Chase: and the girl who came back

I take my time opening my eyes. I can smell Chase everywhere. The events of the afternoon crash into me all at once. I must be in his room. Leaning into his pillow I inhale deeply, allowing his smell to calm me. A small chuckle beside me startles me. I was just busted smelling his pillow. How did I not know he was there?

The bed dips and I feel the weight of him move across the mattress. Keeping my eyes closed, I’m not ready to deal with the real world just yet. He scoots closer and puts his arm around me. I don’t freak out when he touches me this time. All week there have been small touches here and there.

I don’t know how I’d react if I couldn’t see him, but so far I’ve only freaked out on him that once.

Throwing caution to the wind, I decide to allow myself this moment. Chase makes me feel safe and I feel shitty after my episode today.

I can’t believe I let that happen. I’ve never had it completely under control, but I don’t crash like that often. The stress of everything finally catching up to me, I pull myself as close to Chase as I can get. His arm tightens around me. I inhale again, this time not hiding it and smelling him directly.

“Did you just sniff me?” He whispers close to my ear, his breath tickling my cheek.

“Mmhmm.” No point hiding it.

“Creep,” he chuckles squeezing me tight.

I open my eyes to find us blanketed in darkness.

Shit! What time is it? How long have I been asleep? Where’s Millie? I shoot up out of his arms as panic sets in. Immediately I’m missing his warm embrace.

“What’s the time? How long have been asleep? Where’s Millie?” In the distance I hear her laugh. I relax a little, but I think that is more because he has started gently rubbing my back.

“Relax, it’s okay. It’s just after six. You’ve been asleep for almost five hours. Millie is in the kitchen making brownies with Rhys. Millie and I took it in turns checking on you. But you had started to stir when I came in, so I wanted to wait to see if you woke up.” He doesn’t stop rubbing my back, but he does increase the pressure slightly.

I slept for five hours. I haven’t slept that long in years. Before the night terrors came back I was still only managing three to four hours a night.

I have a feeling that Chase may be the reason for that. I’m not ready to admit that to myself. What if I hurt him? What if this ends up amazing and I don’t want to leave next year? I didn’t plan for these feelings. They bulldozed me.

“Millie is cooking with Rhys?” This surprises me. Rhys is the one I haven’t had a lot of interaction with, but I do notice the daggers he shoots my way sometimes. I didn’t peg him for the type to bake with a fifteen year-old girl.

“Yeah, Ally started to help her, but we don’t let Ally in the kitchen. EVER. She once burnt boiling water. She’s a lot of things; a cook is not one of them.”

“After five minutes of them in the kitchen, Rhys stormed in, removed Ally from the room, and they’ve been in there ever since.”

This makes me laugh. I just can’t see it. My body has relaxed again thanks to his comforting touch and voice.

“Ally went with Millie earlier to get you some clothes. I’ve been meaning to ask, did you buy Ms Turner’s house?” He nods to the end of the bed where I can make out of pile of clothes.

“Not exactly, she was my grandmother. I didn’t know her though. My dad wasn’t close with her.” I move to the end of the bed, ready to get out of these coveralls and into something a little more comfortable.

I keep my back turned and shuffle out of my coveralls; it’s dark Chase can’t see much.

I hear him audibly gasp. My guess is he can see a little in the dark. I feel him come up behind and I brace myself for his touch. I know what he’s going to do before he does it.

Ever so slightly he touches my back and follows one of the scars. They have finally started to heal, but at the moment they are still raised and a purple colour. They aren’t big but there are quite a few of them scattered on my back.

I shiver, not because he’s touching my scars but because I like the way it feels.

Reaching behind me I blindly grab at the pile of clothes, silently thanking Millie as I pull my hoodie over my head and then step into what I can only assume is a pair of my pjs judging by the feel of them.

I leave my socks on and don’t even bother with my hair. I can’t imagine what I look like. But I really need to see Millie and make sure she’s okay. I need to know how disappointed she is that I wasn’t there this afternoon and that girl’s night is cancelled.

Turning around I fall into Chase’s hard chest.

“What happened?” He asks quietly. I let him hold me again. I don’t know the last person I let hold me who wasn’t Millie or Smalls. Dad hasn’t hugged me since Mum died. Not even after the incident when all I needed was some comforting arms.

It’s nice. Safe. I ignore his question. I’m not ready to talk about it. I don’t want it to change the way he looks at me.

“Can I see Millie? I need to make sure she is okay. I feel terrible that I let her down.”

Chase turns me around and gently pushes me towards the door.

As he leans forward to open it, he whispers in my ear, “Millie understands. She loves you.” And then he takes my breath away when he places the softest kiss on my lips. Unable to respond, I turn my head and let him lead me through his house.

His house is nice, a little run down but it feels lived in and homey. The grey carpet is soft beneath my feet. The walls are covered in photos of Chase, Ally and Arden growing up. I take note that Rhys doesn’t appear in any of the photos until they are all older.

I freeze when I walk into the kitchen. Millie is smiling and laughing at something Rhys said before we walked into the room. She notices me and drops the bowl she was washing and barrels towards me. Throwing her arms around me I embrace her.

“Are you okay?” She asks stepping back from the embrace.

“I’m alright. I’m sorry I wasn’t there this afternoon, I’m sorry I…”

“Yas stop!” She says forcefully. “You were sick, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m thankful you had someone to look after you.” Her words shock me. I thought she would be sad and disappointed. I don’t know when she grew up so much. I take in her appearance. She’s changed into some leggings and a sweater; her feet are bare, and her face is carefree and happy. She looks comfortable. I don’t respond, unable to find the right words.

“I had a great afternoon. Ally picked me up and took me for a milkshake and showed me some of her favourite beach spots.” I look around and notice that Ally and Arden are missing.

“Where’s Ally and…”

“Honey I’m home.” Arden yells from the front of the house. He and Ally walk into the room, their arms full of Chinese takeaway containers. I guess that answers my question. He drops the food on the dining table. When he sees me he walks straight over and pulls me into a hug.

I feel Chase step away from my back to give us some space. He heads over to the table and helps Ally and Millie open all the food.

“How are you feeling?” His tone is soft, much like it was this afternoon. Arden has been persistent this week during shop class. He’d tried to get me to talk. But I mostly just listened.

“I’m tired and drained. I can’t thank you enough for what you did Arden, not just during the episode but with helping organise everything this afternoon.” I rest my head on his chest. It’s hard and comfortable, but it isn’t like Chase’s.

There’s no point hiding how I’m feeling. He’ll see it on my face and he probably knows what it is like if he had to watch his sister in similar situations.

My stomach grumbles. I can smell the honey chicken coming from the table.

“You’re welcome Shorty. You need to check your sugar and then eat. I thought Mushu’s might make you feel a little better. We have a big night ahead of us.”

Pulling back, I look up into his grey eyes. “We do?” Why would it be a big night?

“Yup” his smile reaches his eyes. He lets me go and heads over to the table and pulls out a chair for me. “We’re gate crashing girl’s night.” He picks up the tomato sauce off the table and holds it to his mouth.

“Living in my own world

Didn’t understand

That anything can happen,” He sings into his pretend microphone. Millie starts giggling, I just look at him like he has grown a second head. Rhys picks up a dumpling and throws it at him. Chase and Ally just shake their heads.

“How do you know High School Musical?” I ask as I sit down.

“The how isn’t important. I’ll let you in on a secret: I know ALL the songs?”

“You aren’t helping convince me you aren’t gay,” Rhys chimes in as he sits down at the table. Rhys doesn’t speak often. His voice is rough and kind of growly, which suits him. He isn’t as tall as Arden and Chase, but he has a dark look about him that makes him scarier than the others. Arden ignores my comment.

“Bitch, please. I’m fabulous and very straight. You’re just jealous. Your mind is about to be blown! But stay away from Gabriella; she’s mine.” He glances at my monitor.

“5.5 let’s eat.” And then just like that everyone takes their seat and starts handing the Chinese take away containers around the table.

I look around. Everyone is chatting with each other, Chase, Arden, Rhys and Ally all asking Millie questions and including her in their conversations.

Chase places his hand on my thigh and gently squeezes. I look over at him and smile before focusing on my food. I relax as I listen to everyone talk and banter. I’m used to eating with them now after a week of lunches, but this is different. They are all relaxed and casual. Even Rhys looks more comfortable around me now.

After dinner, we move into the lounge room and veg out watching High School Musical and eating junk food.

Rhys moans every time Arden starts to sing along.

Ally just laughs at him, and no one seems to care when Millie gets up to join him when Arden starts dancing around the lounge room. It feels like I have known these people forever.

Part way through the movie, Rhys walks over to me and holds out a bowl of brownie. I meet his gaze. It’s full of mixed emotions, like there is a war waging in his head. “I hope they’re okay. Millie said brownies are your favourite.”

I take the bowl from him. “Thank you, Rhys.” He ducks his head and walks back over to his seat without another word. I cuddle into Chase and enjoy the gooey, chocolatey goodness and go back to watching the movie.

This is how we spend the entire night and in this moment. I’m exactly where I want to be. Even if it’s just for the night.