Chasing River

We Are One

I DID NOT go to class the next day because I decided to stay in with River, I hoped it wouldn’t get me into too much trouble so I told Keomi to cover for me no questions asked. The second the sun began to rise I got Victoria on the phone, she always knew what to do.

‘Hey, Tori how’s it going?’ I asked when she answered,

‘Good, you?’ She asked, ‘I know damn well you’re not calling for banter, so what is it?’

‘It’s River, he’s kinda having a hard time keeping up with his classes and it’s making him sick….literally he won’t stop throwing up everything he eats and I don’t know what to do.’ I confided and she sighed sympathetically,

‘Oh no, he’s just burned out, it happens to the best of us sometimes. Just make sure you’re with him at all times today and put him on a diet of dry foods like crackers and Sprite or something.’ She suggested, ‘I know how hard it is, trust me.’

‘Thank you, seriously I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ I thanked her,

‘Exactly you’d probably be half the woman you are.’ She joked and I laughed hanging up the phone. Just as I received another incoming call, from my mother. My heart stopped and I swallowed hard in anticipation, I hadn’t heard from her in so long.

“Hello.” I answered, “Mama?”

“Armani.” My mother answered, “It’s been a long time.”

“It’s been four weeks but okay,” I responded nonchalantly.

“It feels like an eternity to me,” Mama assured me.

“What do you want, mama I don’t understand what all this is?” I questioned, tired of running in circles.

“We are hosting an 80th birthday party for your bibi and we would expect you to attend.” My mother explained.

“Are you flying her to Jacksonville?” I puzzled,

“No it’s happening in Nairobi, we wanted this to be something special for her, a chance for the whole family to bond with her for the last—”

“I’ll think about it.” I deadpanned, my mind swarmed.

“You will?” My mother sighed in relief.

“I will, do I have to come alone?”

“I— you know what, as long as you’re there.” Mama expressed, “That is all that matters to us.”

“Okay, well, then goodbye,” I said,

“Goodbye take care.”

River and I decided to watch The Breakfast Club while I ate the leftover vegan pasta and he ate the most delicious thing of all, crackers and ginger ale. We were arguing about words in English and French that we’d been pronouncing all wrong.

‘When you say focus you literally sound like you’re swearing!’ I laughed but he was still in denial,

‘That’s how I hear it, focus (fuck us)’ He excused and I literally thought I’d die of laughter,

‘Since we’re on the topic, it’s trois not ‘tweh’ he added and I rolled my eyes at him playfully, ‘You’re impossible to please Armani.’

There it was again, Ar-mar-knee, but I liked that one, and I wasn’t going to correct him on it.

‘Can I have some of that?’ He asked pointing to my plate and I nearly choked at that,

‘Nope, crackers,’ I warned, sarcastically holding up cheery thumbs-up,

‘Come on.’ He insisted,

‘Need I remind you what happened the last time you tried solid food?’ I recalled with a slight laugh, ‘that this floor once had a very expensive white carpet that is currently at the dry cleaners because of you.’

‘Fuck fine.’ He cursed like a little kid which made me laugh, he took a bite out of one of the plain crackers, ‘It’s not my fault I can’t swallow anything and make it stay down.’

“Yeah..” I sighed, glancing out the window.

“What is it?” He asked immediately, sitting up and placing his hand on my knee.

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“You seem distracted since that phone call, what’s on your mind?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“I’m not really.” I shrugged.

“I know you.” He reminded me. “And I know when you’re acting even the slightest bit different.”

“That’s cute.” I smiled.

“I’m not trying to be endearing I want to know what happened, tell me?” He asked placing a gentle hand on my cheek.

“My mother called.” I confessed, “My family is hosting a birthday party for my grandmother in Nairobi and she wants me to go, but I don’t know…”

“You have to go!” River gasped and I widened my eyes in shock, it was the most expressive I’d seen him. “Sorry, but your grandmother means so much to you and you talk about her very often, and you’re always telling me how much you miss home right?”

“Yes but I’m not certain I can survive all alone with my suffocating family.” I expressed,

“You never have to be alone.” He comforted.

“What?”

“I said, you never have to be alone and I mean it.” He told me, “I could…come with you.”

“You’re kidding!” I laughed but his face remained serious. “Right?”

“No.” He remarked, “I don’t joke very often, you know that.”

“You want to come with me…to Kenya?” I asked, “Like the middle of Africa, you’ve never even been there!”

“There’s always a first time for everything.” He asserted.

“I want to be with you.”

“Okay.” I sighed grabbing ahold of his hand.

“Okay?”

“Okay as in, let’s do this Kennedy.” I smiled leaning on his shoulder and snuggling closer, “We’re going to Kenya.”

“I’m…excited.” He whispered.

‘You know, Jaadi and I would watch this all the time back home.’ I told him, ‘He loved the model train, by the way, I never had a chance to properly thank you for it— you really didn’t have to.’

‘It was nothing, really.’ He shrugged,

‘No, It isn’t, it really meant a lot to me that you went out of your way to buy something for him, if only mama would give you a chance, she would really like you River.’ I expressed sincerely leaning into his lap, ‘You have what we call moyo mwema, a good heart.’

A week later, Nairobi, Kenya

We’d only been in Nairobi for a day so far, we were staying at a safari lodge because I missed the chance to see all the wildlife and greenery. We could’ve easily stayed at some five-star hotel in the city, but that wasn’t what we wanted. The scenery was beyond beautiful, and for the first time, I truly felt at home, because everyone around me looked like and understood me perfectly. The food was familiar too and that made me incredibly happy.

We were sharing a room, as expected and there was only one bed so of course we had to share. We had gotten way more comfortable with each other and sharing a space with him made me realise that I could live this way with him, perhaps forever. The floors were wooden and the roof was hatched, the bathroom was luxurious and had an enamel bath and elegant sweet-scented soaps and shampoos.

I had just gotten out of the shower when I found River standing on the balcony, the birds chirping in the distance, he was just about to feed a leaf to a baby giraffe.

“River!” I warned him, and he turned around to face me. “They said we’re not supposed to feed the animals, even if they are tamed.”

“But he looked sad…and hungry.” He conceded.

“Babe there’s trees everywhere.” I reminded him with a slight laugh. “I promise you that none of the giraffes are hungry.”

“Well, babe you don’t speak giraffe.” He refuted, teasing me.

“And you do?” I snorted, and just then my reminder chimed on my cellphone. “Damn it, we have to move fast.”

“What time are we supposed to be at your grandmother’s house?” He asked.

“At 17:00, just before the dinner begins because I have to help cook. Here’s a reminder that you can still stay at the hotel, I’m handing you a get-out-of-jail-free card.” I cautioned.

“Well, good thing I always hated monopoly.” He confided.

“But you love board games?”

“Not that one.”

“Well, then since you’re so determined we better hurry and mentally prepare ourselves!” I assured him, holding up a thumbs up. “And put on nice clothes.”

Once we arrived at my bibi’s house, I felt a huge wave of nostalgia, I knew her house very well, and I knew the very cobblestone path I was standing on. I knew the loud chatter that was coming from inside, and I smiled as my family approached me, my brother racing forward to hug me.

“Armani!” He cheered, “You’re here!”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I assured him.

“Oyana, I on the other hand knew you would be here.” My father greeted me and I hugged him tightly.

“Mama.” I greeted and she cleared her throat awkwardly, “Hi.”

“Hello.” She acknowledged, “I thought you said you wouldn’t be coming alone?”

“I’m not,” I assured her, reaching my hand out as River stepped out of the car, his hand fit perfectly into my palm of mine. And as he stood beside me I watched as my family’s gaze followed him, much taller than I was. He had a stoic expression on his beautiful face, the warm sun against his skin. “Mama, papa, Jaadi this is—”

“I am River Kennedy, your daughter’s partner.” He expressed reaching out his hand to shake my father’s firmly, Jaadi smirked knowingly like he knew a little secret. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“So formal?” My father marvelled, taken by surprise, “Believe me, the pleasure is all mine… River.”

“Don’t worry I’m still reminding him every day to not be so formal with me either!” I joked nervously clinging to his arm. “Well, we might as well make our way inside, no?”

“Indeed.” My mother leered, then held me back to whisper something in my ear. “I cannot believe you’d bring some boyfriend you barely even know to this incredibly important family event. Shame on you.”

“I am not here for your unwanted opinion, I’m here to see my grandmother on her birthday.” I reminded her, proceeding to walk ahead.

River had remained in the living room with my uncles and father who were drinking and laughing heartily, I hated to leave him there knowing he didn’t drink but my father insisted on getting to know him better, whatever that meant. I was in the kitchen with my bibi, aunties and cousins preparing the food that we were going to have for dinner. We were making nyama choma and ugali with assorted vegetables. It was nice being able to bond with the women in my family this way.

“So Armani, how are your studies going lately?” My cousin Amina asked me chopping carrots. “I can’t believe you actually managed to convince Aunty Xolani to let you pursue the arts, my father would have a stroke if I ever even suggested going the creative route.”

“They’re actually going pretty well, incredibly time-consuming though,” I explained to her,

“I always knew you would do great things Oyana, I only wish your mama wasn’t so hot-headed all the time, she would’ve recognized your abilities sooner.” My bibi spoke, her voice was hearty as she sifted the millie meal into a big bowl, her eyes filmy and posture a little crooked. “Do you know what I want to know about?”

“Is it her new boyfriend?” My aunt Cleo teased, “He looks like a movie star.”

“I always knew she would end up with a white man.” Amina giggled and I swatted her shoulder playfully. “Ouch! What? Everyone was thinking about it.”

“That’s not true,” I mumbled.

“It is.” Aunt Cleo affirmed. “What makes you bring him here to meet us, are you pregnant, should we start asking for land from him?”

“Oh my gosh, no I’m not!” I defended raising my hands in surrender, “We just….didn’t want to be without each other.”

“Is he also an artist? Tell me more about him.” My bibi asked as I helped her sit down on a nearby chair.

“Yes he is, he’s one of the best artists at the academy. A lot of other students look up to him, he’s Spanish, French and even a little English I believe. He likes puzzles and plain black coffee, he listens to me talk—”

“That ability alone should be considered a superpower, you talk at a thousand miles per hour.” Bibi laughed and I smiled.

“Yes, well, he’s very good at it. He’s also very patient and he keeps me on my feet, he’s very reliable and he has a kind heart. He even bought a gift for Jaadi before he ever even met him, which was…amazing.” I explained to everyone.

“I’m going to cry, stop it!” My cousin Jemimah teared up, “And it has nothing to do with the onions I’m cutting.”

“You deserve nothing less than all that you have, I hope you know that. Men like him are hard to come by.” My bibi mused.

“Sometimes I feel unworthy of all I have like I’m an imposter in my own skin. Not in terms of my relationship but my place at St Katherine’s, sometimes I feel like everyone else is far more talented and deserving than I am.” I explained airing my grievances,

“Armani, look at me eh?” My bibi insisted, placing her hand over mine and I did just that. “Take up space.”

“What?” I wondered,

“Take up space, you heard me. Do not be afraid, you have worked incredibly hard to be where you are right now. African women deserve to take up as much space as they desire in this world, we have been denied far too much for too long.” She narrated and I nodded silently feeling a lump begin to grow in my throat. “Unanielewa?”

Do you understand me?

“I— I do.” I insisted. “I will take up space.”

About an hour later River wandered into the kitchen knocking at the door, I gestured for him to come in and smiled warmly at him grabbing ahold of his hand. “Hi.” I greeted him, “What brings you here?”

“They started talking about sports.” He told me.

“Oh? How dreadful!” I responded sarcastically.

“I know nothing about sports.” He responded, “The horror indeed.”

“I’m sorry, it’ll be over soon I promise.” I teased.

“I miss you.” He said and my eyes widened in surprise.

“You mean it?” I wondered, squeezing his hand.

“I don’t say words I don’t mean.” He whispered, “I miss you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I assured him.

“Can I stay here with you?” He asked, his eyes hopeful.

“You want to cook?” I challenged folding my arms.

“I love cooking. I don’t know why you didn’t let me help sooner.” He insisted and then it dawned on me.

“You were bonding with my father!” I giggled.

“Your father is a very nice man, but now I want to be here with his daughter.” He proclaimed.

“Let the man cook!” My bibi declared from her place by the pantry on the wooden chair. “A warm welcome to the young man who has my granddaughter’s heart.”

“Nimefurahi kukutana nawe, jina langu ni River Kennedy.” It’s a pleasure to meet you, my name is River Kennedy. River introduced proceeding to take a knee when speaking to her to meet her gaze, his Swahili wasn’t perfect but he was trying. My heart stopped realising that he had kneeled when speaking to her and then it was full of warmth.

“How did you…” I wondered in shock.

“I pick up languages very quickly.” He assured me, then turned back to face her. “I wanted to learn and speak your language when I first met you. I have heard so much about you, Armani speaks so highly of you that I knew that meeting you would be a great privilege I shouldn’t take lightly.”

“I brought you these,” River spoke as I then noticed the boxes of grapes and the bouquet of white roses on the table. “Armani told me you grew up on a vineyard.”

“Thank you, I did, I appreciate the gift. You will be good to my Armani, won’t you?” She asked placing a hand over his, “You will take care of her, and stand by her even when things aren’t easy?”

“Armani is the most important part of my life, I will treasure her just as you have, just as she deserves.” He comforted her and I watched as tears collected in her eyes.

“I’ll take your word for it.” My bibi nodded slowly wiping her eyes.

“And if you don’t we have uncles who will follow you all the way to Paris to seek revenge!” My cousin Jemimah warned him and he let out a soft laugh.

I wasn’t so sure she was joking though, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Noted.” He agreed, and just then I saw my mother standing in the doorway, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as well.

“You…mean the words you say?” My mother asked him sternly.

“He doesn’t say words he doesn’t mean,” I answered.

“I do.” River acknowledged standing up.

“Then…I cannot stop you.” My mother accepted and my heart sank. “I hope that you will know that there is no prize you will win for your art, that is of more value than my child. Be good to my Armani, River Kennedy.”

“I will.” He accepted reaching forward to shake her hand, and she trembled as his meshed with hers. “Mrs Nnandi.”

“We have run out of baskets for the Millie meal!” My aunty Cleo complained, “and the market where we bought them is very far away.”

“Oh no!” Jemimah sighed, “We have no time before dinner.”

“Do you have reeds?” River asked interrupting,

“Yes.” Aunt Cleo answered,

“I can weave the baskets.” River suggested, “I mean, I have done something similar before in art so I can try.”

“Can you really?” I sighed in relief, holding his hand. “Because if so, you can show me and I can help!”

“Yes, we’ll make them, don’t worry.” He insisted and I smiled, kissing his cheek. “What was that for?”

“Being here.” I told him, “for always just…being there.”

We’d managed to weave the baskets by hand successfully and everyone was rather impressed by us, dinner went by smoothly; I had to explain to River that ugali is eaten with your hands and not a fork and knife, we sat through a grilling from my parents about what his intentions were with me like it was 1933.

“What’s your favourite sport?” My father asked River during dinner.

“Ballet,” River responded and my uncles nearly choked on their glasses of water.

“That is not a sport.” My uncle Edgar refuted.

“Dancers are some of the most athletic and skilled people in the world. The International Olympics Committee recognizes dance as a sport.” River explained and then the table went completely silent.

“Okay!” I interrupted for everyone’s safety. “Next question.”

After dinner, we said goodbye to everyone, but saying bye to my bibi was the most difficult thing of all, there were a lot of tears, and she gave me a new quilt she’d knitted for me. I would miss her a lot, but we had to go.

I knew, that it was time to go.

Once River and I returned to the lodge we were both tired and yet he still found the time to be fascinated by the zebra that was wandering outside of our room. He was just standing there waving at it and I smiled, I had given up on explaining to him that they weren’t really all that fascinating to me.

“I could stay here forever.” River expressed to me. “I love being here in Nairobi.”

“I can tell.” I giggled placing my hands on my hips, the crickets chirping and the moon shining brightly from behind the acacia trees. “I think Kenya loves you too.”

“I realized that I like the sun,” River told me turning around.

“Yeah, you’ve gotten quite the tan while being here, all of our friends will be shocked,” I told him.

“You feel like the sun to me though.” He said, grabbing hold of my hands and opening the door to our chalet. “Warm, familiar, reliable, so I will have the sun wherever I go.”

Afterwards, I proceeded to take a warm bath, I put on one of River’s shirts afterwards. He was sketching something seated by a pillow on the big white bed, I stood awkwardly in the doorway. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“What’s mine is yours.” He assured me, then pulled me closer and began applying lotion onto my legs, just like I always did before bed. “Thank you for introducing me to your family today. It means a lot that you’ve let me into your heart, and your life like this. I’m sorry if I didn’t make a good impression or if they didn’t like me…”

“They really liked you.” I reassured him, “Why would you think they didn’t?”

“Well, I didn’t really relate to a lot of the things your uncles wanted to talk about. I figured they maybe didn’t think I was masculine enough for you. But I’m okay with it though, I’d rather cook and weave baskets beside you and your aunts than talk about football and drink.” He told me with humour in his tone.

“And I love that about you,” I added. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“Did you mean it when you said I’m your partner?”

“Of course, Armani I would have never laid a finger on your body if I never intended for you to be mine.” He assured me.

“Oh.” I realized.

“Yeah.”

“Comment ai-je eu autant de chance?” How did I get so lucky? I wondered. “You are such a beautiful man River Kennedy, inside and out.”

“Kiss me…” he asked and then my lips met his.

Our kiss was hot, fiery, and passionate, it was different this time. It wasn’t slow, or patient, it was filled with the hunger and need we so craved from each other since the day that we met. This time it was him who bit my lip, but when I looked into his cold blue eyes it was not regret that I saw— no it was deliberate.

In the most fucked up way possible, we liked seeing each other bleed, perhaps it was a small reminder that despite everything we were not made of stone like our art, but we were human. So very human.

I lifted the hem of his shirt over his head and ran my hand down every muscle on his body, every freckle, every dimple, and every arc. He was art to me. Finer than any painting I had ever crafted. My fingers drifted down his back and he tensed when I did so. Holding his gaze I allowed him to strip me of my shirt and marvel at the bare skin underneath, he immediately reached behind me and unhooked what was once clasped together & slipped off my undergarments with his teeth.

I wasn’t scared, I’d been waiting for this since the day I first laid eyes on him. If anything I was exhilarated.

River’s breathing grew more laboured and I sighed when he pushed me onto his bed and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he glided his tongue over my hot skin. His touch sent heat shooting through my veins, and I gripped the sheets with anticipation. He swept my braids over my shoulders and drank me in with his eyes. The sensation of his skin against mine was the most exquisite feeling.

I gripped at his hair and he moaned my name like it was the seventh deadly sin. ‘Armani…’ and it sent me over the edge.

He breathed my name into my chest and I whimpered wanting more, craving more. He knelt before me and gripped my thighs to pull them closer towards him, he moved his tortuous tongue and I arched my back at the contact.

He began reaching for honey and it was inevitable all things sweet would indeed soon come to him.

‘La patience est une vertue.’ He spoke teasingly, with no pardon to his French, patience is a virtue.

‘Tu oses parler de vertu avec ta langue en moi?’ I retorted you dare speak of virtue with a tongue so wicked? He laughed at that and so did I, but all pleasantries were gone as I reached to undo his belt.

it was almost as though my body was a vessel built solely for him. He moved slowly at first, my legs wrapped around his waist and my knuckles white and desperately gripping the sheets. We moved to a rhythm only we knew, in tune with a frequency of a much higher power than our human bodies could possibly comprehend.

For in this moment, I was no longer merely a mortal dancing with a god, only now- we were human, in the purest sense of the word. He wasn’t just having sex with me, he was making love to me. He needn’t say it because I felt it; I felt it in the way he moved inside me as natural as a beating heart, the way he kissed my neck and whispered sweet nothings in my ear making sure I was okay. I felt it in the way our tongues danced in the heat of our passion.

The lightning struck and the thunder of the sky roared outside as if rejoicing in our inevitable embrace.

‘Ton corps est mon corps, tu es le mien.’ He breathed, your body is my body, you are my own.

‘Yours.’ I moaned in response, ‘I am yours.’ And I truly was, in every sense of the word.

I dragged my tongue over his teeth and swallowed his groan of pleasure that set fire to my veins, his movements got faster and I moved my hips urging him deeper, deeper into me.

We were one. His broken was just as shattered as my broken, his pain was my pain, his happiness was my happiness and right now my pleasure was his too as his as his hurried breaths became faster. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, watching River Kennedy come undone above me, he was half agony half ecstasy. Like a Greek statue, his face belonged in a museum amongst other precious things.

We both took a moment to calm down before he lay beside me, our heavy breathing subsiding.

‘I hope that if this was your first that it was good for you.’ I said turning to face him with a smile, ‘I don’t think I’ll ever tire of being with you this way.’

‘That wasn’t my first.’ He admitted, slightly shocked by my words and I was taken aback, I should’ve known better than to simply assume these things based on what Keomi told me.

‘It wasn’t?’ I retorted sitting up in bed,

‘No, it wasn’t.’ He clarified, looking at me as though I’d lost my mind.

‘Tell me about it then,’ I suggested carefully, ‘your first.’

‘It was…it was like breathing, natural in every sense of the word but it was a long time ago I don’t really want to talk about it.’ He told me, and for a moment there was a light in his eyes I rarely saw and at first, I thought I’d imagined it but it was there, it was. Which was what led me to ask,

‘Must’ve been a very special girl huh?’ I added and his face showed no revealing emotion,

‘They are a distant memory.’ He shrugged, ‘you are my now, and my tomorrow no?’

‘As you are mine,’ I assured him and he leaned in to kiss me, draining me of any doubts I’d had earlier, and with his kiss, on my lips, all I could think about was how incredibly happy I was in that moment.

I’d assumed that kiss was a promise, and it was for the most part.