she’d -” I stop myself from saying “tan my hide” as I had planned, figuring that Jake wouldn’t find that at all funny. I think I’m losing my touch at humor.

But I don’t need to continue. He nods fervently. “I’ll never tell anyone!”

I smile and tousle his hair. “Thanks Jake. Rosy knows, she’s the one who sprang me, but we need to keep this just between us.”

Tiger bounds over to the back door then returns to me expectantly. “Another favor,” I say, and Jake looks up eagerly. “Can you take Tiger out to do his business? I definitely can’t let the neighbors see me.”

Jake seems very happy to be given a tangible assignment. As he and Tiger are heading outside, I tell him, “Thank you. I’ll be in my study.”

As I settle at my desk, I ask Wolk, “Is Jake all right?” He seems far more unsettled than I would have expected.

“He was deeply impacted by witnessing yesterday’s events. He had disobeyed Rosalind and followed her and Ben into town, because he had heard that Moses was in trouble, and as you know he loves Moses as much as he loves you. When he saw you approach the whipping post instead, he was confused and terrified, not understanding at all what was happening. Watching you was … terrible for him. Then the surging emotions, and the discharge of the Guardians’ energy, was profoundly disquieting. He is one of the members of the crowd who sensed a supernatural presence, and in his imagination, Death had come to get you.”

Oh my. I guess I’m glad that Wolk isn’t trying to beat around the bush here and spare my feelings, but gadzooks, this is hard to hear. “I am sorry, beloved. But I think it best for you to understand the import of yesterday’s events. I am afraid that the primary problem going forward might not simply be that the Guardians are aware of who you are. The humans are all going to have some kind of similar memory and probably emotional reactions when they see you. Almost everyone nearby felt that something otherworldly was happening. It was terrifying for some, inspiring to others, disturbing to all.”

This is going to ruin my ability to move around like anyone else in town, I think crossly. Wolk nods soberly. Everyone in Natchez has always considered me to be strange, but never unnaturally so. Being a quirky oddball can be seen as endearing. Not being some sort of spooky manifestation of otherworldly beings. Now I worry that people are going to be actually afraid of me, think that I am some kind of ghost or demon.

“Or the opposite,” Wolk adds. “They might view you as a type of saint or angel, or even an incarnation of a deity.”

I stare at him. This is as bad as it gets. How do I undo this damage? I want to be able to remain in Natchez, as I have planned, for the foreseeable future, but it will be very difficult to do if I am unable to interact normally with other people. Wolk gazes at me sadly. He has no idea how to fix this, either.

Jake comes back inside, and brings Tiger to the study. Tiger bounds over and lays his head on my lap, his usual position when I am sitting down. I caress his fur, and ruffle his ears. He huffs contentedly.

“Jake, have a seat,” I tell him, as he hovers in the doorway, unsure whether he is dismissed. He looks around himself somewhat nervously, and I realize that I have never invited him to join me in my study before. I hope he doesn’t view it as some type of inviolable inner sanctum. Wolk shrugs. Oh great, I guess so.

He perches on the edge of the chair in front of my desk, staring around with wide eyes. “Relax, Jake,” I tell him, and wish he was older so I could offer him a drink. Brandy would work. But he’s just a child, so I can’t. Then I remember, and peek into my desk drawer, thinking that maybe I left some candy in there a few weeks ago after a reading group. Ah-ha!

I pull out the little bag of sweets and put it on the desk between us, and pop one into my mouth so he will see that I am indulging. “Help yourself,” I tell him, waving my hand towards the bag.

He smiles and relaxes for the first time, and grabs a piece for himself. He is still a child, this is the way to calm him. I want to know what he saw. I want to try to understand, and to figure out how to explain things to people. I really want to smooth things over so that my life can return to normal. Wolk shakes his head slightly - he apparently doesn’t think I can manage this. Well, only one way to find out.

“So Jake,” I say, trying to sound casual, “I’ll bet I looked pretty awful yesterday, huh?”

He looks up from the bag of candy where he is selecting another piece, and his face falls. He nods, eyes wide, the poor kid.

“Well,” I say, “I’m sorry you were bothered by watching that, but as you see, I’m fine now. Sometimes things look worse than they really are.”

“Hey, you fellows eating candy without me?” I look up to see Rosalind leaning against the doorway of my study. Vernon must be asleep for the night.

I smile at her. “We saved the best ones for you, right Jake?”

He grins and hands the bag to her while she sits down in the chair next to his.

“So,” she says, while staring down into the bag, poking around with her finger, “what are we talking about?”

Hm. I think to Wolk with some amusement, “Is she here to rescue me?”

“Indeed. She has seen Jake several times over the last day while she was getting things for you from downstairs, and observed how upset he has been. She assumes that you might need some help with this conversation.”

“She’s right,” I think to him. I try to catch her eye, offer her my silent thanks, and she gives me a little smile. She knows.

Jake glances at me, not wanting to bring up the topic of our conversation, for fear of making me uncomfortable by talking about it in front of her. I hope to cure him of that.

“Oh,” I answer her, “I was just telling Jake that I wasn’t as hurt as he thought yesterday.”

She rolls her eyes and elbows Jake. “I figured he’d say that,” she tells him, with a mischievous tone to her voice, “don’t listen to him. He didn’t see it. We did. He looked disgusting, didn’t he?”

He stares at her with wide eyes, then looks at me to see my reaction to this disparaging remark. It makes me laugh, of course, which seems to lighten his mood. He looks back to Rosalind, and admits, “Yes. Totally disgusting.”

“Hey!” I say indignantly, still laughing, which makes them both grin.

She smirks at me, hands the bag of candy back to Jake, and goes on. “The thing is,” she notes, still trying to sound casual and easy, “that it wasn’t really the injuries that were the worst part.” She waves her hand over at me. “You can see he’s getting over that just fine.”

He looks at her, perplexed. Wolk notes, “He is wondering if she can possibly be referring to the strange emotions and energy that he was feeling. He has not discussed this with anybody else yet, so he is not aware that everybody present felt the same thing.”

I just watch Rosalind operate, figuring that she must have a plan here. Even if she doesn’t, I certainly don’t either, so I’m happy to see how this unfolds.

“I think for me,” Rosalind confides in Jake, “the worst part was how sad I was feeling. It almost felt like more sadness was piling on top of my own, too. Did you feel like that?” she asks him.

His eyes have grown huge. “He realizes that is precisely how he felt,” Wolk says.

“Yes,” Jake whispers. “Exactly. It was too much to just be from me.”

She nods, looking like she is considering this deeply. “You want to know what I think that was?” she asks.

He nods, fervently.

“I think that, if you really love somebody, sometimes you can feel what they are feeling. Has it ever seemed that way to you?”

He pauses for a moment, then whispers, “I think so.”

Wolk tells me, “He is remembering times that he felt sympathy for Rosalind when she was working at the brothel and had been mistreated, and he believes that his empathy for her at the time was an example of this.” Fair enough. Although I’m just as glad that Wolk didn’t mention the person who had mistreated her. I’m done hearing about him.

“Well,” she continues, “we both love Gregor a lot, right?” He nods. “And we know that he was feeling really sad, and he was hurting, and he was worried about Tiger since he thought he might have been really hurt.” She looks at him closely, and he is watching her eagerly, clearly agreeing entirely with what she is saying. “So,” she concludes, “his feelings were too big for him to hold by himself, so they slipped out and we felt them too.” Jake’s mouth has fallen open. “It’s totally normal,” Rosalind says with a shrug, “and I’m sure that’s why we both felt that way.”

Jake looks relieved. I am utterly amazed. This is genius. She just told Jake the absolute complete truth, but nothing about it sounded supernatural or implausible at all. It reminds me of what I have done sometimes, when I have to make excuses for my oddness, and I just tell the truth in a way that serves my purposes. I am so impressed with her.

He looks over at me. “Do you think that’s what happened?” he asks.

I nod soberly. “I’m completely certain of it. That is exactly what happened.”

But his brow wrinkles, and he hesitates before saying, “But what about that, I don’t know, big… thing….” He has no way to describe what he felt when the Guardians saw me for the first time.

My clever wife knows how to handle this too. “Do you mean that feeling that somehow the air was getting all stirred up?”

“Yes!” he blurts, relieved that she knows what he is talking about. They’re ignoring me at this point, thank goodness, because I certainly don’t know what to say about it.

“I think I know what that might have been,” she says, musingly, and he watches her eagerly. “I think it could have been a guardian angel.”

I feel my eyebrows go up. She’s planning to tell him about this? “Not exactly,” Wolk says, “trust her.” Well all right. I wait to hear what she will say.

“A long time ago,” she tells him, in a quiet, confiding voice, “I used to work for Madam Beverly at a different place, in Kentucky. And I knew a girl there who told me about guardian angels.”

“What is that?” he whispers, wanting to understand this mysterious concept that his beloved Rosy is sharing with him.

“She said that sometimes an angel will come to help someone, to protect them if they need it.”

He gazes at her intently, riveted to her tale, then his eyes widen as he makes the connection. “Is that what happened?” he asks. “Did an angel come to help Gregor?”

She nods. “I think it must have been. We couldn’t see it, but we sure felt it. I think we must have felt that angel flying right over our heads, going straight to Gregor to help him, to make sure that he was going to be fine.”

He completely believes her, it is quite obvious. He looks at me with wide eyes, and says, “I’m so glad they came.”

I can only agree, and I feel that my own eyes are huge as I say, “Me too.”

“Jake feels significantly better, both reassured and comforted by the explanations that Rosalind has provided.”

I can hardly believe how perfectly that worked out. And it’s all because of Rosalind. I can’t wait to tell her how much I admire her for this, how much I love her.

“Well,” she says, “I think I need to get Gregor to bed. The doctor wants him to get plenty of rest. He shouldn’t really even be downstairs,” she says, pretending to look at me sternly.

“I know,” Jake says perkily, “he already told me. And I am going to keep this a secret!”

I smile at him as I rise from my seat. “Thank you Jake, for all your help. Why don’t you head off to bed yourself.” He surprises me with another hug before he goes.

I move over to Tiger’s bed and pat it, so he will lay down. “Good dog,” I tell him affectionately, and he looks up at me from his cushion, wagging and panting.

“You too,” Rosalind tells me, and guides me up the stairs, back to our room.

“I appreciate the reprieve,” I say quietly as we pass by the nursery, hoping not to disturb the baby. “Thanks for letting me go down there.”

She smirks at me. “I don’t think I could have prevented it.”

I shrug and smile, closing the door to our bedroom behind me. “And I am so impressed with how you managed the conversation with….” I start to tell her, then am shocked when she puts one hand against my lips to silence me, and the other hand presses against me through my trousers.

“Wha….?” I breathe out, very surprised, and very delighted. She starts loosening my trousers, and I am instantly aroused, breathing heavily, looking forward to seeing what she wants to do. I would have thought she would be too nervous to touch me for a few days, and I wasn’t going to press the issue. I’m pleased that she seems ready to overlook that.

“She checked with me,” Wolk informs me, amused.

What? How could she… then I remember Wolk telling me earlier that the answer to her question was yes. Was that it?

“It was,” the crafty wolf says, moving over to take his place under the window.

They were conspiring together? How wonderful! I’m about to say something to her about it, but then suddenly she is on her knees, and her wonderful mouth is on me, and her hands, and nothing else exists for me at this moment.