Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

The furious genfin stares me down, not at all cowed by my mates. “You might have the princess fooled, but not me. The rebels were always two steps ahead of the prince before. Now look at us. Hundreds of my people are dead, and we’re like chickens with our heads cut off, no idea where he’s going to strike at us next,” the genfin spits. He points in my direction, his expression murderous. “I’ll make you pay for this, Cupid.”

Ronak growls and all the blood drains from my face. Evert starts shouting curses and threats at him, but before a fight can break out, the genfin just turns around and stalks off. He shoves fae out of the way as he goes, leaving the rest of the crowd left behind to stare at us.

“Well this isn’t awkward at all,” I mumble.

Beside me, Evert is seething, his whole body tense and his hands clenched into fists as he stares daggers at the retreating genfin. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Come on,” Sylred urges, but Evert just pushes him away.

“No. He just fucking threatened our mate. He doesn’t get away with that!” Evert yells.

Sylred holds up two hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m on your side here. But we’re out in the open, and if this crowd turns on us, we’re outnumbered. Do you really want to do this right now? With Emelle right here?”

“Umm. I’m not helpless. I’m awesome with a bow. I could totally win in a fight,” I insist. I tilt my head in thought. “Probably. Maybe. There’s at least a fifty percent chance, if I take my attacker by surprise, anyway.”

I guess my declaration doesn’t comfort them with my defensive prowess, because Evert curses under his breath, and Sylred gives me a tight smile. “We need our fucking alpha,” Evert snaps.

He shoots a glare at the growling genfin, as if this is all his fault.

“Come on,” Sylred says, grabbing me by the arm and leading us away.

I do my best to ignore all of the stares as we make our way down the road, but…yeah, I’m pretty sure half of these fae would like to chop off my head and mount it on their wall.

For the record, my head would look fantastic as an art piece. Not that I want to be an art piece, but…silver linings and all that.

We pass through the cluster of cabins until Evert stops in front of one. He hesitates at the door and runs a hand over the dark scruff on his jaw. “Okay, if you just stay here and—”

“Nope.”

I walk forward and before he can stop me, I sidestep around him and throw open the cabin door…and stop in my tracks.

I stare, wide-eyed, at the sight in front of me. Plik and Plak, the twin fae who pulled me out of the Veil when I was stuck, are in the middle of the cabin, tied down to a table. Not a chair since, they’re conjoined at the butt cheeks. They’re also still naked. Their wrinkly penises are poking out like a baby bird trying to hatch out of its egg.

With wide eyes, I turn to Evert. “Did…did you kidnap them for me?”

Warily, he nods.

I lunge at him.

He isn’t expecting it, so he sort of fights me off for a second before he realizes that I’m hugging him. When he realizes I’m not actually attacking him, he stops trying to push me off and instead pulls me tighter against his chest and lifts me off my feet. I curl my arms around his neck and beam at him. “You kidnapped them for me,” I nearly squeak with feels.

He grins, and I poke his dimples. “I sure as fuck did,” he says with pride.

“That was so sweet. I am so gonna suck your cock later,” I tell him.

“I helped,” Sylred quickly pipes in behind us.

Evert gives him a look. “You did not, you fucker. You kept trying to talk me out of it. Telling me kidnapping was bad and shit.”

“And that was super responsible of you,” I tell Sylred. “You get a sexual service of your choice.”

Sylred blushes and smiles at the same time. His pink hair looks so cute when he blushes.

“We should let them go now,” I say.

Evert looks only slightly disappointed. “Fine.”

I hop down out of Evert’s arms and walk up to the conjoined twins. I notice the bucket and piles of food and water that have been left for them. At least it seems like he’s been an attentive kidnapper.

I move to start undoing the bindings around them, but Evert comes over and pushes my hands out of the way. “I’ll do it. I’d rather you not brush against their dicks.”

“I wasn’t gonna,” I protest. “I was being super mindful of their dicks.”

He gives me the side-eye. “Scratch. Don’t be mindful of dicks that don’t belong to your mates.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I remove the cloth that’s stuffed into their mouths and they both work their jaws a bit before talking. Of course, they speak in that disjointed way of theirs, trading off words between them as they go.

“Ah. It’s the—Veil female. We informed your—idiotic mate here that—we could not—bring you back. But he—would not—listen. He was not—happy when we—failed to bring you—out of the Veil. But alas—you were not there. And now—here you are. Just as we—knew you would—you’ve come back.”

Evert gets the rest of the bindings off of them and helps them to their feet. “Sorry Plik,” I tell the twin on the left.

“I’m Plak,” he corrects.

“Oh, right. Sorry. Plak and Plik.”

There’s an awkward pause as they get steady on their feet and then cock their heads at Evert expectantly. They don’t look angry. To be honest, they seem practically pleasant, considering they’ve been tied to a table and kept in this rebel cabin for gods knows how long.

Speaking of…

“How long have you kept them here?” I ask Evert.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Not long.”

I cock a brow. “How long?”

“I dunno. Just…a few days.”

“Weeks,” Sylred corrects cheerfully.

I grimace slightly and make eyes at Evert while also motioning my head toward the twins. He just stares at me, completely missing my signal. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Apologize to them,” I mouth.

“Fuck that. When you disappeared, and we couldn’t fucking feel your bond, I went to them. But these fuckers wouldn’t get you back! It’s their fault I kidnapped them. They wouldn’t cooperate.”

“Couldn’t,” Plik corrects.

Evert glares at him.

“We tried. But we—could immediately feel—that you were not—in the Veil. We informed your mate—that you were out of our reach. At which point—he knocked us out—and brought us here.” Plik and Plak explain, sounding like it’s all very exciting.

“Okay, well…Sorry about the kidnapping,” I tell them seriously. “I apologize on my mate’s behalf. Is there anything we can do…?”

Without skipping a beat, they say, “We’d like—sexual intercourse.”

I blink at them. “Ummm…what?”

“You had better not be propositioning my fucking mate,” Evert growls, looking like he’s ready to throttle them.

Plik and Plak itch the tops of their scraggly-haired heads, right in between their antlers. “Not with your mate,” Plak explains. “But we understand—that your cupid—can induce sexual fervor. As restitution for our kidnapping—we require—a full sexual encounter—so that we may sow our oats. It has been—some time.”

The twins look at me expectantly. “Oh. Umm, sure?”

They nod at the same time. “Wonderful. We shall wait—here for you to bring—us a willing—participant.”

“Oh. Umm…right now?”

Plik and Plak nod again. “Yes. Unless you’d rather—us settle the debt—by putting in a—formal complaint—to the crown for—kidnapping?”

I shake my head adamantly. “Nope. No. Definitely don’t need to do that. Sex it is. I’ll just…go find someone? For the kidnapping restitution. Like you said. Right now.”

“Excellent. We will wait exactly ten minutes.”

Geez. No pressure.

“Do you have any preferences?”

They shake their heads. “We are—not picky,” they say, and then they both start…primping. And by primping, I mean that they start tugging on their penises and brushing down their chest hair with their hands.

“Okay, I’ll just go find someone who can deal with…” I wave a hand in the twins’ direction. “All of this.”

“We will—be ready.”

I give them a tight smile. “Great.”

I turn around and make a, what the fuck am I supposed to do right now, face at Sylred.

“I’ll help you,” he quickly says.

I point at Evert. “You’re helping me too. Come on.”

The things I have to do in this realm just get crazier and crazier.