Darkest Before the Dawn (male/male)

After returning back downstairs that night, I couldn’t meet Goldie’s eyes, convinced that she knew something was up. I had dismissed it, giving her the excuse that Felix and I had gotten into an argument, something normal for us, and I forced myself to fall asleep in the armchair to avoid more questioning. It wasn’t easy sleeping, curled up in a stiff chair, my brain revolving around the events from the past six hours.

I wanted to shut off. I wanted to shut it all down and compress those feelings into a tight little ball in my stomach and pretend it wasn’t there. Most of my life, I had been so damn good at hiding all these shit emotions, all these good, cheerful feelings. They made me weak. I spent time focusing on the anger and annoyance, letting that fuel me from my childhood, from the time that I knew I was different. It cost me friendships and relationships, but it allowed me to be better and do better.

Now someone was finally trying to claw out that softness inside of me. Every last drop of caring that wasn’t directed towards my sister or my best friend, I wanted to burn it. There wasn’t any need for it.

In my head, I pictured taking all these loose strands of affection and locking them back up into the deep pit of other things I had buried over the years: empathy, excitement, sentimentality. This was how I treated my parents and every person I had ever considered forming a relationship with. Things were simpler this way.

It made it far easier to deal with when Felix didn’t contact me for almost a week after the incident. I wouldn’t let the discouragement fill me because that would mean that there was something there to have been discouraged about losing.

Emptiness was preferable to allowing someone to have control over me.

“Mew, I’m gonna need you to be more careful with that box,” Cadence snapped at me, kneeling on the floor to remove dishware from her own cardboard box. “There’s glass baking dishes in there from Mom, and I sure as fuck won’t be the one to tell her they’re broken.”

“Yeah, sorry,” I responded, hoisting the box onto the countertop and opening it. “Where do you want these?”

She pointed to the corner cabinet. “In there is fine for now. When you’re done putting those away, do you want to go get dinner? I’m thinking sushi.”

“Sure.”

Dishes clanked noisily, Cade apparently not thrilled with my response and settling them down too hard. “What’s wrong, Mr. Mopey-pants? You’ve been kind of down these past few days.” She stepped away from her box of dishes and reached up to scruff my hair, ignoring me when I winced and tried pushing her away. “Is it Felix?”

“Fuck, no, it isn’t him,” I growled, smacking her hand out of my hair. “I’m tired of unpacking and sick of doing backlogged paperwork. I’m a detective. It’s bullshit that I have to desk duty.” Because on top of everything else, it was an added kick in the balls when I received an accordion folder full of documents that needed entering into our system. All the while, Goldie had still been able to go to Mazerene to interview Adrianna and the other vampires we had arrested. Fucking bullshit.

I wouldn’t let myself think of the sonofabitch that had suddenly become the center of my problems. He didn’t even have the fucking decency to text or call me. I mean, shit, was it that hard to acknowledge my existence?

“You doing clerical work has cleared up my plate some, at least. I wouldn’t have had the time to help you unbox everything if I had my normal load.” Her hand made a pass at my head again, this time grabbing at my cheek. "Come on, I’ll put our order in for sushi, then we’ll come back here and get drunk. Sound good?”

I sighed and shrugged, relenting at her request because how could I not? “Sounds perfect.”

Our sibling time was better than I expected. We were full of spicy tuna rolls and miso soup, halfway through our second bottle of wine, and I was finally starting to feel somewhat back to normal. When Cade and I had first come to this realm, brought here for change and because the MMES was offering positions to demons, we used to do this at least twice a week: getting drunk and full from unique Earth foods and drinks that we couldn’t get in Hell. Sushi had been a favorite for a while, paired with Barefoot wine.

It was something we did for years, letting it taper out these past few just because we had grown busier and didn’t make as much time for each other. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed spending time with my sister. She was someone that I could trust with anything. Somewhere along the line, I had stopped appreciating her as much as I used to.

“Cade, I gotta tell you something,” I sighed after taking a long swig of Moscato and turning down Portlandia. It probably would’ve been best to just keep watching the stupid comedy, finish up the wine, then go to bed. Sitting here by her, enjoying being in each other’s company, made me want to open up to her. This had been her plan the whole time, I’m sure.

“What’s up, Mewbert?” She was curled onto the couch, the blanket covering her, her eyes slowly blinking.

“I fuckin’ hate that name, man.” I ran my hands down my face and squished my cheeks between my fingers. “I think something is wrong with me.”

“Are you sick?”

“I’m not sick. Or, I don’t think I am. I’m not. I just have a very big problem.” My voice was wavering, and I shook my hands, imagining that they were beginning to tingle. I knew that I would be fine for at least a few minutes. “I think I like Felix.”

Her face softened and changed into something of, I told you so. “’Bout time you admit it. I knew you liked him.” Flying up onto her knees, she repeatedly jabbed her index finger into my chest. “I called it from day one when he told me which department he was working in. I said, ‘now this is a guy worth Mew’s time’, and here we are. I knew you’d fall in love with him.”

“I’m not in love with him. I don’t even love him. They’re just. . .” I scrunched my face and wiggled my fingers. “Feelings. I hate feelings.”

“Well give me the details. Like was there something he said or did or what?” She gasped and held a finger to my face. “It was that trip to Atlanta together, wasn’t it?”

I waved her off, shaking my head. “No, no.” I paused. Maybe. The vulnerability he had shown that night, how we had laughed together and bonded over music and his past and all this other stupid sentimental shit. Or maybe us sitting by the lake, him telling me that there were people who loved and cared about me. “I don’t know. But the night Goldie and I rescued him, we got back to his house, and I ended up kissing him. I don’t know why I did it. He just looked so stupid and weak and. . . maybe I felt bad for him or maybe I was tired. I dunno.”

“Maybe you just like him and wanted to try it out?”

Shrugging, I glanced down, drumming my fingers on my thigh. “Maybe. I think that’s true. I don’t want it to be because he’s fucking infuriating and boring and a vampire and nothing at all like people I’ve liked before. I hate him.” I exhaled, throwing my head back and closing my eyes. “Except the problem is that I don’t hate him enough. Even the way he just smiles makes me feel all gross inside, but not the bad kind of gross.” I opened my eyes and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “He’s got such a nice smile, Cadence. Can’t you fire him?”

My sister laughed warmly, placing her hand on my knee. “That would be unethical and against regulation to fire him without cause. You’ve got to deal with this, little brother. I can’t help you here.” Leaning back into her bundle of decorative pillows and blankets, she propped her feet up on my thighs. “So then why have you been so pissy lately? Did he not kiss you back or something?”

“He did, and goddamn did he do it well. But he hasn’t texted or called me since. I don’t wanna be pissed about it because it’s stupid, but I thought, you know. . . I thought he liked me, too.” All my life, I had been fucking oblivious to whenever someone was flirting with me. It was never a strong suit, which Cade and Goldie constantly teased me for. With Felix, thinking about the little ways he had smiled at me or kept a lingering glance, my subconscious must have told me that it was okay to shoot my shot. Deep down, I had suspected he liked me for a few weeks, but only wanted to deny it.

But, fuck, did it hurt to be this wrong.

“I mean, Mew, the phone works both ways,” Cadence commented, slowly shaking her head. “Have you tried contacting him yet?”

“Well, no, I just kind of assumed he would.” It made more sense. That was in character for him to call me first, I think.

“You’re so fucking stupid, dude.” She was laughing through her nose now. “You need to call him. He’s probably just as pissed off as you are.” Leaning forward, she snagged my phone off the coffee table and flipped it towards me. “It’s nighttime. He should be awake. Call him, I’m gonna go pee and get ice cream.” Uncurling herself from the couch, she made her way towards the master bedroom, which she had claimed as her own, leaving me there alone with my phone and drunken thoughts.

My finger hovered over his contact, and I held my breath when I tapped the phone icon to call him. In my chest, my heart clenched. The alcohol didn’t keep away my tingling hands for much longer. I wanted him to answer more than anything, I realized, and my throat felt tight when it eventually went to voicemail. “H-Hey, Fee, it’s Mew. Um. I’m drunk. That’s not why I’m calling. I haven’t heard from you since we did…that thing. Th-that sounds sexual. Um. I just was seeing if you were doing okay, and if we could talk about that. I, uh, hope you’ll call me back.”

I had to remind myself to breathe when I ended the call, slumping back against the cushions at the same time Cadence returned with two bowls of coffee ice cream. “You call?” she asked, handing me a freezing bowl.

“Yup. Had to leave a message.” Stabbing at my dessert, I scowled and thought about how much I was going to regret that when I woke up sober in the morning. Calling him had been a cold shock to the system, reality slipping in that I had done something incredibly stupid. That call went against everything I had psyched myself up for, which was to just get over it and move on. Cade had somehow convinced me that calling him was the right thing to do when in actuality, I knew better than that. I had only stirred the pot, that was all.

And in the morning, when I did wake up, mildly nauseated and loathing myself, I knew it was better if I never would have called. There were no calls on my phone, and my only text was from Goldie, asking if I wanted to meet her for brunch. No, I didn’t want to. Instead, I would have rather bundled up in my blankets in my halfway put-away room, curled up with Skippy all day.

Goldie was fortunate that she was one of two people who could overwhelm my self-loathing.

Cadence and I met her in Savannah at her favorite breakfast place, Sunrise Café. It offered enough vegan options to make Goldie happy, which is how we ended up coming here for brunch whenever we weren’t on Mazerene. I was suddenly craving Shelby’s Diner and the particular way the chef was able to fill every nook and cranny of my waffle with butter. The waffle currently in front of me was dry, as was the turkey sausage that I usually enjoyed.

Goldie kept glancing at me during breakfast, even as Cade was filling her in on how the move was going. Her eyes were brighter today, more curious, and I noticed the way she kept moving her hair behind her ears. She knew something. I had to know.

“I noticed your hair is pushed back,” I commented once there was a stall in the conversation, jutting my fork at my partner. “How come?”

She pursed her lips and bounced her eyebrows, pushing around her scrambled egg-substitute with her own fork. One more swipe was made at her hair to make sure it was secured away from her face. “I was working with Felix last night,” she admitted, meeting my eyes now. “He said you left him a voicemail.”

“Yeah, the fuckhead didn’t answer me.” I didn’t mean to, but I chugged my mimosa and flagged down the waitress for another. The perks of bottomless mimosas. “What if I had an emergency?”

“He wouldn’t have been your first call if you had an emergency, don’t be ridiculous,” my sister chided. “But at least now you know he was working.”

“That doesn’t help shit,” I retorted, ripping up my dry-ass sausage with my fingers just to keep my hands busy to avoid picking at my nails and cuticles.

“Why did you call him? He wouldn’t tell me,” Goldie asked, getting us back on track. At least Felix had been able to keep his mouth shut. It was more than I could have said for myself.

“Tell me what you guys were doing last night, first. Have you found anything more in the case?”

She shrugged and sipped at her own orange alcohol. “We did surveillance last night, but I had gone in and wired the place before anyone showed up since Felix’s cover is blown and he hasn’t been talking to Madeline lately. We actually weren’t too far from your place, only about an hour south at an old wood mill. Cade, that guy at your office was there again.”

“He’s actually suspended until this case is wrapped up,” Cadence responded despondently. “As soon as you had called me about him, I let my boss know, and Colin put him on temporary leave and removed any access to our accounts to make sure he didn’t share any more information. He and Akiya are having the logs checked to see if he had accessed the census to find the addresses for those demons.” She made a face and sighed. “Jayden seemed like such a nice guy. He’s been working there for about six months, and I liked working with him. But knowing that he supports Richard, all while working on Mazerene with a bunch of demons. . . it’s gross. Like I want it to be him so we know who was using the census, but I also don’t because that would mean he was willing to contribute to murder.”

Goldie reached across the table to pat Cadence’s hand. Deep lines had etched themselves beneath her eyes, similar to mine. I hadn’t considered the toll that taking on my work must have been causing for her. It pissed me off more that Felix had kicked me off of it. “If it is him that spread around the census for the BRF, you played a major role in having him taken care of. That’s all that matters.”

“I just want recognition if a true crime podcast ever covers this,” Cadence responded, quickly wiping away the distraught expression and returning it to a baseline smug appearance. “So, Mew, you gonna tell our friend here why you called Felix last night?” Bumping her shoulder into mine, she shot me a smile that was basically, I’m sending you to your embarrassing death.

“Yeah, please do tell,” Goldie encouraged, rolling her hand at me to continue.

Scooting my plate away from me, I wondered if I was already willing to tell Goldie. It took me almost a week and lots of alcohol to tell my sister. So far, I had only drunk two mimosas, certainly not enough to get me drunk. I wanted the server to hurry back with my third. My palms were sweaty again. But I told her everything that I had told Cadence the night before, about the kiss and how I was thinking there were some kinds of feelings forming and how I hated him for doing this to me.

Both of the girls were listening dutifully, pumping their eyebrows at each other whenever I said something they particularly liked, whispering stupid shit to each other when I was done telling them. “So Barty’s got himself a boyfriend,” Goldie teased, lightly kicking me beneath the table.

“The fuck I do,” I hissed, quickly thanking the waitress when she returned with my drink. It burned going down my throat, half of it finished already. “He had all night to call or text me back, but he didn’t even have the balls to do that. It’s bullshit.”

Goldie rolled her eyes, resembling me whenever I felt particularly dramatic. “We were out until about three in the morning, and he seemed frazzled after you left him that message. I don’t think he necessarily wanted to upset you.” She folded her hands atop one another and tipped her head the slightest bit, almost like a concerned mom. Her mouth opened to say something, then closed. She waved off the thought with her hand. “I’ll let you figure this out.”

“Goldie—”

“Nope, I’m staying out of this now and making you deal with your own problem. But you have to relax. Trust me.” The tone of her voice suggested that I do just that. She knew Felix better than I did. This was the first time in our friendship that I questioned the trust, though. For some reason, wrapping my head around the possibility of this working out. . .

But I didn’t want it to work out. Or I did. I don’t know. I wanted to talk to Felix and figure this out because I couldn’t bear it anymore. In my career, I was used to not knowing shit and piecing it together slowly. Eventually I would get an answer. With what was happening to me emotionally, I was afraid of never knowing the truth.

All I did know was that Felix’s picture popping up on my phone later that night sent a surge of heat across my body, either from embarrassment or anger. I wanted so badly for it to be anger. “’Bout goddamn time you call me back,” I hissed into the mouthpiece, setting my book down. Stay mad, I told myself. Keep yourself pissed, then hang up on him.

“Can I buy you a drink? Or dinner or dessert or anything that will get you to meet up with me?” he asked, voice low and wavering.

I hesitated because I hadn’t expected him to start like that. The anger left me for a moment, then snapped back painfully. “After you avoid me for a week? Go fuck yourself.” Yes, good. Stay pissed off. Emperor Palpatine once said, “let the hate flow through you”.

Felix was quiet, a tapping noise on his end. It was like a pen being clicked repeatedly. Was I frustrating him? “Mew, please. I want to talk to you in person about this. I’m going to be getting on a plane back to Georgia in about an hour, and I’d really like to take you out.”

Fuck, it was hard staying mad right now. My reaction was to tell him to fuck off and throw my phone across the room. Instead, I threw my blankets off, waking up Skippy, and reached for my pair of jeans I had been wearing earlier. “I’ll come to you. Give me a few hours, and I’ll be there at about one.”

“You don’t have—”

“Shut up, man. That way we can talk freely without humans listening, and you can order blood. We’ll go to Harmonia’s.” It hit me that I wasn’t sure how to close out this conversation. Usually a “see you later” would suffice, but I couldn’t trust myself to not sound overly excited. Breaking my phone wouldn’t have been the move, either. “I’ll text you when I get there. Make sure a cab is ready for me.”

“Absolutely. Be safe, Mew.”

Maybe if I closed my eyes long enough, I could have pretended that was a dream. My chest hurt now. “Stupid fuckin’ emotions,” I grumbled, slipping on my sneakers and stomping through the house. “I’m going to Mazerene. I’ll be back in the morning,” I called to Cade, who just yelled, “oooh” back at me in a mocking way from her bedroom. I considered suffocating her with her own pillow.

The process to Mazerene was always the same, just with more anticipation this time. My volume was loud and on my “Late Night Road Trip” playlist, Modest Mouse and Phoenix flowing out of my speakers. I hated that I was in a good mood. I had no reason to be.

But pulling up in Savannah and heading to the worn-down, abandoned warehouse for entry to Mazerene made my heart twist upwards into my throat. My arms were sluggish when I removed my ID from my wallet to show that I was meant to go to Mazerene, and waiting for the small craft plane to land from its return trip made my mouth go dry. The water cooler didn't offer any help.

At eleven, the plane finally arrived, a small one piloted by a werewolf tonight. She must have noticed how tense I was since she barely said a word to me, letting me settle into one of the six seats before taking off after she did her routine check. During the two-hour ride to the island, I didn’t say anything to her, only played on my phone. I sent a text to Goldie to let her know what I was doing, but knew it would be too late for her to respond right now.

Still, I hoped for a text back from her to give me some kind of reassurance that what I was doing was okay and normal. This was normal. It was fine.

A black cab was waiting for me when we landed, the driver standing outside of the vehicle with my name on a sign: “Mew”. Blood had formed along my cuticles with how badly I was picking at them. This was a habit that I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager.

Felix was already waiting for me at Harmonia’s, seated at a booth in the corner. A siren was sitting on a stool in the center of the bar, strumming a guitar and demonstrating incredible control over her voice to make sure she didn’t accidentally enchant anyone. Usually, I would have sat and listenened to her. Tonight, I was here for a reason I didn’t want to be.

“Yo,” I called, sliding into the seat across from Felix. A tight smile came to his mouth. I had to stop looking at his lips. “You been waiting long?”

“Just long enough to order drinks. Double whiskey on the rocks, right?” he asked, acting coy, as if he didn’t already know my bar order. I hated that I knew what type of blood he preferred, too. O positive, provided by willing blood donors, just like the stuff back at his house. “Would you prefer to wait until you’ve had some alcohol in your system to discuss this whole scenario?”

“There is no amount of alcohol that would get me ready for that,” I admitted, slumping against the pleather seats. “Can we talk about anything else for right now? I-I’m not. . .ready.” My anxiety wouldn’t let me properly form words, not the ones I wanted to say. There were so many questions for Felix that I wanted answered but was afraid of the responses.

“What would you prefer to talk about?” he asked, nodding once as thanks to the waitress when she delivered our drinks. He looked at me over the top of his glass as he sipped from it, and I found myself asking, “how does all of that work?”

“All of what?” he asked, glass of blood back on the table.

“If you drank my whiskey, what would happen to you?”

“I would puke it back up. My digestive organs don’t work like yours do. Other organs do, like my heart and my brain.”

“Oh, so that does work,” I teased, to which he pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow, then brought back his smile.

“Yes, and it seems to work better than yours.” He took another sip of blood, using his thumb to wipe at the corner of his mouth. “Things like my liver and kidneys don’t work. Actually, most of my organs don’t work as well as yours since I’m only consuming blood, and that’s largely iron, water, and proteins. But you have to think of vampirism as a sickness, not like this thing that makes us undead. Our bodies still operate pretty normally, but the biology has changed and adapted to our circumstances.”

“Like your heart. You said that still functions.”

He stayed silent for a moment, probably anticipating a joke from me. His body seemed to relax when he realized he was safe from my scrutiny for the time being. “It’s a handful of beats per minute, just to make sure blood still pumps to my brain and through my body. When I’m running or doing anything physical, it beats faster. My record is twenty-nine beats per minute.” He smirked when I rolled my eyes.

“My lungs are still usable, but I don't have a need to breathe anymore.” He suddenly made me aware of my own breaths, now a manual effort as I tried pulling in a standard amount of air. What was a typical breath for me?

“Why’d you have to mention breathing?” I hissed, realizing I had been holding my breath for too long.

“To mess with you, of course.” He stated it so matter-of-factually that it made me snort. I hated that. “To make you more uncomfortable, I’m still able to ejaculate and experience that process. I don’t think I can produce sperm anymore, which is fine by me."

Narrowing my eyes and staving off the redness that had formed at the tips of my ears, I almost yelped when he reached over and grabbed my hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” I growled, trying to rip back my hand. In case anyone needed to know, i.e., me, vampire strength outweighed demonic strength, apparently.

“My heart beat just a moment ago, so I should be having another one soon.” Carefully, he placed my hand over his chest, right where his heart would be. I didn’t feel anything, other than the flannel he was adorned in and the hardness of his chest. I had to move my eyes to the siren playing guitar before I allowed myself to consider if Felix had a muscular chest or not.

A few of my own heartbeats passed, nothing from his side yet. “I don’t fe—Oh!” The pulse was subtle, something I wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t warned me. Then it fell back into nothingness, as if he didn’t have a heart to begin with.

“Isn’t it neat?” he whispered, my hand still in his. I didn’t want him to let go. He didn’t seem like he was going to. “Is this a date?”

I blinked slowly, processing that quick change in topic. His own gray eyes went from my face, down my arm, and to my hand that was firmly on his chest still. Now I wanted him to let go, and when I jerked my hand back to my side of the table, he allowed it. For a moment, my magic flared to my fingertips, and I had to mentally talk myself down from the burst of emotion that had flooded my sense. “I don’t. . .you caught me off guard here. This whole thing is weird for me.”

“Can you be more specific?”

Nope. My head was a whirlwind of questions and mild hopes that I didn’t want to touch with a thirty foot pole, a nasty kaleidoscope of concerns that created a well of self-doubt and a cloud of nerves to rain on my head. No, I couldn’t be more specific because I didn’t know where the fuck to start. Felix must have seen the look on my face and figured I was trying to remember how to think properly.

“I’ll make this easy, then,” he started, using his long fingers to push my drink closer to me. “I’m sorry for not calling you the past week. I’ve been horribly afraid to since I didn’t know how you’d react. You spent so long disliking me that I thought that I had ruined everything we managed to build up these past few weeks, and it was typical avoidance behavior.” He let me have a long drink before continuing, his eyes now focused on the way his hands had settled in his lap. “I really like you, Mew. I have for several months now, and last week, I think I got it in my head that you returned those feelings, so I ended up making a mistake. I shouldn’t have pressured you to make you feel like you had to kiss me back, and it was extremely unprofessional and unethical of me.”

It wasn’t the direction I had expected it to go in. I was anticipating awkward banter and a few jokes at each other’s expense, then have a legitimate conversation about that kiss. Him apologizing felt wrong. “You didn’t fucking pressure me,” I quickly responded, furrowing my eyebrows, not mad at him for once, rather that he was mad at himself. “I told you to kiss me. I wanted it. I think I. . .” I paused and drew in a deep breath. I wasn’t ready to tell him. “I think I knew you liked me. I wouldn’t have told you to kiss me if I didn’t want it, you know that. I would’ve absolutely rocked your shit if you had tried that without permission.”

Relief melted his face into an easiness that I associated with him. His elbows landed on the table, and he burrowed his face into his hands. His flannel sleeves went down to his first knuckle, something I thought was stupid looking a month and a half ago. Now it suited him. “Oh, thank god. When you left that voicemail that we needed to talk, I thought you were going to absolutely destroy me.” I guffawed, and he peeked up at me, eyes still afraid. “That is the most afraid I’ve ever been over another boy.”

“Call me next time, dummy! Like, fuck, you could’ve called me the next night and had this shit sorted out a week ago so that you wouldn’t have been scared and I wouldn’t have been pissed off at the whole damn world.” Beneath the table, I nudged his foot with the tip of my shoe. He was so flustered, turning his head away from me and fidgeting in his seat. From here, I wasn’t sure where to go. The random bursts of questions and anxiety that were in my head had finally died down some, yet my magic was still throbbing in my fingers on high-alert.

I finished the rest of my whiskey, the server coming around a moment later with a second one. Somewhere in the distance, the siren finally ended her song, though she had become a sound at the end of the tunnel. All of my focus was on the idiot vampire sitting across from me, lips parted in a gentle smile, staring over his shoulder at the performer as she started another song. It reminded me of our drive to Atlanta, how he had a constant upturn of his lips, like everything in his life was amusing to him.

“You going to the Mazerene Halloween Ball?” I found myself asking, immediately wishing I could have slunk beneath the table and crawled out of the bar with the way Felix was studying my face now, his head tipped curiously.

“I was planning on it since this will be my first one. Akiya’s told me about it, and I’m curious.” He swirled around the remainder of his blood inside the glass and sat up straighter. “Will you be going to it?”

I rolled my eyes and nodded, now attempting to find a way to make this casual. I wasn’t usually the one to ask someone out. “Cadence and Goldie make me go every year to help socialize me. It’s nothing compared to the New Year’s Ball and is just an excuse to get a bunch of supernaturals together to get drunk and wear gaudy costumes, but it’s pretty okay if you’ve never been.”

“You sure know how to make a guy want to go on a date with you.”

My mouth opened and closed like a distressed fish. “I never fuckin’ said it was a date, number one.” Picking up my whiskey, I held up my index finger to give extra emphasis and to take another long draw from the liquid. “And two, if that hypothetically were to be a date, you know damn well you would have a goddamn great time with me.”

He shrugged so casually that I almost didn’t know how to respond. I was expecting a smooth retort from him. “Sounds like I’ll be seeing you at your place Halloween night. Make sure you’re in your gaudiest costume. I mean, I’m expecting tulle and lace and rhinestones.”

“Oh, fuck off,” I laughed, crossing my arms over my chest, hating the way my whole being was warm. It had been a minute since I felt like this, definitely since before I came to Earth. Somehow, Felix had dug deep enough down to find some inkling of softness inside of me, and he was forcing it out of me, despite me wanting to keep up the front of expressing only negativity towards him. Having him around in this capacity, knowing the way he felt and how I was allowing something to flourish between us, made me want to try something other than anger and frustration for once.