Celeste

Aurora hadn’t had to deal with his anxiety for a year.

But it seems like the implant was making it worse.

He knew something was wrong when his memories weren’t as he remembered them. It was like he was seeing his nightmares instead of what was real.

There would be times in the day where he would pause, a flash of his worst fears getting to him, becoming his reality for a few seconds at a time before he’s released from it’s cold grasp. It would make his heart race, he wouldn’t be able to breathe, his chest would hurt.

He hasn’t had panic attacks in a long time.

Now it happened daily, hourly.

He was being tortured.

The chip was malfunctioning but he didn’t know how to fix it.

He went to find Harlow quietly, telling her that something was wrong, not with the implant but maybe he was just sick. She was worried, then again she didn’t know the whole picture, so she got images of Aurora’s brain and spinal cord.

“It’s rooted in your nerves.” She said to him, pointing to where there was damage. “It’s like feeding into it.” She knew something was wrong as she looked. When she placed the implant, it wasn't deeply attached, but for some reason, that's what it looked like.

Aurora was in disbelief. He didn’t think it would happen.

He didn’t program it to dig deep into the neurons. But he did program it to adapt, and that's what it’s doing to him.

“Aurora, what’s wrong?” she asked him, needing to know what he was feeling or seeing. “What's going on?”

“I'm seeing things that aren't real.” he knew none of what he saw was real. “Well, some of it's real from...a few years ago, but it's all...triggering.” he turned away from her, almost ashamed to admit that he was struggling again.

For a second, she didn't understand what he meant. Harlow wasn’t a Flyer or Coordinator. She doesn’t know what they went through in space. She doesn’t know what Aurora was feeling, but it took her a second to understand what was happening.

“You should’ve told me you had PTSD.” She said quietly. “If your mental capacity isn’t at a hundred percent, the implant is going to take over.”

Aurora didn’t think it was an issue before, but now it was hurting him.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t eat or sleep. Every hour he would see things he doesn’t want to. All that therapy was ruined. Aurora was at his worst again.

"I can't exactly...show it..." Aurora doesn't tell the truth often, unless he needs to. "Human Resources got on me for it before."

"Aurora, what did you do?" Harlow asked, wanting to be cautious cause she knew it was bad.

He showed her what things were like for real, and her eyes widened. What she thought and what was true were completely far from each other.

"I have to take it out." She said immediately.

"Harlow-"

"We didn't project for numbers like these. And if it's causing you pain, I don't want you to suffer." She couldn't let that happen to Aurora, she had to help him.

His safety and health were more important.

Harlow was going to prepare to take it out of him -without question, Aurora had no choice but to agree- but she needed time. She didn’t know how she was going to do it herself, so she had to run simulations to find the best and safest way to do it. For now, Aurora couldn’t go back to work, and to make sure he understood that, she had to get Human Resources involved to give him a few days off. Already that was suspicious but Harlow was sure to keep the project out of it.

The implant would continue to take over, but Aurora might be able to manage if he talked to his psychiatrist again.

But it’s hard to do that when he’s not mentally present.

The implant was working on it’s own now.

It turned on and off by itself. Aurora had no control over it anymore. He couldn’t stop what he saw, he couldn’t change the image, he couldn’t even tell himself what was real and what wasn’t.

He was stuck in his nightmares over and over again.

At night he would panic. His anxiety kept him awake. Now and again he’d find himself throwing up from the panic. His heart would race, he had trouble breathing. He felt sick constantly.

The chip was running again and it hadn't turned off for a whole hour. Aurora didn't know that. It was just an endless nightmare. His eyes had blue rings, and that’s how Sirus knew when he couldn’t get through to Aurora.

The implant had to come out.

Aurora wouldn’t have more than a few days left.

Harlow was working hard to find the best solution. She just needed time, and she hoped that Aurora could hold on for a while longer.

Aurora laid in bed, curled up under the blankets and his hands pressed to his ears. He was crying quietly but he wanted to scream for help.

He was trapped in space working on a task he remembered he didn't want to do. The only difference was that he had run out of oxygen and he was struggling to breathe. He tried and tried but he couldn't. His chest burned.

Even now, as he struggled to realize what was real, he choked.

Sirus heard and he was quick to help Aurora. He pulled the blanket from over him and tried to sit Aurora up. Sirus took off the ring on Aurora's finger and dropped it on the floor, crushing it with his boot, hoping it would stop whatever was going on.

Aurora gasped for air as he looked around. His hand clutched tightly to his chest. He had just been given a break after an hour of coughing and choking. All he had seen was nothing. He thought he was going to die in space. His heart was racing in his chest as he tried to gasp for air.

He could finally breathe again.

He was terrified because he knows it was a matter of time before he begins suffering again.

Sirus had his hands on Aurora's face, holding him close and trying to get him to focus. He saw the fear in Aurora's eyes, and it was worse than anything he's seen.

"You're okay." Sirus said since Aurora was still panicking. Aurora didn't believe any of this was real. He was grabbing hold of Sirus, but he just didn't know that everything was fine. "You're okay." Sirus said to him again.

Aurora wasn't fine at all.

"Harlow said she's almost finished. She'll get the implant out."

Aurora wasn't listening. His eyes flashed blue again, the implant glitching, and he was back to gasping and choking for a breath quietly, more tears filling his eyes as he tried to tell himself he was just imagining it.

It was terrible.

Sirus moved Aurora's hair from his face and wiped his tears. To Aurora it was just a vague feeling. He did his best to breathe but it felt like his life was depending on it, like he was about to die no matter how many times he said he was imagining it. He knew it wasn't real.

But his chest burned with a fire like he was choking.

He couldn't fight it. That fear he had, that he would die in space, that's all he had with him at the moment, and he always said he didn't want to die alone.

"...Sirus..." He was quiet, a choked whisper coming from his lips.

He hoped that he wasn't alone.

All Sirus could do was stay by him and watch as Aurora suffered.

Hariette had kept her issue to herself.

Her right side would feel numb now and again, she couldn’t understand why. Was it the implant? That was the only new change in her life.

Sometimes, she would feel tingling. Other times she wouldn’t be able to move.

But it progressed rapidly.

She had to talk to Harlow.

The implants weren’t working anymore. They were just causing damage. They had to be removed. It’s just that Hariette didn’t know that Aurora was already having problems with it, too.

They all met in one of the hospital labs. Sirus was more concerned with getting Aurora help first. He hadn’t been present for the past two hours. Hariette had just enough strength to push through the terrible fatigue and numbness, but by then she was leaning against the wall when she made it into the room.

Aurora had his hands pressed to his ears. Whatever he heard, he wanted to tune it out but it wasn’t working. There weren’t vibrant blue rings in his eyes, now his eyes had turned a pale color. Whatever was happening, wherever he was mentally, it wasn’t good. Now he didn’t know what was real. His eyes filled with tears as he pressed harder on his ears.

This had been happening for days and getting worse. Harlow was just about finished but Sirus didn't want to wait any longer, especially when Aurora was having a mental break.

Aurora didn't know what was real. He didn't know where he was or what was happening. “Make it stop.” he said quietly, his lips trembling.

He wanted things to go back to normal.

He didn't want to feel like all of his fears and nightmares were drowning him.

He could barely breathe.

“Make it stop!” he finally screamed, not able to take it anymore. It was hurting. He felt a sharp pain in his neck, right where the implant was placed.

He begged and cried for help.

All Harlow could do was stand there because she didn’t know what was going on. She was stunned. She didn’t know this would happen.

She was the only doctor in the room, yet she thought she was the one that was going to need help.

The implant finally broke Aurora. The mental and physical pain was too much so his body and mind tried to shut it out. He collapsed on the floor when he went unconscious.

His eyes were still open, the pale rings to his eyes flashing. The implant was still going. As far as anyone was concerned, Aurora was still in his worst nightmare, and he will never make it out.

Harlow froze.

She couldn’t move.

She was looking down at Aurora, watching Sirus trying to wake him up but it wasn’t working. She wasn’t prepared for this. She wasn’t trained for this. Aurora’s face was pale, his tears wet on his cheeks. There was a blank stare in his eyes, like he wasn’t there, and he wasn’t.

He wasn’t breathing.

“Take it out of him!” Sirus yelled at her. Harlow was still frozen. Her glance to Sirus was bewildered. She was shocked because she had no idea what was happening. “Harlow!” He didn’t want to have to tell her again.

She finally snapped out of it.

That’s when she moved quickly. She grabbed a small tray with utensils she could use to try and get the implant out. What she had prepared for was not this. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to cut Aurora open, especially his neck, but it was an emergency. She had to try something, especially because his lips were beginning to turn blue.

She moved Aurora on his side and took a small blade to cut the back of his neck. Blood spilled over his skin and on to the floor, but Aurora couldn’t feel it. He wasn’t conscious. She grabbed another blade, one she could use to hold Aurora’s skin open so she could see. She tried to tug at something but it wouldn’t move. The implant was already small, and it was hard enough to try and grab it without doing irreparable damage, but it was stuck.

She tried to be gentle, but she was frustrated. The implant wasn't coming off. It's like it glued itself to him.

It took only a second for her to decide it wasn’t a good idea for her to continue.

“It’s stuck.” She said.

“What do you mean it’s stuck-”

“I mean, if I pull too hard, he will be permanently paralyzed, Sirus.” She looked towards him. “We need to get him to a surgical room.” She helped Sirus lift him up.

"You can't do it yourself, Harlow." Hariette said to her. "You'll need help."

"I know." Harlow wouldn't be able to do the surgery herself.

She was risking getting in trouble. But she vowed to do no harm. Aurora's life was more important, she had to help.

Hariette moved to help them, but she could only take a step forward before she collapsed as well. She couldn't put weight on her right leg. For days now, she had episodes of weakness where it was hard to move.

The stress of watching Aurora pushed her over.

She couldn't feel the right side of her body.

Her spinal cord was shot.

She was going to need surgery as well.

Harlow couldn't do it alone. The second she called for help, told anyone and everyone that the department heads' for defense needed surgery, one floor had to be shut down. Harlow had a surgical team behind her, but she didn't think the odds were great for either of them.

What would've taken her half an hour took her four on each of them. Pulling out the implant was much worse than putting it in. She avoided as much damage as she could, but the implant left it's mark.

Hariette and Aurora were lucky to be alive.

"I can...take yours out, too, Sirus." Harlow said to him after everything else was taken care of. She explained what had happened best to her knowledge, and she thought it was a good idea to take his out before something happened to him, too.

He didn't answer for a moment. Hariette and Aurora haven't woken up yet and by now they should have.

He hadn't had any malfunctions with the implant yet. "I want them to remember why this was a bad idea." He said before he turned away to leave the room.

He saw it all, and unlike them, he'll have that memory at his disposal. He might forget for a while, but it's not going anywhere. And he knows Aurora would try again, at least this time he can show proof of why Aurora shouldn't.

A month had passed and Hariette was in recovery. Her functions weren't terribly damaged. Her right side was still weak, however.

She wore a skin tight suit that helped with that for physical therapy. The more she moves around, the stronger she gets. And soon, she'll be able to walk on her own. The suit was her crutch. It forces the weaker side to move and she was walking fine for now. Once the suit was off though, she had a limp. Her right side was slower.

She wouldn't have one hundred percent function again, but Harlow would do her best to get Hariette to her new maximum.

As for Aurora, he was still unconscious. Harlow had to keep him under for now. It had been a month, but it was like Aurora disappeared. He wasn't at work, his family didn't know where he was, no one could reach him. They didn't know that he has been in the hospital for a month.

It had to be kept a secret. It was safer that way.

It was hard to not have him around. Sirus didn't talk about it. Harlow didn't know that Sirus would be around Aurora when she wasn't watching.

All of this was a bad idea.

Now look at what happened.

"This is bad." Harlow said to Hariette and Sirus, as if it hadn't already been bad enough.

She had been monitoring Aurora for a month, but barely anything changed. That's what Harlow was afraid of.

"I don't know what's going on." Hariette wasn't sure what she was looking at.

There were a bunch of models of the human body and brain, and numbers all around them. This was Harlow's world, having numerical scales for the body's functions.

She had all of Aurora's information for the past month.

She had to explain it to them.

Aurora has been unconscious for a month and she still hadn't told them why.

"His mental capacity is too low." Harlow turned to them. "Normally, people our age function at one hundred percent, even with a little anxiety." She said. "With PTSD, maybe at ninety-seven percent, but being at ninety-six is the absolute minimum for our age group."

The look on her face said that Aurora's numbers were much worse.

"Aurora's mental psych is at eighty-percent. And as much as that doesn't sound bad, it's worse. Someone in their seventies with less neurons has better numbers than this." She couldn't believe what she saw.

"You can't wake him up?" Sirus asked.

She did not think that was a good idea. "The second I do that, Human Resources will be here. Rhea can see everything, but she can't take Aurora out of my custody until he's awake."

That was the only way for Harlow to get these numbers. When she found out there was something wrong with Aurora, she begged him to change his settings on his tablet. She had to monitor him and make sure he was okay. And as bad as the numbers were at that time, it wasn't like this.

"She'll keep him in a mental hospital." Harlow said to herself quietly. Even then, she wasn't sure if Aurora would get better.

If it's been a month of no change, she was sure it would take as long as a year just to get him back to his normal base line, and that wasn't a hundred percent.

"I can't risk him having a mental break." She looked at them again. "It's more likely it'll happen with these statistics."

"How long is he going to be like this?"

Hariette knew the answer wouldn't be good.

Aurora's anxiety was worse than how it was this past month. The implant showed him his worst nightmares, and Aurora felt like he was living them. After that, Harlow wouldn't be surprised if he had a psychotic break. She couldn't wake him up, not until his numbers improve.

"I don't know, but you can't hope for the best." Harlow turned everything off. "He needs mental help, therapy, and medicine to fix the hormone imbalances but right now it's just not safe to wake him."

Harlow didn't know what to do.

And as much as she wanted to protect Aurora, she wanted to bring Aurora to the right people for help.

She couldn't handle this herself.

Before she could leave the room, another woman had walked in. Her bright blond hair was tied back to expose more of her face, her ice blue eyes not so friendly. Her uniform was a dark navy, and she had people beside her in the same uniform.

"Rhea." Harlow was surprised to see her so soon.

"Aurora needs to be in my custody," she said to her.

"You're just going to keep him in my department anyway." Harlow didn't think she would see the Head of Human Resources so soon.

"He needs to go to Psych-"

"Waking him up would do harm, Rhea. I can't do that." Harlow wanted to be as composed as she could be, but the look in Rhea's eyes showed she would get Aurora one way or another.

By then Rhea knew all three of them were keeping a secret. It's like they did this to him. "The hell did you do to him?-"

"Rhea, please."

"I've given Aurora three chances to get himself together, and every time he's failed. He even managed to mask his numbers so the alarms wouldn't go off. I told him I would get him help the second he got out of control." Rhea made herself clear.

It was doing harm to not restrain Aurora. With what's been happening, he needs more help.

Sirus didn't take kindly to Rhea's words. But she wasn't scared to see him step towards her.

"Don't you dare make it seem like I'm the evil one." Rhea warned him. "All of you let him get away with his behavior and I'm tired of it." She knew something was wrong, she just couldn't figure out what.

Regardless, she was taking over the situation. It was already bad enough.

"You may be his doctor, Harlow, but he's no longer in your custody. The second he wakes up, he's mine." Rhea had nothing more to say.

Now Human Resources was involved with the situation.

And Rhea wasn't kidding.

Harlow had waited another month before she attempted to wake Aurora up. His numbers had barely improved but it was a start. Rhea was present at the time, and she had brought Aurora's psychiatrist with her.

"The System is putting Aurora on medical leave for a year." Harlow said to Hariette and Sirus as they watched from outside Aurora's room.

He looked fine, confused, but fine. He talked to his psychiatrist just like he usually does. But they couldn't hear what they were talking about.

"A year is the absolute minimum." Harlow turned to them both. "Medically, he's going to need more time. There's no way I can give clearance for him to go back to work."

"He's not going to want to be out for a whole year if he's just going to come back." Hariette said.

They all knew how Aurora was.

"The System won't let him near the area and his codes won't work. Once he steps out of the hospital, his leave starts." Harlow thought Aurora might be in the hospital for another month. "I'd give him eighteen months, but even then..." She shook her head slowly.

Aurora's numbers barely changed. She wasn't that hopeful. She was sure that if she would release him, something bad would happen. If he has another panic attack, it could be a complete disaster. Who knows what could ensue?

"He looks fine." Sirus would prefer if Harlow would let him go.

But he chose to ignore the real issue. It's been a while of Aurora being mentally unstable.

"The tinniest trigger could set him off." She warned him. "We have no idea what his mental state is...Rhea was right to get his psychiatrist involved."

They waited and saw his psychiatrist get up to leave the room. It's been an hour of them talking. She got what she needed out of Aurora to assess his mental function. She couldn't reveal what they talked about, but she could tell them what she thought clinically.

She came out quietly, and she didn't look too happy. She held her tablet in her hands, and took a breath.

She didn't have good news.

"Twelve months is the bare minimum." She said, agreeing with Harlow. "He may be fine physically, but mentally he is not well enough to deal with work." She said and it was a warning.

She knew Aurora very well, so her concern was deep.

"He's...he primarily dealt with anxiety, but with the way he answered my questions today, there's a depressive component to it now. If there was a way for him to quit his job, that's my recommendation." She said.

"That's not going to happen, Phoebe." Harlow said.

"He has pending criminal charges. If Iris were to let him go, Justice would get involved." Sirus explained. No one can forget that Aurora has his job for life on the condition that his charges aren't put through.

"I don't trust Aurora." Phoebe admitted but she didn't feel ashamed. "Everything he told me...I don't think he'll try to improve. He's not suicidal, but he...doesn't care." She chose her words carefully. "He said he'd rather be put under again. 'It's quieter'." She repeated.

Sirus knew what that meant more than anyone. Now and again, he's heard Aurora say that.

All Aurora's wanted was a break, just time to get himself together and start from scratch and he hasn't been able to. It was quieter in his sleep when he wasn't anxious. It was quieter at home. It was quieter when Aurora didn't have to deal with the world on his shoulders.

Sirus turned away and left.

He had nothing else to say and he couldn't listen to what they were saying about Aurora.

He hadn't even talked to Aurora when he woke up.

He couldn't deal with it.