Born of Fire

“McKenna.” He whispers desperately against my lips. I place my finger over his lips as I see the church doors open up behind him. The service has concluded and the congregation is starting to make its way to the cemetery. The pall bearers carry the coffin and the sight brings a tear to my eyes as Max and I fall into place walking behind them.

As we stand around the plot of dirt I try to look away from the coffin being lowered into it. I know that it’s not really my Papa in there. It’s merely his soul’s vacated host. My eyes are ensnared by a look of pure fury from my mother as Vanni and another cousin flank her sides. I involuntarily tuck myself closer to Max’s body.

I feel him tense slightly before encircling me with his arms completely. His line of sight follows mine and the darkest glare I’ve ever seen on him settles on his face. I watch my mother flash with fear for a moment before piercing me with her gaze again. If looks could kill, I’d be lying right there beside my father’s plot.

I hear a low growling sound coming from Maximus’s chest beside my ear as he continues to stare down my mother in a direct threat. I reach up to caress his jaw softly as I bring his face down to look at me. His eyes meld into that beautiful oceanic blue as they plead with mine helplessly. I smile a small smile at him as I shake my head gently at him. I close my eyes and lean my head against his chest.

His broad chest rises and falls in a perfect soothing rhythm as I let myself stay there for the rest of the service. As the priest finishes the service my mother moves in to thank him. We’re standing close enough and I’m surprised to hear her use English. She only uses it when absolutely necessary. She looks at me and scowls.

“Well someone needed to thank him after that shameless display of uncleanliness inside the church. Of all the days for you to have your promiscuity on such obvious display Daarnya. I would’ve thought the memory of your father deserved more respect than that.” She informs me coldly. Every word feels like a blade across my heart. How could she ever understand?

“Mama.” I plead softly as tears fill my eyes. She shakes her head at me without a trace of compassion or sympathy.

“I don’t want to hear whatever mess you’re in Daarnya. I’ve wasted enough of my life trying to make you see the error of your ways. Your soul belongs to the devil now; I can’t help you.” She scolds me.

“Oh my God.” I exclaim in disbelief. She could never know how much her words while meant to just be a scalding remark are infinite truth. Maximus growls as he pulls me behind him to stand between my mother and I. Suddenly Nina appears at my side as her mother flanks mine in support. Vanni stands between both sides ready to break up a fight if necessary as the rest of the crowd disperse.

I’m grateful that our audience has disappeared. I bury my face in my hands to hide my anguish from the world. “Your new conquest stinks of death little Daarnya.” My mother spits. “He’s really perfect for you in that respect, the souls of killers who will be judged by fire together.” Max takes a step forward. He may not understand her words but I’m sure her thoughts are coming across loud and clear.

“Mama!” I snap. Letting my fury boil to the surface. Nina jumps in surprise at my tone. I take a step close to her to whisper softly. “You can rest assured that Hell is the destination of my soul, but not for killing your despicable husband. For killing myself and the bastard he created in my thirteen-year-old womb.” I hiss darkly. Her face falls a dark seriousness as she curses me for being a daemon.

Apparently daemon is a word that Maximus understands as he leans over my shoulder to glare at her in full fierceness. “You have no idea what a real daemon is. I thought I knew, until today. After meeting you, my definition of that word has been redefined.” He seethes darkly as he tries to pull me away from her stunned face. I shake my head as I turn back to face her.

I lean close and plant a feather light kiss on her cheek. “I forgive you Mama. Wash your hands of me. I’m lost.” I whisper devastated in her ear. A single tear streams from her dark brown eye and it’s the only real emotion I’ve seen from her all day. She huffs as she slings another series of Russian curses at me. Nina squeezes my hand and shoots me a proud look, before grabbing my mother by the shoulders and leading her away from me.

I nearly collapse back into Max’s arms at the weightless feeling of having such a burden removed from my life. Max’s eyes find mine as we stand alone in the cemetery now. “She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.” He seethes angrily. I look at him sweetly and sigh.

“Forgiveness isn’t about being deserved or not. It’s about being needed. I needed to forgive her. I couldn’t keep living with all that hate and resentment coiled around my heart like a venomous snake.” I explain gently. He looks stunned. “Life is too precious to waste wrapped up in anger.” His lips cut off my philosophy taking possession of my mouth completely. I lose all train of thought. Nothing else exists right now except for this kiss. His kiss, his arms around me, and his heart beating in his chest.

I break from our kiss utterly out of breath but yearning for him to suffocate me again. I smile at my errant thought before I recall something I wanted to know. “Would you mind waiting for me in the car? I just wanted to thank the priest and to ask him something.” I ask sweetly. He just nods simply before making some underhanded comment about the priest being truly clueless about it all.

I smile indulgently at him before I let go of his hand and make my way into the church. “I’m sorry to disturb you father.” I interrupt his quiet solitude as he sits on the front pew scribbling in a notebook. He looks up and smiles at me warmly.

“A soul seeking guidance is never an interruption.” He says kindly. I smile unable to help myself. He seems so different to the monotone solemn priest that just resided over my father’s funeral. “Would you like to sit out here or would you prefer to go into the confessional?” He asks helpfully. I smile shyly as I look around the deserted church.

“Here’s fine.” I acknowledge as I take a seat. I gasp at the beauty of the afternoon sunlight infiltrating the stain glass windows along the side of the church. Lighting up each pew with a different color. I sigh in contentment. “My Papa used to bring me here as a child. He said he’d never felt closer to God than in this church.” The priest smiles at me and nods.

“Are you having trouble dealing with the loss of your father my child?” He asks gently. I shake my head firmly.

“No. I’ve accepted that. I haven’t quite gotten around to forgiving God for it yet, but I’m working on it.” I confess guiltily. He nods acceptingly.

“It’s not always for us to know his plan, feel free to hold onto your anger for a while longer. Make him sweat a while before you forgive him. Just as long as you eventually do.” He says with a wink and I chuckle lightly at his advice. Perhaps this guy is more clued in than Maximus gave him credit for. “So how can I help you?”

“I was hoping to ask you something you may find very strange?” I ask hesitantly. He raises his eyebrows in surprise. He nods permitting me. I bite my lip suddenly unsure of my question. He encourages me with some derivative of hearing it all before. “I highly doubt that.” I choke out nervously. I steel myself knowing that Max is waiting for me and I don’t have much time.

“I was wondering about fallen angels.” I blurt out quickly.

“Like Lucifer?” He prompts seriously. I shake my head.

“No. The others. There was more than just Lucifer who fell right?” I ask knowing I’m right. He nods curiously as he studies me. “You talk about God’s forgiveness extending to all mankind, would that apply to fallen angels as well?” He looks stunned for a moment as he takes a deep breath.

“God is a very complicated being. His forgiveness while it may extend to all of his creations must be earned. A sinner must truly repent for their sins to be forgiven and offered a place in the holy kingdom. Why do you ask? Are you a fallen angel?” He queries with a disbelieving smile. I smile back at him gratefully.

“Please father, I beg your indulgence. This is for a book I’m writing.” I lie and he crooks a doubtful eyebrow up at me. “So my main character is this fallen angel. He’s the most beautiful soul, but he can’t see it anymore. He no longer believes his grace is intact, he’s so wrong. How would one go about making God see the grace in him and welcoming him back?” The priest looks outright astonished.

“My what an imagination you have Miss Alvarette.” He admonishes and I feel a little guilty for my lies. I just don’t want to waste any time with him explaining how impossible it all is. “If I was to respond it would be purely hypothetical. I’ve never read any texts regarding a similar situation.”

“You don’t believe any of the angels who fell regret the decision with all of their hearts?” I challenge defensively. He looks taken aback.

“I’m sure they do. But their quarrel was to be given the right to choose, the right to have a soul. Not like every other angel in heaven, they wanted to be more like mankind. While they may regret the decision it was their choice.” He says calmly.

“That’s ridiculous. How many things have you done in your life that you thought were stupid and wish you could take back? They’re condemned to Hell for one stupid decision they made millennia ago. What kind of God lets them be punished for so long, even men are forgiven for all of their stupidity? Surely angels fallen or not warrant the same leniency.” I declare passionately. His smile is broad and lighting up his entire face.

“We could discuss the injustices of God’s rule for the rest of our lives and may never agree Miss Alvarette. Yet in the interest of us both having better things to do, we’ll focus on your query.” He explains gently. I look at him abashed for my outburst. “Do you believe in guardian angels Miss Alvarette?” He asks.

I almost choke on the laughter bubbling in my chest as I shake my head vehemently. “If they exist then mine stepped out for a really long cigarette break.” I tell him sarcastically. He smiles wryly at me.

“Guardian angels are not always as they’re painted. Some are merely sent into your life to deliver a message, others to guide your soul to the right path. They are simply soldiers following very strict orders. But that is neither here nor there. You want to know if this fallen angel would be welcomed back into the kingdom of heaven.”

“Yes.” I agree. He looks thoughtful for a moment.

“You say that this character doesn’t believe in his own grace, correct?” He asks and I nod. “Is there any way you could change that? Because I highly doubt that if he can’t see it that anyone else would, even God.”

“I can see it.” I whisper before I correct myself. “I mean the other lead character in the book can see it. But I think I have a plan to make him see it too. Would it work then?”

He looks at me sadly for a moment. “As long as this fallen angel truly has faith in his own grace and that of our lord. As long as he truly repents his sins, then yes I think he would be welcomed home.” He breathes out ruefully.

“What’s wrong, that’s great.” I tell him happily. He looks at me sadly.

“What is to become of the other main character if this fallen angel is taken back into the kingdom of heaven? She could no longer be with him, it would be a sin.” He asks sadly. I shrug noncommittally.

“She’s not really meant for a happily ever after. Her ending is going to be a bit darker, but I truly think she could survive whatever Hell has in store for her knowing he was saved.” I offer feeling relieved. His hand reaches out to clasp mine.

“Your heroine sounds like an incredible hero. If you don’t mind I may just pray for her to have a happy ending as well.” He says sadly as a tear falls from his eye. I look at him ruefully.

“Save your prayers father, she’s lost. But he can be saved.” I breathe out reverently. He turns his sad gaze away from me.

“How do you plan to make Maximus see his grace?” He asks as he looks back at me seriously. I almost gasp in shock as his eyes turn a bright flame of blue.

“Oh my God!” I exclaim as my hand flies up to cover my mouth. He smiles sweetly at me as he reaches up to caress my cheek.

“Sweet McKenna. Your soul’s cries have not gone unheard all of these years. Every word of every prayer was heard by our lord, every tear of pain felt by every angel in heaven. You’ve never been alone, even now. We watch over you. Our role is not to interfere, but I can’t stand by and watch you struggle through this. You’re not long for this world and you know that, yet all you can seem to think about is restoring a fallen angel who has committed great atrocities in this world.”

I wipe away my tears. “Who are you?” I plead desperately. He smiles sweetly.

“My name is Raziel. I’ve watched over you your entire life McKenna. Your truly beautiful soul has flourished despite suffering so cruelly. Our lord’s plan for you has been trial after trial. I fear that your quest to restore Maximus may be the one trial you cannot overcome.” I look at him incredulously.

“Perhaps you should have faith.” I tell him smartly. He smiles a crooked smile at me.

“So what is your plan feisty little McKenna?” He asks coyly. I smile proudly at him as I get to my feet.

“Love. Love is the path to grace, he’ll have to see it then.” Raziel looks at me proudly as he stands as well.

“When he does, just call my name and I’ll be there. I’ll be the eyes of God to witness his true salvation McKenna. I have faith in you. Is there anything else you would like to know?” He asks. I shake my head then seem to think better of it.

“Did you know that Lucifer was here today?” He nods sadly.

“It’s why I was here too. He will never take you against your will. God gave you choice and I will defend that to my last breath. As will Maximus I suspect.” He says with a wry smile. I blush under his gaze.

“I will save him.” I declare boldly. He smiles brightly at me as he tips his head towards the door.

“You may have to save me first. I sense him growing impatient.” He says amused. “Some traits survive a long time brother.” He admonishes as he shakes his head at the door smiling fondly. I smile at Raziel. “Until we meet again McKenna.” He bows respectfully before turning away from me. “I will still be praying for the heroine to have a happy ending.” He whispers before he disappears into the afternoon sunlight.