Crimes of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 3)

I march forward, pretending that I’m not scared or intimidated in the slightest, even though I could just pee myself I’m so nervous.

Ferno narrows his eyes when he spots me pushing through the crowd. “You,” he spits. “You’re the cupid. I remember you posing as a servant.”

“I remember you being a flaming douche,” I reply tartly.

His hold on the princess tightens, making her wince, and my hands curl into fists. “Let her go.”

He laughs at me. “Yeah, I don’t think so. I think I’ll take you and the princess here myself. I’ll be considered a hero.”

“If you hurt her, I’ll claw your eyes out, ruin every romantic relationship you’ll ever have for the rest of your life, and make you have insta-lust with something much worse than a bar of soap.” I tell him conversationally. I tap my chin in thought. “I’m thinking a cactus. It makes sense, since, you know, you’re a prick.”

In his fury, he releases the princess and lunges for me. Just like I wanted.

Before he can get to me, I pop into the Veil, sweep around him, and then turn visible again, Love Arrow in hand. I plunge that sucker into his back as hard as I can. A billowing puff of red smoke erupts on contact.

Now, I’ve never hit someone with a Love Arrow in the flesh. I’ve always done it in the Veil. So I’m not expecting it when the thing stays lodged in his back instead of disappearing in a cloud of colored smoke. I’m also not expecting blood to start seeping through his uniform.

He cries out and his arms go swinging, but I quickly dodge out of the way. The flame wall he erupted flickers out from his distracted pain, and I scream at the prisoners to run. Princess Soora leads the way.

“You…” Ferno says, whirling around to face me.

One second, his face is filled with rage, and the next, a dopey look crosses his face and I feel a hum under my ribs.

Crap.

He lunges at me, but this time, I’m having to fend off his puckered lips.

I put my hand out against his face, smooshing his cheek and lips. “No,” I tell him sternly.

“I love you,” he says behind my palm.

I sigh and continue to watch the prisoners file out of the room.

“First the bar of soap, and now this. What a cupid day.”

Blix, who was being held back and pummeled by a couple of fae, is dropped to the ground. He spits out blood onto the floor, and looks over at us, confusion crossing his face when he sees Ferno trying to feel me up and declare his undying love for me.

“What…”

“He’s in love with me,” I quickly explain.

I curse under my breath as Ferno continues to try to get to me. I move my hand to pinch his lips together with my fingers, while I bring my other hand to his crotch and squeeze his sensitive balls. He freezes his advance, his fiery eyes going wide.

“That hurts doesn’t it?” I say in a polite tone. “If I squeeze any harder, it’ll probably really hurt. And we don’t want to cause you any lasting damage, do we?”

He shakes his head so quickly I lose the hold on his lips.

“Good. I’m glad you’re being so agreeable. Now. I’m going to let you go. And you’re going to stay here. Okay?”

He looks at me with puppy-dog eyes. “But…I love you.”

“Sure you do. But if you really love me, I need you to stay here and pretend you didn’t see me. Or else someone is gonna hurt me, okay?”

A worried look crosses his face. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“That’s really sweet, Ferno,” I praise, patting him on the head as I release my punishing hold on his balls. He relaxes a bit, but I want to make sure he’s paying attention still, so I snap my fingers in front of his face. “Listen up, peenfork. You and your water friend here need to keep quiet about what you saw today. Tell anyone who asks that someone snuck up on you and knocked you out. And when you woke up, all the prisoners were gone. Can you do that for me?”

“Anything for you,” he says dreamily.

“Great,” I beam at him. “I’m gonna go now, okay?” I say, inching away. The rest of the prisoners have gone.

Ferno’s eyes widen, and he takes a step toward me before stopping himself. When he sees my eyes narrow, he stops in his tracks. “But…when will I see you again?”

Never. “Soon,” I tell him. “Super soon.”

He nods. “Okay. Soon. Good.”

“Remember. Not a word. But if I were you, I’d get out of here. How do you think they’ll punish you for letting all the prisoners escape?”

Blix’s face pales.

I blow them a kiss and dart away through the door, and then I run like hell.