Complicated Love: (MMF Bisexual Menage Romance) (Black Light Book 9)

Emma pushed down the anger she felt at herself. She had totally botched what was arguably supposed to be one of the biggest and best days of her life. She hadn’t expected the guys to be home before her, so she hadn’t been prepared to be confronted.

Since she was a little girl playing with her baby dolls, she’d always known she wanted to be a mother. True, she’d put the idea to the back of her mind since beginning her relationship with the men she loved more than life itself. It had been too complicated to contemplate adding a baby to their mix.

But if she were honest with herself, holding Sam and Jonah’s little peanut, Natasha, had changed things for her. Seeing Jaxson and Chase holding the infant had opened her eyes to the possibility of them being fathers and it had been hard to put it out of her mind since. Intellectually she knew her memories of holding Natasha had nothing to do with her getting pregnant just weeks later, but she worried she had sub-consciously set things in motion for it to happen anyway.

Now, fear gripped her. Jaxson had left. What if he couldn’t forgive her? What if he was so against being a father he’d walk away, particularly if they found out the baby was actually Chase’s. Considering their almost daily sex romps, it was a fifty-fifty chance either of the men was the biological father.

Lost in her own worry, she almost forgot Chase was still there. More guilt.

She was still in his arms, sitting on his lap, but where he’d been comforting her before, he had gone stiff. As she looked at him, she found him staring off into the distance, his jaw rigid.

She reached out to stroke his scruffy cheek to get his attention. When he turned back towards her, she wished he hadn’t. Jovial Chase rarely got angry, but it happened. She’d just never seen his anger directed at her before. She hated it.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Why? What the hell made you wait so long to tell us?” Desperation permeated his voice.

“I never meant to hurt you. I just needed to get used to the idea of being pregnant before I shared it.”

“Eight weeks? It took you eight fucking weeks? Christ, the whole night of the Roulette event, while you were on the stage with me, you knew? Way back then?”

“I’d just found out. I was freaking out. It was why I was in the bathroom so long before we went down.”

“You should have told us.”

“We were already running late. And I needed to get my head on straight first.”

“Fine. After the event. The next day. Hell, the next fucking week. Any time would have been preferable. I deserved to know I’m going to be a father.”

“We bought the club within a few days after that. The schedule has been insane ever since. I’ve tried. I really have, but it just never seemed to be the right time. And then I panicked. I mean, I don’t know for sure if you or Jaxson are going to be a father.”

Anger changed to fury in Chase’s beautiful eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? It doesn’t matter whose sperm won the goddamn race, Emma! Both Jax and I will love the baby like a father, no matter whose DNA she has.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she uttered nothing.

Chase didn’t suffer from the same affliction. “You shouldn’t have kept it a secret.”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t my only secret.”

She saw a spark of fear in his eyes before she quickly added, “I hate California. I just want to go home to D.C. Everyone here seems so fake here, so judgmental. They’re all model thin with their perfect beach bodies. It’s only going to get worse, too, as I keep gaining weight.”

“Don’t you dare let Jaxson hear you saying that. You’re already in so much trouble without adding putting your body down into the mix.”

“I’m not putting myself down. I’m stating facts.” She was relieved to see a Chase smile light up his face again.

“Are you kidding me? You are going to be the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever.” He finally touched her again, placing his palm over her tummy. When he looked back up at her, she saw tears in his eyes. “You really have a baby in there?”

“Believe me,” she chuckled, “it’s taken me some time to get used to the idea, but yes. I talk to him or her all the time, telling them about their daddies.”

“Do you know yet if it’s going to be a boy or a girl?”

“Oh goodness, no. I haven’t been back to the doctor since I found out I was pregnant. It’s another reason why I knew it was getting time to tell you guys. I should probably be making another appointment soon. It’s just…”

“What?”

“I want to go to my doctor in D.C. I want to go home. I want things back to the way they were, just the three of us.” She dared to say it. “I wish we’d never bought the new clubs.”

“It will get better once we get everyone hired and open.” He tried to comfort her.

“Are you sure about that? Jaxson is so angry all the time. He’s different. I miss him.” She looked back into his eyes. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Emma, I’ve been here the whole time. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit. I may see you and Jax every day, but nothing has been the same since we moved out here seven weeks ago. You are both distracted. You go off to work every day and don’t take me with you. Even when I go, I have to watch Ted hitting on you and Lola hitting on Jax. It’s not that I’m jealous. I know nothing will happen. It’s just…”

“What, baby?”

“I’m tired of being an after thought. We promised to always put each other first and when I needed you more than ever you guys left me on my own.”

Chase winced at her harsh words. “You’re right, and I’m so sorry. We both knew you weren’t happy, but I think we both took you for granted, assuming we could make you happy again once we got the clubs open.”

“Now I’ve fucked it up bad. What if Jaxson can’t forgive me? Can we call him and check on him?”

Chase frowned. “His phone is broken.”

“Broken? It was working this morning. It’s almost brand new. What’s wrong with it?”

“iPhones don’t do well when they’re thrown against walls.”

“Oh shit. So that’s my fault, too.”

“Baby, none of this is your fault. I let you down. You should have been able to come to me to talk about all of this weeks ago. I hate you didn’t feel like you could.”

“I wish I had. Maybe then Jaxson wouldn’t have deserted us.”

“He’ll be back as soon as he calms down. He doesn’t do well when he feels out of control and today was a red-banner day of losing control for him.”

Emma’s stomach gurgled so loud Chase grinned. He placed his hand back over her tummy before he added, “It’s getting late. You need to eat some dinner. You’re eating for two now.” She was happy to see his smile, thankful it was impossible for cheery Chase to stay angry for long.

Emma was hungry, having thrown up the light lunch she’d had at Khloe’s. She’d managed to keep a small ice cream cone down while at the beach that afternoon, but she knew her baby needed more to eat.

Chase pinned her with a knowing look. “It’s all making sense now. Why you haven’t been feeling the best. Why you’ve turned into a picky eater all of a sudden.”

“Yeah. Well, the smell of some things sets me off, and I can’t seem to keep anything too greasy down. And holy hell, do my boobs hurt.”

“I’m so sorry we didn’t notice all of these changes. I just thought you were taking longer to adjust to being on the West Coast. I’m such an idiot.”

Chase spent the next hour pampering Emma—making her a healthy dinner from scratch, making sure she ate every bite, even when she complained she wasn’t hungry. It was a preview of the months to come when he would be watching her every move. She’d spent just a couple of miserable months without his attentiveness and she would never resent it again.

It wasn’t until after they’d showered together and got into comfy loungewear for a quiet night at home the bare reality of Jaxson’s absence became unbearable for the couple. For Emma, any relief of finally having her secret out into the open was overshadowed by her Dom’s reaction and subsequent desertion.

As if he could read her mind, Chase hugged her closer. “He’ll be home as soon as he’s feeling back under control.”

“What if that never happens? Having a baby is going to change everything.”

“He loves us way too much to let that happen. He’ll be back.”

“But when? I hate that we can’t at least text him.”

Chase leaned down close to talk to her flat tummy. “Your mommy worries too much, peanut. Your daddy Jax will be home soon.” He laid his palm against her tummy, expression revealing his awe of the miracle inside. “Now, you look tired. Let’s get you to bed.”

“No way. I’m not going until Jaxson gets home.”

“Emma…”

“Please, I need to wait up so I can see him as soon as he gets back.”

“Fine,” Chase shook his head in defeat, “you can lay out here on the couch with me, but you still need to get in a nap. You’ll be able to hear him as soon as he gets home.”

Despite being exhausted, it took what seemed like forever for her to nod off. Each time she would get close to sleep, her brain would replay how angry Jaxson had been when he’d stormed out of the rental house. When she finally did get to sleep, she was plagued with nightmares where Jaxson kept screaming at her.

Eventually the dreams jarred her awake. The room was dark with only one light over the kitchen island casting eerie shadows through the space. Emma was snuggled up next to Chase on the couch, where he’d finally succumbed to sleep as well. She picked up his cell phone that was lying on his chest, to see it was after two in the morning.

Renewed panic squeezed at her heart when she realized Jaxson had been gone over eight hours now. What if he never came back?

“I’m here, baby.” His low voice from the chair opposite the couch scared the bejesus out of her.

Emma squinted, trying to get a glimpse of the man she loved with all her heart. All she could make out was the outline of his strong profile.

“Thank God, you came home. I was… we were so worried.”

“This isn’t home.” He sounded angry. She wished she could see his face.

“It is for now. Where did you go?”

“Nowhere… everywhere.” He wasn’t making sense.

She wished she could get up to go to him without waking Chase. Then she decided maybe it was for the best that she couldn’t see the disappointment in Jax’s gorgeous eyes she loved so much.

“I really am so sorry. I didn’t set out to…”

“Stop. Don’t ever apologize again.”

“But…”

“Emma… never again. At least not for this.”

“Okay.” She’d agree to anything if it would bring her Jaxson back to them. She was so relieved he had come back, yet the wedge that had been driven between them by her secret lie seemed more like a cavern now. She hated the tears that came, making the shadow of a man swim before her eyes. She loved the idea of having a baby growing inside her, but she sure as hell hated what the influx of hormones was doing to her mental state. Always on the verge of tears at the drop of a hat. She hated weepy women, and now she’d become one.

The tears came harder when she saw Jaxson push to his feet and stalk past his lovers without a hug or a kiss or even a touch. She heard his dress shoes against the hardwood floor in the hallway before he disappeared into their bedroom.

Emma slowly worked to extricate herself from Chase’s embrace without waking him. As soon as she was on her feet, she chased after Jaxson, arriving in their room in time to see him packing a suitcase lying open on their bed.

Her heart broke into tiny pieces at the realization he was leaving — packing his bag for God-only-knew-where.

She had to fix this.

Emma ran to him, pulling at his arm to stop him from placing the pile of clothes from a drawer into the open suitcase.

“Please, don’t leave me. I know you’re angry and hurt. I made a mistake. I got scared. But I need you so much.”

He yanked his arm free and placed the pile of clothes in the bag before turning towards her, grabbing her biceps with his hands and squeezing hard enough that it hurt. “I just told you not to apologize ever again.”

“But… you can’t leave. I won’t let you.” She sounded stronger than she felt.

“Baby, you can’t stop me.” He paused before adding. “Go wake up Chase.”

Oh, God. He was going to talk Chase into leaving with him. The pounding in her ears grew louder until she felt faint. This was worse than him yelling at her in her dreams. She would die if they left her now.

She only stopped from toppling over because he moved his hands to her face, holding her so tight she couldn’t look away if she wanted to.

It was cruel he could think of leaving because her skin vibrated where he touched her. Their sexual electricity was alive and well, yet he was prepared to walk away from her. God, away from his child.

“Emma. Stop. I’m not leaving.”

“You aren’t?”

“No, we’re leaving. Not me. Not Chase and me. All of us.”

She tried to internalize his words. Tried to calm her heart rate. He finally added, “Look at the suitcase, baby. Whose clothes are in it?”

She let her gaze move to the left where she could see the open bag. The entire contents of her underwear drawer was visible. She closed her eyes, taking a second to let the news sink in. He wasn’t leaving them.

When she opened her eyes, his green pools looked like they were going to devour her.

“But it’s the middle of the night. Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Now go. Wake up Chase.”

“I’m already awake.” Chase’s voice comforted her further, but it wasn’t until he hugged her from behind, turning her into the middle of their infamous sandwich that she truly started to calm. They clung to each other as they would a life preserver if lost in the huge ocean. She’d been drowning in guilt and fear for weeks so she welcomed their lifeline.

Chase broke the silence. “So where are we going at this hour?”

Jaxson pulled out of their embrace just enough to gaze down on Emma again. “Emma’s not happy here. We’re going to move to a hotel until the new house is ready. I’m taking us somewhere we can be happy again.”

His reasoning was sound, but there was only one problem. And since she’d gotten into the current mess by holding in too much, she wasn’t ready to repeat her mistake. Emma took a deep breath and professed what was in her heart.

“You’re right, I haven’t been happy here, but it isn’t just because of the house. A simple change of location won’t magically fix what’s gone wrong these last months.”

Jaxson sucked in a sharp breath. “Maybe not, but it’s a start.”

Chase was nuzzling her neck as he added his two cents. “It’s too late to go anywhere tonight. I have a better idea about how to make each other happy.” He moved his hands from her hips—his left moving up to squeeze her tender breast and she felt his right hand groping Jaxson’s erection pressed against her tummy.

Emma was relieved when Jaxson took the bait with a chuckle. It had been days since they’d made love or even played at a D/s scene. That was like a lifetime for the sexual trio. Tonight, more than ever, she needed her men inside her, marking her as their own.

Her silk nighty was the first piece of clothing to go as Chase pulled it over her head in a quick sweeping move, leaving her in her panties. As soon as her breasts were uncovered, Chase had palmed each of them, squeezing hard enough to draw a pained groan from her.

“Our girl told me her titties are extra sore these days, Jax. I can’t wait to have a bit of fun playing with these curves.”

Jaxson had stepped back to watch Chase grope Emma. It hurt so good as Chase pulled and pinched at the tips that were protruding obscenely. Enjoying the view, Jaxson slowly started unbuttoning his designer dress shirt, pulling the tails from the waistband of his perfectly tight jeans before sending it to the floor.

His chest was defined… hard… sexy as hell as he moved to the buttons on his jeans, leisurely pushing them down over his boxer briefs until he could kick them off, leaving him in his own underwear exactly like Emma. She let her gaze drop to watch his magnificent cock as it sprang free of the confining fabric.

Sometimes, like tonight, his perfection took her breath away. She still didn’t understand how she’d gotten so lucky to find not one, but two, gorgeous men to love her. What she had learned in the years since they’d met on that train from the south of France to Paris was the men were so much more than just good looks — more than money or fame.

No, what she loved the most about them were the private secrets only they knew about each other… the inside jokes and intimate vulnerabilities. Those were the glue that ultimately held them together. It would be those intimacies that had the power to repair the damage of the last few weeks, relegating this time to just a bad memory.

Jaxson’s hands replaced Chase’s on her body as he ordered their lover to lose his clothes too. She had a front row seat to the look of awe in her Dom’s eyes as he fell to his knees before her. He reached out to cup her ass cheeks, still a bit tingly from his earlier belt lashes. At first she didn’t understand what he was doing. It wasn’t until he leaned forward, gently placing tiny kisses across her lower belly that the lump filled her throat.

Like Chase had hours before, Jaxson reverently paid homage to the tiny life growing inside her. When he looked up from his perch below, the tears in her strong Dom’s eyes humbled her. “Are you feeling okay, baby? Are you feeling up to making love? I wouldn’t want to hurt you, or the baby.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to reassure him. “We’re both fine. We can’t possibly hurt the baby having sex.”

“Are you sure? I mean,…” He hesitated. “Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? There’s no damn way we’d make it nine months without having sex.”

Emma chuckled, relieved to see the smile playing on his lips.

Chase hugged her from behind. She could feel his naked erection already at full-mast, pressing against her. Jaxson released her ass to stroke Chase’s hard shaft as his lips latched onto her left tit and he sucked hard. It hurt oh-so-good as she hugged her Dom to her breast. She could feel the wetness of Chase’s precum as it smeared across her lower back while Jaxson continued to jack off their lover.

Chase’s gasps for air as he groaned his pleasure stopped just as Jaxson’s warm mouth left her body.

Their Dom was back in control as he barked his next order. “Grab the lube, Chase. We need to get our girl ready for us. Help her lose the panties.”

She loved it when they called her their girl, and tonight, after the emotional day they’d all had, she needed it more than ever.

Jaxson grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him as he moved to the bed. He took a second to throw the forgotten suitcase on the floor before sitting down at the end of the bed. He tugged, pulling her to her knees before him as he slowly stroked the long cock she loved so much. He opened his legs wide, the only invitation she needed to lunge forward and take the tip of his shaft into her mouth.

By now, they all had every centimeter of each other’s bodies memorized. There was nothing they hadn’t seen, sucked, stroked, or fucked over the years, so Emma knew exactly where to lick the underside of his cock to trigger his guttural groan as she tasted the first drops of his precum on her tongue.

As was their rule for her, unless otherwise instructed, her arms were behind her back, hands clasped. She controlled the speed and depth of the blowjob with only her mouth until, like always, Jaxson eventually laced his fingers through her hair, using it as a handle to control the scene.

God, she’d missed this. His domination allowed her to turn herself over, to surrender to his power — his will. She adored him, especially when he jammed her face down until she held every inch of him in her gurgling throat as a few course pubic hairs tickled her nose.

She was getting light headed by the time she felt her panties pulled down and Chase’s slippery fingers slathering lube at the entrance of her backside. It acted like a love potion, ramping up her own sexual need tenfold as her body recognized it was about to be pleasured.

Once Chase had prepared her, Jaxson pulled her from his cock as he gave his next order. “Hop on my lap, baby. It’s time for you to go for a ride.”

He helped pull her to her feet before yanking her to straddle his body, placing her knees on the bed near his hips. Always protective of her, he first ran his fingers through her spread lower lips to make sure she was ready for him, and found her dripping with need. Jax replaced his fingers, lining up his shaft and just as she was about to impale herself demanded, “Eyes.”

She was a few inches taller than him in their present position, looking down into his deep green eyes, getting lost in the love she saw shining back at her. She waited for his order, but she didn’t have to wait long for his, “Now!”

He filled her in one quick motion as he raised his hips and she lowered her body weight, crashing onto his lap, impaling herself so deep she felt the tip of his long cock crashing against her cervix. It was impossible to know where pain ended and pleasure began as their bodies slapped together hard and fast. He pistoned hard and fast until she was close to tipping into an orgasm.

And then it all stopped. She groaned her displeasure at the intermission as Jaxson held her against him as he lay back on the bed with her lying against his chest. The skin on skin heat felt wonderful. The angle of his possession had changed, touching new places deep inside her. There they lay, waiting for the third member of their family to line up his cock at her puckered ass and start to push in.

Emma’s body craved their double penetration like an addict needed their next hit. It had been too long. As much as she adored Chase for proceeding cautiously, she wanted more. Her body hungered to be taken… controlled. Impatient, she started rocking in an attempt to take more of Chase in. What she got instead was a slap to her bare ass.

“You’re not in charge, baby. Take what I give you,” Chase warned.

She didn’t appreciate the vibration of Jaxson’s chest she was using as a pillow, as he chuckled at her frustration.

“Yes, Sir.” Emma closed her eyes, focusing on the sensations as four hands roamed over her body, massaging and relaxing. Inch by inch, they filled her until Chase’s body dropped over her, linking the three of them together.

The stretch hurt just right. Over her head the men must have silently communicated because they moved into motion, their bodies perfectly synchronized to bring Emma the ultimate pleasure. She cried out as their hard shafts plunged in and out of her in their dirty dance for three.

Chase reached around to find her swollen clit with his talented fingers, strumming her to her first of many orgasms for the night. She lay caught as the men she loved played her body perfectly, chasing their own explosion.

Their strokes grew erratic as they neared their peak. They’d built the fire back up inside her until she too was on the edge with them. She could feel Jaxson’s heart pounding under where she laid her head, the sweat from their exertion making her slip around on his chest from the strong force of Chase’s thrusts.

Emma cried out as unknown fingers pinched her nipples just as she felt both men releasing their loads deep into her body. Her core contracted, pulling them deeper until they all collapsed into a limp heap, crushing Jaxson at the bottom of their tangled pile.

The only sound left was their heavy breathing as each recovered.

“As much as I love having you guys close, you’re squashing me,” Jaxson finally complained under her.

Exhausted, Emma answered truthfully. “I don’t want to move. Can’t we sleep like this?”

Chase lifted off her, taking his softening shaft with him and leaving her feeling bereft. Jaxson’s soft caresses as he hugged her close coaxed her closer to sleep. She lay languid and let the men pamper her, cleaning her with a warm washcloth and lifting her in their arms to carry her to the head of the bed where all three crawled under the covers, weaving body parts together until they were comfortably linked.

Emma was almost asleep when she heard Jaxson’s voice quietly adding, “Sleep well, little peanut. Your mama needs her rest.” She was sure it was his palm resting on her tummy where their baby grew.