Chapter 38
When I hear the door close, I quickly put my mug on the counter and walk out of the kitchen. The sound of Roman speaking Russian sends shivers down my spine, my anxious heart thrashing against my rib cage. But the fact that he read my texts and didn’t reply doesn’t give me much hope.
I halt in my tracks the second my eyes land on Roman. He’s holding his phone to his ear, and…Colton Thompson is standing beside him with his hands hidden in his pockets.
“Hey, Nevaeh,” Colton says, his dark brown eyes coasting over my face.
“Hey,” I mumble weakly, watching hopelessly as Roman stomps past me to his bedroom. He’s still on the phone when he closes the door behind him.
Sigh. His behavior definitely doesn’t indicate a readiness to listen to me. Quite the contrary, actually. Forcing a smile onto my face, I focus my attention on Colton instead. “Is everything okay?” I blurt.
“Yes.” He nods, shifting his weight from his heels to his toes. “Everything is fine.”
Silence stretches between us, and my skin starts to itch. It’s so uncomfortable, I want to scream. I glance over my shoulder at Roman’s closed bedroom door and then return my gaze to Colton. “Are you guys going somewhere?”
“No, I gave him a lift home,” he tells me, his eyes softening. “Roman crashed his motorcycle, and he was in the hospital—”
“What?” I yell, my hand flying to my mouth.
Colton instantly steps closer and puts his hands on my shoulders, dipping his head to look me in the eyes. “He’s alright. He has some cuts and a nasty bruise on his right side, but that’s all,” he says confidently. “I’m his emergency contact, so I came to the hospital as soon as I got the call and brought him here once he was cleared…Your man is a lucky guy, and a very skilled driver.”
“Is he really alright?”
“Yes,” Colton says with a small grin. “Trust me, if that wasn’t the case, I would’ve never let him leave the hospital.”
His calmness transfers to me, and my heartbeat slows down. Colton has no reason to lie to me. With a curt nod, I take a step back, right as the door to Roman’s room opens. My eyes snap in his direction, roaming around his body, trying to see if there are any visible signs of the crash. When I bring my gaze to his face, I see a soft smile on his lips as he saunters over to me.
God, it’s been less than twenty-four hours since I’ve seen him, but it feels like an eternity passed. My longing for him takes a hold of my throat, and I’m struggling to produce even a single sound.
Roman stops by my side and looks at his friend. “Thank you, Colt. Again.”
“No worries,” Colton says, his gaze dancing between my husband and me. “You’re home safe, and you’re not alone, so I’m going to go.”
Turning on his heel, Colton walks down the hallway, and Roman follows him. Without thinking, I call out to Thompson.
“Colton?”
“Yeah?” He glances over his shoulder, meeting my gaze.
“Thank you.”
With a nod, he gives me a smile and proceeds to the door with Roman in tow. I step to the couch and plop down on it, breathing in and out and rubbing my sweaty palms over the skirt of my dress. So many emotions. So many feelings are brewing inside my chest. But the most overwhelming one is love…one I was so sure I wasn’t capable of.
Love that doesn’t know any restraints. Doesn’t see obstacles or accept any rules. But I love my husband without holding back. With an open heart and a burning soul. It’s when I lose myself in Roman, only to find my true self in the reflection of his eyes.
And I swear, never in my life have I felt more…beautiful, smart, desired than I feel with him.
I found my person in him.
“Hey.” His voice is quiet as he lowers himself beside me. His shoulder touching mine makes my body buzz. Then he covers my palm with his, on the skirt of my dress, and a jolt of electricity goes right through me. I look at him, and he smiles, threading his fingers through mine and lifting my hand to his mouth. His soft lips press to my palm, awakening the butterflies in my stomach—or more like making them go absolutely insane, because I swear I even feel ticklish from what’s happening in my stomach.
I ask the first thing that comes to mind. “Were you talking to your mom?”
Roman chuckles, nodding. “Yeah, needed to apologize for lying to her. And I promised that I’m not going to fix my Kawasaki.” I arch an eyebrow, not sure if I really believe him. “I swear, Nevaeh, I’m really not going to ride it ever again. That was the last time.”
“I’ll pretend I believe you,” I say with a smile. Then I fall quiet. I feel like we’re tiptoeing around the conversation we really need to have. Or maybe I’m tiptoeing, since I was the one who decided to ask him who he was talking to.
Ugh, I should’ve kept my mouth shut, because now the room is irritatingly silent. I have so many things to say to him—hell, I’ve been practicing what I was going to say to him since I left the office, but now the words hang on the tip of my tongue, and nothing happens.
“I’m sorry,” Roman and I finally say at once, and we both laugh.
“Can I go first?” Roman asks, and I nod. “Yesterday, when I read your article on the plane, I was so furious that I didn’t even question how some of those things got in there. I never told you about my first team, and how my future with them was in danger because I started drinking so much after Maksim’s death. I never told you about my father and how exactly he died. But so many things that I did tell you about mixed with the things I didn’t, and they went overlooked. I saw only the picture as a whole, and I instantly assumed you betrayed me. Because of my trust issues. After that, I didn’t think at all. All I felt was rage. I didn’t even try to understand why you looked so surprised when I told you about the article; that only aggravated me more and pushed me to run away from you.
“I’m so sorry for walking away, Nevaeh. I’m sorry for not listening to you. For not trying to talk things through. I should’ve never left you the way I did. I should’ve never hurt you. I…I was a coward, hiding behind my pain and feelings of injustice.” Roman hangs his head low, looking at my palm resting in his. “It’s like a breakaway in hockey—a mistake by a defense. When an opponent is left alone with the goalie, with no defense in sight. That’s exactly what I did…defending only myself, I left you alone instead of staying and trying to figure out what happened. You didn’t deserve that…and I honestly don’t deserve you.”
“Remember I told you about the strange things happening to my emails?” I ask, clearing my throat. “It was Travis. A few months ago, before we broke up, I logged in to my email from his laptop and forgot to log out. He had access to it, and he replaced my original article with the version you read. He became a jealous, pitiful man. He wanted you to leave me because he knew it would break my heart. He wanted to hurt me for the pain I caused him. You were collateral damage, no more than that.”
“The dedication that it took…” Roman shakes his head in disbelief. “You’ll probably think I’m crazy after everything that has happened, but I’m grateful to him.” My lips part, and I blink, not sure I heard him right. “I finally don’t have any secrets from my mom, and she doesn’t hate me for what I said to Maks. She said she understands, and that she never would’ve blamed me for his death. You were absolutely right.”
“I’m really happy you talked to your mom, and I hope it helps you move on.” My eyes are welling up with tears when I put my head on his shoulder and sigh deeply. “Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting Maksim.”
“I know that now.”
We smile at each other, and my chest doesn’t feel so tight anymore. And yet, there’s something I really want him to do…something I’ve wanted him to do since yesterday.
Grabbing my phone from the coffee table, I pull up my article and hand it to Roman. “This is what I wrote about you.”
“Nevaeh…” he mutters, staring me in the eyes. The intense turquoise color entices me.
“Please, Roman, read it,” I insist, and he obeys.
People who hate their own existence and don’t believe they deserve anything good. I recognize their demons, because in the past they were my demons too.
After years of being in the dark, being broken and not believing I deserved to be loved, I never really let anyone get close to me, except for Angie. I was attracted to my partners. I was even in love, but I always held myself back. It didn’t feel right to open up, and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to share my secrets. Until a man with the most beautiful eyes swept me off my feet.
My Roman.
The night I met him changed everything for me, even though I didn’t know that then. I wasn’t single, and I never acted on my attraction, but whenever I was around him, my eyes involuntarily looked for him. On the ice at his games. At the parties our friends would throw. I wanted to be close to him, but I kept my distance because it was wrong.
Even after I finally found the strength to break up with the man I was in a relationship with because I didn’t want to continue leading him on, I never thought anything would happen between Roman and me. I ended my relationship for me, and for my boyfriend, because he didn’t deserve to be with someone who didn’t love him.
I wanted to find myself after the breakup, but instead…Roman found me. Everything that has happened since the moment he stumbled upon me at the nightclub led us to where we ended up—at that chapel in Vegas. With me becoming the wife of the man I was crushing on, all while being unsure if he even liked me.
What were the odds that something like that would end well? I didn’t know, but I was willing to risk it all. And dear God, how glad I am that I decided to stay.
Broken people know how to love. They went through hell and saw the face of darkness looking right at them, and it still didn’t dim their light. Being with Roman taught me that. Even all the hardships and sorrow he went through didn’t destroy him. All he needed was someone to be there for him, to help his brightness shine through the broken parts of his soul.
I saw all of him, and I’ve never loved anyone more than I love him. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Everything my heart has ever craved. Whatever my soul is made of, it matches his in the most beautiful way. And, what’s more, it feels right to be with him.
Real love isn’t perfect. It has ups and downs to face and overcome. It needs a lot of work, and it rarely looks like a fairy tale or a romance novel. It’s a four-letter word, but its meaning is bigger and more significant than we know.
Everyone defines love in different ways, because no two loves are the same, and that’s the beauty of it. That’s exactly what makes it worth it.
Mine is the man with the unruly hair and the deep turquoise eyes, who loves the hardest even when he doesn’t think he can. He helped me find parts of me that I didn’t know existed. He healed me even when I thought I was the one healing him.
He’s mine, and I’m his for as long as he wants me. And, selfishly, I hope it’s forever.
I know he’s done reading when he locks my phone and sits quietly, his fingers wrapped tightly around it. The storm inside me that I expected doesn’t come. I’m calm, and warmth spreads over my skin. It’s a feeling of hope that fills my every pore and stretches my lips into the biggest smile. I’m happiest when I’m with him, and something tells me it’s the same for him.
“When I stood up after my motorcycle finally came to a stop, I looked around, still in shock. I was unscathed. I couldn’t wrap my head around why, and then I saw him…I saw Maksim, Nevaeh. He was standing there, between two cars, smiling at me and shaking his head in disbelief at what an idiot I am.” His voice cracks with emotion, his eyes finding mine. “I think he saved me. Maks was the reason I was able to lay my Kawasaki down instead of crashing it at full speed. My little brother showed me that I need to live, and…fuck, you probably think I’ve lost my mind—”
“Not at all.” I take his hand in mine, moving my thumbs in slow circles on his skin. “I think your brother saved you because he needs you to live. For you and for him. Please, Roman, be happy. Live life to the fullest. Love as hard as you can. You owe it to Maksim. He will live on through you.”
Roman smiles and presses his forehead to mine, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes. “Somewhere in my chest, I have a heart. It’s probably not as big as most people’s, especially after years of me hating myself and forbidding myself to feel. But it’s full of love for you,” Roman whispers and opens his eyes, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “I love you, Nevaeh. Only you, and I hope you want to stay with me. Because I can’t imagine my forever with anyone else.”
“And I can’t imagine mine without you,” I say, happy tears leaking down my face. He kisses me without hesitation, his lips moving slowly with mine. It seems like just another kiss, but it feels different. Like the whole world stopped moving, like time froze and there’s only us. A man and a woman who accidentally married in Vegas…not knowing then that it was their destiny.
We were always meant to be, even if at first it didn’t look like it.
Roman entwines our fingers and pulls me into his side. “I’m so happy to be home with you, Malyshka,” he whispers, kissing my temple, and I feel an immense happiness spilling all over my body.
In the past, I was afraid that one day I’d lose myself in the person I love. It scared me and prevented me from really opening up to my partners, so I always kept them at arm’s length. Until Roman came along. He found a vacant spot in my heart and decided to stay.
Our love feels better than anything else in the world. Because it’s real, and because this kind of love is everlasting.