Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

“What’s up, Lenny?” I ask through my truck’s speaker. I turn the blasting air conditioning down so I can hear my cousin.

“Lenny?” she asks. “Someone’s in a good mood. Also, please don’t call me that.”

I laugh. “No? Why not? Brings me back to the good old days when you had braces and headgear.”

“Exactly. Ass. Anyways, why are you so cheery?”

“I’m just in a good mood. Mom’s doing well. Her new boyfriend is a good guy. We got a few more booking requests through the website—”

“And you got laid,” Lennox adds, interrupting.

Perhaps… “Why do you say that?”

“Because I hung out with your new girlfriend all day today. I might’ve implied you already told me what was going on, so she literally spilled everything.”

I wish Lennox could see my expression right now, a direct mix between irritated and rageful. “So you accosted Avery? I’m a big boy. I don’t need you to protect me.”

“Yes, you do, Finn. You may look like a grown man, but you’re fragile like a teacup puppy when it comes to the women you fall for.” She snorts in laughter.

“If she told you everything then you know we’re not actually dating.” I pump my brakes when the red sedan in front of me slows down for no apparent reason. I hate traffic driving back from Scottsdale. Everyone on the road drives like they’re lost.

“Do you like her?” Lennox asks.

“I slept with her. Of course I like her.” I instantly regret my statement because I know what’s going to come out of Lennox’s mouth next.

“Um, you’ve slept with plenty of women you don’t like. Cass, Anette, Rayna, Molly, Heather, that one stripper from Ruby’s whose first name was legally Sprinkle. As a reminder, she was the one who squealed like a little piglet when she came.”

Oh God. “When the fuck did I tell you that?”

Lennox roars in laughter. “You were so hammered. Tequila is like truth serum for you, dude.”

My cheeks fill with air as I roll my eyes. “I liked all of those women. I just didn’t want a relationship with them. And they didn’t want a relationship with me either.”

“Wrong. Molly was in love with you for years, and Rayna cried for three days straight when you got back together with Nora.”

“Do you keep tabs on all my hookups?”

“God, no. The volume alone would be way too much work. Who the hell would have that kind of time? I saw Cass last week, though.”

I’ve only had one friends-with-benefits situation that didn’t end in total disaster. Cass is a legitimate friend, but I’ve had her in every position you could imagine. The only reason I haven’t called her in a while is because I was taking a break from fucking around. Cass is extremely apathetic about sex and relationships. She’s not remotely close to being interested in a relationship with me, which is probably why Cass was the only woman in the world Nora wasn’t jealous of. It’s why Nora invited her into our bed so many times. “How is she?”

“Good. She’s still working at Ruby’s.”

“I figured as much.” Obviously. I’m convinced Cass is the best-paid bar manager in Las Vegas.

“She asked about you. She told me to tell you to call her.”

“What’d you say?” I ask distractedly, flicking on my blinker and hauling ass to pass the little red sedan on the two-lane highway.

“That you were involved with someone.”

I blow out a deep breath. “Am I?”

“Aren’t you?” Lennox is quick to reply. “I mean, this sex coach thing is real cute and all, but it’s obvious you guys like each other. What’s the problem?”

“The problem is that the last time I got involved with a woman who wasn’t over her ex… Need I elaborate?”

“I just spent all day with her and I can confirm—Avery is Nora’s antithesis.”

I shrug even though she can’t see me. “She’s only here for the summer.”

“She lives like five hours away, Finn, and she’s a consultant, which she can do from anywhere. By the way, your girl is a total baller. You won’t believe how much she spent on me in Sephora today. She didn’t even flinch when they read the total at checkout. I nearly had a heart attack.”

“Lennox,” I scold.

“What?”

“Don’t take advantage of Avery like that.”

“She insisted!”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“How about this. In a year and a half when you get the first chunk of your trust fund, you can afford to pay her back with interest for me. Deal?”

“You need my inheritance for that?” The first chunk of my inheritance is a little less than four million dollars. What the fuck did they buy at Sephora?

“I mean… You’d need a hell of a lot more money than you’re making now.”

“Thanks for that,” I grumble. Not emasculating at all.

“But worry not, I talked you up all afternoon.”

“Do I need talking up?” I ask absentmindedly. My exit is coming up and it’s easy to miss in the dark. It’s the last stop before the final two-hour stretch home. With a quarter tank left, I’m not risking it.

“I think she really likes you. But you need to be careful, Finn.”

“I told you we’re not actually dating.” I flick on my blinker. “But out of curiosity, why?”

“Because it’s weird. She dated her ex for four years. He dumped her on her birthday seconds after he gave her an engagement ring. That happened a few weeks ago. She should be a hot mess, but she’s fine. When Charlie and I broke up, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or get out of my pajamas for ages. I was devastated. It’s bizarre. Avery shouldn’t be okay.”

“Maybe she knows she dodged a bullet,” I say, turning on my exit and pulling into the truck stop right off the highway.

“Or maybe she’s not dealing with it yet. And maybe sleeping with you is a way for her to postpone the inevitable meltdown that’s coming.”

I pull into the only free pump with a green diesel handle. “What’s your point, Lennox?”

“Talk to her. Don’t be the rebound guy this time, Finn.”

Her words rub me the wrong way. I know my cousin means no harm, but it was always my weak spot with Nora. No matter how much I loved her, no matter how hot our chemistry was, we were doomed. Maybe because I started as her rebound guy.

“Avery needs a friend right now. That’s all. I need a friend.”

“You know what your problem is?”

“My meddlesome cousin?”

“You think that loving a woman means letting her get away with whatever she wants. You’re not a dick if you set some boundaries and stand up for what you need from a relationship.”

I shut off the truck and pick up my phone, bringing my conversation with Lennox with me. “Except Avery and I aren’t in a relationship. She’s preparing herself for when she wants to get back into the dating game again. I’m basically her practice field.” I insert my debit card and want to gag at the cost of diesel fuel per gallon. When the fuck did this jump a whole dollar? Gas prices keep creeping up and it’s half the reason I only see my mom about once every two months now. I used to make the drive every weekend just to check on her. I normally spend the night, but this time it felt like three is a crowd. Mom’s happy and her new man seems obsessed with keeping her that way. There was no need to linger.

“Well, if Avery is practicing how to date again, maybe you should too. Ask her how she feels about her ex, and you. Ask her what she wants. Tell her what you want.”

I ignore the sign that clearly says don’t leave the pump unattended. Heading into the gas station, I respond, “I’ve known her for a couple of weeks. It’s a little early to talk about feelings, Lennox.”

“How long did it take before you knew you loved Nora?”

Less than a week. “Doesn’t that mean I should do things differently moving forward?”

“Yes. So, tell her what you want.”

Maybe it’s sound advice, but that would require me to know what the hell I want. Finding out about Morgan and Nora stung. I won’t admit it to a soul in the world, but it drives me crazy that she ran back to him after she spent years telling me I showed her what real love felt like. There was no way she could go back to a man who didn’t make her feel the way I did. It was all lip service. It’s not that I’m jealous. It’s just tough to face all the bullshit. The reality is Nora didn’t just treat me like garbage… I let her.

Avery’s been nothing but honest and vulnerable with me. Maybe we should talk. Maybe this could be more than casual. I enjoy spending time with her. She’s so easy to talk to. This game of good sex doesn’t really feel like a game. If it is, I think I’m winning every time.

Apparently, if you want to find a nice girl to connect with, just swear off dating, then she’ll come barreling into your life…naked in a hot tub. Shit… Okay, so I like her. But are we both ready for me to do something about it?

“Fine. I’ll talk to her,” I mumble, holding the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I fill my arms with gas station snacks.

“Good,” Lennox says as I head to the cash register, “then my work here is done. All right, get home safe. By the way, I used the last clean towel when I showered, so I threw a load in the washer, but I didn’t run it yet. Oh, and you’re out of beer, cheddar cheese, and Chex Mix. I put them on the grocery list, but could you buy the Bold Mix flavor next time? The blue bag is so bland. I mean, I ate it…but it was bland.”

The gas station attendant widens his eyes and looks startled at the very unamused expression I’m wearing. I point to my phone and whisper to him, “Not you.”

He nods and begins ringing up my snacks, one by one.

“Lennox, I’m changing my locks.”

“Bye, Finny.”

FINN

I’m in the hot tub. I have junk food.

AVERY

You are NOT in the hot tub. I know this because I, in fact, am.

I smile as I read Avery’s response and head through my backyard to the adjoining back gate to Dex’s home. It’s quiet. She must not have the jets on. I figured by the time she saw my message, I’d be relaxed and soaking.

“I hope you’re not decent. Are you topless or bottomless? Or my favorite—completely naked,” I say over the fence. Pausing, I wait for a flirty response.

“I’m wearing a swimsuit, Finn. I can’t just give the goods away. My new teacher keeps telling me I have to make a man earn it.”

I tuck the snacks and energy drink under one arm as I unlatch the lock and use my shoulder to push the tension-ridden gate open. Avery’s in the tub, in a black, one-piece swimsuit. “Ah, damn. Your new teacher is an idiot.”

She snorts. “I wouldn’t say that. He’s all kinds of sweet, and”—she points to my hands—“he brought blueberry-flavored Red Bull?”

I set the blue can next to her arm resting on the deck, along with the bag of snacks, and proceed to pull off my shirt. There’s no need for space tonight. I dip into the tub and find my place right next to Avery, even going as far as wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

She holds up the can. “How did you know I have a weakness for these? They are always sold out when I go to the store.” She snuggles into me and I feel a sense of relief. She feels it too. No way I’m alone in thinking this is more than just gratuitous sex.

“I didn’t. I happen to like them too. But I don’t drink them during long drives. They do nothing to keep you awake because the sugar crash cancels out the caffeine.”

“Exactly,” she says, “but they taste like candy.” She peeks into the white plastic bag I brought and then hands the can to me.

“No, you go for it,” I say, refusing to take it.

“You only have one. I don’t want to take it from you.”

I squeeze her shoulder suggestively and wink. “Take it. I’ll make you earn it later… As in I’d really like to give you another private lesson tonight if you’re up for it.”

“Aren’t you exhausted? Lennox said you were in Scottsdale today. I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“A little. I left at about six this morning. Scottsdale is about five hours away if traffic is decent. But lunch didn’t take long.”

Avery crinkles her forehead and looks at me head-on. “You drove five hours each way in one day and now you want to have sex?”

I study her pinched expression. “Why is that weird?”

She opens the can, and the hiss of carbonated beverage fills the silence between us. After taking a little sip, she says, “Because ‘I’m too tired’ was Mason’s favorite excuse, I guess.” It’s a rare moment when I can see how Avery is feeling. She’s not as impervious as everyone thinks.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Her eyes are forward and steady; she’s lost in an unpleasant memory.

“Was it just your sex life, or was your entire relationship with Mason disappointing? And before you make some ridiculous self-deprecating comment, I’ve had sex with you, Avery. I can say with full confidence the problem wasn’t you.”

“I’m not convinced,” she says with a scoff. “Look, honestly? I guess I didn’t put my best foot forward. I never wanted to be a girl who found validation in how she looked. I don’t think that makeup, sexy clothes, or my weight should be the most direct path to a man’s heart. I wanted to be loved for me—my mind, my generosity, my work ethic, my loyalty… But I wonder if sometimes I brought out the worst in Mason by neglecting something that is fundamentally important in a relationship.”

“Which is?”

“Attraction…on every level. Maybe when you love someone, you’re supposed to be your best for them, not just be comfortable around them. I don’t know. We never talked about it. I’ll never know how Mason was feeling. I’m not even sure if I know how I was feeling. I was too busy to stop and think about it.” She takes another swig and sets the can aside.

“How do you feel now?” I clear my throat. “About your breakup?”

She playfully rolls her eyes at me. “Well, Dr. Phil, obviously I feel sad.”

“Do you? Because I’ve never seen someone so analytical about a relationship ending. Especially when it was so abrupt. You said everything was fine, then he pulled the rug out from under you. You should be hurting, crying—”

“I did cry,” she interrupts. “I was on your lap, remember?”

“You were upset when you thought he cheated,” I explain. “But how do you feel about the actual breakup? You ran away for the summer, and you’re living here alone, yet you’re acting so nonchalant. It’s a little bizarre.”

She turns and then digs through the bag of snacks. Pulling out a bag of salt and vinegar chips, she asks, “May I? These are my favorite.”

“You may… And you can also answer my question if you’d like.” I raise my brows at her.

“Fine,” she says, dropping the bag of chips and covering her face with both hands. I immediately regret my pushiness when I see her frustrated reaction. “I’m so fucking freaked out, Finn.”

“Well, that’s norm—”

“No!” She flicks the water in my direction and it hits my neck. “Not because we’re not together, but how relieved I am. I didn’t know. I literally didn’t know I was unhappy until Mason said it. And yes, my pride is hurt. Yes, my ego is wounded and of course, I’m embarrassed he blamed it on sex. But all that will fade in time. What freaks me out is, what if he never said it? What if he didn’t dump me? I absolutely would’ve married him. I would’ve been on my death bed never knowing I was unhappy. So, yes, I’m a little stunned right now because I’m running every single scenario in my mind and realizing how fucked-up it was. I thought I was being a good woman. Everything I did was to make him feel comfortable. He’s a slow-moving guy, so I learned to be patient. He’s impressed with a woman who works, so I built us a business from the ground up. He said he didn’t like materialistic, shallow women, so I didn’t spend my time and energy on that stuff. But here we are, four years later, and I don’t know who I am. I just know who Mason wanted me to be. And spoiler alert—being exactly what he said he wanted still wasn’t enough to keep him.”

I blink at her, shocked at her candidness. How is she talking to me like this? Is this real? Women are just vulnerable and honest without being manipulative and playing mind games? Is this a thing? Where the fuck have you been, Avery?

“I don’t know whether to say I’m sorry or I’m happy for you.”

She snorts. “Right? That’s exactly how I feel. Look, Finn, I know how I’m coming off, like I’m on the verge of a psychotic break—but that’s not what this is. I’m thirty years old. I’m not a child and I know it isn’t Mason’s responsibility to patch up my insecurities. But it is my job to figure out what I want and what I like. That’s hard for me. I’ve been a people pleaser since the day I was born. Ask my mom. She said even as an infant I wouldn’t cry if I was hungry or wet. I came out of the womb trying not to bother anybody.”

I laugh, making the water jostle. “I had colic. I came into this world guns blazing and ready to torture my poor mom with my constant screaming. Or so she says.”

Avery reaches up to tap my nose. “I don’t doubt it. You are unapologetic about being you. I love that. I like your confidence. I’m just hoping you rub off on me before summer is over so I don’t end up changing for the next guy I end up with, you know?”

Next guy? How come I hate when she says that? Aren’t I the next guy? “You wouldn’t have liked me much if you saw me with my ex. I was a different guy. Much like you, I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until I ended it for good.” I run my wet hand through my hair.

“Well,” Avery says, picking up the can of Red Bull, “cheers to fresh new chapters and to new friends.” She takes a sip and then taps the corner of my mouth with her finger. When I part my lips, she pours a little of the sweet liquid into my mouth.

“Friends, huh?” I ask after I swallow.

She shrugs. “Yeah. Friends.”

Except the way she touches me, smiles at me, and shares all her most precious thoughts and feelings doesn’t feel so friendly. Or maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. It certainly wasn’t this way with any of my exes. Did I have it backward all this time? Are you supposed to be friends first, then fall in love? Maybe you should get to know the person before you’ve fallen for them. Maybe knowing the good and bad up front would prevent all the jarring realizations. And if friends first is the right path, where does fucking fall into place? Are Avery and I behind the curve or ahead of it?

Before I can overthink this anymore, Avery sets the can down and unties the bow behind her neck.

“So you said you’re feeling up for lessons tonight?”

I force myself to be patient instead of yanking her suit down and exposing her full tits. “I am.”

“What should we study?” Her smile is so cute and mischievous, I just want to suck on her lips. She makes me feel so light, and full at the same time. Flirty and serious. Avery is every single piece of the pie.

“How’s your blow job?” I ask.

“On a scale of one to ten?” she asks, grimacing.

“Sure.”

She inhales, her chest rising high. “Solid four.” She blows out her breath. “And a half. Four and a half.”

I can’t help but chuckle at her. “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know. I only have one move and I feel like it’s boring. And sorry to overshare, but it’d take Mason forever. I think we both ended up hating head.”

I hate this guy. So fucking much. “Well, sweetheart, I can guarantee you, I’m a melt-in-your-mouth kind of guy. I won’t be bored.” I tuck a wet piece of her hair behind her ear.

She clamps her eyes shut. “Would you be willing to talk me through it?” Avery laughs at herself a little. “Most awkward question I’ve ever asked in my life,” she mumbles under her breath.

“It’s not awkward. I’m more than happy to tell you what I like.” Using my teeth, I tug on her earlobe before whispering in her ear. “But do you remember what I already taught you about giving head?” The way I feel her shudder with anticipation sends me straight into the zone. My cock presses uncomfortably against my swim trunks.

She nods. “Yes.”

“Say it.”

“If a man doesn’t give…” She trails off, and I raise my brows at her, so she continues, “He doesn’t get.”

“Good girl. Such a good student.” I pat the deck, indicating she should hop up. She sits on the edge of the deck, her feet still dipping into the tub. Moving between her legs, I place my face right in the center of her chest so that when I peel her swimsuit down, her round tits drop right onto my face. I allow myself to get lost for a moment, nipping and teasing her plump nipples, encouraging her to lean back into her hands and arch her back.

I’ll never get my fill of her tits. I could breathe them in for hours, so I have to force myself to keep moving south. She bridges her hips so I can pull her swimsuit past her full hips and fleshy thighs. God, I love her legs. I love how they look and how they feel, and I know for damn sure what she sees in the mirror and what I see in front of me must be two different women. Avery has nothing to be ashamed of and everything to flaunt. All my favorite parts of a woman are plentiful on her. There’s more to touch and squeeze, and I wish she knew how her body drives me wild.

“Here?” Avery asks as I pull her swimsuit all the way off and toss it over my shoulder. She glances around the privacy fence.

“Yes, here. And now,” I command. “Lie back. Spread your legs. I’m going to show you how to do this. The equipment is different, but the strategy is the same.” Pushing on her shoulder, I guide her into a lying position before I run my tongue over her clit a few times. I’m so gentle, I know it has to be frustrating. By the third time, she bucks her hips so hard that she slams back onto the deck with a loud thud.

“Fuck,” she wails.

“It’s the teasing that works you up. I like that too,” I say before I blow on her wet slit. “The anticipation is almost as good as the release.”

She throws her forearm over her eyes and moans in agony as I continue to tease her. “Oh my God, please just…”

“Please what?” I flatten my tongue and drag it against her crease. For a moment, I give her the pressure she’s aching for. Then I pull away. “Ask me for what you want.”

“I just…you already know,” she says, her breath growing ragged.

I run my hands against her thighs and suck on her clit, hard. Her quad muscles instantly flex and tighten as she tries to create enough tension for her orgasm to build. I immediately rip away again.

“Not yet, baby. I said, ask me,” I growl. “I want to hear it.”

“Does me begging get you off? Fine,” she says in exasperation. “Um, please make me come.”

I could…so easily. I want to. But all the growing feelings aside, Avery asked me for help. There’s a purpose for what we’re doing. I’m supposed to teach her.

“Hey, sit up for me.”

She sits up and lets her legs dangle into the tub, the water going up to her knees. Using the back of my fingernails, I rub up and down the sides of her thighs, trying to comfort her. “What do you want?”

“Finn, you know dirty talk isn’t natural for me. I’m trying, but it’s going to take some time before it—”

“No, no, sweetheart. Look at me.” We’re almost eye level with me standing in the tub and her sitting on the edge of the deck that surrounds the in-ground hot tub. She barely has to shift her gaze down. “I’m trying to get you to be more assertive in the bedroom because I get the feeling that you’re one of those women who fake their orgasms. What do you want from sex?”

“I just want you to like—”

“No, I said what do you want from sex?”

She pulls her eyes from mine and looks over my shoulder. “I honestly don’t know.”

I snake my arms around her hips and squeeze the top of her ass. “That comes from years of sleeping with a guy who doesn’t care if you finish.”

I watch her eyes freeze. She’s quiet, trying not to blink, and I know with my whole heart she’s trying hard not to cry. I don’t rush her. I wait for her to collect herself as I rub soothing circles with the heel of my palm against her lower back.

“It also comes from the humiliation for asking to try things and being told no, one too many times,” she finally says, her voice cracking. “Rejection is one of those things that sticks with you.”

“Avery, right now you have a man between your legs who will try whatever you want. More than that, I would be delighted to give you whatever you ask for. So be a queen, baby. Tell me what to do. I’m at your command. Look at me.”

She finds me with her misty green eyes.

“This is the most important lesson I’ll ever teach you. Are you listening?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

“Good sex means being generous, but it means being selfish too. You have a right to enjoy this. Sex should be satisfying for you too.” Her face is stoic, but I find the single tear trickling down her cheek and wipe it away. “Promise me, right now, you’ll walk away from any man who doesn’t make your happiness a priority.”

“I promise,” she whispers, her voice breaking. She clears her throat and then says clearly once more, “I promise.”

“Good. Now, do you want to try again or am I making you uncomfortable?”

“You’re making me very uncomfortable.” She places her hands around my cheeks. “But change is uncomfortable. And I’d like to try again.”

“Okay.” I smile at her, my gaze fixed on the glowing embers in her eyes. There it is. I found the fuse. All this girl needs is a little reassurance. For someone to actually give a shit about what they can give to her versus what they can take. That’s all it’ll take for her to ignite. “So what do you want?”

She presses her lips together for a moment, then forces herself to speak. “I want to flip over, get on my hands and knees, and feel you fuck me from behind.”

“You got it,” I say, grabbing her hand and pressing it against my stiffening cock underneath the water. “My pleasure, baby.”

She shakes her head. “Not yet. I want this later.” She tightens her hand around my cock. “But when I said fuck me, I meant with your tongue.”