Clubrooms Diary

LAYLA

MAY 10TH 2018

I was reluctant to show up to work today. I woke up this morning in a pool of my sweat as my body shook uncontrollably while I sobbed. I had a night terror about Ryder last night. I couldn't work out why, why al of a sudden did he appear in my dreams?

Did it have something to do with the first anniversary of him blowing his head off or was it the fact that I was fucking his brother?

Either way, it sounds like he's decided to cash in his soul with the devil and take it upon himself to haunt my ass.

But, I'll tell you this and I'll say it just this once because I'll never admit it again.....

It shook me to the core. It felt so fucking real I ugly cried for sixty minutes straight. I didn't even cry that long when we buried him. I got up and checked under my bed and my damn closet in case he took on the form of the boogyman.

I had to have a little laugh at myself because even I knew I looked fucking ridiculous doing it.

But here I am. Sitting in my car as I look out towards the club, battling with my inner self to not peel out of the carpark and leave my dust behind. Leaning forward in my seat, I pull out the hip flask I keep stashed in my glove box and take a generous swig, I stomp my feet against the carpet until the sharp stinging resides.

I sigh, with my eyes closed, blocking everything that's going on around me. I just need a minute. One good minute to myself. I chant.

"Hey, babe." I jump as Lisa bangs on my window stealing my attention.

I open one eye as I look at her, willing her to buzz off. She's just gone ahead and robbed me of the one minute I selfishly wanted for myself.

I shift and roll the window halfway down. It's a bit chilly this morning so I have the heater blowing on high in the car. The bitter cold air brushes against my face and it sends a chill down my spine. "You Algood?" I ask her as I crank the heater up a bit more.

"Wind it down a bit more. I can't hear you darl." She rubs her shoulders with her hands.

Shit, I might as well throw my money out the window while I'm at it... I groan.

I roll the window down a bit more and my toes curl as the wind picks up and crashes over my face. My fingers twitch just begging to retrieve the flask again.

"What's up Lisa." I bite down hard trying to stop my teeth from chattering.

"Are you still seeing Ruben?" She looks at me through concerned eyes.

Ruben fucking Rodgers...

I had to ban his ass as he likes me to play the innocent schoolgirl with daddy issues who he picks up and rapes. Last time I had to pepper spray the bastard as he wouldn't stop when I rambled chads fucking safe phrase. Some men are seriously fucked up. But it's those men that tip the best.

"Let me guess, his three months is up and he wants to book a session?" I say through chattering teeth.

"Yeah, you have a free slot this morning if you're keen." She looks down at her phone.

I take a deep breath in and exhale slowly.

I could do with the extra three hundred bucks. I thought to myself.

"Fuck it. Confirm it with him." I nod my head at her.

"Okay.... I'll place a can of pepper spray in your drawer just in case you need it."

She's so fucking cute when she looks out for us.

I open my bag and give her a glimpse of the taser. With wide eyes, she coughs with surprise.

"Don't I feel stupid?" She laughs at herself.

"Don't..." I say with admiration.

She's one of the nicest people I know and the least foolish person at that.

"I'll walk in with you," I say as I start to roll my window back up with frozen fingers and I take my keys out of the ignition.

We walk through the carpark with our arms linked, feeding off each others warmth. Lisa brings us to a stop at the door and around us.

"I need to tell you something," She says quickly before she loses her courage to do so.

I stare at her patiently waiting for her to spill the beans.

"There's something you should know about Jimmy." Her brows furrow and her whole demeanour changes.

My ears perk up at the mentioning of his name and a faint smile crosses my face. My body sings a melody just for him and butterflies form in the pit of my stomach.

She takes a deep shaky, breath.

"When Jimmy and I were together he had this odd fetish where he'd want me to call him daddy. But, it wasn't the kind of kinky daddy people use in the bedroom. If you get what I mean." She gnaws on her cheek.

I watch her intently wondering what the hell she's on about and what any of this has to do with me.

"He used to make me sleep with a small brown teddy bear when I'd stay over and beg me to dress in boys race car designed pyjamas."

"Okay....." My heart starts to slow down as my breathing begins to pick up.

"The thing with Jimmy is he would constantly have a wandering eye while we were out in public. I use to catch him gazing at boys who were between the ages of four and eight " Her eyes began to water and her bottom lip was already trembling.

I unlink our arms and step back looking at her.

With the cold breeze and her harsh statement. My body was harbouring the pins and needles sensation everywhere. My brows furrowed and my eyes continuously blinked back the tears that were forming through the state of anguish.

"Please say it isn't so " I whisper roughly as I begin to feel sick to my stomach.000☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐