Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

I wake up hours later with hair stuck my face and my mouth open wide enough to let out a snore so loud that it startles me awake. I jolt upright and wipe the corner of my mouth. With a quick look out the windows, I can see that it’s dawn again. I slept an entire day and night away.

I get up and stretch, and use the pull-chain by the bed to summon a maid. One appears within minutes with a soft tapping at my door. She has chrysanthemums growing out her vined head, immediately making me thinking of my friend, Mossie. “Good morning,” she greets me with a curtsy.

“Hey, I’m Emelle,” I say, ushering her inside.

“I am Primmy, and it’s lovely to serve the one who rescued our princess.”

I blush at the earnestness in her voice and pick at my dirty nails. “Oh. I didn’t do much. It was mostly the Horned Hook.” I stop and point at her. “But don’t tell him I said that. That guy already has a big enough head as it is.”

She smiles and nods. “Your secret is safe with me.”

I blow out a breath. “So, I’m not really sure what Princess Soora is doing or what I should be doing…”

Primmy gives me a kind smile. “If you’re ready to bathe and dress, I can help you with that. Then everyone will be gathered downstairs for breakfast in the dining room in about an hour.”

My stomach growls loudly, making the girl’s eyes shine with amusement. “Let’s get you all sorted, shall we?”

“Yes, please. Breakfast sounds heavenly.”

As soon as I say that last word, a puff of white glitter explodes in my room, and Primmy and I both let out matching shrieks at the angel that appears before us.

When the glitter dust clears, I huff and stomp my foot. “What the Veil hole? First Lex, and now I have angels popping up in front of me, too?”

Raziel crosses his arms and glowers down at me. “You.”

“Yes, me. What are you doing here?”

His frown deepens. “You summoned me somehow. How did you do that?”

I raise my hands in exasperation. “The hell if I know!”

Yep. That does it.

Black smoke billows up from the floor and then there’s Jerkahf, dusting himself off as he whirls around in surprise. When he notices Raziel and me, he grinds his teeth. “What the seven layers of hellfire am I doing here?”

“She has the ability to summon us, apparently,” Raziel explains.

Poor Primmy looks like she’s about to faint, so I pat her on the back in a show of comfort. At least, I hope it’s comforting. I’m not really sure how you comfort someone when a pissed off angel and smoking demon suddenly appear in front of you. Is she always that pale green? Hmm. I wonder if she’s a fainter? I hope not.

The angel and demon both turn to scowl at me, and I hold my hands up in surrender. “Don’t get all scary-glarey on me. I didn’t summon you! I just said heaven and hell. I didn’t know that would do anything. I already have to be careful saying the word help—”

Yeah. Okay. I walked right into that one.

Pink smoke and a puff later, there’s Lex beaming happily at me. “Hello, Madame Cupid Emelle.”

That’s when Primmy hits the floor.

Dammit. She is a fainter.

“This is getting ridiculous,” I mumble as I lean over Primmy and try to wake her up. When that doesn’t work, I grab a pillow from the bed and prop it under her head.

“Don’t summon us,” Raziel snaps.

“Okay, okay. Like I said, it was an accident.”

“I was right in the middle of fighting for the righteous souls of the earth,” he pouts.

I pat him on his arm. “I’m sure you were doing a super good job, too.”

His wings pulse with their shining light a bit at the compliment. “I was. We were winning,” he brags.

Jerkahf snorts. “Keep telling yourself that, dick dove.”

Raziel curls his hands into fists like he’s about to deck him, so I quickly let my wings pop out at my back, separating them. “Alright you two. That’s enough. I’m sorry for accidentally summoning you.”

Raziel drops his gaze to me. “Don’t do it again.”

“It just happened.”

“How can it just happen?”

“It’s actually your fault,” I tell him seriously. “Maybe this would’ve been covered in my cliff notes that you guys didn’t give me because you were too busy being a pair of hairy dicks?”

“She’s got a point,” Jerkahf mumbles from behind my wings.

“See?” I say triumphantly. “I have a point.”

“Do. Not. Summon. Me.”

Raziel’s gone a second later, leaving only his white glitter and a shining white feather behind. “I think he’s starting to like me.”

Jerkahf laughs as I turn to face him. “Keep telling yourself that. And don’t tell the fucker, but he’s right. Don’t go summoning us on accident anymore.”

I nod. “I promise to only summon you intentionally from now on.”

He sighs at me, and smoke seeps out from between his lips. We both look over at Primmy as she comes to, her eyes wide as she blinks up at the demon and cupid still in my room.

“Don’t worry, he’s leaving,” I reassure her.

“Yeah, yeah. Back to the pit-fires of misery and ash.”

He disappears, leaving only Lex behind, and she’s…

“Are you meditating?”

She pops open her eyes from her spot where she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Yes. I’ve found that if I visualize love and all of its many wonders, I can better remind myself why love is so important, even when it is difficult.”

A smile creeps over my face. “The blacklisters giving you trouble?”

A slight blush creeps over her cheeks. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, I assure you.”

“Aww, you are such an adorable overachiever.”

“Thank you,” she says seriously.

“How’s Sev doing back at Cupidville?”

Lex gets to her feet and pulls out a heart-shaped notepad. “He has ensured all of your changes are being carried out, and I have been assisting him. He did have a few questions that I jotted down so that I could ask you.”

“Ask away.”

“One, he wants to know if cupid superiors can have four weeks of vacation instead of the standard two.”

I roll my eyes. “He means can he have four weeks,” I correct. “And sure.”

She writes that down with her quill. “Excellent. Question two, he would like to know if he is permitted to hire a secretary.”

I roll my eyes. “He just wants to play out the whole boss secretary fantasy. Tell him no, and to stop thinking with his dipstick.”

She writes it down word for word, and I snicker under my breath.

“I’ll refrain from asking you the rest, since they are, in fact, about his dipstick.”

“Of course they are. Has he propositioned you?”

“Several times,” she replies pragmatically. “But I have informed him that I have no wish to enter into a romantic relationship.”

“You really mean that? I thought you were just saying that to get the Horny Hooker off your back.”

“Oh, no. I’m quite serious. I much prefer to make Love matches between others.”

“Huh.”

She puts away her notebook. “Alright, is there anything else that I can do for you, Madame Cupid Emelle?”

“Nope. Thanks, Lex.”

She disappears, and I turn my attention back to Primmy. “Sorry about that. I’ll try not to summon anymore Veil Majors until after breakfast, I promise.”

She just stares at me in shock.

“Primmy?”

She shakes her head to clear it. “Right. Bath. Shall we?”

Considering my back is covered with worm dirt, my hair is a matted rat’s nest, and my outfit is most definitely ruined, I nod. “Sorry for sleeping in the clean bed like this. I was wiped out.”

“No apologies necessary, Madame,” she says, leading me to the bathroom where a huge silver tub waits. She’s a little shaky, but overall, I think she handled the whole thing pretty good, considering.

She pulls a cord at the wall and warm water starts gushing inside. After peeling off my clothes, I get in and let Primmy wash and comb my hair as I soak and scrub my skin. The tub is big enough to swim laps in, but I settle for just spreading out as far as my limbs allow.

When I’m done, she plaits my hair in fancy braids and curls, and I pull my wings into my back so that she can put me in a dress. It’s lavender, just like nearly everything else, but soft as silk, The neckline is high, reaching just above my collarbone in a straight line across, but it gathers at the top of my shoulders with violet brooches, and then the fabric drapes down loosely, leaving my back totally exposed, right down to the top of my butt. It makes me look way more glamorous than I really am.

When I get down to the dining room, I’m the last one to arrive. The table is already laid out with heaps of food, and the princess, Zalit, Belren, along with three other high fae I haven’t met are deep into their plates and conversations. I’m surprised to see that Belren isn’t wearing his mask here, and seems to be perfectly at home.

“Oh, Emelle, I’m so happy to see that you’re awake and well,” Princess Soora greets me as I take a seat beside Belren.

“Thanks, I must’ve been tired. How are you feeling?”

“Perfect, now that I’m home,” she smiles. “Let me introduce you to my father, Sal, and my other sisters, Rilla and Reet.”

The girls are young, maybe only around ten or so, with the same purple skin tone as Soora, while their father has the same orange as Zalit.

The girls giggle and whisper to each other, until one of them blurts, “Is it true you’re a cupid?”

Surprised, I look over to Soora, who grimaces slightly. “Your status has been exposed, I’m afraid. Somehow, the prince learned what you are,” she explains.

I don’t need to guess how he knows, and by the look on her face, she doesn’t either. Okot had to have been the one to tell him. This information just twists the dagger that’s already been stabbed into my heart.

Across from me, one of the sisters passes over a folded up wanted page with my face plastered on it. I frown down at it. “This picture makes my wings look terrible.”

The girls gasp in unison. “Do you really have bird wings?”

Smiling to myself at the good luck of my backless dress, I push out my wings, and the girls gasp again and jump to their feet. They rush over to me and start admiring and petting them, giggling excitedly. “I’ve never seen wings like these before!”

“They’re even better than bird wings!”

“Girls, that’s enough ogling our guest. Take a seat and eat,” their father says.

I give them a wink, and fold my wings up behind my back as they make their way back to their chairs.

“I guess there’s no sense in hiding them anymore,” I say.

Princess Soora shakes her head. “Quite right. You’ve become quite famous in the resistance, actually.”

My brows raise. “Really?”

Zalit answers. “Indeed. I’m fairly certain your wanted poster is being displayed in nearly every outhouse on the island.”

I blink at him, confused for a second, until realization dawns on me. “Oh. Well that’s…flattering.”

Zalit and Belren share a chuckle.

I start to load up my plate with the honeyed rolls and purple berries, but when I reach for the pitcher of drink, Belren flicks a finger and makes it float to my cup and fills it for me.

“If I had telekinesis, I’d be super lazy,” I admit, watching the pitcher set back down.

Belren watches me with amusement as I start stuffing my face with food. I try to eat slowly though, since I’m at Princess Soora’s table and everything, but damn those rolls are yummy.

Conversation continues around me, and when I’ve cleared my plate, Belren finally leans over to me. “Do you always eat that fast?”

I look down at my empty plate with a shrug. “I was hungry,” I wipe my mouth on the napkin and then take a big gulp of the fizzy orange drink before turning to him. “Sorry, I should’ve asked how you’re feeling. Last I saw you, you were passed out with your tongue hanging out of your mouth.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t,” he insists.

I shrug. “You were unconscious. It’s my word against yours.”

He rolls his gray eyes as he takes a steaming drink out of his mug. “If you’re quite done talking about inconsequential things, I happen to have information on your genfins.”

I nearly drop the cup in my hand, only barely managing to set it on the table before I clasp his arm desperately. “Where are they?”

“Calm yourself, Veil female. Besides, can’t you use your mate bonds to find them?”

“I’ve tried,” I snap. More at anger for myself than him. “Every time I try, it just wants to pull me back to…” My throat closes up, refusing to say Okot’s name out loud. Belren doesn’t notice the pained expression on my face, so I clear my throat and finish by saying, “I’ve tried. I can’t track my genfins.”

“Alright, I’ll tell you where they are. On one condition.”

“Are you seriously trying to make a deal right now?” I growl.

He shrugs, unperturbed. “I’m a thief, darling. I always make sure to come out on top. What did you expect?”

“Fine,” I say through clenched teeth. “What do you want?”

“Your delectable assistant. I’d like to spend time with her.”

My brows raise in surprise. “You want me to bargain Lex off to you?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. She can always say no.” He leans in close so that his lips nearly touch my ear. “But I think we both know that she won’t be able to say no.”

I shove him in the chest, and he laughs and leans back. “Fine. I’ll ask her. But if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to.”

He offers me his silver hand and a cocky smile. “Deal.”

As soon as we shake on it, he says, “Word is, that they’re here.”

“What do you mean, here?” I ask, my heart beating quickly.

He flicks his wrist and sends a pitcher soaring toward him. He plucks it out of the air and refills his mug, taking his sweet ass time. “Belren,” I snap.

He takes a sip, his eyes twinkling. The prick is totally enjoying this.

“Apparently, my sources say that a contingent of genfins amassed with some of the other rebels weeks ago, right after the rumor of Princess Soora’s execution started spreading around.”

“And the rebels are here, on this island?”

“Indeed.”

“Where?”

Belren opens his mouth to answer, but Princess Soora beats him to it. “You saw the temporary housing from the window?” she asks, and I nod. “That’s the rebel base. If they’re here, that’s where they’ll be.”

“The rebel base is right out in the open like that?” I ask, surprised.

Princess Soora’s father shakes his head. “My Soora is very talented at glamouring. She glamoured this entire island before she departed. Only those on our side are able to see what’s truly here.”

“Huh.” I say, impressed. “Neat trick.” I jump to my feet. “If you’ll excuse me?”

She waves me off. “Of course, go. Find your mates.”

I can’t help the smile that takes over my face. “Thanks!”

I rush out of the dining hall, not even bothering to walk out like a normal person. I go full invisible and zoom toward the rebel base as fast as I can.

Let’s hope that my genfin mates don’t hate me, too.