Chapter Not What It's Cracked Up to Be
Barty
Receiving a new case assignment always made me simultaneously giddy and anxious. I already suffered from anxiety, made worse by the appearance of the manila folders being passed around to the teams. They were stamped on the front with the official MMES seal: an eye in the middle of a circle with filigree surrounding the circle. Felix didn’t help any, hesitating some before he gave me and Marigold our folder. “What’s the issue?” I asked flatly, wondering what sort of excuse he’d give.
Felix opened his mouth, looking like a fish out of water. “Well, this is a murder case, for one.”
“I was hoping it wasn't a murder.” Goldie sneered at the unopened folder.
Discussing death with Goldie was taboo, partly because of how uncomfortable she got, and because nymphs represented life and growth. The lifespan of a nymph also depended upon whether their tree or plant still lived, the tipu tree outside of Goldie’s old home holding out strong, although we had attended several funerals over the past few years for nymphs whose flora hadn’t survived climate change or environmental impacts.
“Yes, unfortunately. If you two don’t like this one, I can give you a different case. Bartholomew, Colin informed me of what happened to you when you first joined MMES. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about this investigation.”
Sighing, I held my hand out for the folder, my eyelids sliding shut. “Is it about vampires?”
It was always about vampires.
Felix took the empty seat next to Marigold, my shorter partner now smiling like she won the lottery. “I’m well aware of your feelings towards. . .” He gestured at himself, eyebrows angling upwards. He always seemed like he was in a consistent state of worry. “You don’t like my kind, which I understand, given what happened to you. However, I felt that you would be suited for this since we're allowing you to use force, as necessary."
I think he was trying to make peace with me. “So I get to wreck vampires?” My raised eyebrow must have relieved him some, especially since I began to thumb through the file, setting it on the table for Marigold to look at. It contained multiple crime scene photos of two different people, a man and a woman. Both of them were in their twenties. The man was Latino or Hispanic while the woman was Caucasian. They had their throats ripped out. I could see the indentation where the trachea was supposed to be. “Well that’s fucking gross.”
“Yes, it’s rather morbid.” Felix averted his eyes while Marigold and I continued our digging, finding profiles about the two victims. “The human police believe it’s a serial killer with an MO for draining the bodies of blood, but we’re thinking it’s more supernatural than that. I want you to look into this and see if you can connect it to vampires or anything that belongs in our realm.” He shifted in his seat again, uncomfortable. There was more to this than what he was saying.
“Couldn’t it just be a human killer?” Marigold asked, reading through the description of the male: Luis Juarez. “This wouldn’t be the first time humans have done something foul like this. They’re really awful creatures.”
Felix still refused to lay eyes on the photographs. A twinge of guilt hit me until I remembered that he had applied for this job and should have known that he would be exposed to awful shit pretty frequently. “Well, there’s a few reasons we’re pursuing this. If you’ll look at the lab report, there was absolutely no blood left. It was as if the blood vessels had been sucked dry. Now, the throats being torn out reminds me of a vampire attempting to hide the evidence in order to make it look like a human did this. Vampires. . . we still typically prefer to drink from the neck of our victims.” He reminded me of a kid admitting that he broke his mom’s favorite vase with how fragile his voice was.
Felix cleared his throat, then reached over to the file, rearranging the photos and victim biographies, revealing a few extra sets of photographs. On both of the skulls, there was a set of holes there, right above the ears on the man and near the edge of the hairline on the woman.
Another set of photos showed that their nails had been ripped off from the bed, pale flesh there instead of hard keratin. The one that made me gag were the autopsy reports that showed a lack of eyes. Whoever did this had also decided to pluck out the eyeballs. “What the actual fuck is this?” My excitement about being able to bash in vampire skulls quickly evaporated, replaced by nausea and pity for the victims.
“Another reason we’re wanting to go after this is because we believe these were demons that were attacked. Obviously not strong ones, possibly just mid-level ones. It's something you need to look into.” Felix closed the folder, none of us wanting to look at the evidence anymore. My stomach was churning, threatening to push out the contents of my dinner.
“Is it wise to put Barty on this case, then?” Goldie asked, her logic overwhelming her favoritism with Felix.
“I asked Colin and Akiya the same thing, but they figured you could handle yourself if you came to a tough situation. Akiya thought you would take this personally and solve it faster.” He was looking at me with sad eyes now, as if apologizing about the deaths of demons I had never met before. “This may be dangerous for you, so I can find a more suitable case for you. I believe you’re capable of handling vampires, however.”
Reopening the file, I shuffled through the images again, trying to imagine the pain these demons had gone through. To have their features taken to hide the evidence of demons was a new level of sick. Taking a demon’s horns was almost worse than death since they were features we earned after doing noble deeds, but aren't born with.
It was disgraceful.
Shaking off my unease, I peered at Felix from beneath my eyelashes, leaning forward in my chair so that I could talk lowly. “I don’t want to sound like a dick, but you wouldn’t happen to know any vampires willing to do this, would you?” Felix may have been boring and pretentious, but he didn’t seem like the type of vampire who would associate with the murderous kinds of bloodsuckers.
That would be too invigorating for him.
“Fortunately for me and unfortunately for you, no. I’ll try to help you as much as I can on this since it is dealing with vampires, so I may have a few connections that I can call to inquire about this, if that's okay with you.” It was a suspiciously nice offer.
I barely had time to think about it before Marigold had already accepted the assistance. “That would be amazing. We’ll take anything to help get us started.”
Pushing hair back from my forehead, I exhaled, showing my distaste with her decision. “Goldie, we can figure this out on our own. We don’t need to bother Felix.” There was absolutely no part of me that wanted to involve Felix in any plan of mine. After I headed home, I wouldn’t have to see him basically until the case was solved, my preference on how I got shit done.
Goldie shot me a look that told me to shut the fuck up, all with a controlled smile. “Remember how we talked about accepting help? My help extends to getting assistance from others, especially when it’s being offered and when it’s your kind that’s being targeted.” I hated when she used our talks and critical thinking against me.
“I would love to help you.” Felix did act sincere, as if he wanted to be a part of this team. Marigold was devouring the attention. “You two head home tonight, and if I discover anything, I’ll call you. Is that okay?” For someone who was supposed to be my boss, he was certainly scared about asking simple questions.
“That’s fine,” I responded stiffly. “Come on, Goldie. I’ll let Cadence know we’re headed home soon.” Hopefully we wouldn’t have to wait for a passenger plane to be landed. My own bed in my own house sounded incredible.
“Oh, that reminds me.” Felix said it before I could walk six steps, acting as if it was only him and Team 3 in the room, despite there being four other teams here, all probably more interested in Felix’s opinion of them than I was. “Can you please tell her I said thank you for sending the flowers to my office? I called her to thank her, but I’d like her to know how much I appreciate her kindness.”
Marigold’s bright eyes darted between the two of us, knowing what was coming next. “You called my sister?” Cadence was older than me by more than a hundred years. Age didn’t mean shit to me when someone was interested in her, though. Neither, apparently, did someone’s title. “Don’t fucking talk to her about anything besides work. I don’t give a fuck who you are.”
Felix had been my boss for about two months. During that time, I had never witnessed him get annoyed until right then. The guy was about six inches shorter than me, yet the look in his eye made me feel barely three inches tall. “I can tell you don’t care since you’re speaking to me like that. Remember that you’re a subordinate, or you’ll be written up next time.”
Biting down on the flesh inside my cheek was hard to do when a million things flew to my mind, a slew of curses and threats all piling up in my brain, trying to force their way out. My hands were balled up without me realizing it. I wanted to punch him hard enough to leave a bruise. My magic flared up inside of my stomach, going into fight or flight mode. My choice was always to fight.
Except now. I couldn’t hit him. I loved my job. Hated my boss but loved my job. “Understood,” I finally responded through gritted teeth. Swiping the manila folder, I left the conference room before I had anything else to say, knowing I’d definitely be fired if I stayed in there for much longer. “Stupid fucking asshole, thinking he can do whatever he wants,” I mumbled as Marigold got caught up to me. “Who the fuck does he think he is, calling my sister? That’s so fucking disrespectful.”
“Have you considered that you’re behaving like a child and he was using his manners when he called Cadence?” Goldie was having a hard time keeping up with me, panting when we got to the elevator.
“No good comes from someone calling my sister about non-work-related things.” I had always been protective over my sister, especially when we were kids. It wasn’t that she got picked on or teased or anything like that—all that bullshit was reserved for me. Everyone loved Cadence, and some people weren’t afraid of showing that. She had her fair share of harassment situations and a few close calls with men who thought they could get away with touching her.
“Weren’t you the one complaining about how boring Felix is?” She stepped onto the elevator before me. “I highly doubt he would do anything to Cadence.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I scowled at my warped reflection in the metal of the elevator. She wasn’t wrong. I could give her that. But that would mean admitting that I was wrong. “I’m still warning Cadence not to get involved with him.”
“You can be such a brat. Barty the Brat.” Her tone was annoyed but her smirk gave her away. She thought her own joke was hilarious. All of the anger inside of me dissipated with that because I couldn’t help but to laugh at her when she thought she was being hysterical. “Hotel to get our luggage, then heading back, right?”
“Absolutely. I just want to get home.”
Along the forested border of Georgia and South Carolina, a dilapidated, century-old cottage, covered in tipu blooms, sat. It could have belonged to a forest witch or goblin; instead, it belonged to Marigold.
“Text me if Felix calls you before he calls me,” the nymph told me, leaning in through the passenger window with her house key in hand. “If you find out anything about the two victims, call me. Hopefully we’ll get this wrapped up quickly.”
“I hope so. The fact that there’s vampires out there killing demons makes me nervous.” My paranoia started creeping in. Just because I was the thing that went bump in the night didn’t mean I was made any more comfortable with being in the dark woods. “I mean, we’re not all bad. I’m a dick, but I’m not evil. And demons like Cadence. . .” A chill shot up my spine, something I hoped Goldie didn’t notice. “It’s just wrong.”
“We’ll solve this before more demons end up dead, Barty.” She waggled her fingers at me, and I stayed until I was sure she had made it into her house safely before I sped off, wanting to be in the safety of my home.
Cadence’s two cats, Skippy and Connie, were at the door when I got home, tripping me up by weaving through my legs while I put my luggage down. “Shit, move,” I hissed at them. “Cade, you up?” A lamp was still on in the living room, my sister’s way of saying she was going to bed. She never left me in the dark.
“Mew? I’m in my office.” Her voice was alert still, and I found her sitting crisscross in her chair, staring at her computer. She wore her bluelight glasses like usual. “How was work?” She typed a few things on her desktop, never once looking at me. If she had, she would have seen the concern plastered to my face.
I didn’t know what I wanted to talk to her about first: my case or Felix. “I got my new assignment.” I moved stacks of binders off her armchair to have a seat. “It’s kind of a big one.”
That got her to stop typing. She spun around in her chair, hands on the armrests. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s the case?”
I offered her the folder for her to sift through. It was technically against the rules, but I couldn’t put everything into words. “Felix and the Council Judges want me on this one because they think I’ll have more of a reason to solve it quickly. Those are demons, Cade. Felix thinks vampires are killing demons.” She looked over the rim of her glasses to stare at me. “Sorry the pictures are so graphic.”
“They made the right call to put you on this since you’re perfect for it, seeing as you were just getting reprimanded yesterday for using your fists too much.” She looked at the victim profiles, drawing a face like she had eaten something tart. “Luis Juarez and Penelope Stiltz. I’ve never heard of them before. I wonder if they’re Earth-born?” I hadn’t considered that. Most demons were born in Hell, like Cadence and I, while a handful were born here on Earth to unsuspecting mothers who slept with promiscuous demons.
“That would make sense. Any demon worth their salt could fight off a few vampires.”
She laughed sadly. “You would know.” She handed the folder back, her eyebrows pinched together in worry. She was young for a demon, just having celebrated her 523rd birthday in April, but her worry lines were deeply embedded into her skin. “So Felix thinks you’re also suited for this, too, then. This is personal for you, on multiple levels. They’re demons, and you have vampires to worry about again. But, Mew, please don’t beat yourself up about this if it gets to be too much. It’s an emotionally draining situation.”
“I’m not going to get attached to it or bury myself too deeply in this, don’t worry. I’m going to solve it and find the fuckers who did this so I can let them sit in the sun for a few hours, no biggie.” Although I said that, my hands were sweaty. Thinking about the eyeless sockets in their heads made my mouth salivate the way it did before I vomited. “And speaking of vampires I have to worry about,” I quickly said, needing a distraction, “why the hell did you send flowers to Felix? Actually, why the hell did you even hire him?”
Cadence rolled her eyes and spun back around to face her desk, knowing our Sibling Emotional Time (trademarked) was over. “Which question do you want me to answer first because they’re both equally stupid?” I felt her magic surge for a brief moment, her annoyance getting the better of her.
“Flowers, then get to why the hell you hired him. He’s a pain in the ass.”
Sighing for a moment, probably silently counting back from ten to calm herself, she looked over her bony shoulder at me. “I sent him flowers because our rates of rehabilitation success have increased since he was hired. We’re seeing strong results of our prisoners being willing to make changes about themselves while in group therapy and have been able to make appeals for quite a few due to adjusted behavior for the better. Felix is like a Council Member wet dream with how well he’s done. The least I could have done is send him a bouquet from Publix.”
“You sent him Publix flowers? You couldn’t have sent, like, cheap Dollar General ones?”
“I’m about to be done with this conversation.” She said it in a singsong voice, a trait she got from our father. He was a general of Hell, but it was made less scary when he would use lighthearted tones with the souls he was meant to punish.
“Then answer why you even hired him. I still think it’s favoritism when Akiya hired him since his husband’s a vampire. You can’t deny that’s suspicious.”
“Mmhmm, yup, we hired Felix just because my boss is married to a vampire. You have found me out, dammit. Our plan has been foiled.” Her voice was as dry as Saharan sand.
“Okay, I get it, you can shut up.”
“Oh, I’m going to have to call Akiya and tell him that our plan is ruined! We just couldn’t pull the wool over the great Detective Bartholomew’s eyes.”
Rolling my wool-less eyes, I got up from her plush chair. “I’m going to bed. You can stay here and be rude all you want.”
“No, Mew, don’t go! I’m not done glorifying you for figuring out that Akiya and I just really like vampires! We didn’t hire him because he was the best suited for the job. That would be stupid!” She was dragging this out, a gleam in her burgundy eyes, taking too much joy from pestering me. “Good night, you big idiot. And be nice to Felix. He’s really a good person.”
Casting her an I don’t believe you look, I slid out of her office and made way to the other end of the house where our bedrooms were. Hers was right across from mine, making it easy for us to yell song lyrics in the mornings when we were trying to annoy each other. I left my folder on my bed next to Skippy, who had made his way into my room. “You wanna take this case, Fat Boy?” I asked him, getting a slow blink in return. “You’re absolutely useless.”
Just like Felix.